My wife’s brother is keeping her from me
Toxic in-laws.
Assalam brothers and sisters today was the worst day of life I feel like not living any more.
here is my story I got married to a girl who I loved it was not as easy butter her parents had thought of doing marriage to her fathers only sisters kid , but they were living in USA and were delaying.
my wife on other hands didn't have much feelings towards him it was on his parents concern she was ok to get married with him but after she met me she decided the first day and said no the family proposal.
I took my parents and talked to my inlaws but they were reluctant and said it all depends on the USA family if they decide to not marry her girl then they will think giving her to me.
there were very hard times I faced I cried and made dua to Allah every day for her . eventually we got married after a lot of drama in between. I got married in oct 2010 and Allah blessed me with a very beautifully kid. we were very happy but as every husband and wife had some fights.
I am jobless for a year now but allahmdulillah money wasn't the problem. I provided whatever my family needed.
I live with my parents and my mom never told my wife to work coz of the baby. My wife used to sleep late at nights on the other hand I became insomniac due to job tensions and always tried to study in nights just to get a job quickly.
recently after ramzan her mother asked my wife to visit her as it was more than 6 months she resided in her mother's house in the pregnancy periods. I accompanied them in between but now as was seriously tended to get a job I did not accompany her so she went to her mothers place every thing was good but always felt lonely there. i used to call her but when ever she lifts the call she is busy in baby work or tired or sleeping. she never called me but I was the one who called every day. I even bought her a iPad so that she can come online for face to face though it's hardly a matter of 10 hrs journey. I miss her.
my father has leg arthriritis problem and he always go to check up to a doctor in my wife's place (Hyderabad). it was more than 20 days she went so we decided to go to doctor and in return she would accompany us. she was ok with it but here the problem starts as we decided to go by car. at first she was ok but she has a tendency of vomiting when crowded. I knew this but since this time there are very less people in car I thought it would be ok. but she called me and said I don't care for her and some other things.
I was lill bit angry but I talked to my parents and decided to go by train I told her this she was ok with it. I told her to make the online reservation from there itself but she called again and said our family doesn't keep their words and keeps changing them so better confirm it first. I don't know why she behaved like that this made me very angry and cancelled the trip thinking she will call after realize. she didn't reply any thing to me nor called me.
this happened yesterday and day before that I didn't sleep for straight 24 hours due to tensions. without sleep I was waiting for her call I was very agitated so called her in evening and asked why she didn't call she said she had no balance. I asked what about her mother phone she said same but when ever she didn't had balance she used to tell me or she used bring by her own.
I was very agitated and asked her to come online but she never came. moments later her brother calls me and speaks me in loud voice saying that I m torturing her. i lost my cool and my parents all went haywire. he talked to me as if they favored me by marrying her and when I said let me speak to her he didn't let me speak instead saying rudely to leave her alone.
when my parents saw my agony my father tried to speak him calling beta but spoke to him very rudely and without manners. my father has a high blood pressure so he told him that your family doesn't have manners to speak to elders.
again I called him he says to give her talaq. I told I want to listen from my wife but he didn't give her phone instead told my wife to say in background. he said he will remove her sim card and if I want to talk to her then I should call him instead and if I wants to see my kid I should call him and will show me online.
who is he to control my kid?
brothers and sisters please advise me in the light of sunnah if I wish my wife was here because I felt lonely in my home is it wrong ? I never forced her to come back soon, but expected she would miss me is that wrong?
My bro in law interference does he have rights ? I didn't utter any talaq words but he insisted it please advice me jazakAllah.
- shezad
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Brother Shezad, As-salamu alaykum,
My advice to you is to go to your wife's family's home. Speak to her in person and ask her to return home with you.
There is no reason for divorce in this situation. There are no serious problems between you and your wife, and it seems that for the most part you have a good relationship. So fight for your family, and keep your family together, for all of your sakes, especially your child.
When you go to your wife's family's home, keep your temper in check. Don't let the brother-in-law provoke you, don't get angry. Stay cool and calm, and speak directly to your wife. Tell her you love her and apologize for any misunderstandings. Don't blame her or argue. Forget about who is right or wrong, or who did what. Ask her nicely to return home.
If she returns with you then there will be time later for honest discussions, and working out whatever problems exist. But the main thing is to get her to return with you, and you will only do that by being nice, and showing your love.
Think about the treaty of Hudaybiyah. It took place in the sixth year after the Hijrah, when the Messenger of Allah (sws) and 1,400 of the sahabah decided to go to Umrah. They put on ihram and marched peacefully toward Makkah. The leaders of Quraish came out to meet the Muslims, and a treat was signed for a period of 10 years.
The treaty was controversial among the Muslims. Some of the Sahabah were not happy about how many concessions were made to the disbelievers. For one thing, the Muslims were denied permission to attend Umrah that year. Secondly, the treaty referred to the Prophet as the Messenger of Allah, but this was unacceptable to the Quraish ambassador Suhayl ibn Amr, who insisted that he should only be referred to as "Muhammad ibn Abdullah." Rasulullah (sws) agreed, and told Ali ibn Abi Talib to strike out the wording. Ali refused, after which the Prophet himself rubbed out the words. Furthermore, the treaty stipulated that if any one of Quraish traveled to Madinah, the Muslims would have to return him; but if any one of the Muslims traveled to Makkah, the Quraish would not return him.
So the treaty was deeply unpopular among the Muslims. Many of them were sad and confused, so that Rasulullah (sws) had to order them sternly to accept the treaty.
So what happened? Although the treaty was written for ten years, it lasted only two. During those two years, the Muslims lived in peace. Madinah flourished, and Islam spread rapidly among the Arabs. After two years the treaty was violated when allies of Quraish attacked allies of the Muslims. Rasulullah (sws) then marched on Makkah, this time not with 1,400 men but with 10,000, and the city was opened.
My point is that even though the Messenger of Allah (sws) knew that he was the true Prophet, and knew that his cause was just, he humbled himself and made concessions in order to achieve a greater goal.
So you need to do the same brother Shezad. You need to go see your wife, and humble yourself if necessary, and bring her home. Your goal is to re-establish your family, and see your family flourish, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother,
I agree with brother Wael on this...go get your wife! Do not waste another day thinking or wondering about anything. Just do it. God willing when you get her home, you can discuss the things within your marriage that may be a problem. Then, you can work them out. The best of luck to both of you.
Salam