Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Child abuse

in laws, cooking, baking, mother in law, strict, abusive

Asalaam Alaikum. I am one of 6 children and throughout my childhood and adult life my mum has been cruel to me and controlled me. She forced me to marry my 1st cousin and I only found out about my wedding on the actual day! Both my older sisters were physically abused by our mum when they were very young. She would beat them with rolling pins and punch them. My mum would also beat my father. He was a gentle man who treated all us children equally and kindly. He never knew/saw my mum beat us as he would be at work. However my mum loved my older brother and never scolded him, even though he was always stealing money from her and getting into trouble with the police etc. My brother and mum took my father's home and kicked him out on the street.  For 30yrs I blocked out the abuse I received from my mum. However my father passed away 7 months ago and all these memories have now resurfaced. My mum is now 71yrs old and STILL verbally abuses me and my sisters. I am finding it hard to listen to her jibes, especially after how she treated my father. She still curses us and says we will all rot in Hell. She only praises my older brother, even though my younger brother is caring for her.  Please advise.

hana123


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2 Responses »

  1. Only Islam Nd the Quran had the ability to break someone's character and change their ways. You can GENTLY AND CALMLY advise her WITH the Quran verses and hadith of prophet Mohammed saw that pertaining to guarding the tongue and speaking good to people and getting angry. Prophet told us don't get angry. Teach her what you can even if she doesn't respond just be very kind to her and ignore her insults as best you can. Imagine the sin of the one who insults back at their mother. You must obey your mother in everything she asks unless she asks you to do haram against Allah. Parents have great rights upon children. So although your mum is abusive you must still persevere for Allah sake and look after her well. After all your doing it for Allah to see not for her to appreciate. When she is gone one day then you might regret not just ignoring her abuse and loving and treating her well in any case. A mother can never be replaced.

  2. As-salamu alaykum sister Hana. My advice is to treat your mother with respect, but interact with her as little as is necessary. Since you are married you probably don't live with her? So I'm guessing you only see her now and then or perhaps check in on her daily. For that short period of time you can deal with her attitude. Just remember that her attitude is not about you, but about her. For whatever reason, she is incapable of loving you and treating you kindly as a mother should. It's not because of you. Perhaps she herself was raised with abuse, and doesn't know any better.

    Furthermore, if you were married without your consent then your marriage is invalid. You gave no details about that, but if you were not given a choice, then the marriage is not binding.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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