Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Did our previous acts cause our negative istikhara?

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I have been in love with a man for the past six years. Throughout this six years we have had pre marrital sex and performed other acts of sin. Prior to the last year I was not a muslim I only reverted to Islam recently. We are still very much in love and I would like to share my life with this man and add to his deen as he would like to do the same to mine. I havent learnt how to pray or to be forgiven for my sins although he has prayed and repented and fasted and then went on to perform Istikhara to see as to whether we can be together in the future in a pure and proper way. The outcome was negative. My question today is did the acts that we committed bring this answer about? As the aim is to be better, I hope to learn to pray and repent and increase my deen as well as his but there is no other I wish to be with. What do I do?

Rosie

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5 Responses »

  1. Sister, it sounds good that you want to repent. Being on a wrong faith is in itself the worst sin, and living a life full of haraam acts has made your past much more heavier in terms of sinning. My first advice to you sister is, do not put the two things together, i.e. repenting and marrying. What happens if you get married to someone else? Would you feel the same about ALLAH and Islam? Do not associate your faith with that person. You must act upon the religion and repent for your past irrespective of what is happening in your life. So at the very first, learn how to pray, how to fast, how to read Quran and so on.. All these acts of ibada'h are obligatory upon you, and have nothing to do with any other human being or with your worldly desires. Make yourself close to ALLAH, then expect a good from HIM. He is indeed the most Beneficent and the most Merciful.

    Secondly, most of the people don't know how to interpret the outcome of Istikhara. Read the complete article posted on this websiste about istikhara. Then you or the guy may re-perform it with the correct essence.

  2. Salam Rosie,

    I am a tad confused here. You have been with this man in every way possible for six years and now that he could put a ring on your finger and make things right and halal, the Istikhara was negative?! Let me guess, it was this man who performed the Istikhara?

    Prior to last year, you were not of the Muslim faith however...this man was. He knew full and well having a relationship outside of marriage with you was a grave sin, however it didn't concern him then. In fact, It hasn't concerned him one bit over the last six years. Now, here you are, six years on. You have accepted Islam, you are trying your best to learn about the Islamic faith and learn the steps to pray and this man could guide you and teach you further and gain reward from Allah. However now, he will abandon you. He can be with you in every way for six years however he can't take you as his wife as his Istikhara is negative. How very convenient for him.

    Rosie, you may love this man however he says his Istikhara is negative when it comes to taking you for a wife. Okay. Fine. Be done with him. Dead serious. Separate yourself from him in every way possible. No phone calls, texts, Face Time or...bed time. If you are sincere in wanting to be a good Muslimah (and it appears you are very sincere in doing so), move on. There are some amazing brothers out there who can and will marry you, love you and be prepared to build a life with you. This man does not love you Rosie because if he did, he would not lie to you and tell you that his Istikhara was negative. He would not have spent the last six years of your life playing house with you.

    This man is clearly telling you that he will not marry you Rosie. He will take you to his bed though and have absolutely no problem with that. Love yourself Rosie first. Love him enough to say goodbye. His Istikhara is negative so let it be. May Allah almighty guide you and keep you on the right path. May he also give you the strength to move on and find happiness elsewhere. Allah hu Alem.

    Salam

    Salam

    • I agree with Najah completely. Besides, somehow he has convinced you that Istikhara is a form of fortune telling.

      You cannot use Istikhara to predict the future.

  3. what does a negative istikhara mean to you? I hope your not basing it off dreams or colors in dreams, because that doesn't mean anything.

  4. The concerned sister has n't started practicing the deen yet as she herself admitted. Only accepting lslam and not knowing how to offer the obligatory ibadah makes no sense. Also she is seeing the deen from the guy's perspective. So the first issue is not whether that guy is cheating her, first issue is her approach towards lslam. She is taking lslam not only light but somehow selfishly, all because of what the guy has shown her. Let her first reach the deen with a different approach. Rather than commenting on the sincerity of the guy, we should make the sister follow the deen correctly. Let her first realize that lslam is not associated with that guy as she said that she "hopes to" learn and pray and increase her deen and his as well. This really makes no sense.. Why she is still "waiting" to seek pardon from ALLAH if she realizes her sins and their weight !
    So, she must realize the fact that her connection with ALLAH must not be dependent on anyone/anything. Once she is able to get the correct soul of worship, she will herself understand signs from ALLAH and will be guided in her decisions by HIM lnsha ALLAH.

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