Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m doomed because of my sins

Assalam o Alaikum Muslim brothers and sisters,

I'm a a Muslim girl  aged16 years old, and I am in great despair and feel as if I am doomed forever. My sins haunt me, they will kill me alive. I cannot live normally because of so much self-hate. My sins starts when I misbehave with my mother until I am  harming myself.

I was sexually molested when I was 7 and I remember it. That ruined my childhood, but I was able to cope up with sooner or later. When I got to be 14, I got into a haram relationship and did have physical relations, too. We did everything but not intercourse. We had a breakup, and I spent all my time in depression. After 2 months I started having a feeling of guilt about what we did, and I wasn't able to walk talk or eat and I couldn't believe what happened to me. I felt in despair. I even told about my sin to someone, and now I feel I have no hope of being forgiven.

These Ahadith send me into further despair:

Prophet (saws) said,

"Whoever has a four characteristic is a complete hypocrite. Whoever posses any of these characteristics has the characteristics of hypocrisy until he gives it up; whenever he makes a promise, he breaks it up…."(Bukhari)

"If someone is ordered to take an oath and he takes a false oath in order to take possession of property of a Muslim, then he will incur Allah's wreath when he meets Him." (Sahih al-Jami # 6083)

 

Narrated Abu Huraira:  "I heard Allah's Apostle saying. "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people). An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning, and says, 'O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,' though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knowing about his sin) and in the morning he removes Allah's screen from himself."   (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 95)"

Those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, only [committing] slight ones. Indeed, your Lord is vast in forgiveness. He was most knowing of you when He produced you from the earth and when you were fetuses in the wombs of your mothers. So do not claim yourselves to be pure; He is most knowing of who fears Him.

I don't know where to go! I dream of getting so near to Allah that no one can harm me. I don't know what to do. I cry all night and never feel inner peace. Allah will never forgive me. I sinned openly, and hidden as well. What should I do?

-Allah's servant


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10 Responses »

  1. Well you got molested at 7. It was not your fault. Every one sins. Most people commit sins you are talking about. They just don't talk about. If this molestation thing bothers you a lot, you need yo talk to some one you can trust.

    You had physical relations at 14, but technically you are still a "virgin" (no intercourse). You can't change your past. You should repent and pray for forgiveness.

    I have a feeling you live in some kind of psychologically abnormal family.

    Get good education and forget about boys

  2. Dear sister ,

    It is very sad that you got molested at the age of 7 and this was not your fault .I am not sure if you complained it to Police ? Please remember in life you should have Tit-for-Tat approach .Your Molester should not be allowed to roam freely .
    If you sincerely repent and stop HARAM relation ship and put your self more in to Namaz ,Zikar and other good activities i think you will be fine .
    You had a difficult childhood because of abuse so your chances Allah forgiving you are HIGH .

    The more the difficult the question paper in the Exam the more easy evaluation from evaluator . The world is too one examination center and you have found some difficulty but allah will make it easy for you if you follow his path .

    Insha allah things will be fine for you .

    Allah hafiz

  3. Assalamwalaikum,
    My dear sister, you are 16. Considering average life expectancy of a person, InshaAllah, you have many more beautiful years ahead to come in your life. Do not despair in the hope and mercy of Allah. A very important point you need to understand, sister! Islam, should be understood wholistically and is not to be understood from a single verse or hadith only.

    You are in despair because you have overwhelmingly focused on the punishments and sin. While it is important to fear Allah, we must not despair in Allah's mercy. There has to be a balance. My dear sister,
    Have you forgotten the very 2nd verse of the 1st chapter, Al-Fatihah? "Ar-Rahma-Nir-Rahim"... "The Most-Merciful, The Especially-Merciful"... do you not see that Allah has "heavily" emphasized on his merciful quality!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi00HycOQ1w

    Have you forgotten about the man who murdered 100 people and yet was forgiven by Allah?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzmee0O6cMU

    Have you forgotten that Allah has 100 units of mercy and He has sent down on Earth only 1 unit in which we eat, love, pray, earn, etc. and the remaining 99 units saved for Judgment Day!

    Have you forgotten what Allah said about His mercy to Adam (AS)?
    "O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me, and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it."

    There was a beautiful quote I had read, I am not sure about the author, but it was said that, "Fear and hope are like the two wings of a bird. If they are well balanced, the flight will be well balanced. But, if one is stunted, the right would also be stunted. And, to be sure, if the two are lost, the bird will soon be in the throes of death." This is basically to make the point that, you should fear the punishment by Allah so as to avoid falling into the sin and you should also have hope in Allah's mercy to be forgiven.

    It was also said, that Allah's mercy on Judgment Day would be "soooooo" great... that even shaitan will get a spark of hope to be forgiven by Allah and that he would enter paradise, but shaitan will not be forgiven. You are NOT shaitan, you are a human! The fact is universal... human beings are prone to make mistakes, but one of the amazing things about our nature is that we learn to recognize our faults and correct them by Allah's mercy. My dear sister, NEVER despair in the hope and mercy of Allah! Allah WILL forgive you...Allah is the MOST-Forgiving and OFT-Forgiving.

    I could go on day and night to write about the mercy and blessings of Allah, but it would be never-ending comment, so I'm going to stop myself here. 😛

    Masha-Allah sister, you have a really noble dream! Keep up your spirits! A girls heart should be so deeply in love with Allah, that a man would have to seek Allah to in order to get her! 😉
    I say, go for it, continue and never stop in pursuing this dream!!! 🙂

    Here are some links to authentic dua's you should understand and read that can help you to release your anxiety and stress.
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=34
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=35
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=40
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=41
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=43
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=49
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=77
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=117
    http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=127

    There are many more you can read at: http://www.makedua.com

    Sister, what happened with you when you were a child was indeed wrong and Allah will definitely recompensate for your suffering in this world or the next. You can only acquire peace by submitting your will and desire to what Allah wills and what Allah desires of you. And what do you know about what Allah "wills"? Sister, I encourage you to learn more about Islam, make yourself stronger and wiser. If you have the wealth and time, I encourage you to join the free program provided by Islamic Online University.
    http://www.islamiconlineuniversity.com/

    Clearly, you have a long way to go to learn about Islam. Remember what Allah has said: ‘I am as My servant thinks I am*. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed."
    *Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: ‘I am as My servant expects Me to be.’ The meaning is that forgiveness and acceptance of repentance by the Almighty is subject to His servant truly believing that He is forgiving and merciful. However, not to accompany such belief with right action would be to mock the Almighty.
    ~ Taken from (http://www.sunnipath.com/library/Hadith/H0005P0000.aspx)

    May Allah calm our hearts, grant us peace and wisdom, ameen! 🙂

  4. You are so young and to realise your sins at this age, in which if you wanted you could have continued doing those sins very easily, shows what kind of a person you are and how truly sorry you are.

    Just pray to Allah. He knows your intentions and He knows how regretful you are. He would definitely help you to become a better person. InshaAllah.

    You are doomed only if you think Allah doesnt listen to you. Allah loves his mankind and never leaves them empty handed. So ask Him for forgiveness with all your heart, cry in front of Him, beg Him and you'll see how content you feel.

    And mashAllah what an amazing answer by khiskisay. I don't think there is anything left to say after what s/he wrote.

  5. Asalamu alaykum,

    We are all making dua for you sister. You have been through so much and asked very important questions.

    I highly recommend listening to this short, emotional advice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MY0vsPggR_4

    May Allah keep you safe and sound and heal you in the best way that only He can. Your desire to return to Allah is great. This is an amazing gift to be given by Allah. He has chosen you and put this faith in your heart that makes you feel bad when you sin. That is actually one of the signs of a believer.

    You asked very very important questions.

    1. Can Allah forgive your sins, even ones that are publicly mentioned?

    Allah is One, and He alone is worthy of worship. There is nothing more certain in the universe. Just as certain is that Allah will forgive anyone and any sin (including shirk and murder and public sins and sins that one brags about to others and sins you cannot even imagine doing) as long as that person sincerely repents and turn back to Allah. As long as that person sincerely repents and turns back to Allah. Not only that, Allah will turn those sins into good deeds. Allah promised us this. There is nothing more certain in the universe.

    In Surah Al Furqan (chapter 25) verses 70 and 71, translation of Quran:
    --------
    70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

    71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds, then verily, he repents towards Allah with true repentance.
    -------
    Imagine on the day of judgment, finding our sins have disappeared, and instead we have good deeds that we do not even remember doing. Imagine what you would do, what you would sacrifice, in order to have Allah have mercy on you in this amazing way. That is how we have to approach repentance.

    As for the hadith you mentioned they are true, but remember that they apply to those who have not repented from those sins. In other words, there are many sins that Allah forgives us on the Day of Judgment, even though we never repented and asked for forgiveness for those sins. (Look how merciful Allah is - He forgives so many sins that we never even repented from.) The hadith you mention tell us that if someone does sins openly or brags about their secret sins and tells them to other people, then this person may not receive Allah's forgiveness. But remember - this does not apply to sins that one has sincerely repented from. We know from many other hadith and many verses in the Quran that there is no sin that Allah will not forgive as long as you repent. Even Pharaoh, who called himself god and killed so many male babies in an attempt to kill Musa, was allowed to repent and given many chances actually. The door to repentance is always open as long as you are alive.

    Any person and any thought that closes this door and makes you feel hopeless - is literally from Shaitan. Abandon any thoughts, any words, any deeds, that makes you hopeless or afraid to go back to Allah. Who else would want to distract you from the Most Powerful, Most Merciful Allah who can change our whole lives for the better?This is how to avoid sins as well - by remembering that sins move us away from Allah, and down a path that leads to forgetting our Lord and instead following Shaitan who wants to make us despair.

    Remember the story of an alcoholic during the time of Umar:

    ---------------------------------
    copied directly from: http://storiesoftherighteous.wordpress.com/2011/02/12/muslim-brotherhood/

    Once Umar ibn Al-Khattab saw that a man he knew was missing from one of his gatherings. He (RA) asked about him since the person regularly attended these gatherings and the people told him that the man was unable to let go of his habit of drinking alcohol.

    So Umar (RA) sent the man a letter:

    “Peace be upon you. I praise Allah beside Whom there is no other god. In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

    (Quran 40:1-3 — ‘Haa Meem (These letters are one of the miracles of the Quran and none but Allah alone knows their meaning.) The Revelation of this Book (the Quran) is from Allah, the All-Mighty, the All-Knower, the Forgiver of sin, the Acceptor of repentance, the Severe in punishment, the Bestower of favors. La ilaha illa huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), to Him is the final return.“

    He (RA) then sealed the letter and said to his messenger, “Do not give it to him except when he is sober.” then he told those who were with him to pray for that man.

    When the letter reached the man, he read it and said, “My Lord has promised to forgive me and has warned me of His punishment,” and he kept repeating that until he started weeping. He then gave up alcohol and kept away from it.

    When news of this reached Umar (RA), he said to his companions, “This is what you should do. If you see that one of you has slipped (fallen into error), correct him, pray for him and do not help the Shaytaan (Satan) against him (by insulting him, etc.).”
    ---------------------

    I also highly recommend reading the advice given by a scholar to another person who was feeling scared to death:
    http://islamqa.info/en/13693

    And this very important, emotional video worth watching over and over, even after you think you understand it. Keep watching it from time to time to check your heart and act upon the advice given.

    Lastly, I want you to think of the best thing Allah could give you - in this life and the next. Something so great that you currently might think it is impossible for you to achieve. And then do one very small thing every day that can help you towards those dreams. It does not matter how small it is, and in fact it is better if it something small and easy for you. But do it every day. And if you can, do it in secret, when no one else is looking, so that you can do it for the sake of Allah.

  6. Just wanted to put the first video I mentioned directly into the page:

    Jazakallah khair to others who posted good advice. May Allah help us all and make the Quran our cure. Ameen.

    And Allah knows best.

  7. Below is a translation of verses 252-266 from Surah Al Baqarah. They give the context of the verse mentioned in the second video (verse 259). They also include the great verse of ayatul kursi (verse 255).

    -----------
    252. These are the Verses of Allah, We recite them to you (O Muhammad ) in truth, and surely, you are one of the Messengers (of Allah).

    253. Those Messengers! We preferred some to others; to some of them Allah spoke (directly); others He raised to degrees (of honour); and to 'Iesa (Jesus), the son of Maryam (Mary), We gave clear proofs and evidences, and supported him with Ruh-ul-Qudus [Jibrael (Gabriel)]. If Allah had willed, succeeding generations would not have fought against each other, after clear Verses of Allah had come to them, but they differed - some of them believed and others disbelieved. If Allah had willed, they would not have fought against one another, but Allah does what He likes.

    254. O you who believe! Spend of that with which We have provided for you, before a Day comes when there will be no bargaining, nor friendship, nor intercession. And it is the disbelievers who are the Zalimun (wrong-doers, etc.).

    255. Allah! La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), the Ever Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists. Neither slumber, nor sleep overtake Him. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on earth. Who is he that can intercede with Him except with His Permission? He knows what happens to them (His creatures) in this world, and what will happen to them in the Hereafter . And they will never compass anything of His Knowledge except that which He wills. His Kursi extends over the heavens and the earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them. And He is the Most High, the Most Great. [This Verse 2:255 is called Ayat-ul-Kursi.]

    256. There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path. Whoever disbelieves in Taghut and believes in Allah, then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that will never break. And Allah is All-Hearer, All-Knower.

    257. Allah is the Wali (Protector or Guardian) of those who believe. He brings them out from darkness into light. But as for those who disbelieve, their Auliya (supporters and helpers) are Taghut [false deities and false leaders, etc.], they bring them out from light into darkness. Those are the dwellers of the Fire, and they will abide therein forever.

    258. Have you not looked at him who disputed with Ibrahim (Abraham) about his Lord (Allah), because Allah had given him the kingdom? When Ibrahim (Abraham) said (to him): "My Lord (Allah) is He Who gives life and causes death." He said, "I give life and cause death." Ibrahim (Abraham) said, "Verily! Allah causes the sun to rise from the east; then cause it you to rise from the west." So the disbeliever was utterly defeated. And Allah guides not the people, who are Zalimun (wrong-doers, etc.).

    259. Or like the one who passed by a town and it had tumbled over its roofs. He said: "Oh! How will Allah ever bring it to life after its death?" So Allah caused him to die for a hundred years, then raised him up (again). He said: "How long did you remain (dead)?" He (the man) said: "(Perhaps) I remained (dead) a day or part of a day". He said: "Nay, you have remained (dead) for a hundred years, look at your food and your drink, they show no change; and look at your donkey! And thus We have made of you a sign for the people. Look at the bones, how We bring them together and clothe them with flesh". When this was clearly shown to him, he said, "I know (now) that Allah is Able to do all things."

    260. And (remember) when Ibrahim (Abraham) said, "My Lord! Show me how You give life to the dead." He (Allah) said: "Do you not believe?" He [Ibrahim (Abraham)] said: "Yes (I believe), but to be stronger in Faith." He said: "Take four birds, then cause them to incline towards you (then slaughter them, cut them into pieces), and then put a portion of them on every hill, and call them, they will come to you in haste. And know that Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise."

    261. The likeness of those who spend their wealth in the Way of Allah, is as the likeness of a grain (of corn); it grows seven ears, and each ear has a hundred grains. Allah gives manifold increase to whom He pleases. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knower.

    262. Those who spend their wealth in the Cause of Allah, and do not follow up their gifts with reminders of their generosity or with injury, their reward is with their Lord. On them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

    263. Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than Sadaqah (charity) followed by injury. And Allah is Rich (Free of all wants) and He is Most-Forbearing.

    264. O you who believe! Do not render in vain your Sadaqah (charity) by reminders of your generosity or by injury, like him who spends his wealth to be seen of men, and he does not believe in Allah, nor in the Last Day. His likeness is the likeness of a smooth rock on which is a little dust; on it falls heavy rain which leaves it bare. They are not able to do anything with what they have earned. And Allah does not guide the disbelieving people.

    265. And the likeness of those who spend their wealth seeking Allah's Pleasure while they in their ownselves are sure and certain that Allah will reward them (for their spending in His Cause), is the likeness of a garden on a height; heavy rain falls on it and it doubles its yield of harvest. And if it does not receive heavy rain, light rain suffices it. And Allah is All-Seer of (knows well) what you do.

    266. Would any of you wish to have a garden with date-palms and vines, with rivers flowing underneath, and all kinds of fruits for him therein, while he is striken with old age, and his children are weak (not able to look after themselves), then it is struck with a fiery whirlwind, so that it is burnt? Thus does Allah make clear His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses) to you that you may give thought.
    --------------------

  8. Some other thoughts:

    You mentioned some specific things that bring upon stress: misbehaving with your mother, sins with the opposite gender.

    Try to find some action steps that you can take to improve your relationship with your parents, especially your mother. Spend time with her, help her in whatever way you can. This is one of the best good deeds ever, and is one of the best ways to get Allah's pleasure and a very great part of repentance. See the advice in the video about this- it is very relevant to all of us. Notice in the video that the man admitted to killing a person not to brag about it, but rather to seek help and find advice for how to repent, so it is ok if to discuss sins if one is trying to get help.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZK_ALMwlXP0

    From your question, it seems that you have left the haram relationships with boys. That is a great thing alhamdulillah, and should be a source of relief. Continue to avoid unnecessary interaction with the opposite gender. Try to find other Muslim sisters in your area with whom you can spend your free time - pray together, learn about Islam together, and relax together.

    And again, Allah knows best.

  9. I read somewhere *dont quote word for word* but that if one has committed the weight of the world in sin and turns to Allah and repents and asks Allah for his forgiveness he will find his forgiving......... and also that imagine the one who loves us the most on earth, Allah loves us 70 times more than that. Repent and repent and have faith and trust in Allah's mercy and forgiveness and do some good deeds!

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