Islamic marriage advice and family advice

High Sexual Drive – What to do?

islamic guide

Asalam Alaykuim Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakullah All!

I hope this finds you in a good health and higher of Iman!

I am a sister, divorced out of a secret nikkah (Alhamdulilah I am very happy as a single btw!) and I did zina with different man (we stop contact to each other after he's getting married, I am happy for him thou)  but Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.

"O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."

His Mercy gives me HOPE! "

The problem is that my sexual drive is too HIGH. This annoys me so much, I hate to sleep at nights because I'd getting horny ALL THE TIME. I don't want to getting married just because of my sexual needs, as it isn't fair on future husband and I believe it was wrong "intention" to get married for sexual urges not for the sake of Allah's.

Few weeks ago, I want to commit zina but I fingered myself instead. I am so FED UP of this. I sometimes wish I am a "virgin" so I wouldn't have sex thoughts all the time. With media anywhere; intimacy acts, cuddling, kissing, snog etc makes me miss to have a physical contact with opposite sex. I also avoid marriage because I had a bad experience with marriage in the past. "Obey husband" puts me off.

I also want to work after university for to pay debts so I don't think I would have time for marriage. Some brothers want to marry me but I rejected them because I am hearted broken, I am not ready for "committee" to spouse and marriage is a HUGE responsibility. Divorced rates are too HIGH.   Marriage is also not a joke.

I realised "fasting" to stop sexual desires according to hadith but the problem is that I am not allowed to fasting due to my health problems and doctor has recommended me not to fasting. I don't want to see "marriage" is the way out.

I just want to have fun in halal way, obviously and live my life.

Any tips?


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66 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    I think you already know the answer to your question - you cannot have "fun" in a halal way sexually, except within a marriage.

    If you insist on not marrying, perhaps you can fast, but you could avoid food during sunrise and sunset except to fulfill your medical issues. Exercise. Avoid foods that increase your sexual drive.

    Otherwise, get married to someone that would complements your personality and that you wouldn't mind "obeying."

    May Allah clear your confusion, Ameen.

  2. Wa alaikum as-salaam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh sister,

    I am afraid that some people may tell you to not get married in your situation because marriage is not for lusts and desires, even though they are aware that this is leading you to commit zina. However according to Islam, if you really can't help it and you really fear falling into zina, then it is compulsory upon you to get married--you can't rely on the hadith you quoted regarding the mercy of Allah, because that's not the only side of Allah. If you want to deserve Allah's mercy and forgiveness, then avoid falling into sins by doing the right thing, which is either by marriage or by controlling yourself without marriage nor zina--follow the advice given above by sister Saba.

  3. AOA,

    "Obey husband" puts me off.

    ‫إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون

    May Allah forgive us, guide us so we could follow sunnah's of our prophet (S.A.W)

    I don't know exactly why you previous marriage broke but i guess your sentence "Obey husband, puts me off" explains every thing.

    As far as SEX DRIVE is concerned.......So no its physical need and truly natural.

    You shouldn't express openly the sins what you have done in past i.e. zina, masturbation etc as all the bad deeds are secret between you and Allah when you reveal your secret to people then no only you feel discomfort but shame too.

    So its better to be shamed in front of ONE ALLAH rather to be ashamed in front of whole world. We all are sinners. How a sinner help another? We can just give you some suggestion which we think might be good not sure.

    I am sure you know more than about Islam and how to be good muslimah.

    May Allah help us a lot....


  4. Dear Sarah ,

    Don't be negative about marriage as we don't have any halal option for sexual satisfaction .
    We have seen many times a woman with High sex drive ends up marrying a husband of low sexual drive and vice versa . You don't know How a spouse will be in terms of SEX before marriage . So it is chicken Egg situation .

    If you were satisfied sexually with the man you have committed Zina , i think it is not a bad idea to marry him .
    Please note that i am not advising to try Zina as it is a big sin in Islam ..Just was trying to tell you if some thing good yo can pick up from your past for your complex condition ..

    And there is no islamic option to get sexual satisfaction outside marriage as rest all options are haraam .


  5. Dear sister,

    I am sorry to point out that starting with "a secret nikah" as your first marriage was not a good start from the beginning and it might have distorted the meaning of marriage inside your head. This in not a "proper marriage" and I guess it might be an excuse from the man side who took advantages of you and left you.

    Marriage is a commitment - include sacrifice and compromise; communication and understanding; self discovery and recognize one's weakness - in the hope of complement of each other.

    To answer you shortly, MARRIAGE IS THE ONLY SOLUTION FOR YOUR SEX DRIVE / DESIRE if you are a serious muslim. I know quite many of career oriented women said the same thing about marriage. They don't want someone to "control" their freedom or telling them what to do. They enjoy a "fling" when they have the need. That is how they see about marriage and most of them are not religious women. These kinds of behavior really demoralize their value and self respect. At the end of the day, they lost themselves, feeling empty and deep sorrow. Would you like to end up like that?

    I understand your so called first marriage did not go well, however, not all men are the same. Inshallah, try to find someone who will appreciate your strength, who will respect you of who you are, and who will also grant you Jannah. Not all men are controlling! You can check out your future partner by asking questions regarding controlling issue.

    Lastly, I would also suggest you starting to learn more about Islam, establish your prayer, read books about marriage or anything related to Islam. You may also want to examine and understand your personality more in the meanwhile. (You may have control issue?? Find out by yourself or receive some counseling) Approach your masjid / parents about wanting marry.

  6. I am a sister, divorced out of a secret nikkah (Alhamdulilah I am very happy as a single btw!) and I did zina with different man (we stop contact to each other after he's getting married, I am happy for him thou) but Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.
    His Mercy gives me HOPE! "

    The conspiracies of Shaytaan are numerous and incessant. One of his deceptions is that he encourages and leads a person to commit sins with this very thought that Allah Ta’ala is Ghafur-ur-Raheem(the All-Forgiving,the Most-Merciful)
    This generally leads a person to be indifferent to the Ahkaam(laws) of Shariah and even flagrantly and deliberately disobedient to Allah Ta’ala..
    Allah Ta’ala thus warns us explicitly in the Qur`aan Sharief : “Let not the deceiver (Shaytaan) beguile you in regard to Allah.” …
    [SURAH TA-HA 20 : 82]

    Don’t be misled by Shaytaan to commit sins because Allah Ta’ala is The Most Forgiving and Most Merciful.
    Whilst Allah Ta’ala is indeed Ghafur-ur-Raheem, He is also Muntaqim – One who takes Retribution. Out of His kindness,

    Allah Ta’ala gives to us numerous opportunities to make amends and return to His Obedience. If we still persist and insist on sin, and we are bent on disobedience, then His Punishment is
    something that cannot be escaped.
    In fact, the same Shaytaan who, out of absolute spite, invites us to the disobedience of Allah Ta’ala in every cunning and conniving way had, himself, said : “…Verily! I fear Allah for Allah is severe
    in punishment.”
    (Surah Anfaal 8 :48)

    • Great response, mashaAllah!

    • Very good response ..Superb 🙂

    • @ recovering.
      So true and helpful . Thanks!

    • Jazak Allah for sharing!

      Which book is this from?

      • Recovered 🙂

        • lol Logical.

          Actually, I recognized some of it and I believe it is from:

          page 30 of
          Combating the Whisperings
          of Shaytaan
          AT MUSJID-E-NOOR

        • @Logical

          lol....I am still Recovering,Subhan'Allah! Saba has answered her own question(?) before I could response, looks like she was very very pleased & overwhelmed with my share & the responses to it and wasted her precious time to do research and pin point the source 🙂

          • This is one behaviour that I honestly don't like about you at all, and I wish you could stop it someday inshaAllah. There were better ways to ask sister Saba why she did what she did, as it may be that she only wanted us to benefit.

            Anyways, it would have been better if you pointed out to the source by yourself before being asked. Therefore, you should't have said sister Saba wasted her time, rather you should have thanked her for assisting you.

            Sister Saba, jazaaki-Allahu khair al-Jaza for posting the source of the book.

          • As I said in the above remark, I recognized it, but couldn't remember where it was from--that is why I asked which book it was from.

            Again, JazakAllah for sharing it. Sometimes we forget to cite something when we post it (and I am sure I have done the same) - since you felt I was doing it to put you down, I apologize for making you feel that way.

    • ☺ 5 ✨

    • MashAllah am speechless !! Very good comment!! May Allah reward you the best!

    • Assalaamu'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

      Indeed...all the things that Allaah (awj) have granted us are good for us. Its only shaytan who make us ungrateful. Shaytan beautify an act of sin and makes a good deed looks bad. Like what sister Sarah is going through...
      Shaytan beautify the act of making zina an alternative of having to be married and and having to obey a husband. No strings attached. And shaytan has made marriage,which is a Sunnah,looks bad. With all the responsibilities and duties.

      No creature, no matter how powerful, can act without Allaah’s (awj) sanction. For this reason, Shaytan has power to misguide only those people who have relinquished their belief in one Allaah (awj) and have surrendered to the temptations of Shaytan. Accordingly, Shaytan himself admits that he has no power over Allaah’s (awj) sincere servants when he swears,

      Surat al-Hijr (15), Verse 39-40:
      وَلَأَغْوِيَنَّهُمْ أَجْمَعِينَ. إِلاَّ عِبَادَكَ مِنْهُمُ الْمُخْلَصِينَ

      “I shall misguide them all except Your sincere servants.”

      Shaytan’s sole influence over man is by way of whispering temptations. He can never strip man of his free will. In philosophical terms, Shaytan’s non-materiality is not complete, therefore he cannot reach the lofty station that the spirit of the righteous enjoys. Giving into the temptation of the carnal soul (al-nafs al-’ammarah) opens the way for satanic influence thereby pulling man into Shaytan’s traps. The sole respite from his grasp is to turn one’s attention to Allaah (awj) and seek his protection. Allaah (awj) says,

      إِنَّ عِبَادِي لَيْسَ لَكَ عَلَيْهِمْ سُلْطَانٌ..

      “You (Satan) have no power over my servants.”

      And shaytan himself will admits all on Yaumul Qiamah. As stated in Surah Ibraheem verse 22:

      وَقَالَ الشَّيْطَانُ لَمَّا قُضِيَ الأَمْرُ إِنَّ اللّهَ وَعَدَكُمْ وَعْدَ الْحَقِّ وَوَعَدتُّكُمْ فَأَخْلَفْتُكُمْ وَمَا كَانَ لِيَ عَلَيْكُم مِّن سُلْطَانٍ إِلاَّ أَن دَعَوْتُكُمْ فَاسْتَجَبْتُمْ لِي فَلاَ تَلُومُونِي وَلُومُواْ أَنفُسَكُم مَّا أَنَاْ بِمُصْرِخِكُمْ وَمَا أَنتُمْ بِمُصْرِخِيَّ إِنِّي كَفَرْتُ بِمَا أَشْرَكْتُمُونِ مِن قَبْلُ إِنَّ الظَّالِمِينَ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ :

      And Shaytan will say when the matter has been decided: "Verily, Allaah promised you a promise of truth. And I too promised you, but I betrayed you. I had no authority over you except that I called you, so you responded to me. So blame me not, but blame yourselves. I cannot help you, nor can you help me. I deny your former act in associating me (Shaytan) as a partner with Allaah (by obeying me in the life of the world). Verily, there is a painful torment for the Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doers, etc.)."

    • Thank you so much I really have a problem and I have struggled so much with it since I was young

  7. I understand where you are coming from but to commit these sins you are not doing yourself any favors. You had a secret nikkah Islamically that was not even valid and this was not fair on you. My advise to you will be to control yourself maybe even try to fast and focus on doing good deeds.

  8. OP: I am a sister, divorced out of a secret nikkah (Alhamdulilah I am very happy as a single btw!) and I did zina with different man (we stop contact to each other after he's getting married, I am happy for him thou) but Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.

    So you secretly married a man who did not want his family and friends know about this marriage. He just wanted to USE you for sex and/or citizenship.

    • Assalaam Brother Vikram...

      I am a 2nd wife in a secret marriage.
      I believe this is qada' and qadar from Allaah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala.
      Cos Allaah has written the name of my spouse way before I was born into this world

      We are married by the permission and will of Allaah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala.
      I've never asked my husband what r his intentions for marrying me. Its solely between him and Allaah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala
      You said "He just wanted to USE you for sex and/or citizenship."
      Well...who are we to judge? We dont even know what his intentions for were for sure.

      Only Allaah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala have the sole right to judge us.
      Our deeds are only rewarded according to their intentions..

      Umar ibn Al-Khattab reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, deeds are only with intentions. Verily, every person will have only what they intended. Whoever emigrated to Allah and his messenger, then his emigration is for Allah and his messenger. Whoever emigrated to get something in the world or to marry a woman, then his emigration is for whatever he emigrated for.”

      Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 54, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1907

  9. OP: I just want to have fun in halal way, obviously and live my life.

    Find a man who has high sex drive. Work with your husband so that both of you reach your destination at the same time. THIS IS THE ONLY HALAL WAY.

    How and when did you realize that you have a high sex drive?

  10. cry cry cry, in prayer, and ur lust shall decrease....

  11. I Am also divorced I can't fast either due to some health issue.... my sex drive higher then yours..... no proposal s not good men over here just visa hunters the rest kufaar this is a western country..... so marriage off the list.... AND I'm not going to marry a bad man simply because I feel lonely .....I've stopped listening to music and watching tv.... this has helped try it out.... if u don't want to zina because it's haraam then stop music and movies it's haraam too....when I Get horny I cry real hard and I'm like ALLAH I rather cry than to disobey u.... so I cry like for 3 days every month when the carnal desires can't keep strong anymore when I cry my mood transforms from highly horny to depression and sadness from there I search online for sad news such as killings rape murder suicide and then my mood shifts to gratitude and I'm like thank u ALLAH for blessing me with being single instead of being in a more bad situation. then horniness gone.... seriously....

    • @haniyyyya also fast you will find this will help you in so many ways inshAllah things will get better for you.

    • Dear haniyyyya


      you have to do as per mind. Inshallah I will pray for you.


    • haniyyyya: I Get horny I cry real hard and I'm like ALLAH I rather cry than to disobey u.... so I cry like for 3 days every month when the carnal desires can't keep strong anymore when I cry my mood transforms from highly horny to depression and sadness from there I search online for sad news such as killings rape murder suicide and then my mood shifts to gratitude and I'm like thank u ALLAH for blessing me with being single instead of being in a more bad situation. then horniness gone.... seriously....

      Do you think it is your thoughts that make you horny? Do you just feel horny for 3 days a month? Your unfulfilled desires are making you depressed. I don't know if Islam allows use of medical devices to release tension, as this kind of therapy can save you from psychological harm.

    • its not only women who suffer from having a high sex drive, also some men have it, like myself. I have three years being a married man and for the past three years I have being preaching to her about meeting me half way sexually and she still doesn't. I wished she was like me with a high sex drive. maybe I should look for a second wife with a high sex drive and make polygamy.

  12. Just takensteps ask ppl to help u find partners. .as the more ppl looking.the better as it means u have less work on ur shoulders. . Nn. Get ur parents may pay offf.

    • Hi sex drive is good, extract this energy towards your purposes. The desire is your body telling you to get a partner relevant to you soon. And control the anger that comes with it, 'strong is the one who controls self when in anger.' Reward yourself very well.

  13. as salaam alaiykum wa rahmatullah sister,

    before I address your question allow me to say I am very disappointed in the chastisement in this page. from what I have read on the hadith of the prophet (saw) he would never have approached this in such a manner. many of you seem to have trouble with reading. the sister said that because of health issues she has been advised not to fast

    I am going to assume that upon saying this she has explained the difference between what most of the world considers fasting and what fasting is in Islam to her doctors as many in the western world think of fasting as going without food or water all day long with no break for however long. In this matter I would recommend making salah and reading Qur'an, if you find yourself in that position of lust try distracting yourself mentally by reading the Qur'an or some non fiction book, or even call a friend and talk for awhile. The feeling usually passes within a half an hour or so. After it has passed you can make d'ua that Allah (swt) remove this hardship from you.

    But, also know that marriage is there to remove this hardship from us. Love is good but true love comes from time and devotion, not some magical feeling (taht is infatuation, not love). A career and schooling with no one to share it with is indeed a lonely future. The Qur'an says we were made in pairs. We were mentally made to share our lives with others, and indeed our body.

    Thank you for coming to Muslims for this instead of somewhere else. But, I also think that if we (the ummah) remember that Allah (swt) is always watching and keep this in mind, always, then things like this will not be an issue for us because it will be too hard to do such things while thinking that Allah (swt) is watching us while we do it. And I have issues as well that this advise would help with so while I am giving you advise I am talking to myself as well

  14. yes you can observe fasting as it will decrease your sex drive.

    or you eat lot of coconut ... I think it will decrease your drive 1 day.

  15. lol obviously we all have a high sex drive here that's why we googled "high sex drive islam"

  16. I'd say you should get married.....I can't say for certain really, I'm just a guy facing the same issues and wants to get married. Not because of the drives, but because..The person I want to marry...The thought of her....Makes me want to stop it. Even though I still end up doing it.
    Anyways, from what I believe. Getting married is the best way. I know you're probably thinking that you're marrying for your on lists and so it's useless but...If you get married, and live with a husband who is willing to support him...Maybe you'll grow on him emotionally more than you will physically. And before you know it, you're sitting and praying behind your husband without a thought of lust

  17. I can relate to you in a way, because I have suffered with the same problem since I was 9. I was raped repeatedly over two years and my parents didn't believe me and that messed with my head... I can also understand why is it you need to speak about it and not just pray to Allah (swt). I know it's really hard to keep yourself away from doing these things, but believe me the less you do it the better it is, take one day at the time. I personally have found that every time a urge comes across my mind rather than doing it, I would start to do something different, not try to think okay I'm not doing it, as that will just make you think more about it, but start doing something completely different what you are doing. Example I would be sitting on a sofa and then it comes into my mind, the first thing I usually always go to the toilet to empty my bladder as that can press the nerves together which make you want to do it. Also try to avoid being alone, especially in the evenings before sleep, because that's the moment when you are most vulnerable. As for the marriage, it's going to shock you, but I'm happily married with two kids for the past 5 years, so I would not get married for this, but I would not try to find pleasure with singles either. I'm sure you have had a trigger of some sort in your life and this is the point Satan is trying to do everything to get you. I have fight with this for the past 17 years trying to figure out how to make things work and at one point I thought I was addicted, but then I found out that it's not addiction it's something from the past which you have buried and not dealt with and now Allah (swt) is trying to get you through your test and Satan is doing everything to stop you. By the way my husband doesn't know I suffer with this kind of a problem, although his a doctor I have told him about my past and I suspect he knows the consequences of these kind of abuses otherwise he would of not got married to me in the first place.
    I hope this helps and believe me one thing I have learnt within this time is that you are not alone in this and don't put yourself down, because Allah(swt) knows every thought what you have and how much you fight with it, just don't give up on yourself.

    • Agay: I can relate to you in a way, because I have suffered with the same problem since I was 9. I was raped repeatedly over two years and my parents didn't believe me and that messed with my head...

      Were you raped or sexually abused? Rape involves sexual intercourse. I am surprised your parents did not believe you. Were you raped by a close family member? Did you tell your parents about this during the period you were being raped.

  18. Also, losing Gd's mercy is worse than losing virginity. It's a major sin along with idolatry. The respect is repentance, not virginity which btw means no sexing, no sex sinning at all. Marriage is the only safe and only way.

  19. Cry in your prayers, If you're truly saddened with your case then cry in your prayers(even if you know you will do whatever you're doing again And repeat). keep repeating do sins then cry keep doing that , it shows emotions from the heart. If you feel empty and can't cry I recommend you play this game It kinda gives you an idea of purity though it wasn't the only thing that made me care about being pure or finding the truth to whats right or wrong but it was definitely a major source.

    So basically, Cry dont hold off your emotions, even if you know you will sin again cry and repent, sin cry and repent. don't ignore this. IT WORKS !

    Those tears you shed in prayers are special tears to Allah, dont hold them back it's somewhere in your heart trust me.

    Inshallah things will be clearer to you

    GAMe is "Ori and the blind forest"

    Also check Nouman Ali khan, he has a way with words check him out to understand quranic verses

  20. Bismillaah...

    Assalaamu'alaykum wa rahmatullahiwa barakatuhu...

    Hi Sister Sarah...wallaahi i know how u r feeling. I have the same "problem" too. High sex drive. But my husband rarely come to see me (I'm a 2nd wife in a secret marriage)

    I used to be very frustrated with my husband for not being here when i need him most. We used to fight a lot because of this matter.

    But Alhamdulillaah wa syukrillaah...Allaah helped me. I was feeling rock bottom,rejected,unwanted when one day,I was feeling very aroused but my husband couldnt come over. I cried to Allaah...I ask of Allaah Azza wa Jalla to help ease me. To protect me from commiting zina of all sorts. I confide in Allaah "Oh Allaah....I m what You have made me. You are the my Creator. Only you could understand me. Only You who really knows what I'm going through. I ask of You to ease me. To help me control my nafs if its gonna destroy me. Aameen AllaahummaAameen..."

    Subhanallaah...right after that sajadah...I felt totally different. I dont see myhigh sexual desire as a "problem". I see it as a blessing. Everything that Allaah created or grant us with is never bad for us. Allaah is not cruel. He is The Most Merciful. Subhanallaah..! We need to have these sexual drive. Its fitrah. The important thing here u want to channel the sexual desire.

    For examples...
    Allaah grants u a car..u choose how to use it. Would u drive to a club or would u drive it to masjid? Allaah grants u money...would u spend it to fulfil ur dunya solely or would u do charity with it? So on and so forth.

    I am always alone,sis. I just moved out from my husband and co-wife's house 5 mths ago. My husband would just drop by for an hour or two whenever he could. The first thing I did when I moved out was...I deactivate all social network that I was in. Facebook,twitter,instagram...everything..except for Whatsapp. These social networks aroused ur temptations.

    Whenever you feel horny..just seek refuge in Allaah Azza wa Jalla...

    “I seek refuge with Allah from the cursed Satan so that he is prevented from affecting my religious or worldly affairs, or hindering me from adhering to what I was commanded, or luring me into what I was prohibited from.” Indeed, only Allah is able to prevent the evil of Satan from touching the son of Adam. This is why Allah allowed us to be lenient and kind with the human devil, so that his soft nature might cause him to refrain from the evil he is indulging in. However, Allah required us to seek refuge with Him from the evil of Satan, because he neither accepts bribes nor does kindness affect him, for he is pure evil. Thus, only He Who created Satan is able to stop his evil. This meaning is reiterated in on it in the Qur'an. Allaah said in Surat Al-A`raf,

    (And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytan, then seek refuge with Allah. Verily, He is Hearing, Knowing (7: 200).)

    Btw,its not a sin to marry because of your nafs. In fact its an ibadah. And about the "Obey your husband" thingy ....its what Allaah have ordered upon every muslimah. U are not alone sis. Obey a husband means U obey Allaah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala.

    I wil leave this hadith for you to ponder...

    May Allaah ease you and protect you from al fashaa wal munkar
    Aamiin yaa Mujibas Saailiin

    Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “When a woman performs her five daily salaah, keeps the fast of Ramadaan, remains chaste and pure, and she obeys her husband then she may enter Jannah through whichever door she desires.” (Saheeh Ibnu Hibbaan #4163) 

    Subhanallah! What a simple prescription for women to gain everlasting success. A woman has to simply do the following:

    - Be obedient to Allah Ta’ala.

    - Protect one’s chastity. This requires that she does not intermingle with  strange men, lower her gaze, and fully cover herself if she leaves the home out of necessity.

    - Be obedient to her husband within the limits of deen. 

    While this is the prescription for the everlasting success of the hereafter, it is also the prescription for harmony and happiness in one’s marriage.

    • Safira : i know how u r feeling. I have the same "problem" too. High sex drive. But my husband rarely come to see me (I'm a 2nd wife in a secret marriage)......... I am always alone,sis. I just moved out from my husband and co-wife's house 5 mths ago. My husband would just drop by for an hour or two whenever he could. The first thing I did when I moved out was...I deactivate all social network that I was in. Facebook,twitter,instagram...everything..except for Whatsapp.

      You are a secret wife and you were living with your husband and co-wife's house?

      • Yes...and we r married for 3 yrs now . No one knows except my family. We were married for 8 mths when my husband told me his first wife was pregnant. So i offered to be a live in nanny cum house helper for his family.

        • Astaghfirallah!!!!

          Very old comment but leaving this here for anyone in the future.

          Secret marriage!!! How can you 'listen' (not obey) to a man who has married you in secret behind his first wife which is completely haraam in deen and is a huge disrespect to the first wife, who is supposed to know about whether her man wants to marry another woman so she can choose to stay or leave. This is emotional abuse/torture, why it causes unforgiveable pain.

          Also if a man marries another woman it cannot be for personal desire or wordly desires and the man must be equally just with all his wives which is impossible for a normal man. Islam worked to abolish this cultural practice of polygamy. It stresses in the Qur'an that we made you in 'pairs' several times. Where on earth do women get indoctrinated with this patriarchy, serving 'obeying' men nonsense?

          There are sooooooo many men on this dunya to choose from. If you are a woman and are not married yet, don't let male patriarchy indoctrinate you and blind you from your human rights to the point where you become an enemy to yourself. Don't forget you are a female and this patriarchy dictatorship over you harms your self esteem and puts you on an emotional rollercoaster where you become depressed and always in competition with other women for fear your husbands attention may sway. This is obviously not healthy and breaks our self esteem, we lose dignity and respect for ourselves and truely end up 'obeying' whatever our man tells us to do or think, you end up emotionally abused, age quickly, end up on several medications such as anti-depressants wondering how you reached this point. A lot of religious men try to stop their women from working, distract her from her studies and from being educated as all he wants is power over you. You have no where to run if he mistreats you as you have no money as you dont work/gave up your job or studies and so now he can treat you how he likes and do what he wants with no fear of losing you (obviously these type of men have no fear of Allah to start with).

          Also to the women stating that career women are not religious is very ignorant. Gender roles were created by society before our deen came down. A lot of male tafseer within interpretation of matters in our deen is based on a patriarchy led perspective to keep women below men, this philosophy exiated before Islam came down and they refused to let it go even when our deen taught us different. Learn your deen so you can protect yourself from harm.

          Never forget we have a greater purpose than to just get pregnant and look after our home. Our life is a test. Allah will ask you what you did in the dunya, how did you serve your community and help others? Did you cater your thirst for knowledge and put it into practice on the world? When you do stuff like this youll find you feel much more fulfilled than just becoming a parent and sitting at home all day. Many women follow this path due to social influence from family, tv etc and end up disappointed once trapped with several children under a roof and seeing that its not all that as many others make it appear to be. Women should be able to have both a career and a family. They shouldnt have to choose just one. My mother is one of those women who regrets not pursuing her religious studies further into a masters. She also regrets not working and not using her knowledge in real life.

          Look at a mans character firstmost and pray to Allah for Allah to send you a man who is great in taqwa!!! A man who you can respect, who is not against women, who doesnt see you as property, someone who works as a team with you and where you listen to one another to make eachothers lives better 🙂

          • Hold it and control it,we all came to earth to be tested, try to get productive in aspects of your life and manifest your dreams by utilizing your sexual energy.

  21. Patience in need

  22. Have a live talk with someone, maybe some stranger, share your feelings with him/her, who's ready to listen you, you'll feel much better, trust me.

    • AOA,

      Being a Muslim girl who is nearing her period, I feel extra horny with high sex drive. In such cases I start feeling too much and then I get scared, because its sinful. Please guide what to do.

      • Fehmina, at the times you feel this, keep yourself busy with other things. Sports, dhikr, going out with girlfriends (for halal things), etc.

        Wael Editor

  23. Walaikum assalam
    There are pretty clear instructions in the Quran and the ahadith...i hope you are able to fight your way out of this..Insha Allah

  24. Hi,
    I am new to this website but I am not muslim,
    the way I see it religion is a good way to become discipline as an individual. But problems arise when it dictates to you how you should live your life. The Qur'an and Bible are not literal, they are inferences that are meant to help you decide how to live your life. That's how I see it atleast. You should live the way that you want to. I am not an atheist, I am spiritual. The universe is sending you a message and it is up to you to decide on how you would like to interpret it. You could send me an email if you would like to chat about it and whatever you may choose I hope it may bring you happiness. 🙂

  25. I watch porn to suppress me from being horny
    But after I Cum I just regret it but what kind I do
    I need to study and grow up I'm just 19
    Pls give me an advice

    • Zahra ,

      Please note that watching porn is not healthy .You might feel you are releasing your sexual tension but in turn it is adding more sexual frustration to you in longer turn . Also the kind of perfect bodies, figures you see in porn you might not find in real life .So after marriage too you might find issue as average people wont have such bodies ..
      So better you start quitting this habit and concentrate on your work/study ..It is not allowed in Islam to watch such stuff .
      You seems young girl and i hope you will recover and then plan your marriage .

    • Zahra, it will not suppress anything, because the images will remain your mind and will only increase your desire for haram things. It is a poison. You need to cut yourself off from it right away.

      Wael Editor

    • Salam alaiykum,

      You’re not alone, i suggest joining r/nofap on reddit or r/muslimnofap for more modern advice/hope/wisdom from people your age. Porn is addicting and isn’t healthy for the brain. Believe in your strength, ask Allah SWT for help, and push yourself. Its a worthy battle. Don’t delay too much as I found gets easier once you stop. That’s typically the case with any addiction (extremely difficult at first but becomes second nature with time.) Allah knows best.

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