Husband or Father – Whose wishes should I follow?
As-salaam u alaikum
A few years ago my mother asked me if I wanted to accept a proposal my uncle had given her for his son and my marriage, however at the time I refused. I have always known my mother has wanted it to happen in her heart because he was her dear brothers son and also a hafiz of Qur'an however my dad has not wanted it due to his lack of education and I am educated to degree level.
A year ago I developed an interest in this man and started talking to him, we also met a few times and we began to feel we were commiting zina. Knowing that my father will never agree since he is a stubborn man and my brother also got his niqah performed secretly due to my fathers insensitivity, me and my husband deciding to do niqah.
The niqah was performed in the presence of two witnesses with the Imam as my wali and also 100g of gold as my mahr. It was performed after Jummah prayer and we were both in wudhu. We did it out of fear of Allah and to finally do the righteous thing after zina. However we did consummate the marriage.
Two days later, my mother found out and my brother beat me. My sister brought me to her house, and when my father returned from abroad, he at first forgave me but said I should side with him and ask for divorce. After some days he agreed to us not divorcing but my husband must return to Pakistan to prove he didn't marry me for the british passport as many sham marriages happen this way. My husband, out of respect for me and my mother, returned after the promise that my father would only speak with his mother regarding this issue after he returns. My husband had overstayed his visa and therefore cannot easily return to UK but he agreed despite him being the sole provider for his family after his father passed away.
Since then, I stay with my sister and I have not heard anything from my father and what he wishes to do next. A few days before my husband left, my father had become very angry at my husband taking so long to leave the country and my father had accused me of having an affair with a different man and had shouted at me to leave the house. My mother had come to me after I left and told me to return to my sisters and let her handle it. My mother has also said nothing and my father dominates in the house. Now I have heard that my father is saying he wants one year to think about things and then he will decide if my husband is right and he wants to see what my husband can earn. But the problem is, my father has chucked him out of UK where my husband had his only job, my husband is using his savings right now to sustain his family.
I have consummated my marriage yet I am living away from my husband to keep my parents happy. My husband thinks I will join him in 4 months and my family will go to Pakistan and marry me off respectfully. I have not told him that my father is still 'thinking' and will take a year to think.
Please I beg you to help me and show me the right way as I know I now have to follow my husbands commands but I do not want to hurt my mother further. I read all my prayers and keep in hijab as much as possible. My husband is very affectionate towards me and promises to teach me Qur'an and already has taught me duas to read in our difficult time. His mother and rest of family love me intensely and cannot wait for me to join their family. He is able enough to provide for me and is already thinking of starting a new business venture and me and him want to move abroad. But my life cannot start until my parents decide something and I am afraid they are taking so long that my husband will get angry, sometimes I think my father is doing this on purpose as our punishment. What is the best thing for me to do?
Jazakhallah Khair
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You married to him in islam i believe after marriage wife shud nt lt anyone get involved in their
Marriage wife should only think abt her husband and listen to him you had every right to listen
To your nd do what he would say nt nw you are married if you can marry him nd him trusting you
Went bk home u shud join him tell ur father nd mother nd go nd join him hez ur husband nw
Dnt ruin ur marriage cz f ur father if u didnt wnt to disrespect him thn u shud hv thought abt it b4 u gt married
In any marriage where families gt involve they do nothing but ruin the marriage.
Thts hw i think plz let me know ppl if i wrong r nt in anyway thnx?
Listen to your husband only. You have the obligation to obey and serve him not your father once you get married
What husband? You married secretly in islam it is invalid. Don't know weather I read it right or not but I don't think you mentioned that after your parents find out you did nikha again your wali has to be your father not imam!! He is alive so it is not valid ou are not married.
Zahid, you are not a scholar to tell the sister that her marriage is invalid. Furthermore you were not present and do not know all the details. Don't go tossing fatwas around right and left in this manner.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sorry brother if I misunderstood her writing but what this sentence mean "The niqah was performed in the presence of two witnesses with the Imam as my wali " don't her father need to be her wali?
Assalaamualaikam
There are circumstances in which a woman can marry without her father or nearest male relative being her wali. If, for example, he is consistently refusing Islamically sound proposals, or if her male relatives are non-Muslim, a woman can ask an imam to act as her wali.
As well as having rights, a wali has responsibilities - he must act in accordance with Islamic guidance, which includes giving serious consideration to proposals by looking at their deen and character. If a man isn't prepared to fulfil his responsibilities as wali, then a woman is within her rights to have another wali. There is Islamic guidance on who should be asked in what order, so this is an established right for women.
As we were not at the sister's nikah and do not know the details of how the imam came to act as her wali, we are not in a position to say her marriage is invalid.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
You have married the guy. You did consummate the marriage also.
Your father seems to be doing things to keep you 2 away and break up your marriage.
Your father should not have forced the guy to leave.
Assalaamualaikam
You and your husband have the right to a life together, and the right to build that life where you want. It seems rather unfair for your father to place so many restrictions on the two of you. It's not up to him to decide whether you are married or not - you had your nikah, with (inshaAllah) a wali who approved of the marriage, so our father will just have to deal with that fact, as what's done is done.
Your father cannot divorce your husband for you, or ban him from a country, or force him to divorce you. The only people who decide what happens to your marriage are you and your husband. My advice would be to work on your marriage as a couple and strengthen your faith. Make dua and ask Allah to guide your father to see the good in your husband and your marriage. InshaAllah, your father's heart may well soften in time, when he sees how happy the two of you are (inshaAllah).
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Salaam sister
Absolutely, you did the right thing getting married to him islamically instead of commiting Zina. I am so sorry about your father who is causing so much problems for you and your husband when he cannot see your both happiness.
I believe you should stand up and go with your husband because he is your husband. You should not wait for your fathers respond coz I think he is trying to separate both of you.
You have right to be with your husband because i believe he is good and true honest man. He is goof muslim man which you should not ignore him.
it doesn't mean if is not educated than you cannot married to him hat is so wrong. there are many people who are not edecated but they are married. They shouldn't look at personality, beauties, education or status . They should think as if Allah has send him for you.
if you don't mind me, you should have spoken to your mother about it before getting married to speak to your father to give you permission for this marriage but if he continuously didn't have accepted then you could get married to him in the name of Allah. Because Allah has made him for you as husband.
Don't worry inshallah everything will get better because Allah is with you and everywhere. Pray namaz, dua , give Zakat and seek for Allah's forgiveness and ask Allah Swt to guide you and your husband and help you both coz Allah is the only protector and helper. May allah guide you and help you both solve this problem.
May allah protect you and bless u and ur husbanad. Inshallah I hope your problems be solved. My prayers and duas are with you sister. if you have still problems you can talk to me anytime sister.
Take care ,
Allahafiz 🙂
Asalamo alaikum,
After going through your post it made me feel like I'm reading my own life story which has been happening last 4 months.
I have been through the exact situation but slightly different.
But my parents freaked out so bad that my dad ended up sticking the knife on my chest, but going through so much I decided to just leave my parents and move in with my husband and that's what I did, yes it is very hard to live without your family knowing that you wouldn't be able to see your parents again but trust me dear sister...it's worth it.
Alhamdulillah now it's been more than a month since I have moved with my husband and my in-laws, and alhamdulillah they treat me like a princess.
The love I am receiving from my husband is so beautiful and the moments we spend together is so priceless mash'Allah.
So basically my point is my dear sister.. Do what you feel is right, and in Shaa Allah you will be very happy, don't let anyone decide in your life except for your husband.
May Allah bless you and all our Muslim brothers/sisters, Ameen ya Rabbil Alameen.