Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need help in gaining confidence


Assalam-Alaikum, I hope you guys are fine. Firstly I would like to say jazkallah to SisterZ for the advice. May Allah fulfill all of your wishes and desires. I need some help again. I took my exam and my exam was..... Is there a dua I can read so I could extremely well? This test is very important for me and my future. I want to go to a very good college. I want my parents to be acknowledged by people.

I don't know what I should do . I dont know what to do. When I see people fat high scores then me I feel upset. I feel very sad, I don't know what I should do. Also to make matters worse, today my grandma was talking to me and my sisters on skype. So she has seen us after six years. My grandma to be honest I don't know how to describe her. She was always mean to my mom because she was dark skin. However, my mom doesn't deal with that no more because we came to America and has been living here for almost 14 years.

Sometimes when my grandma says something on the phone that is mean my dad always defends her, so I feel very happy. Now my issue is I have a twin sister, we look very much alike. However, sometimes people tell us the difference between us, is that I am dark skin. When my mom hears that comment, she tells me to take care of my skin but, I never took it in consideration. However, today when I was talking to my grandma she didn't want to talk to me or see me I guess because of my skin tone.

I feel so upset and I am really trying to hold back my tears because if my mom sees me she will know the reason behind my tears. Please can you give me some advice on my issues and what I should do. Jazakallah.

Please remember me in your prayers.


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24 Responses »

  1. assalam alaykom

    I think you shouldn't care about your grandma's opinion of you cuz Allah created you like that way and you should be proud of it no matter what.People's have different tastes and opinions so that shouldn't affect you and most of people I know like dark skin 🙂
    May Allah be with you!

  2. Memona ur a very good daughter.. Ur mom is so lucky to have u.

    Read nad-e-ali dua as much as u can. And pray from heart and suppose that ur infront of KHANAY KABBA and thenpray to ALLAH.

    Take care. Best of luck

    • What is nad-e-ali dua?

      • bismillah hirahman nirahim

        "Nade alian mozher alajaeb
        tajedho awna laka fenwaeb
        kolo hamen wa gamen sayanjaly

        be azzmatyka ya Allaho ya Allaho ya Allah

        be naboowatykaa ya Mohammado ya Mohammado ya Mohammad
        be welayateka ya aliyo ya aliyo ya ali"

        • What does that mean?

        • This Du'as is an open Shirk. Because, there are words that call upon Rasoolullah Sallallahu 'Alaihi wasallam. Calling upon anyone other that Allah is Shirk.
          Apart from this, there seem to be non-Arabic words, except if the commentor has made a typing error or something. In such case (non Arabic) the Du'a can not be from Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam, because all Du'as that have come from him are in Arabic. Hence it is unauthentic an unreliable.

          'Allahumma inni A'oozubika min an Ushrika bika Shai'an wa ana A'lamu, wa astaghfiruka lima la A'lam'
          O Allah, I seek refuge in you from commiting Shirk in anything and I am aware of it, and I seek your forgiveness for what I am not aware of'

          May Allah protect us all
          Muhammad Waseem

          • Assalam Alaikum brother
            NADI ALI is not Shirk because it doesn't mean any thing like that is against islam. it doesn't mean anything that is considered to make anyone equal to Allah. it is just to call Allah for help via Mola Ali (A.S). secondly, Although it was not recited by sahaba because when Holy Prophet (SAW) declared that who ever believes in Him(SAW) is supposed to believe in ALI (A.S), it was too late to make it a dua but if you look at the ayat of Quran which says that Today Allah completed His teachings on Holy Prophet (SAW) it was the same day when Prophet (SAW) said those words. You also ask for help from Allah via Prophet (SAW) so do you think it is Shirk?? if you are a muslim you are supposed to believe in Prophet (SAW) Shirk is not to ask Allah for help via someone it is to consider someone equal to Him.

          • the great,

            Thanks for your reply.

            I don't know where you got this false information from. Quran is complete, and any change therein, if any, is proven with the Ahadeeth.
            Loving Ali bin Abi Talib Radiyallahu Anhu is necessary, but calling upon Allah through him is Shirk. Because this was the practice of the idolators of Makkah, which Allah mentioned in the Quran in Surah az Zumar, Aayah 3:

            Surely, the religion (i.e. the worship and the obedience) is for Allah only. And those who take Auliya' (protectors and helpers) besides Him (say): "We worship them only that they may bring us near to Allah." Verily, Allah will judge between them concerning that wherein they differ. Truly, Allah guides not him who is a liar, and a disbeliever.

            We do not exaggerate in praising Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam or Ali Radiyallahu Anhu or any other Sahabi Radiyallahu 'Anhum Ajma'een.

            Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) is close to us we don’t need anybody in between to bring us closer to Allah.
            Tawassul from anyone who is not alive is not allowed, even if it is Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. We can not call upon him, too.

            The people who pray to graves today say exactly the same thing. That they don't worship them, but they call upon Allah through them.

            Call upon Allah directly, without any mediation. Additionally, when something has no proof form the practice of the Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, Sahabah Radiyallahu Anhum or the Salaf as Saliheen Rahimahumullah, it is a bid'ah, which is detested and is misguidance.

            On the authority of the Mother of the Faithful, Umm Abdullah, 'Aaishah, who said that the Messenger of Allah, Salla Allahu Alayhi Wasallam, said, what translated means,

            "Whoever introduces into our matter (religion) that which is not a part of it, will have it (his innovation) rejected."
            Related by Al-Bukhari & Muslim

            ‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood – Radiyallahu Anhu – said:

            “Follow and do not innovate, for indeed you have been sufficed, and EVERY innovation is misguidance.”
            [Saheeh. Reported in Ahmad in Az-Zuhd p. 162]

            Another Hadith which warns the innovators is:

            "Allah has withheld repentance from every person who commits a Bid'ah until he abandons his Bid 'ah." [Sahih At-Targhib]

            Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'aala) is so close to us that He tells us in the Quran in Surah Qaf 50 :16

            “ - - -We (Allah) are CLOSER to him (man) than (his) jugular vein.”

            Can we imagine this? The jugular vein is the vein that is closest to our heart Allah is closer to us than that also!

            He tells us in Surah Baqara 2 : 186

            “When My servants ask thee concerning me, I am indeed CLOSE (to them) : I listen to the prayer of EVERY SUPPLAINT who calls on me.”

            Allahuakbar! We do not need any mediation. We can ask from Allah directly. And we do not need any innovated dua. We have hundreds of duas in the Quran and the Sunnah that are authentic and that eliminate the need for any innovated dua.

            Muhammad Waseem

          • I must also mention that Nad Ali is an open Shirk. It does not only seek help through Ali Radiyallahu Anhu but it seeks help from Ali himself when one says :

            Call on Ali, (He) is able to bring about the extraordinary. You will find him an effective supporter in all calamities. (All) worries and sorrows will soon disappear . O Ali! O Ali! O Ali!

            This is an open Shirk...

            Astaghfirullah! I am a witness that my beloved Ali Radiyallahu Anhu is far removed from such an exaggeration, from such open Shirk.

            Muhammad Waseem

          • It is a blatant lie "that Allah says He Created the World for the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam".

            There is no authentic hadîth from the Prophet (peace be upon him) that Allah had created the universe for the sake of Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam).

            Allah says: “I have only created Jinns and men, that they may worship me.” [Sûrah al-Dhâriyât: 56]

            And if you have proof that Ali Radiyallahu Anhu hears the people who call on him, then present it. Calling upon the dead is Shirk as mentioned in the Quranic Aayah.

            Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam only hears the Darood we send on him, but not directly - the angels convey the Salam to him, that's it. It is proven from this hadith:

            This occurs in Nasai, al Haakim(2/21) declared Saheeh by Haakim and which also occurs in Mishkat (no 924)

            "Indeed Allah has Angels who travel about in order to convey the greetings of Salaam of my ummah to me"
            If Rasoolullah can directly hear the Darood then why did Allah fix Angels to do this work. Some people say that at his grave Rasoolullah directly hears.
            There is another Saheeh Hadith which says "Allah has appointed an angel over my grave so whoever sends Darood on me it is conveyed to me"

            This is specific. There's no authentic proof that he Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam hears everyone's dua too.
            Yes, they are all alive, but that life is the life of Barzakh, different from this World. Every dead person is alive. Good is being rewarded, bad is being punished. They can do nothing for us. It is Only Allah Who Can. Additionally, I am not interpreting Quran as I want. This is the belief of the entire Ahlus Sunnah. If anyone does not adhere to its beliefs is not from it.

            If you say Ali Radiyallahu Anhu hears because he is Shaheed, then know that even our beloved Umar and Uthman Radiyahhau Anhuma were Shaheed. Why don't you call upon them, too? We don't because it isn't allowed. They can't hear us. They did the good and in sha Allah, they are being rewarded. We take them as examples and strive to follow them as they understood our Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam in the best way.

            We give the position that our beloved Ali Radiyallahu Anhu deserves according to the Ahadeeth of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, to him; and we give the position that our beloved Abu Bakr, Umar and Uthmaan Radiyallahu Anhum deserve according to the Ahadeeth of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, to them. We give each Sahaabi his/her position according to the Ahadeeth of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. We do not exaggerate in praising one over the other. All we do is follow the Qur'aan and the Ahaadeeth of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. We understand them best through the Sahaabah, all of them - Radiyallahu Anhum Ajma'een.

            So, calling upon other than Allah is Shirk, as the Quranic Aayah I mentioned above proves. The Aayah is direct, I request you not to twist its meanings to understand it the way you wish.

            Surah az Zumar, Aayah 3:

            Surely, the religion (i.e. the worship and the obedience) is for Allah only. And those who take Auliya' (protectors and helpers) besides Him (say): "We worship them only that they may bring us near to Allah." Verily, Allah will judge between them concerning that wherein they differ. Truly, Allah guides not him who is a liar, and a disbeliever.

            He tells us in Surah Baqara 2 : 186

            “When My servants ask thee concerning me, I am indeed CLOSE (to them) : I listen to the prayer of EVERY SUPPLAINT who calls on me.”

            Then what is the requirement of calling upon a person who has departed from this World? This is Shirk without any doubt - Worship in Disguise.

            Muhammad Waseem

          • Instead of going away from the main subject, let us stick to it. I was talking about Nad Ali.

            It is as follows:

            (Call Ali, who is Manifestor of wonders, Thou shall surely find him helper in your difficulties, all grief and sorrow shall be removed. I submit my temporal wishes to Thee on whom I trust and always referred Thee to bestow fulfillment of temporal wishes. O! Having Thee bestowed support, O! Thee Appointed Wali, All grief and Sorrows will disappear, By Thee by Thy tremendousness O! Lord, By Thee by Thy Apostleship O! Muhammad, - Blessings of Thee on Thy Apostle & descendants, By Thee by Thy granted Power & Authority of Wail, O! Ali, O Ali, O! Ali Help!)

            It is equal to worship. Helper in difficulties? It is Only Allah, no Human Being.

            It also has the following: "O! Helper of seekers of help and bereft, O! The Merciful helper of poor, Come for Help! O! Ali Help! O! Ali Help!"

            This is Shirk without any doubt and not even Tawassul (asking Allah through someone), but asking from Ali Radiyallahu Anhu directly. If you accept, you will accept for your good, and if you deny, you deny for your own bad.

            May Allah Guide you

            Muhammad Waseem

          • (Comment deleted by the Editor)

          • Please do not sway from the topic and begin a Shia-Sunni debate. I can very well take that, but our forum is not intended for such a debate. So, please avoid posting what is irrelevant.

            If you have anything that is related and will help the poster, and is according to the Quran and the Sunnah, with an understanding of all the Sahaabah including the Sahabi Ali bin Abi Talib Radiyallahu Anhu, then you are welcome to post your comment.

            Muhammad Waseem

  3. Jazakallah for replying. I really appreciate your help and advice. Could you please tell me the meaning of the dua. Also is there a dua I can read so my exam turns out to be very well. To be honest I have seen so many phases in my life. It is very hard when your own family members see you but don't care. Sometimes I wonder to myself if i am pretty. My parents have given me all the love i have ever wanted and I would never want anybody to say anything to them because of me. I never want them to be ashamed or have tears in their eyes because of me. Also my grandma ,uncles and everyone have always told my parents that " your daughters won't beable to achieve anything" . My parents have 4 daughters and they always have to hear this same line by my grandma. however my parents have always given me hope.I don't want to let them down.there dreams have become my dreams. Please remember me in your prayers. Jazakallah you guys I can't express how much your responses mean to me!

    • Asalaam alaikum Sister Memona,

      Your grandmother and extended family members who put you down suffer from a sickness of the mind that the people in the Age of Ignorance were known for, which was to humiliate daughters. These people tortured their females, killed them and treated them less than animals, and for these sins they will be held accountable on the Day of Judgement. It is said that even the Earth will testify against them on that day. What calamities the people of Ignorance will face!

      You should know that your beauty is not dependent on what other people perceive, as their views change like the colors on a chameleon, in which they try to mask their own shortcomings. They deny the beauty of Allah's Wisdom (swt), as He is the one who created your beauty of the heart and soul. Your body is but an instrument to do good, Insha'allah, and He has seen it fit to make it a fine shade of His creation. Unlike the people who bleach their skin, powder it to different shades of great magnitude, or tan themselves beyond human comprehension, the natural color of your skin is created untainted from the Most Divine Creator.

      Forget about L'oreal or Covergirl, because it is Allah (swt) that makes the most beautiful colors of your skin that adorns your face that beams with the light of piety. For a person to ridicule something that Allah (swt) gave you, is a sign of weakness and a great misfortune on their soul. What answer will they give on the day they are raised and asked why they denied the beauty of what He created? What calamities they shall face, too!

      For our religion is the one in which women are held in the highest esteem. Do not all sects of Islam hold some of their best Islamic role models to be women? Is this not a sign for all Muslims, men and women to understand the importance of women in the sight of Islam? It is a great shame that your family members do not see this apparent sign of Allah (swt). Over and over again in Islamic History and through the Qur'an we see women of great note:

      Lady Aasiya (sa) - Wife of Fir'awn / Pharoah
      Lady Maryam (sa) - Mother of Isa / Jesus (sa)
      Lady Khadija - Wife of Prophet Muhammad (saw)
      Lady Fatima - Daughter of Prophet Muhammad (saw)
      Lady Zaynab bint Ali (sa), Daughter of Fatima (sa)
      And the Mother of the Believers, Aisha (ra). - Wife of Prophet Muhammad (saw)

      For in other religions, they hold animosity towards women, but not in Islam! For woman is a noble and great creation of Allah (swt). The only distinguishable feature of any of His creations is taqwa/piety! Who can claim differently? Who would dare to do so? Woe be to them who delve into the shallowness of the soul!

      To abandon love and kindness to a daughter is to abandon the Sunnah, and thus Islam itself. What do these people imagine they are practicing? Surely Allah (swt) guides who He wills!

      So we see great hope! Your father must be of great character and a servant of Allah (swt) to always defend his wife and daughters! It is wonderful to read that he loves you all. For as often as I get disappointed by some so-called Muslims, your father makes me proud to be part of this ummah.

      Due to this trait of his, it must be why he is blessed to have not one or two, but FOUR daughters! Wow! We should all pray for such blessings!

      A poem by an anonymous writer reads as,

      The beauty of a woman:
      Is not in the clothes she wears,
      the figure that she carries,
      or the way she combs her hair,
      or the style she does make up.
      The beauty of a woman:
      must be seen in her Hijab, and her eyes,
      because that is the doorway to her heart,
      the place where love resides.
      The beauty of a woman:
      is not in a facial mole,
      but true beauty in a woman,
      is reflected in her soul.
      The beauty of woman is in her modesty.
      And the real glamour of her is her honesty.
      It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
      the passion that she shows.
      And the beauty of a woman,
      with passing years - only grows!

      Yet, there is no better testimony than Allah (swt), Himself. Allah (swt) reveals:

      "Surely the men who submit and the women who submit, and the believing men and the believing women, and the obeying men and the obeying women, and the truthful men and the truthful women, and the patient men and the patient women and the humble men and the humble women, and the almsgiving men and the almsgiving women, and the fasting men and the fasting women, and the men who guard their private parts and the women who guard, and the men who remember Allah much and the women who remember - Allah has prepared, for them forgiveness and a mighty reward." (33:35)

      Blessed you are Sister Memona! Blessed you are indeed!

  4. Jazakallah Professor X . I truly appericiate your reply . Your words brought tears in my eyes. May Allah (swt) fulfill all your desires.jazakallah your words have given me hope. I truly appreciate your help . You have made me strong . Jazakallah .

  5. Also is there a dua I can read so my result can com well?

    • Sister, keep reciting:
      Allahumma la Sahla illa ma Ja'altahu Sahla, wa anta taj'alul Hizna Iza Shi'tafseer Sahla
      A Du'a which insha Allah makes things easy.

      Also pray 2 raka'aat of Salatul Haajah and do Du'a That Allah makes your result positive. And trust in Allah that He will do whatever is better for you.

      My advice to you is to abstain from adhkaar that are not from Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam, because they are Bid'ah and many of them involve Shirk.

      May Allah make you successful
      Muhammad Waseem

    • Salamualaikum ProfessorX. May I ask, what is (Sa)? Because you have suffixed this after both Aasiya (May Allah be Pleased with her), Faatimah (May Allah be Pleased with her), many others and Fir'oun too.

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        Whoa! Thanks for catching that! That was a typing error after Fir'oun! Hopefully one of the Editors can edit that out!

        The suffix is the Roman transliteration of saying "peace upon them.'' I'm sorry that I don't have the transliteration with me to copy here. But thanks for pointing that error about above, May Allah (swt) forgive me.

  6. my dearest girl

    i'm green eyed paled skined.
    but do you know what i would give to be in the position of HABESHI BILAL.(our first muazzin who could no longer live in madina after the prophets death).he was dark afrikan

    islam is far beyond these superficial values.i'm sorry to speak against your grandmother but she is making a Big mistake.and sorry to say that but she definetly is not a person i would chose as a friend(your grand mother is probably my age)
    pls pls wake up

    by the way my spouse is dark and i have the most beautiful young adult children

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