Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m not happy with my marriage

broken heart

I loved someone else. He was a really nice Muslim guy - perfect in every way.. religious.. earning well.. a great family. But my parents did not agree for my marriage as he was not of our caste. And my parents were worried about their status and caste so they got me married to some one of our own caste. It was fine in the beginning but not now . We have fights frequently... he says for me to get out of the house.... I don't know what to do.. I don't like him anymore and just think about my love.


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6 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaikum sister,

    First of all please sit down and think about it with clarity, what your situation is and what you want, i get tendencies of desiring to divorce from what you say, i wont tell you not to do it, but il tell you to seriously think about it, write it down somewhere, collate your ideas and feelings somewhere so you know exactly the direction your thinking and going in.

    Secondly, talk to someone you trust, maybe your family, if not your friends, they have to be someone you trust, who is righteous, and will give you good advice according to deen. It will first relieve the strain and pressure on your chest of the situation, and also give a more clearer insight into the situation from someone who may not be emotionally caught up etc. in the situation.

    Thirdly, take your time and think, then sit down with your husband for a talk and go through everything thats happened and try get him to change, tell him what you need or want, give him some time and be patient.

    Fourthly, if you get this far, if everything still stays the same, and he is not fulfilling your rights, then sister you need to be strong and definite and follow-through this is your life, do not crumble infront of your parents, someone in your position, who has got a divorce will not need parents permission to remarry again.

    If you go for a divorce then do not be saddened as you would have done everything in your power to change the situation, accept fate as it is, you may try to get in touch afterwards through the right means, with the guy you actually wanted to marry, however do not get your hopes, be deliberate and take things slow, give yourself some time to grieve the end of your marriage, do not get taken advantage of, and if the original guy who you wanted to marry is happy to marry you, then go for it.

    Insha Allah iv tried to be holistic in my answer.

  2. Hello Assalamualaikum,
    my dear this is'nt only you there are many cases in this world like of yours.wanting to marry someone,N then married to someone else.
    Allah knows the best N he has decided the best for us n for u it may take time,but there would be an hidden treasure in your relationship between u n ur spouse.
    you can't blame your parents in this case becuz they've only taken a decision seeking everything that you do not face any financial problem or any other problem.
    "I don't know what to
    do.. I don't like him anymore and just think about
    my love."
    for this I would like to say that there are misunderstandings and normal fighta between husbands n wives.Allah has ordered anyone of them to keep quiet during fights before these fights get terrible.
    i am here to advice you else it's upto you whether you are taking it in consideration or not.
    I would like to say that had it been that 'guy' written for you,Allah would have made him married to you.
    but he knows the best for you,it's the only reason why you're married to someone of your choice.
    and being a married womam you should think of your spouse n your children rather than blaming anyone for what you are,n where you are now.
    Jazakallah khair

  3. dear sister
    I guess you are from Pakistan . it has been recently researched that the divorce rates in Pakistan has increased 400%.
    the situation your telling here ,there is nothing so serious to get divorce. Usually in fights even the father say such lines to their sons to leave the house, fights happen everywhere and in every relation. stop thinking about your love that's the right of your husband. don't rush fro divorce. everything will be alright in the end Insha Allah
    Remember Divorce is the bad act in the eyes of Allah

  4. You know the "caste" system" is NOT ISLAMIC even though India/Pakistan muslim still practice it ignorantly. You did not stand up for that good muslim guy and you are"fine" with your parents' arrangement. Now you are not happy about your marriage because of many reasons. My questions for you:
    1. If you did not stand up for that good muslim guy at that time in the excuse of pleasing your parents, what makes you think you will do it this time?
    2. What make you think that "good muslim guy" is still waiting for you?
    3. Try to put yourself into that "good guy" position, don't you consider your act selfish? If your marriage has been good and it fits in your "caste", will you ever consider or miss this good guy again?
    4. No marriage is perfect, unless he is physical abuse / mental torture or doing something is not accept in Islam; I'm sorry that you may need time to accustom to your same caste marriage that you chose.

    A good marriage needs both parties to work hard on it. You cannot back out and ask for a easy solution. This time your parents cannot bail you out but you need to learn how to communicate with your partner.

  5. If you truly wanted to marry the other guy you should have. You still had a choice you could have prevented all of this. You should have stood up to your parents they didn't force you. You chose to love someone but then did nothing about it instead married someone of your parents choice. You are very selfish person sorry to be harsh as the innocent one here is your husband he did not deserve this or your parents. Marriage is not perfect nothing is how we plan life or want things to be. It takes years before we find some happiness.

    I think you should be honest with your husband talk it through with him before making such decision, perhaps even telling your parents. In a marriage everyone has ups and downs but you have to be committed and work hard at it. Seems on your part you haven't even tried hard enough. Forget the other man that's the problem let it go YOUR MARRIED NOW. This could cost you everything and divorce without a valid reason is not acceptable in Islam.

  6. if she is not getting along with her husband and is unable to give him his rights isnt that a valid enough reason?

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