Is he going to change into a God fearing man?
Salaam alaikum everyone,
My boyfriend and I live in different states and he came to visit me twice. and both times he always asks if we can have sex, he always says "no pressure but I am just asking" but the fact that he is even asking me that makes me doubt that he is God fearing as he claims to be.
I know I am not perfect because I met up with him and we kissed but I would never go so far as having sex. The second time he came to visit me he asked me multiple times but I kept on stopping him. I even told him "fear Allah" and he just ignored me and took a condom out, like he had planned it all to even come prepared.
He has had sex with many girls a lot of times but he told me that was when he didn't used to practice, but Alhumdulillah now he prays, goes to the masjid, and reads the Quran. I always tell him if he has repented from committing all those zinas he should not do it again, I say that to him because I care about him and I don't want Allah to punish him for repeating the same sin. I just wish he had the same concern for me.
I love him but I will not commit zina for him. I am fighting everyday with my parents just so they can agree for us to marry and deep down I am wondering if it's worth it? I love him but what if my parents finally agree and we get married and he wants to do something else that's haram and i tell him its haram yet he still wants to continue with it? But I just tell myself " he will change", "he will listen to me once we are married." Am I lying to myself?
Also whilst we were together he saw me making wudu and pray right in front of him yet he didn't bother making his prayers the whole day. I just told myself "maybe it's because he's in a new city and he's traveling". Frankly I am tired of making excuses for him, but I can't help it.
Please advise me on what I should do.
jazakAllah Khair
- rahma1993
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He prays, goes to masjid and read quaran but still carry "condom" in his pocket before married? Lol sorry sister for my rude lough but I was wondering how you believing him? To be honest stay away from this man. You said you won't commit any zina with him but you are already making zina.... By Kissing seeing each other etc. you really need to stop sister. In one word to me I don't think he will change that easily...
Turn yourself to Allah sister focus on your deen and ask Allah's forgiveness for what you have done and ask Aalah to accept your prayers and I suggest you marry the person who your parents choose please. This man is not worth it .
You wrote:
"He has had sex with many girls a lot of times but he told me that was when he didn't used to practice, but Alhumdulillah now he prays, goes to the masjid, and reads the Quran."
And you wrote:
"Also whilst we were together he saw me making wudu and pray right in front of him yet he didn't bother making his prayers the whole day."
You're contradicting yourself throughout your entire post, sister. How can you claim he's a practicing Muslim as the same time as you admit that he doesn't observe his daily prayers?
And how can you seriously believe that he's repenting his sins when he's still committing the same sins he's supposedly repenting? Part of repentence includes not committing the sin that you repent - so seeing this guy is still pursueing haram sexual relations I can tell you that he's CLEARLY not repenting anything. Don't be fooled.
You say you don't want to commit zina for this guy, but sister, you already are committing zina with him. Zina is not just sex outside the bonds of marriage, zina is also kissing men that are not your husband - and you admitted that you do kiss him - so you are in fact committing zina.
Sister, this guy is no good for you, trust me. I'm sorry to say, but you sound very naive and easy to manipulate with and this guy has picked up on that, clearly - you kiss him already and meet with him when you're not supposed to so he probably thinks it's just a matter of time before he can get you to agree to have sex with him. You might say now that you would never do that, but sister, you've already compromised on your dignity and self-respect by meeting this guy and kissing him (zina) - the risk is there that it's only a matter of time before you get talked in to going further than kissing.
Sister, this guy is clearly a player - he's not God fearing, he's just a lewd little boy who preys on naive girls - he hides his disgusting and unislamic habits behins claims that he's religious, but his actions clearly determine that he's anything but religious. Listen to your parents and don't waste anymore time on this man; don't continue your haram relationship and don't get married to him. I guarantee you, sister, that he's not proper husband material. I know plenty of guys like him and they always end up being lousy, unfaithful husbands.
sister, how can you believe his claims of being religious when you have never seen him actually practice islam? Judge his religiousness by his morals and values and by his actions, not by what he's telling you, because...sister, men often lie to get what they want from women. This guy is clearly willing to have sex with you outside of marriage, he's willing to kiss you, meet you behind your parents' back, he doesn't perform his prayers...what about him makes his a practicing Muslim, exactly?
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
1ST AND FOREMOST IS THE POINT TO BE NOTED YOUR HONOUR -
IS THAT A PERSON WHO CARRIES A CONDONM WITH HIM HAS NOT REPENTED WITH ALLAH FOR THE PAST SINS -IF HE WOULD HAVE REPENTED HE WOULD HAVE NEVER TAKEN THE NAME OF THAT CRIME WHICH ATTRACTS 100 LASHES AS PER ISLAMIC PUNISHMENT.
2ND-Also whilst we were together he saw me making wudu and pray right in front of him yet he didn't bother making his prayers the whole day. I just told myself
"maybe it's because he's in a new city and he's traveling". Frankly I am tired of making excuses for him, but I can't help it.
Abu al-Layth al-Samarqandi is responsible for the Hadith in which Rasulullah (Sallallaho Alaihi Wassallam) is reported to have said, "The name of a person who neglects even a single obligatory Salaah intentionally is written on the gate of Jahannam, which he must enter.”
Ibn Abbas (Radiallaho Anho) narrates that once Rasulullah (Sallallaho Alaihi Wassallam) said, “Ask Allah (Subhanahu wa Taala) to cause not anyone of us to be an unfortunate penniless.” He then said: “Do you know who is an unfortunate penniless?” At the request of the Sahabah he explained to them, saying, “An unfortunate penniless is he who neglects his Salaah. In Islam there is nothing for him.”
NOW HE IS HELPLESS HE IS REQUESTING YOU TO HAVE SEX-
SO THERE IS CHANCE OF STARTING THE THE OLD SAME PRACTICE OF ZINA ONCE YOU ARE UNDER HIS CONTROL.....
AND YOU WHY ISLAM KILLS THE ZANI-
IT IS BECAUSE IF A PERSON LIKES A SWEET HE WILL WANT TO EAT IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND SOME AY A ZANI WILL TRY HIS LEVEL BEST TO GET WAY FOR SEX THAT IS HIS NATURE LIKE A LION ENTERS A VILLAGE ONCE HE EATS A HUMAN BEING HE GETS THE TASTE OF THE HUMAN BLOOD AND FLESH [Frankly I am tired of making excuses for him, but I can't help it.]HE COMES BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN TO THE VILLAGE-
SO HE IS KILLED .......
REGARDS
ALI YOUSUFF
walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.
sister.. i request you to make some time and read through the sad stories of so many women who have committed zina and they regret it now. you can find on this website itself. its so horrible.
do not spoil your life.
stay away from this guy. I do not feel good about him.
what if you are just an another girl for him with whom he wants to fulfill his desires ?
what if you take a chance and after marriage he does not change ?
do not fall into the traps of the shaitan.
send him far away from you and cut the relations you have with him.
fear Allah. ask him to forgive you for what you have done.
keep doing zikr .. keep saying astagfirullah, subhanAllah, alhamdulillah, Allahu akbar alot..
where is your haya my sister in islam ?
Allah has given you such a high status ? do you want to loose your status ? how can you let a stranger even touch you?
remember that Allah is watching you all the time.
Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it, and whoever fears Allah, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty) and He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine.
Wa'alaykumsalam,
It seems that you are extremely 'insecure', no self esteem and your sanity has disappeared. Where is your 'haya' and 'self-respect' ?
You started many evil deeds and soon you are going to face Allah's punishment one by one if you don't put an end to it.
About that dirty, filthy, corrupted man, he is not worth it. You deserve better. How come you accept a man who has sex with many girls and you are 'ok' with it ? Are you that 'insecure' ? How come you accept a man to be God fearing when he carries condom around and pleads to have sex with you ? How come you believe that he is praying regularly and when with you he doesn't ? Surely the problem is with you, I guess you are suffering from infatuation ? As they say, 'love is good, but love can be blind'.
You ask him to repent and don't repeat the sins because you care for him and you don't want Allah to punish him, let me ask you sis, Don't you care for yourself and what might your fate be in the hereafter ? are you aware that Allah is equally angry at you and will punish you ? Don't you fear Allah ? Are you also aware that it is forbidden to marry a fornicator unless he repents which seems less likely in that guy's case ?
Before you think of others, think of yourself first because on the day of judgement, no one, no one is going to help/care for you, not even your own family, you will be on your own.
Therefore, sever all ties with that evil pervert and repent sincerely. If you think you repented, your repent would be of totally no use if you're still in contact with him. You have already committed zina no doubt. Therefore repent before the punishment of Allah comes to you and then you will not be helped.
Allah has many wanred us to OBEY our parents or else hell is our abode. You must not fight your parents over this perverted man. A sinner, hypocrite is not worth it that you destroy your relationship with your parents.
You've cheated and fooled yourself all this time. You've made up false assumptions, excuses and fantasy regarding that man. Now, stop fooling yourself, wake up, stop wasting your precious time. Stop all these evil deeds and then repent. Know that pre-marital relationship is forbidden in Islam and do your Islamic duties and ask Allah for forgiveness. Allah is oft forgiving, get back to the straight path and He will forgive you insha'Allah.
wow perfect advice mashAllah!
Assalam sister.
Not only did your boyfriend commit many sins with other girls (zina), but he openly talks about it with you (who knows how many other people he bragged about it), he offers the same zina to you now ....
There is no sign of repentance here, whatsoever.
If he would truly sincerely repent to Allah (SWT) for those sins (zina), he would be ashamed to even mention about it to anyone, he would respect boundaries set by Allah (SWT) when communicating with you .... So many red flags.... Be careful sister.
As Salam alaykoum
First of all stop communicating with this loser, wether by seeing him, talking to him, etc... Second repent to Allah right now . Forget this guy because he isn't your husband. He is not halal ( permissible) for you. In fact he is haram for you and you are haram for him. Next stop arguing with your parents. Don't dig your grave deeper sister cause Allah doesn't approve of any child disrespecting his or her parents. You don't want Allah to get mad at you because you're fighting with them. The word aoff isn't even allowed. So fix your heart, your mind and your relationship with Allah and your parents. Make sincere repentance to Allah alone and treat your parents with respect so that will bless you with a proper, true muslim brother for marriage. Trust me. Been there. Done that. I'm speaking from experience. One day you'll back at your life and will remember only the bad deeds you've done. You'll feel sorry. Do what's halal and repel every bad deed with a good deed. Life is short. Don't make a mistake when it comes to choosing your mate for life. Ask Allah for a pious righteous brother who's heart is filled with taqwa. Then you and your parents will be happy inshallah
What you need to do is stay awayyyyy from this man he is not worth your time? You actually thing he will change once you get married I don't think that will happen because he sound like he only play games.Plues there is no boyfriends/girlfriends in Islam anyways so you should stay away from that too. Insallah Allah will have someone so much better out there for you.
People don't change so easily and you don't want to wait forever for him to change. Chances are when he gets married to you he will be the same way as he is now. Your marriage to him will not change him but he has to change himself and it seems like he is not ready for change yet. You must do the right thing and the right thing is to let him go. You may seem like you have no answers right now but as we read your message we can see the answer clearly and you are the one who is telling us what it is. You have doubts about him for a reason. Let him go and inshAllah you will find someone who will show you he is a God fearing man instead of just telling you.
Plus you live in different states which means you don't know what he is doing in his hometown or who he is with. Please give him up for the sake of Allah and go on a journey with your parents to find the right husband the halal way. It will be very difficult in the beginning but inshAllah you will heal with time and most of us have had this type of situation in our lives and we can tell from experience that everything will be okay. Infatuation makes us think we are in love when in reality you don't truly love someone unless you have lived with them and had a family with them and spend much more time with them.
"Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it, and whoever fears Allah, He will make a way for him to get out every difficulty and He will provide him from sources he never could imagine."
but u can make dua 4 him 2 change as well as 4u...
pray isthikara and put lotz and c
if it doesnt succeed i dnt think ur marriage will succeed
@sheiza
put lotz and c ?? who told you to do that ?
can you show me any sahih hadees where prophet Muhammed(sallallauhu alaihi wasallam) asked to do that ?
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May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
What does that even mean?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@Wael-
what i understood from her, is that she is talking about drawing lots.
@sheiza
correct me if i am wrong.
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May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!