Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage to a much older woman who will look after me


salamu alikum all,

This is my first post and I want  to counsel with you about  my case.  I am 28 years old man I was and still looking to propose to a girl who could accept me as I am. AlhamdulilAllah I am not alcoholic, I am really fine inside with all sense, but I have something prevents me to work till now. Most of girls won't accept me since I am not working and I understand that, it's really the hardest part I have. I found a woman who she is 55 years old and she is beautiful inside and out look ,she told me I am precious in her eyes but she is trying to prevent marriage to me by saying that she is afraid that one day will come any I will realize that she is older than me.

I don't know about such thing and I told her if she provides me with all my needs I won't deny her and won't disappoint her, yet still I don't know what is gonna happen.  I don't want to be pessimistic and I know every thing is in the hand of Allah, I don't know about the future but I know who I am now 28 years and I haven't had a girlfriend. I don't like such things so I am in need for Islamic marriage. My family on other hand, didn't agree when I talked about it and I see it's enough.

I respect them and I will listen to them when its a good thing for me but I can't handle it anymore you know what I mean?  I don't want to change in a moment and be a player getting girls every time I am really afraid of it because these days seductions are every where.

I want to get your opinion please and what do you  say about what I am doing now !!

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35 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    Marriage to older women is completely acceptable, the Holy Prophet PBUH married Khadija who was 15 years older than him. There was a big age gap bbetween the Prophet PBUH and Aisha too. Age is not a factor to consider at all, you have absolutely no worries in regards to marrying this woman. If she is righteous and committed to Islam, then you should go ahead with the blessings of your family and hers. Sadly I feel culture will have more of a backlash against you than your our beloved faith.

    May Allah ease your concerns and give you happiness wherever it lies.

    • HEllo MOhamed, you are crazy, if you think , than west educated lady , who is independent come to islam, who first think make her absolutely not independet in life, without property.and etc....never, never, never

      • Ajka, you have a mistaken idea about Islam. A Muslim woman is allowed to own property and keep her own earnings. In fact if she has any income she is not required to share it with her husband.

        And educated Western women convert to Islam all the time. Thousands every year, actually.

        Wael Editor

        • is it not a sin in slamic to be supported by a woman???

          • No, it's not a sin. A woman's money is her own and she has no obligation to share it. But these are difficult economic times. If the husband loses his job and the woman chooses to support the family until he can find new employment, there's nothing wrong with that.


      • Salaams,

        Never say never bro, here is one sister born and raised in the USA who converted to Islam willingly and without coercion AND has a Master's degree. Not only that, I am the "breadwinner" of my family happily supporting my own husband who cannot do it for us. Even though I use my earnings in that way, I can still use whatever is leftover as I like.

        ....never say never....

        -Amy Editor

      • I would like to point sumthn out
        More and more western women convert to Islam than men , this in itself should say something
        Islam is a religion that sets women free and thats why educated women enter islam

  2. I totally disagree with Mohammed on this one. He's right that it's allowed in Islam to marry someone of a different age, but from a practical perspective the difference between you and her is too extreme.

    1. She cannot bear you children, so you will be missing one of the main purposes of marriage which is to procreate and carry on the Ummah.

    2. In 20 years when you are 48 - which for a man is the prime of his life, when he is strong and set in his career, and has learned some wisdom - she will be 75, an old woman, no longer active or attractive, and near the end of her life.

    3. Believe me, you will get sick of everyone in society mocking you, assuming she is your mother or grandmother, and ostracizing you. I am not saying they are right to do so, but it's a reality that you will have to face.

    3. Worst of all, your interest in her is cynical and self-interested. Why can't you work? Are you physically ill? You have a disability? I have seen plenty of disabled people working. Are you simply lazy? So you want a woman to care for you financially as if you are a child? In Islam it's your obligation to work and care for your wife.

    Summary: get your life in order instead of simply looking for a new parent to baby you. Find a way to work and earn money. Seek a wife closer to your own age with whom you can have children and a family and a long, healthy marriage.

    Wael Editor

    • Wael,

      You assume he will live to 48 and his wife 75, we cannot be sure of when death is. I seriously thought about an answer along the same lines as you, but then it hit me, death comes at any moment, it is possible the women lives to 100 or more. Obviously fertility is a key feature in a spouse, but it's not prohibited to marry someone who is infertile.

      • Ahh This Is A Hard One, I Must Say I Agree With Both Opinion's,

        However We Have To Use Common Sense That Allah (Swt) Has Given Us As Well ,
        And In My Opinion I Would Go With Wael, As Much As Mohammad Has A Fair Argument Too, And Is Islamically Correct,
        I Think It's Not Practical At All To Marry Someone Of That Age, I Understand The Fact That Hazrat Khadija Were 15 Years Older Than Our Beloved Prophet, And They Both Lived A Happy Life, Buh Mohammad (P.b.u.h) Loved His Wife Dearly And Obliged All His Duties As A Husband, For Instance HE (Pb.u.h) Provided For Her, Buh Mr 'Heartthorb' Here Has Ulterior Motives, He's Marrying Her For The Wrong Reasons, For His Own Insecurities, I Feel Not Only Is That Islamically Incorrect Buh Immorally Too, I Agree He Should Find Himself A Suitable Job And A Partner Near Enough His Own Age, It's Only Logic.


      • True, but what about his statement that he wants a wife to support him financially so he doesn't have to work?

        Wael Editor

  3. While I agree with the point made by Mohammed that age is not a barrier to marriage in Islam, I agree moreso with Wael in this case. Each case has to be assessed in its own merits. The man in this case cannot be compared to the Prophet(saw) and his older wife Khadija(ra), because the Prophet(saw) was a hard working man who wanted to dedicate his life to dawah, so Khadija(ra)'s situation was ideal for him. It was a companionship that suited both, yet neither were shying away from their responsibilities.

    In this case however, the young man who has posted the question, appears to 'need' a mother figure, someone who can take on what should be his role as breadwinner. The reasons that he has given to want to marry this older woman do not seem healthy. He is young and in his prime and most healthy men at his age would want to protect and earn for their wives. This man's way of thinking suggests he may have some insecurities, surely he should deal with those before thinking about marriage.

    SisterZ Editor

  4. I strongly agree with Wael and some point of Mohammed yes you can marry an older woman but not of that age gap is too much I personally think I am sorry. I honestly believe in ISLAM a man should provide for his wife, not a wife to parent this guy. I am sorry but I believe its an excuse for this guy not to work. You should work and provide as its supposed to be. Yes everyone has an Islamic marriage and some people don’t do haraam before marriage you just have to find them and be patience. Maybe you need to look inside yourself before you marry and why you would want this kind of marriage to me it seems its much easier for you. Do you realise how much people will get to you but mostly your family/parent may be embarrassed. I personally think you should go get a job and get out more to bring your confidence but also find someone closer to your age.

  5. Asak.....

    I agree that the need phrased by mohammed is wrong that he wants to settle with a older women because she is financially strong. Its very common that a women of that age would either be financial sound or must have possesed wealth by past life so has the point become to mohammed to think on.. It was actually not important for mohammed to decide on his future rather if he is really serious about the relationship he should just think on the children, how islamic she is and rest the character whether suitable to him should be the matter of concern. to share you my case I am 28 and i love a women who is in 42 divorced having 5 children and we love each other alot and i know her since 3 yrs... My family was'nt accepting my proposal but with a hardship of 2yrs i was able to convince them and we are getting married this june... even i was very confused in first 2 years whether to marry her or not and did trouble her with my changing decisons. However, later or soon i did decide and really have a feeling that i have a life which could be as normal and exciting alike a same age couples... S i suggest you mohammed just think and ask your whether you really love her, Is it that if you loose her finding love in other women is difficult.. can u have a better life.. if u could think and answer them.. it could ease in ur decision making... JZK

  6. I am not Muslim, but my fiancee is. I am 40 and have 6 children. He is 23. One of the things we say to each other is: "God showed you to me." When we first met, he told me that he was interested in older women. I told him I was interested in younger men. Since that first conversation, we have almost never referred to the age difference, and we simply talk together and love each other and solve our problems and look forward to the rest of our lives together. My fiancee is a very hard working man and keeps a job and cares for his family this way (his parents and younger siblings). I actually do not expect him to support me, and I prefer to work to take care of myself and my children also. However, as our relationship continues, I imagine we will both do whatever is necessary financially, spiritually and otherwise for our family and share all responsibilities. I'm biased, ha ha, but I think I found a one-in-a-million guy. I think that between you and your lady friend, it depends on what you both agree. I personally think that you should work, BUT I'm not the one who is with you . . . what does SHE think? If she doesn't mind the arrangment, then it is between the two of you, as long as you can treat each other with respect and love. In this world, I actually am witnessing many, many young men deciding that they would rather be with older women for a variety of reasons, mainly for the beauty of older women on the inside and the out. Also older women are realizing that it is all right if they accept a relationship with a younger man, if he respects her and loves her. Age can matter, but it doesn't have to. There are always going to be differences in a marriage, big and small. Is the difference going to break the relationship, or is the difference going to add to the wonderfulness of the relationship. I wish you the best in making the decision for your life.

    • I am 62 years young and I am in the process of converting to Sufism within the next three months. I am doing this for me because Al Islam is the truth and the way. There is this young Muslim man of 31 years of age who professes to love me to no end. As far as I am concerned, I would marry him; however, deep in my heart and spirit the age different is just too vast. Many of the reasons have already been stated that I am very apprehensive in marrying this man. He wants to take care of me for the rest of my life (and that could be a shorter period of time....who knows!). He doesn't see this but I do. I am a very pretty and healthy 62 year old and he frequently tells me that I am much more youthful looking and beautiful than the women his age. That's not enough though. I am a realist and if I be true to myself, no I am not going to marry him. When the age gap is great and depending on when the gap appears, young men should have the opportunity to have children and be part of a young couple. There are instances when a man may marry a woman who is his confidante, soulmate, and they both innerstand the dynamics and expectations of such a marriage. I have seen couples marry for various reasons but this age of 20 years and older....well that really is too big of a gap

      • I agree with you that the age gap between you and the young man is too great, for all the reasons you mentioned. Also, if he is a foreigner living outside the U.S., you need to be careful that he is not simply seeking U.S. residency.

        Wael Editor

        • He claimed that he never wanted to live in the USA. Thanks for the warning and I have talked with my Imam, who is also my spiritual teacher. I have a great handle on everything and I would rather have someone closer to me in age. It just makes more sense and it takes out a lot of complications.

  7. salam 2 all of you and thanx for comments you left me, I really accept anything from all of you, I posted this and I knew not all comments going to think fairly about my issue, well guys the news is the woman disappeared not a long time after I posted this article:)...
    now I am going to discuss the reason of whyI am not working and you can see what it looks like, if I am lazy or whatever some of you think.. the fact is I have anxiety, depression and the most important I have heart valve disease which I suffer a lot from it , there even was a time I wake up suddenly can't breath coz of heart beating and whatever I say, you can't feel it, maybe people who were through the same health problem know it well, I am not making any excuse to not work and I am not happy to live and be provided by others to take care of me, no I am not that type of men, other thing is ..when I talk to any girl about marriage I tell her the truth about me from the first minutes, it's just my nature I am not going to fool or use any girl, I have been rejected a lot of times but it's not a matter for me as long as I am honest with my self I feel happy, getting married or not is not on my hands and all of you know this, at last thank you again, and wish you and myself the best wishes in life:) regards.

  8. As salamu alaykum, Heartthrob,

    Thank you very much for sharing and opening your Heart.

    Sorry for being so late in your post.

    I am really sorry you are living with so much health problems and I admire your honesty when you talk to your possible future spouse. Yes, only Allah(swt) the All-Knower, knows the infinite ways of life and maybe where and when you least expect she will be there for you, insha´Allah.

    Allah(swt) gives us all kind of situations where to be tested, you got a full cup, but for your words you seem quite balanced and sure about what to expect from life, from people and from Allah(swt) Alhamdulillah.

    I believe for your words too, that you do the best in your hand to improve your health condition, must be a severe condition not to allows you to work at all,..... Remember that Allah(swt) is Al-Muhyi, the Giver of Life, Subhana Allah.

    From my Heart to your Heart all my Unconditional Respect,

    María Editor

    • I don´t know if you ever will read this, but just in case, I would like to share this with you.

      Today, when I saw the last post made by Wael in, your Presence came to my mind, he wrote such a beautiful poem, I would highly recommend you to have a look, just the title of the poem got directly to my Heart, Subhana Allah.

      I have heard and read many times about the strength that we acquired reciting Al-Fatihah, and the depths of this Surah is beyond limits, there is a whole serie of articles done by Suhaib Webb about it. I would encourage you to recite this Surah, feeling it with all your Heart, if you want, insha´Allah.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María Editor

  9. walikumu aslam Maria, you welcome and thank you too for your kindness, yes I am trying to improve my health issues, I left my country and now I am in India, I do hypnotherapy, yoga, acupuncture wishing some improvement insha Allah, but it needs time nothing will happen in a night or one day and still it's not easy to practice these kind of treatment but I am trying to be patient to get a good result..and indeed Allah wills above everything and the will of Allah between b and e to be and it is that is his power subhanah watala,
    thanks for sharing I appreciate it Arabic is my mother tongue and alhamdu lil Allah I read the Quran and I have read which verses good for my health issue to heal it, but thank you to remind me it's sweet of you .. I saw the poem it's good one but I am not sure when I reached the 9th line it was as something shocked me but I am sorry if I misunderstood it, there is no such thing as God poetry in Islam, I hear it for the first time, it's the word not the poem of Allah and all Muslims know this I assume. thank you once again and my all respect for you too 🙂

    • Thank you very much for replying and for listening to me, it is good to feel you again, I thought you were and certainly you are doing your best to improve your quality of life, Alhamdulillah.

      Related to the poem, I believe that is a way of speaking, in poetry there is a very subtle science of words. But I think, I maybe wrong, it was refering to Surah Al-Fatihah. It was the first Surah I learned and the feeling of knowing it and trying to go deep in it has filled my Heart in a way I never thought it could be done, and I see the feeling I have it in my Heart, reciting Al-Fatihah, is an indescriptible emotion, I can evoke the sea waves, an universal rythm, a silent perfect movement, the sound of leaves, the flow of lava, the heartbeat, the breathing, the circulation of the blood, ....sorry I just let myself go.

      You may have a lot to share from your own and unique experience of Life, it is a blessing to know about you, Alhamdulillah.

      Jazak Allahu Khayran.

      María Editor

  10. Aslms to all of you
    I am reverted back to Islam ; more than 12 years back now and mother of two boys 7 and 11 years - my Moslem husband left me with one child ; thought the other Moslem marrying me will be understanding and make me change my opinion on Moslems but alas at first he was understanding ; did all to ridiculize my first hubby and even promised to look after my first son but after meeting some other non Moslem woman, he made a child with me and left me alone to struggle in life - I work hard and bring my kids alone as they both disappeared - I met 10 months back someone 16 years younger and I can tell you that he encouraged me in whatever I was doing - he is non Moslem and I have been working hard to bring him
    Towards Islam - and Insha Allah he will - unfortunately Shaytaan doesn't like such preparations especially when a non Moslem is on his way to conversion and one month back his parents made him
    Choose between them or me - they used suicide as argument to make him take his decision but that person hasn't been able to put a closure to our relationship - we are still in connection through Allah taala s blessings and I believe he will soon come to his decision regarding Islam
    And Me... Sacred Love and Age have nothing to do together - I agree with the one who said ; no one knows who is gonna live tomorrow morning so how can we use the argument on when a woman will be that age what will happen to the younger person... It's completely out of our reach to know what Allah subhaan wa taala has decided for us... Duas for all of you
    Duas for me and my to be husband and kids
    Asalamualaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

  11. Zain, we do not allow matrimonial advertisements on our forum, or the exchange of private contact information.

    Wael Editor

  12. Brothers and sisters i need your help i am 18 years old boy i am studying i am in love with American lady she is almost 70 years old she do loves me we love each other i am a muslim.........i gonna marry her i want you people to tell me how it is going to be for me means to say what impact it is going to put on my life Seriously Guide Me ...........

    • Brother, please tell me this is a joke. Please! I'll have a good laugh and let you off the hook for messing with me. If this is not a joke, then brother you are deluding yourself. This is absolutely ridiculous. I really don't know what to say. Maybe one of the readers can help me out.

      Wael Editor

    • Assalaamualaikam

      When you say you're in love... what is it about this woman that you love, and what is it about you that she loves? Be honest with yourself about your intentions and feelings - for example, if you're mainly in love with the idea of an older woman taking care of you, if you're mainly interested in the financial or citizenship benefits...? And think about what her intentions and feelings might be, too.

      I'd be quite concerned about the intentions of the people involved in a relationship with such a big age difference. An 18 year old and a 70 year old are at very different stages in life - you'll almost certainly want different things. Both or either person could be at real risk of financial or sexual or emotional exploitation.

      On a practical level, consider what you want for the future and whether you would actually want a life with someone much older. As people get older, there is an increased risk of them developing dementia, having strokes, becoming physically dependent... That's a lot to take on for a younger person as well, and I know quite a few couples with an age difference, where these things have ended up driving them apart.

      Also, the two of you shouldn't be having intimate chats together or be in contact beyond Islamic limits. Age doesn't matter when it comes to respecting boundaries.

      Midnightmoon editor

      • midnightmoon: I'd be quite concerned about the intentions of the people involved in a relationship with such a big age difference. An 18 year old and a 70 year old are at very different stages in life - you'll almost certainly want different things. Both or either person could be at real risk of financial or sexual or emotional exploitation.

        Well many 50+ year old Arabs marry teenage girls from poor countries/ refugee camps. I wonder how ill people react if a 70 year old man marries an 18 year old girl

      • As'Salaamu Alaikum:

        I agree with MidnightMoon 100%. I think the young man is heading for disaster. Is it love or security because what else could it be? Now here recently there are some extremely attractive and very youthful looking 70 and 80 year olds who could pass for 40 years of age. However, they mindsets and stages in life are too radically different.

  13. Life is short age is only a number love dosent have a description I think you should marry her for love not security its a beautiful thing when two people love each other forget about what people say or think we can't satisfy everyone its your life follow your heart all that matters is your happiness no one can't say who will die first people die everyday young and old if you love God you will also know that God gives a lot of miracles some women still give birth at older ages you can also be happy without children but do what you feel in your heart you don't need anyone telling you how to live your life people tell others what they won't do in their lives but you never knock anyone for how they live their life we're all people with a life of our own do what makes you happy you have to live your life not anyone else I think that's a great relationship older men marry very young women nobody complains so do you that means marry her if you want too you can learn things from her she can learn from you do what makes you happy

  14. I think it is wonderful, but I am bias. Myself being older than my Muslim husband to be in December I'm 53 he is 26, I reverted to Islam about a month ago and could not be happier.he was raised such as yourself, no girlfriends not allowed in Muslim religion, we share so much common ground, work, morals prayer. Age for us was never an issue. We are both looking forward to a very happy healthy peaceful life together. As I have already learned much of Muslim religion I will look to him for guidance and acceptance of my lessons. We do not see an age difference just remember the heart does not see age. Inshallah my friend .

  15. Assalamualai'kum,

    Dear Brother Wael,

    Please remove the photograph of nonmahram woman and man. It is evil and haraam.

    • I believe if you are of the same faith, love each other, respect each other, you should not be concerned with judgmental people who have never experienced true love before. These people are so closed minded and sad that they believe that procreation and other people's opinions are more important than true happiness and true love. They will never be truly happy as long as they think that other people's opinions are more important than living a good life with the person you are happiest with. As long as you love her and she loves you, nothing should stop you from being together.

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