My parents are forcing me to get married
Aslam-o-Alaikum
I am girl of age 31. My parents are forcing me to get married and they are continuously making me emotional that what people will say and all. My siblings are saying me that you are committing a sin, Allah wont accept your Ibadat and all. i am quite a religious girl, doing job, not indulged in any sinful activity (anymore). i don't have any intention to disobey my parents as they are old and i love them a lot. But i really dont want to get married. i seriously dont have desire to get married though i know its Sunnah. i want to spend my life in looking after my parents. i want my parents to stay with me as my brother is abroad for studies and my sister is married.
right now i am staying in another city for my job, with a middle aged lady of my mother's age. Her daughter is married and she is alone. she is my "Mohsina" helped me a lot in my very bad times and took care of me like her daughter. i She says that after Allah, her daughter and me are her only SAHARA. i really want to devote my life to my that MOHSINA and my parents. i dont have a single percent heart of getting married. and i know if, under pressure of my parents, i will get married i wont justify that relationship. i wont be able to give love and respect to that person.i wont be able to meet his desires as i dont feel any desire. that will obviously result bad. so to avoid that worst result if i don't want to get married ...is it a sin????
can anybody please guide me regarding this. am i disobeying my parents? is my intentions to look after these people for rest of my life is wrong? Just thinking about what people will say, should i ruin any other person's life?
Please reply me. i am very worried and tense.
Jazak Allah
M.Baloch
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ASA, I have never heard that it is a sin if a person does not marry. I will say that a lot of times people try to take an element of their culture and say it is Islamic. Many of these cultural elements are archaic and make all Muslims look bad. Just because it has been done a certain way for years does not mean that it is correct. Some cultural elements do have there place in our society when they don't go against Islam.
I would suggest that you pray about this. Ask Allah to guide you to choose the best answer for you. There are so many Muslims who are not happy with their spouse, children, and life in general. I think it would be worse for you to just marry someone because your family wants you to. Take into consideration the feelings of your "future" husband and children. Yes your family will be disappointed that you don't get married but this is your life. You are the person who will have to answer to Allah. Try to add as many Sunnahs that you can and continue to love and respect your parents. I know a sister who didn't get married until she was in her 50's so it is possible you can get married later if that is what you want. I hope this helps. InshaAllah... I wish you success in this life and the next. Salaams
Assalam wa alikum sister
Firstly, marriage is a Sunnah as you pointed out, this maybe because marriage should shield anyone from evils such as: promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality which are major sins. And there is reward (thawab) in following the example of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) which is mentioned in many ayahs (verses of Quran) and authentic hadiths. "Certainly you have in the Messenger of Allah an excellent exemplar for him who hopes in Allah and the latter day and remembers Allah much" (Al-Ahzab 33:21) Prophet instructed: “O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty” (Al-Bukhari). "They are garments for you and you are the same for them" (al-Baqarah 2:187)
Allah's Messenger said: whoever is blessed with marrying a pious woman then he was given the bless of having who helps him in his deen..." [tabaraani and Bayhaqi]. The way I understand this is that any muslim (male or female) would be able to receive the help of Allah when they marry because marriage gives you the opportunity to strengthen your deen.
I know you said you have no desire to get married but you are Allah's creation, you are human who like everyone else have been created to have sexual desires and it is a test for you as it is for every muslim. Marriage is seen as a way to stop you from committing the major sins as we humans are created with weaknesses. These are the main reasons why Muslims encourage one and other to marry not because they think it would be good for you but because they want to save you from these major sins.
I think you should at least meet this person they suggest to please your parents. When you have ask yourself why you don't want to marry him because your argument that you don't want to get married seem weak in their eyes because they would be wandering if you are human, how can you not have desires? And how can you turn down someone you have not met. If you meet the guy, you would have reasons for why you and him are not a good match if that is the case. You can still get married later on when you do want to but refusing your parents request especially your mothers will only hurt them.
The reason you gave that you don't want to get married because you desire to look after your parents and Mohsina, this reason to your parents and others would seem not a good enough reason because you can still do this if you marry a muslim man accepting of this, which any decent muslim man should be. "Allah has forbidden for you to be undutiful to your mothers." (Sahih Al-Bukhari) and Speaking in the Quran, Allah says: "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy final Goal." (31:14). It is haram for anyone to force you to get married but it is better to respect your parents and saying no without seeing the person would displease them no matter how good of an intention you have. Please if the man is not what you desired then please argue kindly with good reasons why not but don't refuse without seeing the him. InshaaAllah everything will work out between yourself and your parents. Hope I helped.
Some website you may want to look at that I got information about this from: http://www.onislam.net/english/ask-about-islam/ethics-and-values/muslim-character/166329-marriage-is-the-prophets-sunnah.html
http://islam.about.com/od/elderly/a/mothers.htm
Assalaamu Alaykum,
It's true that marriage is a sunnah. It's true that marriage is a protection from fitna. But it doesn't mean that if you don't marry, you will be sinful. It doesn't mean that you will fall into fitna, if you are not even tempted by it at all.
Some people feel this way; they have no natural desire or sexual need, they are happy with life and their connections without needing a man or husband. I think personally, as a mother, if a child is genuintely not interested in marriage and is fully satisfied without it- then it shouldn't be forced on them. You want to care for your parents and do right by them, they should appreciate that and not ask you to do something that goes against who you are as a person and what you naturally want. It's just as harmful and wrong as a parent who tries to prevent marriage from a child who needs and wants it.
The only issue with your situation is, when you get older and your parents and mohsina are deceased, and start being in need of help yourself, will you easily be able to find someone to fill that role? In the natural order, our spouses and children help us in our old age. But if we don't have a spouse or children, it makes it a more challenging place to be.
Outside of that, I think that what you want to do is fine. I think it's good that you know yourself well, but keep in mind that there is always a chance that one day you meet someone who interests you enough or you care enough about that you may have a change of heart about marriage. Or you may find it to be a solution to your material needs in this life. As long as you keep your mind and options open, I would suggest you to continue doing what you feel most comfortable in and don't feel obligated to cave to the whims of others.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Times are moving people don't feel the need to marry even if they don't commit haraam. Alot of people are waiting till there older now a days to get married as there aren't that many good people with pure intentions. For some people marriage is a need to commit because of parents, culture etc. BUT you can stand up for yourself and say NO. This is your choice you chose to not marry or NOT your life, your choice END OFF they cant force you. Your family do want the best for you but are using the normal excuse to emotionally blackmail you into it AND THIS PRACTICE SHOULD BE STOPPED. No one should do this to anyone only ends up ruining another persons life for the sake of the culture of having to get married. Think for yourself and say No if you don't want it and its not a sin to say NO because such marriage under Islam is invalid.