Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Problems in marital relationship

age difference

Asalam o Alaikum

I have been married for 8 years and have kids. My husband on the 1st day showed me pictures of his ex-fiancee and did not talk to me but had a sexual relationship. Despite all the mental pain I allowed her and thought things will be better afterwards but things always got worse. Although after 4 years of marriage when after repeatedly shown those pics by his family I raised my voice then he apologized me and said I have wasted pics. His family constantly created problems between us and he was never even ready to listen to me and always had a one sided decision. Even I stayed away from him for 3 years with a visit every 6 months and he said he is ok and had no problem.

Sometimes I feel he has an extramarital affair so he is not caring for me but I have no such proof. He never said any words of love for me even if I realized him that I want this. I am a good looking and highly educated lady and he is average looking and from a poor background in the past but well settled now. Whatever need I ask him he fulfills but not asking me about any needs and not ready to satisfy my emotional needs.

Now I am so tired of this relationship but I have kids and don't want them to suffer so living with him. But I don't want to have any sexual relationship with him as it has become a great mental torture for me. I have given him permission for second marriage but he does not want. My question is am I doing sin if I refuse sexual relationship as otherwise I have to choose option of divorce which is not good for kids future.



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4 Responses »

  1. Salam.As from a scholoristic position. I can say that both of your faith in Islam is weak.Foundation is not built in taqwa.Soo relationship is like this.Its simple those who choose a life any otherway other then Allah deen then life becomes a mess.Hardship stress and poverty is at the door! Anotherthing it is wrong to say he looks and i look beautiful,it really tells alot about a person from professional pychologist in this field.Allah can change that very fast.Nevertheless you will get old of you live long enough.So your mouth needs to be corrected which is the heart?understand. For relationship it is unhealthy if the father is not being father.Like spending time with your kids youselflike family does.He has to treat everyone equal with kindness,but if doesnt the basic knowledge then what? As long your kids go to madressa full time and become hafiz of quran they will be blessed by the enviroment there in even without a father.But if you try to raise them home with dunia lifestyle.You are going to lose and get hurt .Soo if you decide to do kullah you can and you can refuse sex because of not being happy with him and how are you treated.Dont worry about the kids just follow my example.Inshallah Allah guides his servants no matter if the whole world are against you.This is the only way good luck.

  2. *My question is am I doing sin if I refuse sexual relationship as otherwise I have to choose option of divorce which is not good for kids future.

    where in Quran it is written that if you refuse to have sex with your husband it wiil be counted as sin.

    you can get divorce if you dont want to live with him.

  3. Assalaamu alaikum

    I have been married for three years now and we have two children together. My husband beats me unjustly, cheats (I have caught him), allows others to disrespect me, he treats our youngest badly, and many other horrible things. I am so embarrassed by his actions that I don't have anyone to talk to. I am to the point where I don't want to have sex with him because I don't want a disease. I plan on moving out of the house because I don't want to begin seeking revenge. What advice do you have for me and will I be punished for leaving?

    • You should ask this as a seperate Questuin Sister so others can help.

      A woman should never be in a marriage that she is scared or fearful, there is no sin if you wished to divorce ASLONG as the reasons are halal (i.e not because you've fallen in love with someone else etc) then it is permissable to divorce.

      Best advice I can give you is get in touch with the local Imam, call the local Masjid and ask to speak to the Imam and Insha'Allah he'll be able to help.

      Or go onto and ask Mufti Ebrahim.

      May Allah ease your pain and bless you andnyour children Jannah ... Ameen!

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