Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Question on negative or positive of Isthikhara namaz

English Translation of the Dua for Istikhaarah

Dua for Istikhaarah

Assalamualaikum. Am 27 year old female from India. Educated and working as my father is passed away before 2 yrs, I had to work for my home, my mother and my 2 younger sisters..

We are from very lower middle class family. We are going through very tough financial situation. Since we had no money with us that is why my parents never saw any alliance for me..

On december 2014, One of my relative introduced one boy to me. It was actually marriage proposal. My relative asked me to have few days of conversation with him, if its fine we shall proceed for marriage..

I spoke to him few days, after that my heart felt why not pray Isthikhara. I think it is always and always good ask Allah regarding any major issues. I told this to boy. He said he will pray Isthikhara. He prayed 3 days on december 2014..

He said he dint know how to ask dua. I explained him like this. I told him to read Isha namaz, then 2 rakat nafl prayer and then 2 rakat Isthikhara, then read Isthikhara Dua and then ask for wish..

Ya Allah Make Me Love (my name) - in dua he saying my name

Ya Allah I should love (my name) and marry her

We both should love each other so much

Ya Allah we both should live happy life after marriage

Ya Allah if this alliance is good for me (khair) please take this forward other wise make me stop loving or forget her..

He did same thing for 3 Days, after 3 days he said he never felt any negative neither positive also. I used to ask him all the time. He said he has no negative thoughts or feelings..

In fact we both started loving each other so much. From last 1 year we both immensely loving each other so much. He wanted me to tell my elders about marriage but I was only delaying as we dint have finance to arrange marriage. My relatives are also not so much supportive and not rich..

Since Allah sent me him, I dint think about finance or anything I just made my mind to love him and marry him. And most importantly am 27 yr old I think its high time to get married..

After 1 year. Now we told our parents. But since then due to lack of interest of my relatives its getting only negative..

Firstly, my uncle told boy father on phone that girl side has no finance as their father died before 2 yrs. That was major negative happened because its like first impression, which my uncle ruined by saying like that to boy father..

Then after few days boy itself told his father and mother to go to girl home and please have talks. Boy father and mother they came and saw me. But they did not like. It is not that they ignoring. Unlike every father and mother, they also wanted their son to marry to little settled family.. Because here in my home, 2 sisters remaining to get married. No father. Only my mother. Boy side thinking, huge responsibility might come on boy shoulders as he might have to take care of inlaws family.. It was second negativity..

Now before few days I asked boy why our parents not accepting. Is Isthikhara prayed 1 year before working now ?..

From that day boy mind is changed. He infact little shouted on me why asked such thing. If it has to happen negative it would have happened in 1 year itself. We would not be loving itself. Its just parents not accepting. Its not isthikhara..

He said since day I asked from that day his mind is getting negative feel..

I told him not negative its just you are disturbed as things not going smoothly.. Because we dont want to hurt our parents, we want happy marriage. Since parents are showing less interest boy is fully disturbed..

He saying he loves me so much, he wants to get married to me. He told me to wait for 1 month he will again talk to his parents. If again it goes negative then its true isthikhara working negative..

But we both love each so much. Am going mad on him and cry that why it is happening with me..

From last few days he is not talking to me properly. He saying he wants to little avoid so that we both wont get hurt. Allah will decide what has to be done. We both need not get so close. He saying he loves me so much and wants to marry only me. He will try again after 1 month..

After hearing all this i cried so much. He also little cried on phone. After 1 month if parents dint accept. Then is that Isthikhara worked after 1 year. Or please read the dua he made during isthikhara. Is that wish he asked was right ? Or total Isthikhara itself is wrong. Please help me. Please..

He always saying that loving is not important before marriage. Love and care is important after marriage. He always use to tell me that we both have different way of thinking as he is reserved and shy. Am frank and talkative. He also says that after marriage we might not be compatible to each other as am little argumentative. But still he says he loves me so much and wants to marry me

I tell him, which couple does not have issues. Which couple does not have problems in their lives. I tell him all the time I will take care of him, his family. As we both grow older we will get maturity and we both will have happy life.

Please somebody tell me what should I do. Am totally confused.


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2 Responses »

  1. MY SISTER SALAM.ALL PRAISE IS DUE TO ALLAH .THE ONE WHO KNOWS HEARS AND CONTROLS EVERYTHING.TODAY'S MUSLIMS ARE SO WEAK.THEY ARE MIXING DUNIYA WITH DEEN .THIS CAN NEVER HAPPEN FOR ALLAHS COMMANDMENTS ARE PURE .FOR ALLAH IS THE PURE.SUCCESS IN THIS WORLD AND IN THE HEREAFTER IS ONLY OBEYING THE COMMANDMENTS OF ALLAH AND TEACHINGS OF MUHAMMAD PBUH. THIS IS THE REAL SUCCESS.THE SUNNI SCHOLORS SAY THAT LESS THEN 5 % OF MUSLIMS ARE PRAYING 5 TIMES A DAY AND OUT OF THE 5 % ONLY 1 % IS PRAYING WITH TAQWA.MY SISTER JUST SALAH ALONE WITH ITS PREREQUISITE and conditions.Are salah should be perfected with proper bowing sadja and recitation.Also if we are doing haram in anyway then we will know we're we stand .We have to access ourselves are we breaking orders of Allah in everyway.Just one eg. People are so involved in usury . They don't even enough that this is major sin..You have to learn Deen correctly from scholors.Sit with the sisters.They are many women scholors.Learn from them for there pity rubs off on you.Don't get married unless you want more stress .People who have Iman that is the key to success.Regardless a person's intelligence profession or wealth etc....This is a illusion. But if this humanbeing has Iman and has a good career this is a bonus.Now he can help build mosques go hajj feed the poor etc....only for the sake of Allah .

  2. Sister, any sort of relation before marriage is prohibited in our religion. I think you must repeat istikharah with the dua that is given in the picture above your post. Do a lot of astaghfar and zikr and stop all contact with this man. Your uncle was not wrong in stating your financial situation in clear terms. It is important that facts are clear before any alliance. Ask your uncle/ relative to discuss the matter with his parents and him and take a final decision. Am sorry to sound harsh but their is no point in dragging this if the other side is not interested. Allah is Merciful and He is the Provider, keep your faith firm that He will send someone who will accept you with your social situation.

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