Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Unhappy marriage… what should I do?

Angry husband, no love, husband turning away

Salam.. Im gonna try to keep this as short as possible. Ive been married for 4 years and I have a boy and expecting another baby, I met my husband and immediately fell inlove with him. He was a great man, prayed and feared God, he was very nice to me. When he got married problems and fights started right away because of my inlaws, we lived with them the first year and they never liked me, they wanted me to leave him and get a divorce even though I tried my best to treat them with respect and be very nice towards them they always hated me. Eventually my husband decided to move away to another country and start fresh so that we could have a normal life but things were difficult, we didnt have any money, he could never provide the neccessary things I needed... 4 years later I find mysef not loving him anymore, I cry when he kisses me because I hate it, hes nt nice to me anymore, he doesnt give us attention, he just works and comes homes and sits all day doing nothing, he doesnt wanna go out with me, we dont do anything together, we dont fee love for each other anymore, and my inlaws are living 5 mins away now amd trying to ruin our marriage again. The only reason we are still together is because of the kids and because he knows if I leave him nobody will marry him knowing how bad his parents are. I make dua everyday that God gives me patience to endure these difficult times and that maybe in the future he changes because I have asked him so many times but he just doesnt care. Please I need help... I cant tell my parents because they would be really sad and want to divorce me ...


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3 Responses »

  1. Aslamualiqum , Dear sister

    I am talking from bad experience in marriage. Mine was an arranged marriage to a Pakistani guy who was using me for greencard ( USA) . sso anways he was an abusive guy. It was short marriage, no kids. But i learned how guys just like to use girls for their own greedy purposes like sex, usa, servant, ext.. I wanted to tell you that my background is pakistani and the in laws (Desi) are mostly drama kind of people. They will mostly find flaws in every thing which is very hard to manage. They cant live without drama . I was little educated not as so called eduacated they were. They wanted their own ways in everything and wanted me to treat their son like a PRINCE. listen to everything he says, never argue with him. Not just his parents but his whole family, he was the youngest btw( 28). My point is a family shouldnt spoil their son that much, they should admit their sons fault that he is wrong when he is. Punching a girl and slapping a girl is not allowed ( experience). I am sorry but if your husband is disrespecting you then why are you still married with him? If you have no kids, there is nothing to loose. He either needs to make a strong commitement and listen to you or I am sorry but it wil be difficult. I was in the stage when my hsuband always start to call me a donkey nonstop when he got mad at me and said he will divorce me. When i had confronted my family, they thought i was probaly wrong but i had a recording which i needed to proove my family that i was inocent. I know its wrong but that was my only thing that could let my family believed me. Trust me they wouldnt believe me because i was telling them but untill i prooved it, they were shocked and stunned. So that did lead to divroce. Yes Family involment does lead to divorce , but at the same time he divorced me because he didnt get his greencard due to me coming to my parents house so it got declined the fact i never went back. Anways learn frm my story
    Any question
    I am here for u
    Allah hafiz

  2. "Please I need help... I cant tell my parents because they would be really sad and want to divorce me ..."

    Well, if you don't want a divorce you have essentially already made your choice, haven't you? So what are you asking for our advice for, exactly? No one can fix your marriage for you. I guess the only thing there is to say is that you can tell him you want to move to a different place and ask him to go to couple's therapy with you. But you have to understand that, most likely, he will say no to both.

  3. If it is a situation where he abuses you physically then leave him. Finances and bad in laws can govern your whole relationship. Its necessary that you realize what the situation is. If you have fallen out of love because of these things then dedicate more time for your self and you make a change. Try again. In order for him to change you first much change. Not ask him these things work without asking so much but acting. Show him the person you are and that you'd Like him to be. Sometimes with children we forget that before that it was first you and him. Have you neglected him sexually? Have you neglected him emotionally? Have you neglected him in general and each does their own thing? Rekindle your love. Get dressed up again, dont let him see you in your cleaning clothes. Look cute. If he wants to be on the couch all day thats fine , one or two days just stay there with him looking pretty until he notices you. Learn to do things together again. If it is an abusive relationship nothing that you can possibly do will ever work because the problem is more than just falling out of love. Take care god bless you. I will be praying for your marriage, if it is gods will you will be reunited but dont let the devil win the fight without even trying. Its a whole family and future your letting go of, disintegration the devils number one plate to devour. Best of luck
    Ecclesiastics, Corinthian's

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