Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What does Islam tell Wives to do in this situation?



I am in my seventh year of marriage and am experiencing problems with my husband. I started noting his lack of interest in me about a year ago and since then the attention he gives me has deteriorated. For the better part of last year I have been pregnant; our son is now six months and my self-esteem has taken a massive hit since his birth.

My husband is one of three brothers and we are the ones who stay with his parents. His father's health is unstable so we cannot leave because his other brother's have moved abroad. He finds this frustrating. About a year ago he got in a fight with my Mother-in-law and said that her other sons are earning well, and going from strength to strength (MashaAllah) but he is stuck here because of them. He hasn't spoken to them since.

I have tried to make him see sense, to talk to his parents. When our second son was born I urged him to reconcile with his parents but he didn't. We live in the same house but he doesn't talk to them.

Now he has stopped talking to me as well. About two weeks ago I overslept and our first child was a little late for school. He got angry and though he was talking to me he was visibly displeased and upset throughout the week. I stayed my cheerful self and spoke nicely to him, I even made sure Friday night he would have a relaxing night with his favorite food and action movie. I even offered him sexual pleasure just for him.

Everything was fine. Then on Sunday, he went to make a drink and saw that the honey bottle he uses hadn't been closed properly and ants had gotten in. He flew in a rage and threw the bottle down. He hasn't spoken to me since.

He is normal with the children, he is courteous with my mother even helping her when she needed him, but he won't speak to his parents or to me. He won;t even let me touch him, he slaps my hands away.

Today, I made food for him and while he was eating he kept blowing at it because it was so hot. I joked that you won't be able to cool it down because it is full of my love. He pushed the plate away and left the table.

It was humiliating. My eldest son looked at me and said: "What did you do? This is the worst day of my life." My son has only said that once before: when we were mugged by a man with a gun.

I am at a loss what to do. He never takes the initiative in bed and last time we were intimate he mentioned that I hadn't initiated anything in a while which struck me as unfair... why must I always initiate? If he wants intimacy he should initiate it as well? Why must our intimate life be dependent on me? He has a strict exercise regimen and is displeased if I want to be intimate in the weekdays so what am I to do?

What does Islam say a woman should do if her husband is treating her like this? Should I stop being affectionate and back off? Or should I continue being humiliated while I try to show him affection? Or should I leave him? I'm at the end of my rope and don;t know what to do. He blames everyone but himself for all his problems.

Please help.


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2 Responses »

  1. I'm not yet married but I think it may be that your husband is under a lot of pressure. And from what I've been told, men don't like that. I wonder, have you talked to him about all of this? Maybe he feels that you don't support him and that you agree with his parents.

    I would say to just give him space for now. I see that you love him very much and a woman's instinct is to show the loved ones how much we care about them. But some times a man needs a little bit of room. Or, so I've heard.

    Your post-partum may also be amplifying the situation as well. You said that you've been having lack of self esteem lately. So, give him a bit a space would be my advice.

    How is your religion? Are you guys praying??

  2. Well give him a choice. Islamically a wimen has more rights .equally and treated with respect.If you feel he isnt taking care of you and giving you your rights Well theres nothing that can hold you back .you can do khulla

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