Feeling guilty about haraam relationship, what can I do?
I'am a 19 year old muslim girl, I have studied in a mixed school since I was a kid and I had never known islam much at all since my school did not have Islam. I didnt even know about zina or anything like that but I have being always a quiet and a decent girl at school I never spoke to guys at all but when I joined college I got new friends and then I met a guy and fell in love with him now its becoming one year and seven months for our relationship.
When we got into a relationship first thing he told me was that I should pray five times and dress like a muslim. He started to change me little by little and now I know about Islam better than before and I pray five times, dont listen to music or anything. I' am trying to prevent everything which Allah does not like but my relationship with my boyfriend is making me feel guilty and I' am scared. He is really nice and his parents know about our relationship, there fine with it but my parents are very strict they would kill me if they findout I have a boyfriend...I cant live with someone else other than him because he changed me and made me a better person plus he had always being there for me.
I dont understand how to take this relationship until marriage because I' am scared of my parents as well as Allah. Please give me advice on this matter as its killing me inside. I' am mostly worried because if I dont marry him I will feel guilty for rest of my life and I will not be able to be close to someone else I' am marrying because I have being very close to my boyfriend....we are anyways still virgins. I regret now about this relationship because if I had known islam before I wouldnt have gone for it but now that I know its seriousness I dont know what I' am suppose to do and how I' am suppose to make my parents understand.
Can I make dua regarding this matter? I' am going to perform an umrah tommorow I want to make dua as much as I can but I heard people saying that duas regarding relationships like this will not be accpeted....is that true? please help me I need to get an answer to this before I go to Saudhi.... Jazakallah
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