I want to get married the Islamic way but it’s so hard
Assalamualakum,
I just turned 23 years old and I wish to get married soon. I am trying to use all my options the Islamic way in order to seek a potential spouse from parents, relatives, friends, matrimonial sites, and people in the masjid. I have tried so hard to get married and the few proposals I have gotten the guys and the family end up rejecting me because of looks, job, age, etc.
I don't know what else to do. I am also seeing so much haram around me on top of all that because A LOT of Muslims I know and have grown up with including some of my family members are dating. I see some of them going out on dates hugging, holding hands, etc. And eventually they end up getting married having all these lavish weddings and really nice happy lives. I heard however it is haram to date which is why I am not doing it.
But lately it has been on my mind, and I am feeling the pressure from friends and family members. I mean I feel that people now a days is living in sin.
I need some guidance and words of support because I am not getting it from anyone around me. Please help. PLEASE!
syedazkhan
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walaikum assaalam
I understand the pressure you feel around you because in today's world casual dating is such a common practice (depending on the kind of society you live in). It is very laudable that you want to get married the traditional way.
But maybe, just maybe, you sound a bit too desperate to get married. You are still young, you should instead be focussing on yourself, your skills and your attributes. Take some time for yourself instead of trying to please some man you don't even know. Find out what you like to do, develop those skills and become a better you, whether it is cooking, fashion & beauty, conversation skills, hobby, etc...
Once you blossom into a confident but humble young woman, Insha'Allah, the right person will find you. Keep the search going on through family and friends but don't put all your energy into it. Have full trust in Allah (SWT) that you will find your husband by first becoming the best person you can be.
Zarah
Asalaamu alaykum Dear sister please don't start dating cause you see other doing it as you know it haraam those other people doing it will answer to Allah for their actions.you have the knowledge that it's wrong and don't want to go down that path keep strong as there's so much agony and saddness when this relationship don't go well at times it can affect you negatively in the rest of your life.Ask Allaah to give sabr and always make dua as Allaah knows what we don't know a suitable partner will come into your life and make you so happy you will see the blessings from Allaah for waiting and having patients it will be all worth sister.keep strong
As-salam alaikum sister,
Inshallah, you will find it soon, the righteous muslim, for you have the niyah of pleasing Allah, by marrying at the earliest in order to restrain from the haram and not displease Allah. According to the hadith, Allah's helps such people. And the delightful part is that you are seeking to carry out your marriage as per the sunnah, not letting the thought of the shayateen to let it happen in the lavish way, especially when our own people start discouraging such worthy ideas. Be a little strong and of course a little patient until Allah blesses you with the perfect match you are looking out for. Keep hoping it from Allah. Read a lot of nafils, and pray salatul haajah on a regular basis. When it was getting too late for my sister and we weren't getting a suitable match for her, i resorted to nafil prayers, one day I read 20 rakah's of nafil's in the night hopin that very sooner I would see the result, and i begged and cried before Allah, blaming my own notoriety for my sister's sufferings and within no matter of time, we got a marriage proposal for her. So this is how things sort out. Pray for me too sister, i too want to get married at the earliest, but biggest hindrance to it is the thought of settling down first. So please pray for me. Its a dire necessity for young people like us to get married at the earliest, for there's so much inclination towards the haram these days. We cannot trust ourselves, we can only thank and trust Allah for not letting us go into the haram or for not getting influenced by bad things. I mean we dont posses an impulse control, Allah grants it to us by his Mercy. Thats why we are needed to keep asking Allah, keep crying to him for chastity.
Remember me in your duas.