Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t stop thinking about her. How can I get rid of these feelings?

Hacker - hacking is a crime

Its really simple when you either love somebody or you don't but the complication starts when you do like them but love to think you don't.

This post is a follow-up of my previous post few months back (How do I sort out this emotional dilemma?) I still can't get her off my mind and can neither speak to her.

And damn! I hacked her Yahoo! mailbox and went through few mails and found her mobile number but didn't contact her. I sent her this message on facebook  commenting her profile picture and how contrasting it was to her burqa-clad avatar in class. But she didn't reply but kept smiling to me at class and after that I sent her few more messages but all too unrelated but she didn't reply to any of those but one day I sent her a message in which I criticized JimmyChoo a brand she liked.

So the next day she came straight to my seat in class and asked how do I know so much about her, i.e her Blackberry phone model, her email id, her fascination with JimmyChoo. I tried to change the course of the topic but she kept insisting so I told her that their was just only BB phone ever released in purple color and for other information I guessed her id and then hacked her account by answering the security question (the  answer to which I asked her a few days ago :P).

She became furious, asked me why was I so interested in her! I was dumbstruck and shocked as hell , no girl has ever talked to me so directly like that, after the class got over I apologized and she said it was okay.

But I was really hurt by our confrontation so I tried to ignore her presence for few days but one day she asked if anyone has got a mobile phone so I let her use my cell.

I can't stop myself from getting emotional about her. I do like her but I love to believe that I don't, I have never been in a relationship so I have no idea what would happen if we get into a relationship but I hardly believe its ever gonna happen. All I want is to escape the urge to speak to her, the sadness that sets upon me when I see her leaving and the worst part I can't even speak to her. But sometimes I  think do I really want to talk?

It would have been so much better If I didn't have any feelings for her. I am also confused on what Du'a to make, coz I can't make up mind about her coz maybe I believe she may have feelings for me too but I ain't so sure.

My friends wants me to talk to her but I can't and I don't want this you know. But as you can guess from my post I do all my prayers on time thats make it worse because I feel guilty for liking this girl so much. But Heavy metal really soothes me when I become tensed after thinking about her.

Sometime I wonder whether she really likes me , she seems to me as a very stylish person even in her Hijab because of her accessories, this makes it even worse for me coz I am not really much into fashion and I hardly ever thought about my look before I saw her, now I find myself choosing my clothes carefully, even spending more time on my hair than I did before, making sure I smelled good and looked good. Sometime when I think about this activities of mine I become so dismayed because I never wanted this to happen to me. And sometime when I am sitting in the class I get so many self-defeating thoughts.

I just want to get rid of these torrents of emotion I feel sometimes more so when I see her in class and and the sadness that sets upon me after coming home. I want to stop fantasizing about talking to her, getting to know her and to stop having any kind beliefs that she may have feelings for me too. I really need your valuable advice to get rid of these feelings once and for all.

NOTE TO REVIEWER: Please post this ASAP. I really need to make up mind if I should declare my feelings to her or should better leave the class.

- wisekid


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6 Responses »

  1. Look dude your problem is common when u like some one especially girl I know how it feels

    Now back to point , the only thing which is bothering u is that whether she like u or not whether she has same feeling for u or not . And that eating u .

    Now the only option is that , go and say to her that u like her ( I know its not correct islamically )
    but if say no , then ull feel upset for quite a few months and then ull forget about her

    But if she says yes , do what u feel like

    Only way to remove ur burden is to express it to her as simple as pie
    don't be scared most of most she ll just walk away or worse slap u across ur face no worries

  2. Salaams,

    In your emotions, everything seems complicated and serious. It seems like every little detail matters, every little action is expected to have grand consequences, and every interaction is going to define or re-define the next. Being attracted to someone can truly be a maddening experience, but it's only difficult for the person who is in love. In the real life of Islam, the rules of love and attraction are actually pretty simple.

    First of all, you can post and post and post about the maze of your emotions and the twists of your thoughts that converge with them. All those feelings are really not the bottom line, although I can truly understand the release you experience when you put them all into words. Let's pull back into something concrete here, and look at the rules you need to follow while you sort the rest out...

    1. You should not be hacking into ANYONE'S accounts. It is a criminal activity, and you can go to jail for it. Obsession can lead us to extremes, so its especially important that we follow all laws and guidelines when we want to find out more about someone we're attracted to.

    2. If you want to get to know her, do it according to Islam. Ask if you can come over to her house sometime while her parents are home, or invite her to yours when your parents are home. I'm sure she's not dimwitted, she is going to know by the invitation that you have an interest in her. If she agrees, then you can know she has some level of interest in you as well.

    3. Continue to spend time getting to know each other in a supervised environment. Take turns going to each others' houses and getting to know each others' families. In time, you both will feel comfortable opening up to each other about your feelings, and the relationship Insha'Allah will develop naturally. At some point you will both have to decide whether you could be with each other for life. If you don't think you can, things should stop right there. But if you do, then you should make a commitment to marry as soon as it's a good time for the both of you. In the meantime, make sure all your time together is structured and supervised. Very simple.

    Brother, your feelings aren't going to calm down right away if you really care about her. There's no point in trying to psych yourself into denial about liking her. Accept it for what it is, and make the choice in your mind that regardless how intense it all gets, you are still going to follow the sunnah when walking this out. In time, you will find a balance in your heart and mind, and in your interactions with her Insha'Allah.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. I have a problem,i was fallen inlove with aman who already have wife,we fallen inlove with each other in the office.The feelings we have for each other,everyone read on our face.in office and out side people were backbiting us.and yet every knows that he has wife and 5 children.it's difficult for me to marry him,becouse his wife she's my friend.whenever i visited his wife i feel shame,beside of this i love him very much even though his very older than me.how do i stop thinking of him.

    • I would normally advise you to log in and submit your own post, but this answer is simple to write. Get out of the situation you are in. Leave the office and find another job but do not start an affair with this man!! If you already have then you must leave and make tawbah sincerely! Do not have any contact with him whatsoever, change your details. You have no future, this 'love' will bring you nothing but shame, guilt and sin. With time away from him you will move on. I urge you to get away ASAP.
      If you need more advice please log in and submit your question as a post.

      Sara
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. a/a.i think its better if you wait for 2 -3 years till your studies are over.then send your parents to her home to ask for hand and marry her..but for now pray 5 times a day and ask Allah for help & yes i think you wil feel better if you fast maybe 3 times a month..

    • Do istakhara, Allah will guide you
      If you don't get an answer, use your head to see if marrying her is the right choice or not
      If so, approch her same way you'd want someone to approch your daughter

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