How to get my future husband (inshaAllah)’s family to accept me?
I met a man at work who I feel would be a wonderful husband. He is religious, caring and intelligent, and inspires me to push myself to achieve more and give more for Allah's sake. We didn't want to do things in a non-halal way, so he met my parents and asked me to marry him, Alhamdulillah.
Unfortunately, his family are very upset at the idea of him marrying me, as I am white. They have said that if I weren't white they would be delighted to have me in the family, and that they're sure I'm a lovely person, but they don't want me as a daughter in law.
Does anyone have any advice about how we can resolve this; both he and I feel that we want to get married, but we don't want to hurt people or disrespect people's feelings?
Jazakhallah khair,
Midnight Moon.
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OK his family are racist. This is an INVALID reason to refuse their son to marry you. I suggest he should go to your family, ask your father for your hand in marriage and then go ahead as racism is a big NO in Islam.
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
PL DO TAHAJUD PRAYER INTENSELY AND SEE HIS PARENTS WILL CHANGE-
Narrated Ibn Abbas
Whenever the Prophet offered the night (Tahajjud) prayer, he used to say, "O Allah! All the Praises are for You; You are the Light of the Heavens and the Earth. And all the Praises are for You; You are the Keeper of the Heavens and the Earth. All the Praises are for You; You are the Lord of the Heavens and the Earth and whatever is therein. Youare the Truth, and Your Promise is the Truth, and Your Speech is the Truth, and meeting You is the Truth, and Paradise is the Truth and Hell (Fire) is the Truth and all the prophets are the Truth and the Hour is the Truth. O Allah! I surrender to You, and believe in You, and depend upon You, and repent to You, and in Your cause I fight and with Your orders I rule. So please forgive my past and future sins andthose sins which I did in secret or in public. It is You Whom I worship, None has the right to be worshipped except You ." (See Hadith No. 329,Vol. 8)
AND IN CONTINUATION PL DO ......
Istikhara Prayer For Marriage, Life Decisions and Divorce
ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
“O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favour, for You have power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters . O Allah ! If you know that this matter (then he should mention it) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: ‘for my present and future life,’) then make it (easy) for me. And if you know that this matter is not good for me in my religion, my livelihood and my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: ‘for my present and future life,’) then keep it away from me and take me away from it and choose what is good for me wherever it is and please me with it.”
ENGLISH TRANSLITERATION:
‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa asaluka min fadlika al-’azim Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna *hadha-l-amra (this matter) Khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi) Faqdirhu li wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna*hadha-lamra (this matter) shar-run li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (orfi’ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li alkhaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi
*hadha-lamra (This matter) – you need to replace this word with what you are asking Allah for help and guidance about e.g marriage, job, leaving home...
Salam Sis,
So, your a great girl...just not the right color?! That's hardly a valid reason for the two of you not to marry! Maybe if he is persistent with his parents and they see how serious he is about marrying you, they might rethink their position. Best of luck to both of you.
Salam
Had it been you are a nonmuslim and the parents are rejecting you, then we can understand there point of view. Because most atimes, interfaith marriage breaks the family, breeds childrens that wont be devout muslims and there marriage barely works out fine, and mostly end up to divorce..
But since you are a muslim (i assume so), then it is not valid reason to reject you base on your skin colour.. So i support the advice given by sister najah.
Assalamualaikum sister midnight moon,
He can convince his parents, considering that the only criteria for rejection they set is: you are white. It is a non Islamic reason. As long as you are both compatible and believe in The One True Lord, you should consider marriage.
Meet his mother occasionally to emphasize why you are better and why you are best for her son. If he has sisters, develop contact with them and make them 'the ways' to reach the mother's heart, if you know what I mean. These are quite gradual but intelligent steps you can take in order for them to allow their mental block (that a non white shoul not marry a white) to break.
Do Salatul Istikhaarah with complete trust in Allah Subhaanah, and try what you can. If he is good for you in Deen and Dunya, in sha Allah, he'll be yours. May Allah Make it so.
Aameen
But remember that you avoid intractions with him before Nikah, to the extent possible, because Islam abhors it.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Unfortunately, his mother refuses to meet me.
We both feel strongly that we should avoid unIslamic interactions, so all non-work interactions are in the presence of my father or brother, Alhamdulillah. When we are at work, there is always someone else present, and there has been no physical interaction.
I can appreciate his family's concern about someone from a different culture, but we grew up in the same town (although didn't meet until now) and although I don't speak fluent Arabic (his first language), we speak 3 other languages in common and my Arabic is passable for use at work.
Alhamdulillah you are avoiding Haraam interactions. Place your trust with Allah and Hope for the best.
He Is al Muqallib al Quloob (The Controller of te hearts). He Will turn her heart towards you if He Wishes. Make dua to Allah that He does it.
Let the man talk to his mother and try hard to convince her. And try to find out where she goes for duroos or other purposes. You could meet her then, say Salam, talk to her... If you can get in touch with her daughters (if any), do that.
Hope for the best from Allah. You said you meet in the presence of his father or brother. What is their attitude towards you? If they are for this relationit can be an added advantage. I see a bright ray of hope in this relationship. May Alah Make the best happen.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister,
My husband and I come from world's apart, he Saudi...me American. My husbands father passed away a year before we were engaged. My husband would always tell me that his father would never have accepted me. Many years on, my husband tells me that his father would have loved me. Hang in there and don't give up. I pray things work out for both of you.
Salam
asalaikum sis
I know what your on about Im havign simiilar problemn,
but that is so racist of there parents I think they think that becuase your white your more likley to be unfaithful dont ask me I think that just back home mentality, in fact that probably is the reason, what It should come down to is how good of a muslin your are.
so step to convince.
first things first
show muslim charatstics no other muslin can refute caharacters of the prohpet who can honeslty flaw them. by doing this they wont have a leg to stand on you cant refute them.
parents wont try to meet you becuase they wil try to avoid talking to you at all cost this is ridicilous becuase if your serious it will inevitable lead toa marriage inshallah.
Racasim which this is not allowed in islam period.......in fact you should hear what the prophet says about racist belive me it would make your father cringe. asain famliy have this ridicolous mentality that a back home girls are angles and tha they would never divorce or cause problems etc
if all that fails get a tan 🙂