Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I get rid of these ‘satanic’ thoughts?

Beautiful road with light ahead, road through a forest, the future

It'll be ok inshaAllah

I've had a very tough childhood. My father has been abusive towards me in all types of ways (I will not tell you but I think you can guess) and that has put a lot stress on me. I'm pretty much shattered and I feel depressed most of the time.

No one wants to be my friend and I'm mostly shunned or bullied by people. I've struggled most of my life to be accepted and I've been accepted by a few people who are my friends.

I'm friends with an American girl who is agnostic but respects Islam anyway and we do not have any religious problems between us. I'm thankful to her as she has literally saved me from attempting suicide so many times even though she lives far away from me. I'm 17 and a girl. I haven't been religious at all until a few months back. Maybe in April.

I've been betrayed by a lot of religious people which has had an effect on me. I remember my mother hiring an Imam to teach me to read the Qur'an when I was 7 and he grabbed my hand. It was shocking and I stopped praying after that. I haven't been religious up until April.

I came to love Islam a lot and Mashaa'Allah I have seen the Holy Prophet (S.A.W) in my dreams after that. I didn't see his face but only a bright light-like figure. Even thinking about it makes me cry.

The problem is, my father. He was against me praying so much and would say that I'm 'pretending' and that I will go to Hell. It always brought me down and he got a second wife. They've been married for a few months now (they married in May, '11.) He treats my mother badly and lived with that lady without a Nikah for 22 days. That had a bad impact on me. My brother does not like me and we have our own problems. My mother is suffering from diabetes and almost lost her eyesight.

We decided to separate from them both and moved to another city where we are somewhat at peace. He does not send enough money. But it's better at the very least. Thanks to that, my mother and I have gotten closer and I share everything with her.

The problem is, I keep having these satanic thoughts about self-worship, comparing Allah to others (Astagfirullah!) and I have to remind myself every second that I only worship Allah. I'm exhausted and I can't keep up. I promised that I will ALWAYS be on Allah's side and that I would want to be His Walliullah.

What should I do? I think I might have OCD? Are these pure waswasas? How do I get rid of them? They just pop into my head without me doing anything and I'm scared that Allah might not love me anymore...

~ Sylverdreams


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16 Responses »

  1. (I wrote this on a Nokia, so there's no paragraphs etc.) Asalamu alaykum sister. I prayed Dua for you and begged Allah subhana wa ta'ala to bestow His Mercy on you insha'Allah. I asked Allah subhana wa ta'ala to forgive you but you must understand that it's not entirely, in fact barely, your fault: like you said every haram thought you have is followed by the seeking of Allah's subhana wa ta'ala forgiveness and also followed by you attesting ilaha ila Allah so keep it up insha'Allah, He the Almighty knows your struggle and you will receive a bounteous reward for your inspiring faith as God subhana wa ta'ala has promised you. Please I beg you do not allow your family and the situation around you decrease your faith in Allah subhana wa ta'ala and His Mercy.

    I am also 17, and I am a boy. I am a revert ('revert' because everyone is born a Muslim 😉 alhumdu lilah) and I live in a family that hates Muslims and would (literally [this isn't a joke or exaggeration, I mean literally]) hospitalise me if they found out. I have had a really really tough child hood and especially through the last 2 years have always been severely depressed. I took a test which highly recommended me seeing a psychiatrist before I do something drastic. Believe me I know how you feel. I have nearly committed suicide various times before and although I have alot of good friends and only one of them knows of my inner secrets, I to this day break down randomly and will cry heavily for no reason at all for 20 minutes at a time. This isn't the kind of thing I tell people, but the other day I was walking across the road and I saw a car driving toward me, and I smiled at the thought of it hitting and killing me 🙁 so I know how you feel.

    With your father, though Islam forbids the abandonment of family members, I think that you should just forget him and attempt to patch things up with him if you can insha'Allah. He is not overly concerned with your life, Allah subhana wa ta'ala knows best, and is dragging the most important aspect of your life down; your spiritual bond with Islam. Same with your brother. Pray Dua for them: don't get angry at them, and pray for them both equally. When someone calls me or my Muslim friends "f****ng terrorist Muslim pigs" I feel sad for them and ask Allah subhana wa ta'ala to forgive them.

    My father abandoned me, his own son, when I was 6 for a Thai woman who can't even speak English, and now has the nerve to tell me to leave my home with my uncle and aunty and live with him (I'd rather not be at either actually). Do not take what your dad says into consideration (unless it's necessary, use common sense when you need to). You and Allah the Almighty, the Most Merciful, know if you are being a hypocrite. I don't know if you are or not (I'd bet alot of money you aren't 🙂 ), but I don't matter. Your dad or mum or anyone doesn't matter. Only YOU and ALLAH subhana wa ta'ala, in this subject, matters. Only He subhana wa ta'ala and you know if you are pretending. And that's all that matters. If it still nags at you, just get up at 12 at night, without anyone but you and Allah subhana wa ta'ala knowing (maybe some angels :/ ), and pray before your Merciful Lord insha'Allah.

    Continue to bond with your mother, she sounds like such a beautiful person, and she will guide you through this extremely tough life insha'Allah. The only only only thing that has stopped me from committing suicide is my belief in God: even when I was a non-practising Roman Catholic (I reverted in August 2010) my belief in God has stopped me from offing myself. I personally believe that this is the result of the Mercy of Allah subhana wa ta'ala, alhumdu lilahu rabil alamin. I cry over the Mercy of Allah subhana wa ta'ala upon me in private, just as you cry over that dream of our Beloved Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam. This is true Iman: Allah subhana wa ta'ala can see this Iman. He the Merciful has put it into your heart because He subhana wa ta'ala loves you dearly, far more than a mother can love her suckling child.

    Remember Allah subhana wa ta'ala in your darkest times. Praise His subhana wa ta'ala name when you feel like just ending it all. It has been the only thing, the only thing, that has helped me. Those who can praise our Lord subhana wa ta'ala during these times are loved dearly by Him the Merciful.

    A hadith from our Beloved Prophet Muhammad sallalahu alayhi wa salam states that Allah the Almighty tries those more who He subhana wa ta'ala loves most, that He subhana wa ta'ala delays the answering of the prayers of who stand among the highest in faith and righteousness.

    About your main problem, stufrhu'Allah (not in a bad way, sincerely), but like I said, it's not entirely your fault. All Muslims, except those whom Allah subhana wa ta'ala Wills not to, have thoughts questioning the singular nature of Allah subhana wa ta'ala (ilaha ila Allah). Even I get thoughts questioning His the Almighty's existence! Astaghfru'Allah!! Islam teaches that these are called 'whispers', rather than thoughts; because a thought is the result of self-contemplation and the consideration of the authenticity and existence of the subject being pondered (meaning, you have the original thought questiong the existence of Allah subhana wa ta'ala in your head because your concsious actually partly believes He the Almighty does not exist, or that he has a partner that is worthy of worship, which in this situation is haram), whereas a 'whisper' just enters your head, randomly and without an intention that's haram; 'whisper' doesn't actually mean that you hear a physical whisper (alot sometimes do, I know I have), but just that it's a thought that enters your head. The main reason it's called a whisper is because it's one of Shaytaan the Rejected's minions that he the Rejected has sent to you to decrease your Iman. They 'whisper' into your ear haram thoughts.

    This is not your fault! Don't just ask Allah subhana wa ta'ala for forgiveness, but seek comfort in Him the Merciful. Say: "aoodhu bi'Allah, hir Rahman ir Raheem" ("I seek refuge with Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful") when a haram thought enters your head. This happens to Muslims that have pure Iman in their heart, because Shaytaan the Rejected wants to steer you from the True Path of Islam, i.e. he the Rejected is losing his grip on you, and just as a farmer uses hay to lure a cow to the slaughter house, Shaytaan the Rejected is trying to cease your faith.

    Only Allah the All-Knowing is aware of the truth, but I'm 99.9 percent sure that your heart believes ilaha ila Allah, so don't worry about these thoughts and just keep focusing on the fact that Allah is One God, without any partner, and He the Compassionate is our Creator. Don't even fight against the thoughts too hard, just mutter "aoodhu bi'Allah, hir Rahman ir Raheem", and the Iman in your heart will keep you on the right track insha'Allah.

    Allah the Merciful loves you soooo much!! If He subhana wa ta'ala didn't, you wouldn't be Muslim in the first place!! He the Almighty would Will you to not even exist, so all praise and glory be to Allah our Lord, the Compassionate, the Merciful. Also, read the Holy Quran, truly, what a WONDERFUL and NOBLE book that is, alhumdu lilahu rabil alamin. Whew, what an essay :S please reply insha'Allah so I know my efforts weren't in vain.

    Salam sister. <3 I'll leave you with one of my fave quotes.... "May the Mercy of Allah subhana wa ta'ala, may His Forgiveness, His Love and His Compassion, shower upon all Muslim brothers and sisters. Surely, whether we're European or African, Asian or Arab, male or female, we stand before Allah subhana wa ta'ala as equal. We stand before Allah subhana wa ta'ala, hir-Rahman ir-Raheem, the Almighty, as Muslims. And enough is that as a comfort during the unimaginable trials our Lord subhana wa ta'ala Wills to test us with. So... When you're hurt. When you're weak. When you just can't bear to fight any longer. When you want it all to end. When you just don't care anymore. Just remember. Remember Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Remember His Mercy, alhumdu lilah. Remember His Compassion, alhumdu lilah. Remember His Forgiveness, alhumdu lilah... And remember that you are a Muslim. I asked Allah for knowledge: and He gave me problems to solve. I asked Allah for strength: and He gave me hunger to build it. I asked Allah for courage: and He gave me a battle to fight. Praise be to Allah, our Lord, the Master of the Worlds. The Compassionate, the Forgiving, the Merciful, the Loving, the Just. Our God. Remember we are Muslims... And Allah is our Lord.

    • Assalaam Walekum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Brother Abdul Azeem,

      Thanks and Praise be to Allah Subhaanwataala alone for He( Exalted is He) enabled you to wirte your mega reply. Indeed it is helpful for me.Something which I was looking for very long to cure my diseases.Please remember this sinful brother of yours also in prayers.

      Zazak-Allah.May Allah Subhaanwataala always Protect you and people like you, from complacency in Practicing faith and make it easy for you. Also He (Glorious is He) protect you (like he does now) from evils of self pride and arrogance ,if ever they cross your path.

      Allah Hafiz wa Nasir

    • I'm really sorry for the late reply. I didn't think this would be published.
      I want to say, Jazak Allah! Thank you for taking the time to comment on this post and even more for taking the time to write such a beautiful answer. I'm thankful to Allah for guiding beautiful souls like you and your answer made me cry really hard (I'm sensitive when it's about Allah and Islam ;__;)
      I read your answer right when I was having these 'thoughts' or 'whispers' about comparing the Rejected to Allah (Astagfirullah!)
      And I was really depressed and trembling but somehow Allah guided me back to this post and reading what you wrote made me feel better. I honestly didn't know what to do.
      I read everything and once again, thank you for praying for me. I will pray for you too Inshaa'Allah!
      I'm sorry about your family but what you are doing is right so don't let people tell you otherwise.
      If I would have been born again, I would rather be born Muslim than anyone else.
      Thank you!(:

  2. Salam. I just wanted to say that your faith is truly inspiring and I will pray Dua for you tonight again insha'Allah. Never forget Allah the Merciful. He subhana wa ta'ala will ALWAYS be there for you, as long as you believe in Him and have Iman. As the Noble Quran says; "Never despair of the mercy of your Lord, for He is oft-Forgiving, all-Merciful." He the Almighty will always look over you, and remember His subhana wa ta'ala Mercy. Look forward to the promise of your Lord subhana wa ta'ala: Jannah. 🙂 Don't worry about the random letters in the end of the last mega-essa, I didn't mean to leave them there haha... All peace be with you sister insha'Allah.

  3. I used to get some silly thoughts too. But know I found out that the uncontrolable thoughts that come into ur mind, u r not responsibile for it. And so dont worry if shaytan puts a bad thought in ur mind, just continue with ur belief in allah, and divert ur attention from the bad thoughts. And the more u pray and get to know about islam I think with time ur ocd will vanish or it least lessen. I know how annoying ocd can be, but hopefully u will get over it. And we are all here to pray for u.

    Also ask someone who is knowledgeable about ur ocd. They may be able to help by telling u about a dua that might help u, or perhaps just explain in alot more depth and detail how u r not at fault for having thoughts given to u by shaytan against ur will.

    U have been through alot of problems, I pray that ur future is a happy one along with all the other muslims.

    And abdul azeem im proud of u. Despite ur families hatred against muslims, u chose to accept the truth. May allah ease ur difficulties too.

    • Asalamu alaykum friend G, thank you 🙂 May Allah subhana wa ta'ala bestow mercy and forgiveness on you insha'Allah. Thank you also for discussing the OCD issue, I forgot to touch on that... One last thing; I am sincerely grateful of your comment, but PLEASE don't be proud of me, it was Allah subhana wa ta'ala Who guided me, and put the desire in my heart to research religion and Islam through His Mercy. I know that you intended well and meant that you were happy with my character, but keep this in mind brother/sister 🙂 Peace be with you insha'Allah. May Allah subhana wa ta'ala smile on you!

  4. salam sister

    I'm sorry sister for your difficulties. But I'm happy to see that you've taken positive steps to bring in good changes into your life. Your treatment at your fathers hand has been sad and tragic but alhamdulillah you took the bold step of moving away and making a better life for yourself. whatever he did to you he will be held accountable for it to Allah- so do not worry sister. pray for him and try if you can to forgive him- you will find peace in this.

    As for the thoughts you have sister, then again do not stress yourself out about it. Becasue the more you worry about them and stress over them, the more 'thought time' your giving to such thoughts.
    The stronger your iman becomes the greater the attack from the devil. But remain steadfast and pray to Allah in earnest. Remain in a state of wudu all the time. Recite Surah naas and Surah Al Falq abundantly. Learn the duas for each action sister, such as dua's for leaving and entering lavatory, dua for leaving entering your house, going to sleep, waking up... You will see that your life will fill with tranquility becasue each of your action will be for the sake of Allah and He will help you.
    Do not be disheartned dear sister, Allah has guided you, so rejoice in that.

    I also believe that now that you have started practicing and can feel your iman grow its time to take the next step and that is to seek knowledge. No reading books, or articles on the net, for online forums. But real knowledge with a teacher. Try and find out about classes at your local centre or masjid and attend these, in particular aqidah (creed) classes. These will discuss the being of Allah, His attributes etc and this knowledge will help you in ridding of the negative thoughts you have.

    My suggestion is to also take a look at this.

    Its an online community of teachers who offer authentic knowledge about various aspects of Islam.

    I pray Allah makes it easy for you.
    take care sister

    • Thank you for the lovely comment, Hafsa. I appreciate it and thank you for the website, I will check it out when I get the time.
      I have talked to my brother about the OCD since he has studied psychology. He says that he has these 'thoughts' too and it helped talking to him.
      My mother has told me the same thing: to recite Surah Naas and Surah Falak. It helps a lot!
      Thank you once again

  5. Hi sister,

    Allah is the Most forgiving..Most gracious and merciful..

    Do not feel depressed if you have so called satanic thoughts..everbody has waswas.

    There is a surah kul auzoobi rabbin naas..maalik in naas ..ilaa hin naas... min sharrir waswas 'il khannas
    allazi you wasvi su fee soodorin naas Minal jinn nathi wannas..

    Please read this surah..also read the quran and understand to the best of your abililty..

    love are not a hypocrite or a waswas ridden is satan who is doing this

    rise above this only allah is great.
    love good..shun evil that is all..
    put your faith in allah..we all do sins from time to time..nobody is perfect...all perfection and glory belongs to allah...don 't worry I went thorough your experience and I know exactly god isgreat..

    make known your abiltiies that allah has given to this world and share amongst can do this
    and remember him always and thank him.. satan will come ..that is why we have prayers fasting,zakat,

  6. Only allah is the greatest,,

  7. Praise bw to allah
    I know what your going through but killing yourself is wrong and disrespectful to God. After doing it you get judged so you cant do this. I use to feel like that suicidal but knowing the fact it could be a act of kuffar right before u die when u kill urself u probably (not sure100%) kill the muslim in you therefore die as a non believer. I use to feel this way right and know these things so life felt like a prison but when you break out you will be stronger. I suggest sticking around muslims so that you muslims encourage each other to good because one of the best success tasks to achieve and very rewardful is look at what good i brought towards the sahba/muslim friends/ummah. Let not ur gaze shift from allah salamu alyakam

  8. plz give us wazaif to over come on tention if some one have

    • Wazifa is not an Islamic practice. Instead, Islam teaches us to perform 'ibadah such as salat, sawm, dua', dhikr, etc. We have some articles about dua'. Please check them. The links are at the top of the page.

      Wael Editor

  9. Assalamoallakum

    Brother abdul azeem , i am deeply moved by your essay. I hope and pray to ALLAH subhanahuwatala to ease our difficulties in this world and the hereafter.
    As for sister , i would suggest remaining in wudu all the time and performing zikr. It helps alot . also, keep praying to ALLAH for protection against satan as ALLAH is the only ONE who can ease your worries. May the mercy of ALLAH subhanahu watala be on all of mankind.

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