Husband tried to kill me. He divorced me, is it valid?
1st
My husband who does not know halal from haram never read the Quran and does not know how to pray, divorced me and did not tell me for 4 months lived with me had relations with me we lived over his mothers flat. Four months later after the divorce he told me he had to go away on business then 2 weeks after that I received the divorce in the mail dated 4 and 1/2 months before 2 weeks after that he came with the police and put me in the street with nothing. Am i Islamicly divorced or not some say yes some say no. So I do not know I need the right answer.
2nd
I guess what every one is saying is that no matter what a man does it is forgiven that the woman is always wrong or must make the effort to change even if the man says he is Muslim and has never really prayed only pretends never read the Quran and does as he wishes no matter who he hurts or steals from. Even tries to kill his wife is okay because he is man. Well my first husband who was killed was an Iman and in his day and his Islam a man could be wrong as well as be bad so thank you for your comments and I am smart enough never to marry again and take the chance of my husband trying to kill me and it being ok in Islam as well as with the police in Egypt because I know it is not and you asked why he tried to kill me? Simple I walked in on him with another man ..... and my husband who was with another man is called Mohammed S....because he is so good and religious. He was afraid I would tell so he tried to kill me, he has them all fooled. May Allah bless you all ........ the end
-lady
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Assalamu alaykum Sister,
To your first question,
Allah says in Surah Baqarah:
229. Divorce must be pronounced twice and then (a woman) must be retained in honour or released in kindness. And it is not lawful for you that ye take from women aught of that which ye have given them; except (in the case) when both fear that they may not be able to keep within the limits (imposed by) Allah. And if ye fear that they may not be able to keep the limits of Allah, in that case it is no sin for either of them if the woman ransom herself. These are the limits (imposed by) Allah. Transgress them not. For whoso transgresseth Allah's limits: such are wrongdoers.
The ayat above indicates not that "two divorce be given at one time", rather is says a man can have his wife until two times divorce, after third divorce she becomes unlawful for him.
What the above verse states more importantly is "pronouncement" of divorce. Until and unless he does not inform you or anyone that he has divorced you, how can you know you are divorced?
Therefore, in my opinion, your divorce begins only when he says he divorces you and it comes to your knowledge that this day you are divorced.
If he does not tell you that he divorced you, you are in no sin at all. You are free from all the "contact" which he had with you keeping divorce in his heart.
But what is in the hearts is known to Allah, and for us humans to know, there should be "pronouncement", so the day a husband makes pronouncement of divorce, in my opinion, that is the day when wife is divorce and should begin to observe the iddah period.
Coming to the second point of homosexuality. It is haraam in Islam.
If a man is wrong, he is wrong and if a woman is wrong, she is wrong. Biased people, on unIslamic principles may say the other way which you mentioned.
A just Muslim would speak the truth if Allah permits so.
As he is a homosexual, away from the Qur'an and Sunnah ways of worship of Allah, what more can we say?
A woman has choice, either to make peace or to get separated. You are that woman now and the choice is yours.
Allah shows a way in Surah an Nisaa:
128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing.<
If you are on the right path, in the sight of Allah you are right. For that you need not have a certificate from Egyptian police or men of this world.
I hope I could answer you to satisfaction, Insha Allah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Assalam O Alaikum sister Laady,
I will try my best to provide you with some help and insight into your situation which has left you confused and I can't help to say that it has also affected your beliefs somehow unfortunately.
To answer your first question sister!
I really am shocked by your husband's behaviour as to how he has been treating you astaghfirullah. As far as the question; whether you are divorced or not Islamically? You need to speak to an Imam or Mufti in your local mosque/Islamic centre who can tell you exactly where do you stand in your relationship with your husband right now. It is very very unfortunate that you have been treated so badly by your husband. He lied to you about everything; telling you that he is going on business trip and then sending you divorce papers which were 4 months back dated. It is utterly disgusting behaviour and is totally haram sister and you are not to blame here or been doing any sin. I don't know much about; how you both got married or how long you both have been married? What did you or your parents see in this man that you/them agreed to live your life with him. Sister, this is very common problem in our society now a days when we actually don't dig deep into the family where we are going to get our son/daughters married. The reason our Ummah is suffering is because we actually look at material things when choosing someone as a spouse; like their looks, family background, how much money they make, status in society etc etc and forget what we are advised to look for in a spouse.
There are plenty of brothers and sisters who pretend to be something before marriage in order to be picked up by someone for marriage and once they get married their spouse starts to see a totally different person. I have been in these situations quite a lot of times because I am single and looking for a spouse for myself sister. It's a difficult process and sometimes I thought I found the right person but eventually Allah (swt) showed me their real face as time passed and started to get to know each other in more details. Marriage which used to be so simple and easy thing has been made so difficult these days just because of these trust issues, lack of honesty and running after material things. Sister! Do you think he will get away with all this? No sister, on the day of judgement we all will be answerable for our deeds. Allah (swt) says in Quran that HE almighty may forgive his rights (Haqooq ullah) but that person will only enter Jannah/paradise when other person (who he/she hurt in Dunya) will forgive him (if he/she wants to).
Now coming to your 2nd Question sister!
I have to admit that I find it rather confusing when you say that you walked out on your husband with another man. Is it because of his ill treatment toward you? Were you forced into this marriage when you had feelings or were in a relationship with that man and wanted to get married to him? Was their anything else missing in your relationship with your husband? or Did you did this just to take revenge on your husband? Then you say that your husband was with another man MUHAMMAD S ( I really don't understand what this statement means) because he was a religious man. (What is wrong with that sister?)
Sister, I am going to be straight here with you and I don't mean to sound harsh or rude but I think this is what we hear a lot where sisters (mostly) confuse religion with culture without realising that in Islam both men and woman are equal. Yes, man/husband is the leader of the family but he is not supposed to implement something by force but what has been commanded by Allah (swt) and preached Prophet (PBUH). He is a leader who decides in the best interest of his family not a DICTATOR. MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUAL AND BOTH HAVE THEIR RIGHTS AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. Islam does not allow men to demand their rights from woman; force them to do things which sometimes even go against the teaching of Islam but refuse their wives the rights which Allah (swt) gave them. For a husband best example to follow is of our beloved Holy Prophet (PBUH) and if he is hypocrite and doesn't follow religion to please his creator rather to show other people that he is religious/pious/practising then sister don't forget he will get punished for his behaviour. We are supposed to worship Allah (swt) to get closer to him; not to earn the respect and honour of other human beings. He will be on his own in grave and on the day of judgement; what will happen then? Isn't it embarrassing when we will be standing in front of a crowd of people on that day and Allah (swt) will open our book and punish us for our bad deeds especially for our HYPOCRISY/LIES/DIS-HONESTY.
Whatever you went through in the hand of your husband sister, remember! their are all sorts of people out there. The fact that someone offers prayers, has beard, does nafl prayer or fast and perform other religious duties doesn't allow them to treat people around them with no respect. All these things come in one package; we can't just pray, fast, perform hajj, recite Holy Quran and say that this is enough to get us to paradise while we treat other people around us badly, deny them their rights or dis-respect them whoever they might be.
However, whatever he did, it doesn't justify your behaviour like having haram relationship with someone outside marriage. The option of divorce is there for a reason and I totally agree with brother Munib that if a woman is not treated with respect, not giver her rights; physically/emotionally abused and she tried every option out their to make her marriage work then she should get divorced. No one deserve this kind of behaviour. I WOULD RECOMMEND YOU TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOUR RELIGION BECAUSE I COULDN'T HELP THINKING THAT YOUR FAITH/IMAN IS AT IT'S LOWEST. YOU NEED TO READ ABOUT THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN AS A WIFE, MOTHER, DAUGHTER, SISTER ETC. And please don't blame religion for cultural practices going on in certain societies.
I would like to apologise if I offended you in any way; all I was trying to help you and to guide you see the bigger picture. I pray to Allah (swt) to help you fight through these problems; make right decision and get back your life on right track; and bless you with a brother with good emaan and character. (Amin)
Wasalam,
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
@ Brother Muhammad1982,
Assalaamu alaykum,
I think the sister who posted the question meant to say that she walked in and saw her husband with another man or caught him in an act of homosexuality with a man named Muhammad.
Salaam,
Your brother.
@Brother Munib,
Thanks akhi for clarification, I didn't realise, as I was tired and couldn't pay attention. Jazak Allah bro for that:)
@Sister Laady,
I apologise to you for my mistake in reading and understanding it properly. I hope you can forgive me for that Insha Allah.
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Wow! Just count yourself lucky that you're not with these guys anymore. If you ever change your mind and decide to get married (please have someone with good judgment vet the guy first next time around), you can figure out if you're married or not. in the meanwhile, be happy you dodged a bullet with these guys.