Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I broke my hymen in a non-haram way and now I’m worried

 

Muslim womanHi everyone,

I'm 17 years old and live in North Africa. I've never been in a haram relationship; never dated anybody. Its actually an inside joke in my friends group as all of them have been in relationships before except for me.

I know this is quite embarrassing but I consider you guys as my sisters and brothers.

When I was 14, I 'broke' my hymen in an accident (not masturbation) but I didn't realize it until I turned 16 back in 2019, since I wasn't aware of such things. I had a really hard time with this realization...I couldn't sleep at night at all, would cry myself to sleep, and barely passed my tests. I felt suicidal but Alhamdulillah I didn't hurt myself or end my life, and eventually got over it.

But now after a year and a half, the worry has come back after a discussion with my older cousin (female) who said that no one would trust a girl if she doesn't bleed on her wedding night.

I know I haven't committed any haram thing but I know I will be punished by society and people... it hurts even more when you haven't committed zina, yet you have a chance to be blamed for it, and my suicidal thoughts are back again.

I know you will tell me that I should marry a guy who is educated and stuff but trust me, its a big thing in my society that even educated men are so uneducated about women's bodies and how a piece of flesh doesn't define the girl.

I don't wanna do that surgery thing because its such a waste of money, plus I haven't done anything bad and Allah knows, all I'm gonna do is make dua and pray.

- Brokenmuslima


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6 Responses »

  1. Dear Brokenmusla

    First of all don’t fret about something that is not in your contrôle. Like if you lost something it’s not your fault.dont feel guilty for something you didn’t commit, you know it and Allah knows.

    Broken or Not broken haymen it doesn’t prove ones virginity. One is vergin till one have sex im any form /way in the eyes of Allah. So you are vergin haymen or no haymen

    It’s a complete myth there is no way one can tell weather one have broken virgin. If you have studied biology you would know that haymen is membrane inside you and all of don’t have same type,is like a tissue some women can even break even with bad sneeze or bike riding or and somes has to be surgically broken.
    So rest assured verginity is only defined by the so called society You don’t need to talk about it with anyone.Allah know that should only matter . Unfortunately your cousin is wrong Or she just believes the Myth, she heard absolutely,that a broken haymen must bleed during sex for the first time it happens but not always. Perhaps you should look up into anatomy of “heyman” and educate others too. Just trust yourself if you are a “vergin “ you are a Virgin you don’t have to prove it imshaAllah.

    It’s shaytan wasWasa that giving you anxiety and trying to lead you to your friend way. Dear girl stay firm continue with you SalaH and DjikEr Astaghfullullah morning and evening.
    As fas as marriage is concerned You will cross that bridge when it comes. You are only 17. Focus in your studies and being good Muslima and good human being.Have faith on the Almighty the one who created us. Let Allah take care of the future we don’t know of.

  2. May Allah help you sister, it is the same in my society too. Don't worry Allah is with you it is not your fault I don't know about this that much I am 22 years and I am not married. Inshallah I will make dua for you.

    • ameen, ive been going through mental breakdowns from now and then but im trying to remain strong, thank you for your kind words.

  3. If a guy cares so much about you bleeding then he's immature. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to how it broke or anything. Just say the truth, you've been sacred your whole life. And if he questions when you guys are married tell him exactly you done nothing but remain sacred. And girls who are so worried about hymen and stuff know nothing better, instead of fixing the issue they are fueling it. Hymen is not a test to verify if someone has done anything or not because you can lose it from non sexual and also you can reconstruct it therefore makes it a invalid test. And it's human degrading.

    • Brother Ahmed,

      Great advice.

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

    • sadly thats how my society works, im trying my best to overcome this and achieve my dreams first and i pray to allah to help me through this, and seeing men like you honestly make me feel a little bit relieved, thank you brother.

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