Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I cannot have peace

Out of ideas

Assalamu Alaykum everyone

I need help, i m married for 3 yrs with no kids (my hubby has fertility issue). We live separate from my in-laws.  Since 1 yr we hv disputes on many things, we went to a local mufti to sort out, he said 2 reasons for disputes,  that my husband has became some psychic and his family's interference. .

My in laws dont want to help me & my hubby doesn't want to listen anything from my parents.

I m currently living at my dad's home. My hubby said he won't come ever to my parents home & don't let them to enter his home too, he said to me if u want to come back u hv to live as per his command, & if within 1 mnth u won't come, i will do second marriage & will give divorce to u. . .

I don't want to get divorce, bt i hv severe trust issue on him.

My husband doesn't give me my rights & peace & If i get divorced, my society, relatives won't let me live in peace ever..

M so depressed, what should i do? ?

Plz make dua & suggest plz

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3 Responses »

  1. Aselam u alaikum,

    May Allah bless you and guide you in such a difficult situation.

    I think family interferences - 3rd party ones- are ALWAYS a major cause for a breakdown of a marriage! Truly, what a shame.

    With all due respect, It seems that your husband is keen on being a dictator, by telling you that you must obey every command.
    A healthy relationship is about compromise and making sacrifices in order to let the seed of love grow and blossom. No way is it about command and obedience- a power-hungry partner and a blindly submissive partner on the other hand.

    It is also not a good sign that he is very stubborn that he is not willing to come to your parents house and is also showing bad adab to show you that your family are not welcome to his.
    Guests are a form of Mercy, and Allah loves those love their guests.

    Sister, you say that you do not want a divorce. But, please ask yourself - are you happy with living with someone who will not give you your rights or peace even?
    Is that how you want to live?

    And please, don't worry about society! It is *you* who will live life with him, not society or your relatives.
    Why waste your life and live it to shut other people's mouths? Everyone will be living their own lives. You are the one who will endure this life and be living it everyday.

    Divorce is not a good thing, and no one really wants it. But it is an option because life is too precious to be wasted, my dear sister.

    I will do du'a as you have requested.

    But please perform salaat e Istikharah; as Allah is the Best of Advisers.

    Your sis in Islam x

  2. Please don't even think about suicide - honestly, no one and nothing is worth taking your own life for. Especially not a man like your husband. He sounds like an actual loser moron, lol. You could re-marry a trash can from the streets and it'd be considered an upgrade from your current spouse, with the way he's treating you.

    I don't know what you want any of us to say. You have two options, and you say you don't want to take any of them. We can't magically present you with a third option that will satisfy you and get you exactly what you want. And I suspect that's what you're looking for: Someone to tell you that you can remain married and be happy with being married. The thing is, it takes two people to make a marriage work. If only one of you put all of the work in, the marriage will not succeed. And this is what's happening to you.

    You have to make some tough decisions...decisions you may not want to make, but that are necessary for you to make. You have to decide if it's better to remain in this joke of a marriage, or if it's better to face the music with your family and society. I personally won't ever understand why people let 'society' dictate their lives, but I guess it's a cultural thing.

  3. Let your husband divorce you. First he is failing to obey Allah, forcing you to not let your own parents visit you and using an unIslamic demand that you do everything as he insists. He is doing you a favor. Read and re-read your post. Why do you want to be the wife a man who does not recognize your rights, does not respect your parents and whose own parents do not want to help? If he has mental health issues and does not want to get help, you life with him will be one of misery. The Prophet married divorced women so there is no shame on being divorced. Especially if your husband has mental health and medical problems. And it is no one's business about your marriage status. Guess what? If you don't talk about it, no one is going to know and therefore have anything to say about it. Divorce happens often. So there is no stigma among intelligent people if someone is divorced.

    You do not need to live with anyone like this. Get the divorce and find someone else. Yes. Your heart is a bit shattered. Your dreams are turning into a nightmare. But you will get over it. Count your enormous blessings. He is not worth having a coffee and donut with, much less spending a lifetime with.

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