Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I feel like I have no value…

True Love

Asalam O alaikum,

I don't know how to explain my problem... 2 guys came in my life, I know these relationships are haram but still...

The first guy was a playboy and used to play with girls so he left me without reason and gave no value to my feelings and now the guy I am in relationship with is also not giving any value or importance to my feelings... He come when he is free and whenever I need him he is not there for me... He leaves me for weeks and doesn't even miss me...

I am broken now as I was not even letting anyone to be part of my life after first experience but I don't know why I gave this guy a chance and now he is also degrading me...

My friends are in relationship and they are being valued then why not me? Am I not valuable?

If people do anything haram they are still enjoying that, if I am doing anything haram I am hurt at the end...

Why my life is like this, why always my trust is broken? I feel like suicidal at the end as there is no end of my pain...


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalam Aleykoum Sister,

    That picture on your profile is one of my favorites and it says it all. As you can see, ultimately these relationships will end up hurting you and you will feel devalued.

    Your relationship with Allah SWT however is different. This relationship is so special that you would only feel special and valued.

    Then after that, once you get married InshaAllah...that relationship will be special as well as it comes from Allah SWT as a gift. And you will feel valued.

    Break up with both of them. Stay away from a haraam r/ship because it will only hurt you. Then after that InshaAllah you will get married and it will be a beautiful, valuable relationship.

    May Allah grant you ease and love. Ameen


  2. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    You will get advice, as you already have, to leave these relationships and follow what's halal when it comes to seeking a marriage partner. Yes, that is correct and good advice.

    But that advice only works when your are seeing things clearly enough to believe it will actually benefit you. Right now you are believing its possible to have fulfillment from such relationships, because it's what you see happening around you. You think that others are enjoying these relationships without consequence, and you're the only one whose been hurt by them.

    Sister, this is an illusion Shaytan tricks us with. Whenever he wants us to follow him to something evil or sinful, he minimizes the consequences. He makes it seem that there is a way to have something wrong, and it won't hurt us. He convinces us that if we just figure out the right way, we can sin and enjoy it and get away with it in the end. So he will whisper things to us, show us illusions and false examples around us, to get us believing that.

    The truth is you DON'T really know what's going on in these other relationships you speak of. They might be going through just as much drama, stress, and pain as you've experienced. Just read some of the other posts on this site- it's so common! So common, in fact, that even when people are doing what Allah told them and getting to know someone properly and even getting married properly, there is STILL stress, drama, pain and confusion! There is still insecurity and unclear things that get people questioning the relationships they are in. If the couples you know haven't met their reckoning yet, more than likely they will soon enough.

    We, as human beings, can never fully trust what's in front of our eyes. We will never be all-knowing, we can never presume that what we can observe is the entire complete story about anything. The only One capable of that knowledge is Allah, and that is why we must rely on Him only to go forward in life when we are facing challenges and feeling hopeless. He alone knows the truth about all things, and He has set the boundaries to protect us from being hurt. When we stay within the protective boundaries of Allah with our obedience, we are less likely to get hurt or wronged by others. We are less likely to be confused, and more likely to find peace and strength. When we really trust Allah, we want to stay in that protection. When we think we know better, and choose to trust ourselves, we go our own way- and we pay the price for it sooner or later.

    So whenever you find yourself looking at these others and wondering what or why they have something better stop yourself and seek refuge with Allah from Shaytan. Remind yourself that you aren't seeing the full picture, but Allah does. Make the choice then and there to follow Him in obedience and be patient for His decree to reveal itself to you properly. You will have to do this over and over and over as you go through life, but at the end of it all you will find your connection with Allah deepeneing, and your sense of security and peace growing in shaa Allah.

    -Amy Editor

  3. I agree withe above masAllah

    One thing I would advise you if you want to get married then get your parents or family to find a man for you. Haraam relationships are haraam for a reason. May you be happy and stay away from the bad crowds your better than this cut all contact with men.

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