I want our relationship to be pure
Asslam O Alaikum.I really don't know how to say all this, but I got to do this for someone I really want to spend my life with.
I really, really love someone. She's younger than me, and a perfect aged companion according to my parents. The thing is, I love her. I love the way she helps me through wrong deeds, the way she picks me up when I fall, the way she makes me smile. She made me a perfect person in every aspect of life, BUT we have been a bit physical. Not sex, but physical. I dont want to give Allah a reason to put us apart, but we sometimes can't control it. I'm 5 years older than her. Yes, we both had our pasts and not good pasts, but we both have changed since we've gotten together. We pray and do tasbeeh, and we ask Allah for everything.
My problem is, I want to make us pure- a pure relationship because we intend to get married. She's young, and I'm studying too. Our parents won't ever agree right now; we have at least 3 years until we can ask our parents. So I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I just don't want Allah to get angry over our wrong deeds and then He pulls us apart. I want to marry her and so does she. So please help me, how can we keep our distance and control our sexual feelings? I really want to marry this girl. Please help me. I don't want to make God angry; please help us through this. Please!
-m.t.p
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I bet you in years to come when you are "READY" as you put it, you will never get to marry her. You will have "OTHER" reasons not to marry her.
These silly excuses of we are young, in school, parents wont allow, or even more silly is not financially ready are all ruse.
And when you are ready? That "love" you so define today will no longer exist and all over sudden you are married to another girl. Excuses, excuses!
Result? You have hurt yet another Sister.
LEAVE HER ALONE IF YOUY ARE NOT MARRYING HER.
Stop playing with her body and emotions.
Ameen.
Well said!
Assalaamualaikam
If you and this girl truly feel that you would be compatible as husband and wife, and want to be together in a halal way, then approach her wali with a marriage proposal.
Yes, you may both be young and still studying, but this doesn't mean you should delay marriage if you feel you have found someone you wish to be with. Why not suggest a simple nikah ceremony now, so that you are Islamically husband and wife, and therefore halal for each other, and leave moving in together until you have completed studies if that's what you all feel would be best. Her wali may be concerned about marriage at this stage, but if you can show him that you have given it serious thought and considered how to make such an arrangement work, inshaAllah he may recognise the effort you have put in.
But if you don't feel able to offer her a halal relationship, or her wali declines the proposal, it's not fair on either of you to stay in an un-Islamic relationship; in that case, step back and let her carry on with her life. InshaAllah, in a few years you could re-attempt to convince her wali, if you still wish to.
It's important for both of you to repent for any previous transgressions, and to take steps to avoid any further overstepping of boundaries. Until you are married, you are not her mahram and she is not yours, so the two of you need to observe appropriate limits in your interactions.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Salam. I am not sure. In sura An-nisa Allah says if you both agree for the Mehr amount and then if both of you make an agreement then it is not wrong. I don't know what exactly Allah meant by the 'agreement'. But in the previous verse Allah talks about illegal sex. So, i think Allah says if we both agree for mehr and then if we both agree then the sex is legal. Only Allah knows the truth. what do you think about that? I am sorry i don't remember the verse number.
Salaamu alaykum,
The trick is consistency. You expect your parents to forbid you and her parents to forbid her. Like a little kid who wants a particular toy, the trick is to keep nagging. Keep asking. Every two weeks bring it up. After 6 months they will be worn down. Have her do the same. Tears work wonders for girls. Within 6 months you will be married. W/s.
She's younger than me, and a perfect aged companion according to your parent
What about her parents? In 3 years lot can happen. You probably will do it one day and love will disapear in thin air.
Salam Brother,
The first step in repentance and getting close to the Deen is acknowledging your sins and putting a stop to them immediately. I understand you 'love' this girl, however getting physical or even speaking to her is the Shaytan's trick to let you two get close together but without the blessing of Allah. Remember we are put on this earth to satisfy Allah and follow the religion as close as we can. Being young and in love is bound to happen these days, I've been through this too , however you need to stop and make Tawbah. If you TRULY want to be with this girl don't start off with Shaytan's help. The best advice I can give you if you cannot control seeing her or speaking to her is to speak to your parents. How old are you two may I ask ? You said she's younger but how young ?
I know you said they wouldn't agree for your marriage but at least have a Nikkah done, this way you two will be Halal for eachother and can speak and see eachother without crossing the boundaries. The wedding and living together can wait, but at least this way you two are Islamically married. The Prophet (PBUH) said there is nothing better than marriage for two people in love. Follow the Hadith and the Quran, I am sure you will succeed in this life and the hereafter.
May Allah bring us closer to the right path and never make us stray into the Shytan's footsteps. Ameen