I want to divorce my husband
Hi I've been married for 4 years but my husband has been in this country for 1 year. He has come from Pakistan, as soon as he came the 2nd day I just knew I was going to have problems with him.. He spoke about wanting to leave because I wouldn't allow him to sleep in my bed because I felt as tho I didn't know him as much as I thought I did, I wanted to get to know him more.
ever since we've been having the same problem - he would say nasty things talk about leaving me whenever we would have a argument. he spoke about being helpless in this relationship because he wants to stay in this country to help his family but he would never talk about how I'm feeling or would never show any care.
I truly do not feel anything for him in my heart. I really don't want to be in this marriage however my parents are forcing me to carry on staying in this marriage because they don't want no embarrassment to come on them. I want to leave home n get a divorce thru shariah law... Because if I stay in the situation I am nothing will change I will always be suffering.
Can you please advice me and I have tried a lot with the husband giving him numerous chances to our differences behind us but still no luck.. Help me...
786x
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Assalaamualaykum 786x,
Maybe we can get some more advisors to pitch in here, but I see a few things:
1. You've been married for 4 years but he's only been here and you have only lived together for 1 year.
2. You require more time to get comfortable enough with him to have sex with him.
3. You've tried to resolve differences already.
4. You basically have your mind made up and want resassurance that this is ok.
Hugs,
Nor
Being away from your spouse for such a long period of time is not healthy. In fact it is a sure way of welcome evil to try and tarnish the relationship.
It's very very unfortunate that marriage is used in this way, especially in Pakistani marriages where people will marry their child to someone abroad in the hope they'll give them wealth and lead a better life there. When in fact people should be arranging marriage on a person's character. I had recently heard of an engagement falling through because a man did not want to live abroad and instead wanted to stay in Pakistan near his relatives.
So here's what you should do.
- Actually work out who this man is, is he a good honest guy who you could share your life with and raise a family with?
Once you know the the answer to this question you know what needs to be done.
- If you don't want to spend your life with him whatever the reason, then leave him through the formal divorce process of your country and also Islamically. Don't be ashamed of divorce and don't worry about your parents. My parents are of Pakistani origin as well and I know full well how much tradition and honor mean to them. It's your life, not theirs and a decision like this, perhaps the biggest decision anyone can make in their life, should only be yours.
- If you decide to stay with him, help him to grow and show patience with him. Maybe he can change with love, compassion and care from you. After all, who is closer to a man than his wife?
Remember, disagreements in marriage are common, but a marriage without love should not exist. So ask yourself, can your marriage be one with love or not?