My husband smokes weed and is beating me while I am pregnant
I have been married for 1 year and I am 3 months pregnant. My husband smokes weed everyday, he beats me, calls me names and emotionally abuses me. I know he used to sell weed and now he wants to sell it again but i told him no.
I went through his phone today and found a message to girl saying are you still alive then with a kiss, I think he is cheating on me. When I asked him about it he got very defensive, then I made him swear on the quran that he hasn't cheated. He did but i still don't believe him. He said she was an old customer from selling weed and he texted her to let her know he will start to do it again.
I told him if he sells weed I don't want to know him, as it is haram, but he took 2000 pounds of my money and did it anyway. So now i have left him and gone to my mums. When he came home and found out I was gone, he phoned me and said "who gave you permission to leave the house," but I told him I would go to my mums if he started doing something haram again. I have asked him to stop smoking but he won't.
I have bruises all over my body from the beatings and he says I make him angry. I do go on a lot but he is not islamic at all. He never prays, watches porn and touches himself all the time. Please help me am I doing the right thing.... he has even beaten me while I am pregnant quite bad as well I don't know how the baby has lived.
Wallah I feel so stupid for letting myself get into this situation.
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Asalaamualaykum Dear Sister,
I am so sorry for what you are going through at the hands of your husband. The man who is supposed to be like a protective garment to you is beating and abusing you and your unborn child. This is disgusting and not from Islam at all.
MaashAllah, you have done the right thing by going to your mother's house! I am sure it took a lot of courage on your part and it was a very brave and positive step to take. I do not want you to feel the slightest bit of guilt for escaping this man as he is a danger to you and your child. Also, please do not confuse yourself by thinking that it is Islamically wrong to leave your husband in these circumstances. Your husband is grossly violating your rights by beating you, smoking weed around you and liaising with other women. I will strongly advise you to stay at your mother's house until you have any other definite plans.
- Firstly, it is very important that you feel secure wherever you are staying. So if your chosen place of accomodation is with your mother, your husband may try to approach you there. In fact it is highly likely that he will attempt to do so, so I believe it is in your best interests to contact your local police and take out a court injunction against him, hence if he tries to come within a certain distance of your house, he is liable to be arrested. Also consider changing your phone numbers.
- Secondly, seek immediate medical attention for yourself and your unborn child.
Your husband's disgusting behaviour is not your fault Sister, he has some severe problems and needs medical therapy and law enforcement! If you go back to him, you will only fuel his behaviour by being his punch bag, he will continue beating and abusing you and could very well possible kill your unborn child before he/she even enters this world. You will not be able to stop him if he tries to beat you again as he is physically stronger than you, so there is not sense in returning to him, this will be like walking into a lion's den. If your inform the police, you will be doing the best thing for all three of you, you will have sought protection for yourself and your child and your husband may end up getting the help he needs. Anyhow, your main concern must be your and your child's health and safety for now.
This must be a very difficult time for, so I hope you have a strong network of family and friends to support you. If you want one of our Editors to contact you in private, we can arrange for that, just let us know here inshaAllah.
Keep steadfast on your path Sister, you have made a strong and good decision and Allah will help you get through.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor
i would like one of the editors to contact me in private that would be fantastic so i could tell my whole story. the best way to contact me would be my email that i have listed.
i am feeling very hurt, and don't know what im going to with my life now. any help would be great.
he actually phoned me last night at 4 in the morning asking where i was, i already told him in my mums.
kind regards
Can you tell me which country you are in as I may then be able to put you in contact with an Editor who is in your country. (We have Editors in the UK, USA and Canada). This may be helpful if they need to refer you to any organisations or authorities.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor
im in uk
thanks
I have emailed you.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor
You are doing the right thing,don't feel bad at all you have to think about that child that is depending on you.That unborn baby deserves the best and what it doesn't need is to be around violence.when kids are around violence growing up it some what follows them and that baby need you to be strong some men will fell the need to hurt you more when they see you fighting back so be careful. I wish you the best and remember you have to worry about your baby it's not all about you anymore hopfully your husband gets help because no man has the right to lay a finger on a women then turn around and call themselves a man.
Salaam sister
You've made the right decision by moving out of your husbands home. Your husband is "NO GOOD".He has no respect for you and he certainly does not care about your unborn child. Unless he is prepared to change you should consider a divorce. This would also be a very unhealthy environement for your child.
Rumaysa
Assalamu Alakium Warahamthallahi Wabarkathuhu,
I agree with sister Rumaysa. Make sure that your unborn is safe. A similar situation happened to my mum's friend. Her husband also beats her whilst she was pregnant and then he takes her out to eat to make up for the severe beating. He lies and when we first met her, she was living alone at her home, since her husband left her and went back to our country to get married for the second time. Wallahi, she stayed with me in my room and she used to cry every night but he didnt have a second marriage and came back for her . Alhamtillah, he has changed alot after the birth of the baby, he didnt go such an extent of weed tho but he started to take responsibility for the baby, and just few weeks ago they had another baby girl.
Sister, if he's willing to change, then its worth considering, nonetheless, if hes not so willing, then divorce is maybe the best option. Be patient and keep making dua to Allah(swt), you're in my duas and inhsallah, may Allah(swt) ease your situation and any pain.
Hi guys,
Hmm i dont know where to start..well i am somebody !
Im stuck in a situation where i dont know what to do..I really want someone to tell me some logical stuff and guide me before i get myself in a unwanted situation. I dont want to ruin my life and so i am scared but love him at the same time..
There is this guy he loves me i love him too..but he is kind of a bad guy..so he has been with girls in the past and have smoked cigerates and weed..he even told me last night that he still smokes weed sometimes. used to go clubbing and drink bla bla..which i really hate and still can't believe myself liking a guy like him..because i wouldnt want my guy to do all those stuff, for me thats just unacceptable but i dont know why i love him..??? i dont get it !
He tells me that he is going to take care of me if i marry him..Though he has changed a lot..its been 2 years that he has not gone clubbing and everything but he told me that he smokes weed sometimes as i mentioned earlier.. He has changed his hair style..removed his tatoos..and he says im doing all these because i want you to be with me..i love him i love him but deep down i dont know if i can fully trust him..im not SURE !! I dont want to marry and get divorced the next day because i dont know how he is going to be like after marriege and how he is going to treat me and things like that.
I am just so scared but i think that the main reason that i love him and still have not given up on him is because he has got no one ELS..i have been trying to change him and make him understand to do goods..he says your my angel you have changed me a lot..i know what life is all about now..but I WISH I KNEW THE ANSWER of how he is going to be like after i marry him..Shall i marry him..? Can i just go on and trust him..? Or can i just give up..? Can i just let him go and never turn my back to him again..? I am scared because he told me that if i leave him he is going to go back where he was and things..I dont want him to be bad, i want his good and his happiness..i cant fully blame him to be like that..he has got heaps of family reasons..no one has ever supported him in anyway...no one had told him to do what and how to be..He says im the first person who has actually payed some attention in himself and his feelings and understands him..
As a psychology student i believe every human being deserves to be loved and forgiven to let one grow to their fullest potentials. However, i am not sure what ISLAM says about this kind of situations..He has been bad but is that ok if i just forgive him and be with him for a change that could help him to become better and do goods. Or shall i just leave him to Allah and do not care about how he is going to be..
Can someone please guide me through all these and help me get out of these confusions because i believe that it is affecting my life and i want to put an end to it regardless of what ways i am going to choose.
Thanks a lot for your times
HELP !
As salamu alaykum, sister,
Please, log in and submit your question, a short answer would be, pity is not love, dependance is not love, trust and being able to forgive are essential in a relationship.
Ask Allah(swt) for guidance, perform your salat, and trust Allah(swt) guidance, insha´Allah. You have a link on Istikhara on the top of the page.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i would strongly recommend you not to marry him.
why take such a huuuuge risk?
this man you are discribing is a khabeeth [evil, immoral] and will affect your faith.
i fear you wiill be one of those sisters who will be logging on here after a couple of tears if you marry this guy.
get this screwed into your heads sisters
a man will always influences a woman, no matter how strong faithfull she is, wallaahi, sooner or later, she will become whatever he is upon, or she will suffer in some other way.
why do you think a muslim man is allowed to have a christian/jewish woman, but a muslimah is never allowed?
you should know that your "love " to him is just the poke of the devil.
the qur'aan in ssuuurah nuur [the light] says the following;
the good/pure/chaste/wholesome men, are for the good/clean/chaste/wholesome women, and the good/clean/chaste/wholesome women are for the good/pure/chaste/wholesome men.
and the evil/filthy/dirty/unchaste men, are for the evil/unclean/dirty/unchaste women, and the evil/unclean/dirty/unchaste women are for the filthy/unclean/impure men
what a beeeeaaauuuutifull saying.
so my sister, if you concider yourself to be a good, clean, chaste muslimah, then this guy is not for you, and you are not for him.
dont lower yourself, except better.
when i used to live in u.k, i remember i used to be extremely attracted to /disturbed by this beautifull girl, who have lovely wide hips, and i used to think i loved her, and i was too shy to speak to her, but when i found out she was loose in charecter, i took her out of my mind.
he doesnt have nobody, dont feel pity for him, ofcourse he has somebody, he has Allaah who is enough for him.
there was a post about another sister who was put in the excact same situation as you, she felt pity for him and married him, and i wish i could remember the post so you could read about how she suffered.
dont ever marry a man who smokes if care about your future children.
Allaah ma;kee
you said "As a psychology student i believe every human being deserves to be loved and forgiven to let one grow to their fullest potentials."
absolutely correct.
everyone deserves to be forgiven, and loved, but by Allaah first and foremost, not a young lady who feels pity for him.
but Allaah is the one who should love him and forgive him and guide him and strenghten him if he wants to and if the boy wants Allaah, it does not come from you sister
I am also 8months pregnant and getting beaten up all the time and abused in front of the kids. I know the answer and so do u sister inshaAllah Allah give us the well to do what is the right thing for ourselves and our kids ia.
As salamu alaykum, sister firdous,
My prayers are with you and your family. If we can do anything to help you, just let us know, we will try our best, insha´Allah. May Allah(swt) open your eyes to the infinite ways He(swt) has created for you and your kids. Ameen. May Allah(swt) give you the strength you need to take the best way for all of you. Ameen.
My Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Your post has been published. The author name is Shy to keep confidenciality.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor