I keep thinking about him and I hate this obsession
Assalamoelaikum,
I kind of have a problem sometimes, especially at this time because I am obsessing over a guy. I do not know why I am thinking about him so much, I hate it. I have never even had a conversation with him. I am thinking about him all the time I feel like im making myself sick! basically he is a family aqueintance of the same culture and apparently a good guy. He sometimes talks to my brother, use to talk to my older sister when she was engaged to his cousin.
Basically, he asked my brother about me recently and my brother said I am doing well I finished school. Then he said he was really happy for me. He also asked how my other sisters are doing and that he thought were so cool. For some reason ever since I can't stop imagining us as a couple lol. I have a serious obsession problem. I also thought he cared to ask because he knows I have a mental illness. I don't want to be with him and I am sure he's not interested in me but I just don't know how to stop thinking about him?
Purple.
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Salaams,
Sister, unless there is more to the story you are not telling us, what you are describing sounds less like a true obsession and more like a natural, healthy romantic interest in another person. I am not sure what kind of mental illness you have, but it doesn't appear (from what you have shared) to be influencing or causing problems in the situation you have described.
Unhealthy obsessions with others are characterized by more than just having an attraction to someone and wanting to be with them in a relationship. When someone is truly obsessed with someone, they might engage in stalking behaviors or collect artifacts that have some meaning toward the person who is being obsessed toward. For instance, do you find yourself trying to spy on this person in the privacy of their home? Do you follow them around and keep record of their daily habits, and where they might be at any given time? Do you collect trash wrappers from food eaten by this person? Do you write love letters to this person every day (whether they are delivered or not), and look for clues in things they say and do that they also love you?
If you have engaged in these or similar behaviors, then I might agree with you that you are obsessed. However, if you are just very interested in this person and have thoughts of wanting to be with them, then it sounds like the best course of action for you is to tell your family of your interest, so that perhaps they can talk to his family about arranging and engagement. That is what would normally come out of these types of interests, assuming the feeling is mutual on his part.
Even though you are saying you don't want to be with him, this level of interest and desire would indicate otherwise. You won't know if he is interested in you until you get the ball rolling by telling your family and have them guide you on what should happen next.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I love your responses (marshallah)
and your style of writing its awesome!! 🙂
Sister Purple22,
Most people who are obsessed do not acknowledge that they are obsessed. Your reflection on this is healthy, because you are aware that an all consuming obsession is not healthy. Depending on actions an obsession can also lead to haram actions. However, as Sister Amy pointed out, you just have an intense interest in this brother.
I recommend you decide what you think is the best thing to do, then pray istikhara to confirm your decision. Remember, Allah will guide and protect you if you truly submit to His will. It is difficult to see and follow His will in the realm of marriage, so Allah has wisely directed that we have help and guidance from parents or a wali. As Sister Amy recommends, follow His will and ask your parents for guidance.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
U are just not alone sis
I just can't believe that I am not alone in all these matters it truly hurts and I can just understand coz am actualy in this situation,,, and it realy iritates when we ask someone what to do and they just say have patience lol anyway what I want to say is u arnt in any relation with this guy so u can move on though
But don't get in this mess of relation it will more over make u crazy like how I am lol
It realy hurts badly.. I gues I have already becOme crazy though
his just a guy get over it
its probably nothing anyway
we girls just over think things to much
we think about this perfect guy in our minds who in reality doesn't exist
marriage maybe half your deen
but its a heck of lot of responsibilities
and and you sister will be the one who will be carrying half the burden.
True sis am just responsible 4 all this nw suffering with such a burden
Sorry sis i'm not sure you understood what I said.
I was talking about the massive responsibilities and the burdens you will have to carry as a wife and a future mother.
Yah sis I know u wher talkng about alll those burdens after marriage a women goes with
Though I was saying the burden I am going through anyways ya ok 🙂
Thanks iamlost
You made me feel like im neva alone and keep faith wtever happens this is just natural to hav feeling for opposite gender.. So wen it get out off control we need to b careful on how we deal wiv it
so Purple22 and iamlost... Keep the faith x
you mean fear Allah and control your nuffs!!
Hmm
But faith and patience for how long I am already into peaces just don't know how to deal with everythng
Assalamualakim
I been in a similar case. Well I been obsessed with someone guy for almost 8 months. Lately I been talking to myself making up a different life with him. At night I can't sleep at all due to him been in my mind, I made dua's asking Allah's help. Just couple months ago I got an offer from another guy who's in love with me and wanting to get married, I refused him because I only see myself with him. There are times when I cry and I look at myself saying hi will not give you a chance. Well mainly I know him since 2009 and he always want a girl who's done school with a good job. Me I haven't had all that but I'm actually happy with what god given me, but sometimes it doesnt seem that way. It breaks my heart not been his trophy wife and having his kids:-) I mean is the shaitan playing with my head and heart? I'm on Facebook just checking him out to see what he post, and when I actually send him a msg and I don't get a reply I take it out on others (sad). As for today I been without sleep days', I do pray at but can't sleep.. any advise
bleeding_convert, your interest in this brother is unhealthy and is only creating problems for you. If he were somehow interested in marriage with you that would be one thing, but that doesn't seem to be the case. You need to find a way to move on and forget about him. If you want more detailed advice, please log in and write your question as a separate post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Q:-) is there is any dua to help me get over this problem, at this point I cannot sleep. My head is all over
Omg me to I have issues and need help
Assalaamu Alaykum beloved sisters.
I recommend you recite this thikr in ubundence especially at times when you find your mind wondering and start taking a toll on you:
حسبي الله لا إله إلا هو عليه توكلت وهو رب العرش العظيم
"Allah is sufficient for me, there is no one worthy of worship except Him, in Him do I place my trust, and He is the Lord of the great throne."
InshaaAllah sisters, through this thikr, Allah will strengthen our hearts on His path. For we know in His cause, there is no need to become despondent. Make Allah the center and pillar in your life and you will be truly content Aameen.
May Allah make this act of Jihaad easy for all Aameen