Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Speaking to family about conversion to Islam

Muslim converts issues

Muslim converts often face challenges from family and friends.

Assalamu Alaiykum,

In late 2014, I took my Shahada and became Muslim. However, since then, the only people that know are some friends, my husband and his family.

My family is Southern Baptist Christians. Both of my grandfathers are preachers (Christian imams). Also, a lot of my family members, including my father, are military. Already my mother tried to keep my husband and I from getting married, because she was afraid he would convert me. I did eventually convert, but my husband had nothing to do with it. In fact, he was surprised when I told him I wanted to. I have had to hide this from my family because it would be really severe for them. As I know my family well, there are a couple of things that I know will happen:

  1. My mother will cry and blame my husband. She will do her best to convince me to return to Christianity, and get my grandfathers and other family members to call/harass me.
  2. My father, and other family members will cut all communication from me and my husband.

There is potentially more that might happen, as well. But the thing that worries me the most is my mother and father ceasing all communication. Also, my father's parents are in their 80s and not doing well. This news may be too hard for them (they are extremely devout) and could potentially cause them physical suffering. I would love to wear the hijab, but my family is already looking for any signs of conversion, and I wouldn't be able to explain it without telling them. I was always very close with my family, but I am struggling between living by my faith or living to keep my parents happy and in my life. Can you please advise me?

dhayder91

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5 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister what's important here is not your family but your life. How are you going to answer your lord on the day of judgement and you will be standing in front of him when he will ask you why didn't you turn to the right path. What made you stay away. Will you say because of my family. Would you think that will be acceptable to Allah. That day is described as a time when every pregrenant woman shall drop their load, sons and daughters will be given as ransom to Allah save oneself from the hell fire not even a mountain of gold will be accepted by Allah.

    I'm not saying you should disrespect your family and break all ties with them as islam permits us to love our parents and not to disrespect them and obey them but to obey them not when they turn you away from your remembrance of the one true God Allah who has no partners.

  2. Most Simplified answer is

    BE DIPLOMATIC ( MAINTAIN ALL RELATIONS AND ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH AND STICK TO THE TRUTH)

    IT IS HARDER THAN IT SEEMS

    BUT If you practice it more often, more habitual it becomes.

  3. I think you have to do what you feel is best for you. It's really your decision. Yes, there may be consequences to your disclosing your conversion and yes your parents may cut you off or they may just need time to accept. These are risks. That's how life is. It's their right.

    Just like there are many Muslim women who fear their families or being disowned because the families apparently dont understand, why they would see a divorce or want to marry somebody of their own choice. Families play a great importance to many.

    I suppose it's always hard on an older generation deeply rooted in their ways. I can't say, as I am not in your situation. You can try to touch on the topic with your mom. Just to feel her out. But be aware it may not go as you want. At least it will give you an idea. You can still interact with your family while living by your faith at least with things like not drinking, eating pork. Many non-muslims dont eat pork. You cant always tell if somebody is Muslim because muslims are not one homogenous mass who think and look the same. Some choose to signal it. Others carry it within themselves. Faith is a personal matter. I dont think it calls for flaunting or hiding. You also need to evaluate if you can accept the possibility of losing your family. It's different from person to person. Look within yourself.

    All the best. Congratulations on your conversion.

  4. Salam,

    Move to a colder state, hijabs are compulsory during this time of the year. Then when you're inside you can take the hijab off because you will be around family :). Buy large hats that act like a hijab, become a sports fan for any team and say you always like to show your support.

    I don't know your family well enough to say but for some families it does go towards not communicating as much. Things do turn around a lot when grand kids show up. And it really depends on the personality of the people involved. Regardless of what happens please remember that you should keep ties with your family. I say this because eventually when they find out, say like Ramadan when you stop eating for a while, then there may be a fight and a desire to break ties. Please forgive and maintain ties, it will be difficult for them but hopefully they will be able to overcome it.

    On a positive note, your family does believe and hopefully you will be reunited with them in the afterlife where these differences will not matter as much. Congratulations on converting too, if you believed before, your reward would be twice now:

    http://legacy.quran.com/28/52-54

  5. assalam alaikum
    sister you should not be worried if they ever ask you that you are christian??? then you can say yes but remember in heart you should remember that you are muslim you can hide your religion islam allows that in terms of difficult situation first thing is that you should asks allah for help allah will help you instantly and if you sees any oppertunity to go masjid near by your house if it is easy for you then you should go that masjid and
    asks scholar of that masjid that you are a new muslim and you wants help then see what he tells you in that situation you should also behave very humbly and very nicely to your parents then you prior to the time when were not muslim make dua for them that allah gave them hadayah not your parents but also to your family
    may allah bless you with infinite happiness,love and prosperity to you and to all humanity existed until the day of judgement.

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