Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Still hurting from my lost love



I am a non-religious woman and I was involved with a muslim man for a few years. I loved him dearly. He swore he loved me as well. We were friends, and at some point, pursued a physical relationship. We were very close, but he kept me hidden from his family for a long time.

We decided to marry and he told his family about me, they were of course concerned, although did not forbid him. We discussed at lengths religion for our potential children, and myself and Islam. Myself, having no particular connection to a religion, would like my children to be raised in a faith. I tried my best to support him in his religion, including if it meant leaving me. He insisted that he wouldn't. I also assured him that I would support our children to be muslim, and learned more about Islam to be able to do this. Myself, I can not revert to Islam, I believe you must feel this in your heart, and unfortunately, I cannot. I believe that it would be dishonest to revert for the purpose of marriage.

I did however put my catholic affairs in order so that we could be married. Unfortunately, about 6 months ago, he became very upset and convinced that he absolutely could not marry me, according to Islam.

He left me, harshly and coldly. I was absolutely devastated, I cry now thinking of it, I really fell apart. Unknown to him, I was 6 weeks pregnant. I miscarried a few days later. I could not help but think that this was my punishment. I lost this baby as my punishment for loving him, and for him leaving me. Later, he swore his love again, and I'm sorry to say I gave in, even though he was now very clear that he wouldn't ever marry me. He left to go on a vacation about 2 months ago, and when he returned, I didn't answer his calls. I have avoided contact with him as much as possible.

I am writing because I am so hurt. I am sad for the pregnancy I lost, and feel guilty for it. Also, I really miss him, 6 months ago I was going to have a husband, a family, children, religion (as part of my life. Now I am alone. I am angry with him for deceiving me and using me. I want to know how I can forgive myself, forgive him, and move forward with my life. I want to stop being filled with sadness and anger. Thank you so much for listening to my story.


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1 Responses »

  1. Sister, first thing that came to my mind after reading this is that Alhamdulillah, Allah saved the child from being entangled in this relationship mess that you are having. Imagine having a baby in between all this, will the baby live his life in peace? Being a baby from parents whom are not married? In Islam, it's very forbidden, and if you think of it, the poor child will have to carry your mistakes for the rest of his life. Is this what you want? Astaghfirullah

    Well, my sister, in my opinion, in Islam, this is usually what happened when a man and woman start to get involved in a haraam relationship, to the point that the woman got pregnant without marriage. Again, I thank Allah for giving you and him a fresh start, without the baby.

    It's sad to think that he's a muslim, but he's doing this. Especially since he's the one who is suppose to be guiding you to Al-Jannah.. Sister, I think all this is a blessing in disguise. I don't know whether this man is pious or not, but to impregnate you outside of marriage, do you think he is being a True Muslim? Or even a true gentleman to you? I know you haven't embraced Islam (Yet), but right now, I think you need to repent. You said that one cannot be forced to revert to Islam and you are absolutely right, but Mashallah, you used the word Revert. So this means you know Islam is the true religion? Otherwise you won't use the word right?

    If I were you, right now I thank Allah for making me escape from such men, and I would try to read the Quran (the meaning of Quran), and try to get the religion itself. It's best for you Not to get contact with him again. Instead of finding love in another human, why don't you find love in Allah.. I just want to remind you and me both that this world, no matter how Long it may seems now, is actually just a blink of an eye. And in Quran it is written all sorts of beautiful verses about how to survive this, for Al-Jannah. Hope you spend some time reading it.

    Sorry If I do not help you that much. I'm just trying.. Hope others give you more positive response 🙂

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