Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Talaaq given twice before rukhsati – is iddah necessary?

law fiqh marriage divorce

My nikah was performed 4 years ago and I have been waiting for ruksati because my husband is in USA and I am in Pakistan.

Before ruksati my husband has given me two times talaaq over the telephone in anger now.

What should I do? Is iddah necessary on me? If yes then how many days? And if my husband wants me back what should he do?


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56 Responses »

  1. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    What should I do? Is iddah necessary on me?

    If you meant your husband gave you two times Talaaq before touching you (by saying "you are divorced"), then you only have ONE Talaaq from him. There is no iddah in your case, since the marriage was not consummated.

    Allah (s.w.t) says:

    "O you who believe! When you marry believing women, but then divorce them before you have touched them, there is no waiting period for you to observe in respect to them; but compensate them, and release them in a graceful manner."
    (Quran 33: 49)

    And if my husband wants me back what should he do?

    If he wants you back, he must marry you again, with your consent and with new Mahr.

    Hope this helps InshaAllah, and Allah knows best.

    • My case is somewhat similar my husband said twice in a row but in extreme question is does divorce take place in anger, over the fone, before ruksth
      Rukhsati?we had some loving moments as well but haven't consummated our marriage. N now he doesn't accept nor even remember the words he said. He wants me back as well.please guide me properly n in detail because as per my knowledge divorce in anger doesnt take place does this apply to tjose as well who habent consummated their marriage? am I divorced?

      • Divorce still applies when said in anger. After all, no one initiates divorce when they are happy. People must learn to control themselves in times of anger and not throw out the words of divorce carelessly.

        Wael Editor

        • If someone has given first talaq over phone ,without rukhsati ,so is it valid ?!!?

        • As Salam Alaikum,

          Brother Wael, please consider looking up few hadith before giving advice. There are different views from scholars according to giving talaq in anger. Please read below links..

          Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
          لا طَلاقَ وَلا عَتَاقَ فِي إِغْلاقٍ
          “There is no divorce and no freeing of slaves when it is done by force or in a state of intense anger.”
          (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 2046; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Irwa’, 2047)

          May Allah (Swt) forgives the ummah nabi Muhammad (pbuh)
          Allah hafiz

          • I am familiar with these hadith and do not care for your condescending tone. However, the scholars have said that this only applies when someone's anger is so intense that he can be considered - at least in that moment - to not be in control of his own mind and actions. What we might call in the modern world, "temporarily insane." It does not apply to someone who feels the ordinary anger that most people experience.


    • Aoa sir,
      I need urgent help. I had my nikah last year then next day my husband went back to rukhsati was planned upon my visa my marriage was never consummated.but after 18 months of nikah and beforr my visa came i got an online email from my husband in which he wrote the word talak 6 times and signed it.he also stopped my visa.
      We called them alot but he and his family never picked up our calls or told us the reason of this sudden divorce.

      I want to know am i fully divorced? And if i still want to remarry him can i do it without halala? I never wanted to be divorced i still love him alot.please guide me is it halal to remarry him without marrying another person first?

      • Zoe, you are fully divorced. I strongly suggest you forget about this man and move on with your life. This is not someone who cares about you or loves you. Find someone better inshaAllah. By the way, "halala" is a haram and cursed practice. No one should do it.

        Wael Editor

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    As Brother Issah has said, if you and your husband have not consummated the marriage there is no iddah to observe, and if your husband wants to re-marry you, there would need to be a new nikah.

    If, however, you have been physically intimate, then my understanding would be that you would need to complete the prescribed waiting period (3 months after divorce is given). It's not clear if you mean he gave you 2 talaaqs at once (which would only count as one) or on separate occasions.

    As far as I am aware, ruksati is more of a cultural tradition, so its presence or absence wouldn't affect the state of your marriage.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • Aoa sir I have married one year before our nikha was done in masjid in the presence of our relatives after nikha my husband went Saudi Arabia and rukhsti was decided after his husband send me 3 divorce after one year at three months interval. First 2 divorcs receive my mother I was sad because I don't want to take divorce. At the time of 3rd divorce I was at home so I refuse to accept 3rd divorce paper and returns postman now my husband want to remarry me I don't know what is in his heart. Is it possible that we marry again or without halala is not possible because he said I want to get you back at any cost but if without halala we could not able to get eachother then I didn't ascept his apology.

      • sadia, it's not clear to me if the marriage was consummated. If so, then you cannot remarry him. So-called "halala" is forbidden in Islam. The only way you can remarry him is if you marry someone else sincerely, intending to stay with that person, and then through the natural course of time and events you end up getting divorced. If your ex-husband wanted to stay with you, he should not have sent you three divorces. Talaq or divorce is not a joke in Islam to be taken lightly.

        If the marriage was not consummated, then the three divorces were superfluous, since your marriage would have been automatically dissolved immediately after the first talaq. In that case you could remarry him. And Allah knows best.

        If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.

        Wael Editor

        • We don't have intercourse we met twice or thrice in which he jst hold my hand or kiss me or only few times we did talk on phone about sex otherwise we don't have sexual contact.

        • Sir I don't know how I register myself and put my question plz answers my questions
          thank you

      • First divorce he sent in September second in November and 3rd in January 2017 which I refused to ascept after tha we talk on phone after month or week in which he consistently apologise but I don't call or massage him. Sir please reply me I will be so thankfull to you because I am in sever tension what I do either this is right or wrong in our relegion.

        • Salam,

          What happened each time he sent the divorce? Did he later ask to get married to you again and if so how long after the divorce?

          • 3rd divorce he send but I refuse to accept and returns postman. After that I ask him whether you can consider me again or not.he said I don't want to leave you but didn't talk with my family for remarrying. He is contacting me plz don't marry to other men and wait for me.but doesn't talk with my family for reconciliation.he sent 3rd divorce in December 2016 and now 7 month has passed.but he is not serious and not fulfilling his commitment.

          • Salam,

            So he just keeps sending "I divorce you" through the mail or through your mom? My understanding of how the triple divorce works is that first you have to be married and then married again after each divorce.

            He divorced you and if you're saying that he hasn't touched you then his first divorce would be it. After that he needs to come back talk to your wali and get married again. Without getting married again to you there would be no meaning in receiving a second divorce.

            Reference to show that without being touched there is no waiting period:

            If he had touched you then there is a period of waiting for you. Within that period you're not supposed to leave his house and he is supposed to provide for you. During that time he can take you back:

            Here are the quran references for you to read yourself regarding the triple divorce rule:

            He needs to start talking to your family about getting married again. You can tell him that if he's not talking then what exactly are you waiting for? If he's not asking then you might as well start looking.

          • JazakAllah Sir
            but in Pakistan molana sahib said without 3rd divorce girl could not get married to another man untill she received all three notices from ex husband whether their marriage was consummate or not.

          • Salam Sadia,

            I think this Molana sahib is mistaken and you should try another one. There is nothing that says a girl must receive three divorces before she is considered divorced. If that were true then by the Quran the girl would have to receive the first divorce, stay with the ex husband, agree to have him taker her back, then divorce a second time, then agree again to be taken back, then finally divorce a third time to be free of him. The reality of it is if you had been touched you would have to stay with him for the iddat period. After that he would either retain you in a good manner or let you go in a good manner.

            If your case is that you haven't even been touched then there is no waiting period. He says you are divorced then you are divorced. There is no waiting period. He owes you half the mahr which if you wish to give up you may and life moves on. He cannot divorce you a second time without remarrying you first and to remarry you he has to go through your wali who will ask why he divorced you in the first place and what's going to stop him next time.

            One other example you should consider, for those women whose husbands divorced and remarried another girl. Are those women forbidden to marry another man and must become a second wife to the ex-husband so that he may divorce them two more times before they can accept a new husband? Also consider, how do you divorce someone two more times when the first divorce made it so you were no longer married to them? To divorce you must first be married, you cannot divorce 3 times without being in a state of marriage 3 times.

        • JazakAllah
          so kind of you. Allah bless you.

          • Salam Sadia,

            I'm glad that was helpful. Good luck in your life. I hope things work out for you. Here is the reference on the Mahr, I forgot to say that he can forgo the whole Mahr if he wishes. Salam.:


            And if you divorce them before you have touched them and you have already specified for them an obligation, then [give] half of what you specified - unless they forego the right or the one in whose hand is the marriage contract foregoes it. And to forego it is nearer to righteousness. And do not forget graciousness between you. Indeed Allah, of whatever you do, is Seeing.

          • Salam,
            Sir on haq mahar my in laws have also many own hadees in which they are not bound to pay me haq mahar. I don't know how I can delet my msgs from this site otherwise I explain in details.

          • Salam Sadia,

            If you know the hadees they have that shows that no mahar is due I would like to see it. To me this verse is pretty clear and not complicated. Nikah was done, a Mahar was set, he pronounced divorce and told you and your mother. Usually there are two witnesses at the end of divorce to confirm divorce occurred but in your case he has said it three times to multiple people. The next step would be that he gives up half the Mahar to you as your right unless you forgo this right. Or he forgo's his right to half the Mahar and gives you all of it. And to forgo it is nearer to righteousness.

            In reality though people like money and there are people that won't pay mahar even multiple years after divorce. This is because they feel the loss of marriage and want to minimize their loss. But I have not seen a good Islamic argument that would let one keep his mahar so I'm curious to see what they're reading. Sorry for the delay in response, I thought I had already responded. Sorry again.

          • Salam sir
            my husband said return us gold ornament which is cost one lac rupee.he said I don't want to give you haq mahar. There is no rukhsti so u r not eligible for half or full haq mahar. So I leave my case in the court of Allah. One lac rupee is not more than someone' s life. You know divorce in our society is stigma for women.they try to derail my name without any sin. Allah give me justice its my believe.
            thank you for your response.

          • Salam Sadia,

            Thanks for your response. I wonder where he got the idea that paying mahar is not required if there is no ruksati. Nikkah is legal marriage and Ruksati is a cultural tradition. According to the Quran, he has to pay half unless you give up the right. Or if he wishes to be more righteous he should give full. Or if you wish to be more righteous you should give up your right to half of it.

            If he doesn't have proof that mahar is not required when there is no ruksati then he will have to answer for this on the day of judgement. It will be another sin to count against him. And I assume he has been told about the Quran verses related to this.

            As for the jewelry that he is asking for. Gifts are gifts and not loans, once you give them you have no right to them. However, if wish to be more righteous then you may give that back to him. I don't know if this applies to you but if you feel that he will not be able to keep within the limits of Allah then perhaps give it back. But this should be in line with your faith. If you will resent Allah for giving back the Mahar and the jewelry then that would be bad. But if your faith is such that you will be closer to Allah if you give it back then you should:

            Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment. And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah . But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah - it is those who are the wrongdoers.

            I'm not saying that you've divorced twice so that this verse applies to you. I'm saying that a means of keeping the peace is provided here and if you wish to keep the peace and are able to due to your level of faith then Allah has nothing against it. You can give up your right to your mahar and gift back the jewelry.

          • JazakAllah
            Allah bless you.
            Plz pray Allah help me.

          • Salam Sadia,

            Inshallah things will work out for you. Perhaps you will be given a better husband in this life and if not then with patience a better one in the life to come. I hope things work out for you. Salam.

  3. my husband divorce me by telling the court that I am not in the country anymore. is this possible? and if so, can I get a copy of the divorce paper? were married in abudhabi and divorced. I am now in my home country. our marriage is not registered anywhere. nor any English translation

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister Lilia,

      Your question is not clear.

      Are you talking about the Islamic divorce or the civil divorce?

      Did your husband speak to you and then said "you are divorced", or he just told the court that you are divorced?

      Are you concerned about the divorce or about the divorce paper?

  4. 3 years ago I do nikaah but my rukhsati not happen because I'm studying... I live with my husband suddenly died from a disease right before our marriage preparation... I dont have any physical contact with my husband... But we talk on phone and meet in family gathering. So after his death is iddah necessary for me.. But he not touch me never ever.

  5. Kindly suggest the Islamic ruling for talaq (divorce) needed from female after having nikah not rukhsati after a period of 1 month. Can they have right to demand something.

  6. Hi i have a Question if husband give Talak to his Wife without Rukhasti after Nikkha is there any Haq meher Wajib to husband any amount or NO amount bec after 1 month of nikkaha husband and wife want Talak no Physical relation, no loving moments nothing. Husband go abroad and talk with girl and understand her mentality and want to get rid from that girl. What legal and islam point of view on it.

    • Fazal, if you divorced her without consummating the marriage then there is no need to pay mahr. And if you paid it already then she should return it. Also, there is no 'iddah.

      Wael Editor

  7. i did a court marriage and did not have any intercourse but we met and had romance, later on our both families forced me to divorce my wife. On forcing by both the families i used these words by uttering her name, in her absence, "i divorce, i divorce, i divorce". what kind of divorce is this? can i get her back as we both want to be together? how can i get her back? is idda is necessary? please guide me according to Sharia.

    • I don't know if you are actually divorced, brother ali. Furthermore, I'm not sure if you were ever even married. Did you have a proper Islamic nikah? In any case, many scholars count the "triple talaq" as one divorce, so if you want to remarry her you can do so. Do it properly this time, with a correct Islamic nikah.

      Wael Editor

      • brother thnx for your guidance, i did a proper nikah as per sharia, actually it was my love marriage, i did not do the intercourse because we left all this after rukhsati, and also my wife did not allow it. my problem is, i used the words of three divorce unwillingly in 1 sitting. Deoband scholars are saying, if u give three divorce at once, it applies. they also said if u did a nikah and did not have any physical relations and u gave divorce thrice, nikah was broken with first divorce and other 2 divorce were not necessary. you can remarry with the same girl with out any halala. they also say, if you and your wife got some moments in private and got opportunity to have sex but you did not, then you cannot remarry unless your wife marry with some one else (halala). i am confused what to do?

  8. My husband and I got divorced but we have not had sex in 2 years years. Do I need to observe a 3 month Iddah or is 1 month enough?

    • You must observe the standard 'iddah. Frequency of sexual intercourse is not an issue unless the marriage was never consummated at all, in which case there is 'iddah.

      Wael Editor

  9. Hi

    I have a Question if husband give Talak to his Wife without Rukhasti after Nikkha is there any Haq meher Wajib to husband?

    I have already paid Haq Meher on nikkah without Rukhasti, Its almost 2 years and due to mismatch of marriage, I want to divorce my wife, there is no rukhsati, in that case what would be position of Haq mahar, Can I claim my haq mahar back?

  10. I got my nikkah done in auguust 2015 and within 3 months i got divorced over baseless issues. Issues were majorly for no exchange of gifts on nikkah because of my mother's health conditions. However there were some isssues tht occured bfre nikkah bt they resolved all of them and we got nikkahfied, but later on they not only raised those issues but also abt those thngs tht are mainly cosidered at the time of proposal. However, is there any way tht i can remarry him, although the divorce is being imposed on me against my will.
    PS we had nothing amongst us no consummation o marriage nothing.

    • Your husband can divorce you against your will. If he is the one that initiated a divorce then you are divorced although there is a waiting period in which he can take you back. Beyond that you can get married two more times to him without having to marry someone else first. Does he want to marry you again? Is he the one initiating the divorce?

      You find the rules here:

      • Yes my husband initiated the divorce, i knw i m divorced. We did not hve anythng amongst us, we did nt consummated our marriage. He divorced me via signining onto the divorce papers n also uttered to me on call but verbal ws once my question is how mny divorces are implied. He later on also saif tht he has given one divrce bt noone encouragd him to move ahead. There is no contact between us after divorce n it is my will to remarry him.

  11. Assalam u Alaikum.
    I got married to a girl one year back. Still waiting for rukhsati.. Now the girl wants me to divorce her.. Her parents wont allow a divorce so she is begging me.. Marriage is not consumated.. If in such case i divorce her, will i be giving her the haq meher?? What does islam and our govt law say about this? Please help..

  12. I have one question, if a widow marry again n her husband divorce her without having any physical relation. Than iddat is necessary for that woman or not..

  13. Assalam-o-Alaikum.

    My wife had our Nikah two years back without Rukhsati. I left for Canada 3 days after Nikah but before that I had some deep intimate moments with my wife (but didn't had intercourse). I went back to see her in the beginnning of this year for three weeks and I lived at her place for the whole period since I don't have any home in India anymore. There again we had number of deep intimate bedroom encounters (but no intercourse this time as well). Then I came back to Canada. Just about a month ago while in an argument on whatsapp text messages I divorced my wife once texting her 'Main Khuda Ko hazir nazir jankay tmhain talaq daita hn'. These were my exact words and I only texted this once in a fit of anger. I don't want to divorce her and All I want to know that by giving that one talaq have I actually divorced her or not. If so then what should I do? (Do I need to redo the Nikah or just say to her that I take you back or some other thing).



    • Waiting for your response.

      • No you are not divorced
        Because u said talaq once
        Only one has occurred
        You have 90 days to make ruju
        Otherwise the talaq is binding.

        U have to say talaq three times in order for a permanent separation.

        Talaq is not a game, so plz refrain from playing with it

        Call your wife and apologize
        And get back together

        Marriage is a beautiful
        Don't Ruin it

        Your brother in Islam

  14. aslamualaikum I have a question

  15. I married my husband on 15th march. He was already married living with his 1st wife and three kids in uk. We did nikah on 15 march and then he went back. He didnt touch me. On 18th jun i received an image on whatsapp stating talaq nama sent by his 1st wife. What he wrote in that is “i give you 3 divorces.. 1st divorce on 30th may 2nd on 30th jun and 3rd on 30th july. My question is can i remarry him without halala?? Plzz reply asap

    • Salam Hina,

      The message for divorce should come from him and not his first wife. She can't forward you a message because you can't be sure that he's the one sending it. You should just talk to him and confirm whether or not he is going through divorce with you. The second thing is that he can't divorce you three times without marrying you three times. You have to get back together after the first divorce within the iddah period, or have to get a new nikah post iddah period. He can't just tell you that he divorces you three times in the past. So if he has divorced you, you are currently divorced once. To remarry you he would have to do a new nikaah. Next, please don't use halala, you're supposed to marry your new husband with the purpose of marrying him and not marry him with a divorce already planned.

      • Rukhsati s phele nikah ke dauran humbistri hui ho aur miya talaq de de likh Ker teen bar
        Tou hujati hay talaq ? Kiya ruju munasib hai?

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