Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Trying for a baby but can’t conceive

Giggling baby

Salam All,

Me and my husband of 6 years have been actively trying for a baby for the past 1-2 years. We've had no success so far. There is nothing wrong with us medically. In fact, the doc said we were super fertile in spite of our ages (I'm 30 and he's 36).

Please let me know what are your experiences and journeys like while trying to have a baby. I've had to deal with several ppl (relatives) who are accusing me of being barren. Having the medical done really puts things at ease.

On a religious point of view, I'm do sholat at home and try to keep my sholat on time. My hubby does not really do that. He does go for friday prayers and occasionally prays but he admits his prayers are not complete because he does not know some of them. We have yet to pray as husband and wife. I'm not sure if the dua I made will be rejected if hubby is not leading the prayers at home.

My hubby is also in favour of visiting makams (shrines) of religious muslims. I find the whole practice to err on the side of shirk. My belief is that you should only ask Allah swt for help. He said that ppl don't pray to the makams but they ask the person who died for  recommendation to Allah swt. He also said ppl who have done have had their prayers answered faster. I feel that this is wrong. It resembles idolatry at certain extent. I know that I've read somewhere that the only makam you can visit is our beloved Prophet's (p.b.u.h). What is the islamic ruling on this?

It is aslo said that Allah swt tests those that HE loves. I'd like to know of any other sisters who have gone thru the same. Please advise on the duas and diets you have tried to conceive a baby.

Thank you,

Haunted.


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28 Responses »

  1. Hello... Message me and I will explain to you or call me..

    • meriam,

      This page is the best place to explain whatever you have to explain to the sister as others with a similar problem will also benefit. Additionally, we discourage exchange of personal contact information on our website.

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Wa'alaykumsalam,

    It is indeed really frustrating to see that you can't get pregnant even when things look good from the outside.

    But Firstly, it may be unrelated, but your husband is doing an evil job in visiting shrines and being irregular in his prayers. His prayers should be complete for it to be valid, do teach him how to pray or whatever he is ignorant about. Visiting the graves and graveyards is not wrong if done according to the shariah. That purpose is introspection and supplication for those who are dead.

    Abu Dawood and An-Nasaa’i narrated the addition regarding visiting the graves : “ …for indeed they remind you of the Hereafter, ”

    while Al-Haakim narrated the addition: “ …for it softens the heart and fills the eyes with tears; but do not utter any bad words there. ”

    He also added from the Hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood : " They make one renounce worldly pleasures. "

    Muslim also narrated from the Hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah : " They remind (one) of death. "

    So, whoever visits graves for the purposes mentioned in the Hadeeth and the like and does not say or do any evil is allowed to do so. But taking someone or something as a partner to Allah in words or deeds or appealing for help from any but Allah or weeping loudly or complaining about Allaah’s destiny or wiping themselves on the grave or circumblating etc are all forbidden and his visit would be unlawful. These sorts of evil practice is idolatory/shirk. Therefore, tell your husband to abandon this practice. It certainly causes harm.

    Secondly, have you tried having intercourse on days when you are most fertile ? It's most likely that you just aren't having sex at the right times; a fertile egg is only able to be fertilized for a few days, and if you miss that time, it'll be difficult somtetimes. The challenging part is identifying when you're most fertile. Try looking into the Fertility Awareness Method which can help you determine when you're most fertile. It's relatively free to do, and you should be able to find a book about it in your library. There are some sites online devoted to this topic, but they tend to be brief. All you need is a few minutes everyday to observe your temperature and/or cervical mucus or cervical position and chart that information. It doesn't take long to see a pattern and be able to apply the information.

    Since you've mentioned that you and your hubby are fertile. It seems as though the problem may be an undiagnosed disease like thyroid etc ? Or undiagnosed diabetes ? Or undiagnosed STD ? Or the quality of your eggs ? There are many reasons for not getting pregnant even if fertile. Therefore a full proper medical check-up would be ideal once again. Try someone with more expertise and trustworthy. If you've checked yourself up properly and there is no problem whatsoever, then your options would be to have patience and wait for Allah's mercy, as most certainly, you are in a test or you may go for IVF if in dire need of a child.

    In the mean time, have intercourse without being stressed. Just relax, stay longer while having intercourse in missionary position and enjoy.

    Do your duties towards Allah and ask him to have mercy on you and grant you a child. Make lots of du'a and tawbah. May He do so as you wish ameen.

  3. Salaam haunted,
    I have had some experience in this as my sister went through an experience the same as yours,
    And now alhumdulila she has twins, a boy and a girl.
    My advice to you is,
    First of all you have to stop being stressed,
    You need to get out of baby making mode, it will happen (inshallah,)when your happy and stress free, so spend time with your husband as a normal couple, not just for the perpouse of conceiving,
    Give up tea and coffee,
    Eat pleanty of fruit and veg, food that is high in iron.
    Get pleanty of rest,
    Do light excersise,ie light walking, etc
    And most of all pray to Allah and ask him to except your prays.

    • AoA

      I have been married for 12 years, coming to 13. My husband and i have been trying, but we got to the stage where we have totally relaxed down, and connected to each other beyond baby making. Life is not end all or be all if you dont have children. Being a libas for each other and caring and understanding far exceeds this. Alhamdulillah we have both performed Hajj and no prayer or invocation is left unheard by Allah swt. Allah knows best the secrets of the heart. Insha'Allah we are now taking the step to try IVF in October 2014 this year. If it is destined for us, it will happen, and if it dosent, then shukar alhamdulillah Allah has something more better in plans for us. Adoption is another beautiful thing to consider. There are duas you can read for help in concieveing. Some of which are:

      1) Du'a of Zakariyya (Zakariah) (as), which he made in his old age while his wife was barren. Allah(swt) answered his call and gave him Yahyah (John)(as), in Al Qur'an, Surah Al-'Imran 3:38: "O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation."

      2) Du’a of Ibrahim (as). Allah accepted his dua and granted Prophet Ibraheem two sons: Ismael and Ishaq (as), in Al Quran Surah Saaffaat: "My Lord, grant me from the righteous ones."

      3) Du’a of Zakariyya(as). in Al Quran Suratul Anbiyaa: 89: "Oh Allah, please don't leave me alone (childless), for you are the best of those who give inheritors."

      4) Du’a in Al Qur'an 25:74: "Our Lord! give us spouse and children who will be the joy( and the comfort ) of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteous (Leader of God-concious people). "

      5) Du’a in Al Quran - 46:15 Surah Al-Ahqaf: "...Oh Rabb, inspire me to give You thanks for the bounties you have granted to me and my parents, and to act righteously to please You. Lord, make my offspring virtuous. Lord I turn to you in repentance; I am a Muslim".

      Best Wishes and may Allah grant you and your husband with the most pious, healthy, beautiful children and may they be a source of blessing for you in both this life and the next, aameen! :O)

      Nahz Dastgir

  4. Asalamualaikym sister,

    I know how you feeling right now it's not that I was in same situation but one of my closest best friend went thru like this not same, she did conceive but always had miscarriage. She had 6 miscarriage. She was disturb and nearly got mental sickness but the grace of Allah and her patient she is a mother of a daughter.. 

    May Allah swt bless u with babies ameen , sis just believe in Allah swt no matter what how many problems come in ur life no matter no solutions comes out for them , but never leave the allah's path , just pray and pray and have complete and i mean complete faith in Allah swt that some day he'l bless u with a babies inshallah , 

    no doc no one is helpful untill and unless Allah swt makes them to be help ful so inshallah sis dont worry inshallah Allah swt will fullfill ur wishes inshallah , 

    sis try to wake up at night and pray nafil salah and make alots fo dua from ur heart cos that the time when ur all alone with Allah swt no one is there to bother u and what ever is in ur heart comes out , so inshallah do offer tahajud regularly and have complete faith in Allah.

    May Allah bless you and soon may Allah blessed you with baby.

  5. ASA sis... Are you hijabi? If so we are known to have low vitamin d since our heads are covered. Make sure to have your bloodwork done to check. Your levels should be atleast <30. as a nurse i see it alot. The doc will prescribe like 50000units and it a few months you will have normal levels. And should be able to get pregnant. Also ovulation calenders help as well. I had a very low vit d since im dark skinned and i wear hijab. Once i got my vit d up i was pregnant within a month.

    • Hijab playing a role in vitamin D deficiency is not true, Allah knows best.

      This study conducted by a Jordanian or whoever it is, is a random thought without proper evidence and other factors put together. Exposure to sun weighs more negative than positive. It can have other severe effects too like sun stroke, sun burn, skin cancer, damage immune system etc. It is clear that the research done is to attack the muslim hijabi women. Infact, wearing abayas, hijab will protect women from the terrible effects of UV rays and others mentioned above. In the UK in 2010, 12,818 people were diagnosed with malignant melanoma, and about 100,000 people were diagnosed with non-melanoma skin cancer. There were 2,746 deaths from skin cancer, 2,203 from malignant melanoma and 546 from non-malignant melanoma. In the US in 2008, 59,695 people were diagnosed with melanomaa, and 8,623 people died from it. These are the people who have uncovered head, skirts, sleeveless tops etc. May Allah grant us understanding. Therefore Allah's command is not to make human suffer or cause obvious harms but for their own goodness. Yet some don't see it. If wearing hijab affects woman then why didn't they study/research about muslim men ? Most men in middle-east wears the ' gutrah ' which is similar to the hijab.

      Following a medical study in which a number of doctors took part, Dr. Muhammadal-Shaakir ( King Faisal Hospital in Riyadh) rejected what has been said about women’s Islamic clothing playing a part in vitamin D deficiency and said: " This theory has no connection to truth ".

      Deficiency in vitamin D is something that can be treated medically and by eating food that contains those nutrients, and by exposure to the sun in a place where there are no non-mahram men, such as exposure to the sun through windows, balconies, on the roof of the house, in remote parks, and so on.

      According to the World Health Organization, five to 15 minutes of casual sun exposure of the hands, face and arms two to three times a week during the summer months is sufficient to keep vitamin D levels high.

      So where is the talk about hijab which covers the head ?

      • I really hope that you've read my comment properly before commenting. Anyways thank you for agreeing with me for what I've already said. lol

        You said "When the SKIN doesnt have access to light it cant activate cholesterol to vit d ".

        Well then, what does this have to do with hijab ? As Hijab covers the hair/head. And also, I myself said that skin needs to be in contact with the sun for vitamin D. Exposure to the sun through windows, balconies, roof tops etc for a fully veiled muslimah who wish to do in private when no one's around and the WHO ( world health organisation ) themselves said, 5-15 minutes of casual sun exposure of the HANDS, FACE and ARMS, two or three times a week is sufficient to keep vitamin D levels high. So once again, where does the role of hijab come into play ? Because obviously the face, hands or arms of majority of hijabi muslimahs are normaly exposed.
        It just shows that, the ' hijab-vitamin D deficiency' theory is absurd and ridiculous. No facts only idea to attack Islam by the zionist I believe.

        We are talking about hijab here, so, the SKIN needs to be in contact with the sun, not the hair or head. Face, arms or hands can do the job. So why accept a false theory naively ?

        By the way, I've got plenty of time to waste. 😀

        and if the OP needs high levels of vitamin D, then as a muslimah nurse, it is absurd for you to blame the hijab as it is totally irrelevant, you shouldn't have brought this false theory up because there are many other ways to UP the vitamin D levels. You said, you're 10 yrs experiance, so I don't need to inform you the ways, instead you should have used your intelligence and advise her to take vitamin D capsules or give her a list of food rich in vitamin D, or advise her to expose her SKIN under the sun like the face , hands and arms ( which are already exposed anyways ). So simple innit ? Hijab is certainly out of the question because Allah knows best.

        • Salaam All,

          Okay I have to admit that I am a troll and sometimes I just have to write something even if its not my part to interfere. I have to say that you both are hilarious (the smart-come-backs are funny yet intellectual) and I truly enjoyed the exchange. I am just a student (nursing) and love Chem/Biology. I am not a Dr. and have no facts but I have to agree with brother Ali. The ' hijab-vitamin D deficiency' theory does not make sense. There are many sisters out there who are hijabis and have many kids. My mother MashaAllah is one of them and she had eight kids, lol. One of my sister at one point was not a hijabi but Al7amdouillah she is now a great hijabi. She too has been in a similar trial and have tried to have a baby for about 5 years now w/ no success. So that right there tells me that this theory is just an idea and stupid at that, to attack Islam.

  6. Are you refering to this point " In the UK in 2010, 12,818 people were diagnosed with malignant melanoma, and about 100,000 people were diagnosed with non-melanoma skin cancer. There were 2,746 deaths from skin cancer, 2,203 from malignant melanoma and 546 from non-malignant melanoma. In the US in 2008, 59,695 people were diagnosed with melanomaa, and 8,623 people died from it " ? ( As this I took from wiki ).

    Well then, this point that I've shown isn't approving you in any ways. Infact its been brought up to disaprove you that hijab has nothing to do with vitamin D deficiency and rather it protects the body from the harmful effects of sun rays along with other set of Islamic clothing ( abayas etc ) This is a statistics which give a general view of hijabi and non-hijabi or in other sense, exposure to sun rays by people who wear less clothes and get affected by continual exposure to sun light. The number of deaths is alarmingly high by these ignorant people. Therefore, Islamic clothing is recommended and Allah knows whats best for us. " Then which of the favour of your Lord will ye deny ? " ( Ar-Rahman )

  7. Yup you're right, I'm no doctor, I only have limited knowledge which was taught to me by my mum, who is a doctor.

    Again, no one is denying that sunlight is the main source of vitamin D ( I've never denied it in any of my comments ). Everyone knows it. Exposure of face, hands and arms are sufficient for the vitamin D to go high. Therefore, hijab is irrelevant. Isn't it irrelevant by now sister ? ( I'm not denying any medical talks here as I myself know them, but I'm disapproving your acceptance that hijab plays an imortant role in lowering the vitamin D ). If you still think that it plays an important role in lowering the levels of vitamin D, then please explain how. Make me aware. Don't just sit there and say it does blindly.

    You said " When vitamin D is normal, fertility increases ". But the OP has said, her doctor informed them that she is ' super fertile '. But she isn't conceiving, and you are experiance with regards to these problems as you've said it. Luckily you're in the prefectly right thread. So what you think is the problem with the OP and her husband ? What else can you suggest her to do ? With all your experiance, do help her with proper advises.

    And again, I'm not wasting my time lol, I've got plenty and its fun alhamdulillah.

  8. Please let me know what are your experiences and journeys like while trying to have a baby.
    the doc said we were super fertile in spite of our ages (I'm 30 and he's 36).
    I GAD NO BABY FOR 1ST 6 MONTHS AND MT FRIEND ADVISED ME TO USE THE METHOD OF OF REACHING THE LEGS OF THE WOMEN AS HIGH AS THE HEAD ON BO TH SIDES[FOR PENETRATION' SO THAT THE DROP WHICH IS REQUIRED TO REACH THE POINT OF CONCEIVING IS REACHED AND THAT DID THE JOB WHEN I DID AS ER HIS ADVICE-

    PL TELL YR HUSBAND IN ADVANCE THAT THIS MIRACLE FROM ALLAH MAY HAPPEN BUT DONT RUN BEHIND THE DEAD SAINTS AND GIVE CREDIT TO THEM OR HIS SUPPLICATIONS TO THEM THAT YOU CONCEIVED BECAUSE OF THEIR BLESSINGS LEAVE ALONE BLESSING THEY HAVE NO POWER TO SAVE THEMELVES- (They are things) dead, lifeless: nor do they know when they will be raised up. [16:21]
    “and before them is a barrier (Barzakh) until the day they are raised.” [23:100]

    https://www.facebook.com/notes/ali-yousuff/sufism-consists-of-graveworship-qawwaali-dancing-fun-fairs-eating-a-host-of-othe/197074037016508

    Do's And Dont's About Graves http://alkhilafah.net/graves.html
    GRAND LIST OF MATCHING PRACTICES OF HINDU TEMPLE ANNIVERSARIES AND MUSLIM UROOS-
    1.HINDUS SAINT-DEATH ANNIVERSARY 1.UROOS WALI'S DEATH ANNIVERSARY
    2.FUNCTION OF THE HINDU SAINT 2.UROOS FUNCTION OF THE DEAD SAINT
    3.HINDUS WASH THE IDOL WITH AMRITH 3.UROOS MUSLIM WASH WITH ROSE WATER&SANDAL.
    4.NEW CLOTHES FOR HINDUS SAINTS 4.NEW CHADAR FOR MUSLIMS SAINTS.
    5.HINDUS TAKE PROCESSION IN ROADS 5.MUSLIMS TAKE PROCESSION IN ROADS.
    6.FEEDING OF ALL THE DEVOTEES 6.FEEDING OF THE ALL THE MUREEDS.
    7.SINGING BHAJANS WHOLE NIGHT 7.SINGING OF QAWALIS WHOLE NIGHT.
    8.MINGLING OF SEXES IN THE COMPOUND 8.MINGLING OF SEXES IN THE COMPOUND
    9.DOING POOJA &INTERCESSION TO IDOL 9.DOING MURAD&ILTHEJA TO THE GRAVES
    10.STANDING IDOL AS INTERCESSOR 10.SLEEPING DEAD SAINT AS INTERCESSOR.

  9. Assalamualaikum w.b.,

    Masya'allah. All praises for Allah (swt). Thank you all for your kind responses. I have just tested myself and its negative for any sign of pregnancy. Its very distressing. We are both trying very hard not be sad abt this. This is truly a test for us.

    To answer all your questions, the tests were very conclusive. Me and my husband do not have any diseases. My eggs are normal. I have a question to ask the sisters out there or any medical personnel. My period sometimes skips a month when we have relations. Does it happen? Its frustrating because I thought for sure I was pregnant but I'm not. Is there any supplication I can refer to on this? Any hadith that gives advise on fertility?

    • Sister, If everything is well between you and your husband, then you need not worry and trust in Allah. Ask of Him. Right now, just have patience and if Allah wills, he will bless you with babies. Pray and pray only. It may be a test of your patience.

      The kingdom of the heavens and earth belongs to Allah. He creates whatever He wills. He gives daughters whoever He wishes; and He gives sons to whoever He wishes; or He gives them both sons and daughters; and He makes whoever He wishes barren. Truly He is All-Knowing, All-Powerful. (Shura: 49 - 50)

      Dua-

      - "Rabbi laa tadharni fardan wa anta khayr ul-waaritheen"

      (O my Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors).

      - "Rabbi hab li min ladunka dhurriyyatan tayyibatan innaka samee’al-du’aa’ ".

      (O my Lord! Grant me from You a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation).

    • Sister sometimes for being frustration, depression can make your period late. I think you worry too much stay calm and if you in any kind of depression then talk to your husband to help you to calm down or maybe you can visit a psychology to make thing easy. Sometime we feel more comfortable to express our worry or depression infront of psychology and they do advice which will help.

    • Hello sister, your irregular periods might be the problem, because I have the same problem, I have PCOS. What kind of doctor are you seeing? You should see a doctor who is an expert in this field because not all doctors are experts within this field. A Gynecologist is, they will tell u exactly what the problem is. Because when your period skips a month or more then that will be an issue when your trying to conceive. Please see a Gynecologist.
      Doctors aren't your only choice either. There are many herbal medicines that have helped many women get regular periods. Just look up herbal medicines that regulate hormones and periods. Hormones could be another factor that is getting in the way. So the herbal medicines will help with that too.
      But keep praying to Allah swt, it is upon his will. I will also be praying for you and other women having the same problem. It is a horrible feeling, I understand completely because I am in the same situation. But don't get discouraged and don't lose hope, there is a reason as to why Allah doesn't want you to be pregnant right now. Patience and Hope is what a Muslim should never lose.

  10. You say that your period skips a month, is there any possibility that you have an underlying problem? You may be fertile but you could have something called PCOS ( polycystic ovariom syndrome ) I know becoz I have had this and many other complications but Alhamdulilah by the grace of Allah I am all clear from problems. The main thing is to be consistent in trying but keep it fun, don't make it a chore. It should always be an act of love and inshaAllah you will have happy news very soon. I feel for you very much. But remember Allah is the best of planners.

  11. AOA i want to know that my period date was 11 january but today is 11 day of my cycle, i feel pain in lower abdomen and back pain like menses pain and some time i walk than feel Dizziness.and my abdomen was disturb in periods now still disturb.please tell me what's the problem?

  12. shav also querry about my perios thy necme irregular aftr marige bt iwsnt to cnceive

  13. Hello there

    I had a question for my aunt she is my mothers sister in law her name is saiqa azhar
    My uncle's name is azhar lone.
    They hav have been married for 18 years now but she couldnt get pregnant everything is normale in theor reports they even tried to do test tubebaby but she end up negative.. i guess she had miscarriage..

    Anyways yes we know there is a black magic spell on her.. coz my elder aunt n my mother's 2nd brother - his wife said she will make sure their life never trun a happy life..

    She once gave some sweet rice budding to my saiqa aunt to eat ..
    And tht was 15-16 years ago .. ther got its checked but nothing happened after it.

    Is there anyway the spell on my aunt be removed... sh eis so sweet so nice i really wnat the best for her..

    Let me know.. if there is a cure..

    Best regards

    • Its not me my aunt my mammi who is not able to conceive

    • I am a example. 14years of marriage and everything was normal. Just pray sincerely to Allah ask for forgivness and you will see Allah's bountiful blessing. I am today الحمد لله 6months pregnant. There is hope. Just trust in Allah. And seek his forgivness. Ask and he will give. Beg cry in the early hours of tahajujud and speak to the creator. He will listen and never turn you away. Ameen.

  14. Sister read dua Mariam put sadqa daily Nadia for intention of a beautiful child do istafar abundantly read abundance darood sharif upon the beautiful prophet HAZRAT Mohammed Mustapha saw REHMATIL ALAMEEN best creation read Quran daily make long sajoods making dua make long dua ask Allahazawajal for the sake if he’s beautiful Rasool I make dua Allahazawajal blesses you with pious children who can be the coolness of your eyes Ameen Suma Ameen xxx

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