My husband uses drugs, is violent and I am scared for my own life and the life of my children. Please help.
Assalam O Alaikum,
I am 24 year old married women with two kids; a daughter and son. My husband was a rich man and I got married to him, thinking that he is going to protect me, provide for me and my kids, and love me. First year was OK; it all started when I gave birth to my daughter. He started cheating on me, got into drugs; we had to sell everything even the gold that he bought me but he ended up in jail. My parents bailed him out. I wasn't aware of this even though he used to go out in the evening and never come back until 5 or 6am in the morning. I forgave him and thought he will change. I got pregnant again thinking it might be because I had a girl (typical stupid thinking). I was blessed by Allah (swt) with a boy but he didn't change; it made me confuse and angry at the same time.
He stays out every night; ignores me and comes back home like he isn't doing anything wrong. We fight whenever we talk; I am trying so much to keep this marriage intact but I can't take it any more from him. His parents don't want to live with him because he can't afford or save money to deposit for a house as he is busy chilling out. I got kicked out once from his house 3 months ago as he wasn't providing because he was busy with his drugs and stuff. When I came back; I found out that all the money was gone; he doesn't bother about me or kids. He only cares when he wants to be intimate with me; I am don't know what to do? I am scared from this violent environment; my kids will be affected; I feel like he is using and abusing me. He is bullying me in many ways.
Please help
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Salaams,
You said "I am trying to keep this marriage intact", but sister, this marriage hasn't been intact for quite some time. At this point, there is nothing to keep intact because he's broken the marriage's safety by his actions. The only hope is that your marriage can somehow be saved, but based on what you are describing the likelihood of that happening is very small. In fact, without him making a full commitment to change his ways, its IMPOSSIBLE.
If he is violent and abusive, you must take your children and leave. You must go anywhere, even if it's to a women's shelter, and start taking back your life. Like you said, he's using, abusing, and bullying you. Not only that, but you are supporting someone who is engaging in criminal behavior by staying with him so far as you have. If the law ever catches up with him, there's nothing to say you won't be drawn into the drama. You risk losing your children if you are implicated. Sister, it's just not worth it.
You have the rest of your life to work through the grief of a failed marriage, but you won't get back time lost by waiting for a miracle. Your children are precious and deserve to grow up in a peaceful and caring home, and right now you are the only one who can make that happen. It's your choice- make the right decision and cut this toxic person out of your life while you can, or live in regret knowing you could've changed it but chose not to because you wanted to hang on to illusory hopes.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
sister you need to leave straight away imagine if this was sumone eles wat would you say to them i know its hard u lov him but he wont change until he realises wat hes doing and if u stay hel think its ok i was in similar situation and the abuse just got worse and the plice involved i had panik atacks agraphobia etc ur mental health wil get worse . get your life bak be strong and hapi ur free of this selfish mans ways which will only bring you misery and find somone eles whol treat u like the princess you are and for kids sake dont go bak seek councelor to make u srong pray for asw help and do ur fasting and give zakka and know that you are a respected muslim, sister you have dun nothing wrong dont b afraid sister allah swt is always with you and will guide you to a loving husband whol take care of you and ur kids inshallah xxx