Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should I do now?


Dear Sister and brothers,
first of all its a great platform to discuss issues and solves matter according to the guidance of islam, may ALLAH give rewards to all the team involved in this great act.

I want to get straight to my problem. Ever since my teenage and after teenage life I was obsessed with
girls and ladies who were fat, but I wasn't able to find any relation with any of the girl with that thing, so I got engaged and my engagement lasted for 2.5 years and after that I got married. During the time of my engagement I still had that love for fat girls, but my fiancee was not that much but still in my worst act, I acted as a disgusted way and I used to find the physical love out of her, we used to kiss and hugs and so on during our engagement and all that time I was trying to find that love for the fat part but I didn't got it. I used to get disgusted what I used to do with my fiancee but once my guilt was over I was back what I was doing. I forgot who I really was and almost acted according to my naps. Satan was just inviting me to do but it was me who was doing this dirty acts.

So as my marriage days were approaching I don't why I was getting married because if I said no to married at that time it would be devastating for my wife, coz I looked like I just used her for my physical needs, which is now looking by the way, so I got married and my excitement for the married life and other needs were destroyed by myself. I was not interested in my wife as a husband is supposed to be coz all I was doing was to fulfil my physical need and there was no love which is pure and clean.

So I have been married for like 2.5 years and out of country and my wife is in india and I barely talk to her or message her. In fact I really don't miss her, even if she texts me I get annoyed. Lately I was feeling so guilty for what I have done to her, I told her everything which was killing me inside. She straight said to me that she's gonna discuss this issue with our both families and she said to give her divorce. The part about my wife is that she loves me purely with heart and during that physical relation during our engagement she was doing it with love (which on our both sides was wrong and now we both regret that, if she had not given me the opportunity to love I would have left her) and I was doing with my dirty disgusting mind.

Now the thing is I think that I can't be acting as big time harami in this thing that when I wanted to satisfy my physical needs I used her, now I don't want her I am supposed to give her divorce. In all this why should my wife suffer? Yes we both agreed that we shouldn't have indulged in physical activities before marriage, but does she stands now and on the other hand I by myself destroyed my married life in which there was sexual relation, commitment, happiness, family and so on.

So now my question to is what can I do in this matter - I think about divorce but I know I won't, I want make myself suffer for what I did, I destroyed two life my wife and my life as well.

So what should I do now, say anything you want to say to me I deserve it.


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4 Responses »

  1. Bro Zahid

    It's a very positive sign that you have come to realise your mistakes.
    Do not divorce your wife, ask her and you yourself make taubah to Allah, give a lot of sadqah and recite Astaghfirullah 100 times after each salah, five times a day, so minimum 500 times you should recite.

    Keep asking Allah for forgiveness and advise the same to your wife, Insha Allah, come closer to Islam, try to recite some quranic verses each day with Translation so you can implement it's meaning and renew your faith, love and fear of Allah and insha Allah, Allah by his Grace and Generosity will make it easier for you and solve your worries.

    May Allah guide us all.
    Hope that helps.

  2. ASalaamualikum brother,
    Plz dont do what u,ve been doing so far. Like u said ur wife has no fault in all this and she loves u. Have u ever thought of the pain and stress ur giving her by ur behivour?? U should at least try to make this marriege work before even going to divorce. Like u said u have been away from her and did not bother to contact her. Stop this brother.. Go to india give her and ur marriege a chance. Go to india or take her to ur place. try to spend time with her. Go out for dinner. Talk and camunicate with eachother. Charector and deen is also importand as well as physical apearance. If u think she has good charector and deen then whynot try to make this marriege work rather then leaving it like this.

    U said u like fat women. If u mean women having fat body then in my oponion most women get fat during pragnancy and after giving birth. They body changes alot over the time and most women gain weight caz of having kids and pregnancy so dont think ur wife will remain like this for ever. She will eventually change and gain weight.

    Love her Take care of her borther she dosnt deserve a divorce just becaz of her small body. I know how Aisen socity will lebal a woman as divorcee and how they will make that woman life a living hell. Dont let this happen to ur wife.
    U said she loves u so She might have been ask for divorce becaz of the pain and ur cold behivour not becaz she actully want that to happen.

    Ask her to forgive u and give u anther chance. Take her to ur place or u go to india and try to sort this out.
    may allah help u and make it easy for u. may allah put lost of love in ur heart for ur wife. ameen.

  3. Assalamu Alaikum and Greetings to all

    " Life is what we make it " brother so please dont hesitate,go speak with your wife sort out evething,and start living a happy life with her.And please keep in mind your wife is also feelings being a girl iam saying it hurts a lot so please make evething alr8, each and every human does mistakes but the important thing is not repeating the mistakes even after realising that it is a mistake,in sha allah all our prayers are with u.............may allah forgive us all for all the mistakes and sorry if i have hurted u in any case.Allah Knows the best.

  4. My a sunni Muslim married to a 1st advice is in Islam there is no such thing as engagement dating talking to opposite sex unless it is work related or other .....etc to know that we don't get into temptations.....The problem is people in general don't realize that they are committing haram and cursing themselves...this is fact.....That's why it is said that one scholor over 1000 worshippers SHAITAN fears.....that learned person.....the divorce that comes into our mind is the whispering of SHAITAN. ....A very big scholor told me when I was getting married said ...DON'T TO MUCH JIGGY JIGGY OR ELSE YOU WILL LOSE THE NOOR ON YOUR FACE.....ANOTHER MAN I MET IN TABLIGH SAID WHY DO YOU NEED IT ..WHY? WE ARE ONLY HERE TO BRING THIS DEEN INTO THE PEOPLES LIVES BRING LIGHT INTO DARKNESS...YOUR SPOUSES ARE HELPERS AND FROM THEM WE BRING PIOUS MUSLIMS INTO THIS WORLD.....WE ARE NOT LIKE ANIMALS.ETC......BESIDES THIS ALLAH WILL ASK US ABOUT ARE BODY THAT WAS GIVEN AS A TRUST AND WE WILL BE ASKED I GAVE YOU IMAN IN THIS WORLD WHAT DID YOU DO FOR DEEN? Did you invited anybody to pray salat did you reminded anybody that strayed from the path did you set an example to the people arounderstand you such as Co workers neighbors etc...You get! And you worried about petty issues like this when this world has invisible clock on your head thinking your going to live for ever.......think about is short

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