Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Cheating husband

smoking and drinking 300x180 %photoMy husband having affairs /flirting with girls for a year.  Evidence shows that he is involved in zina (no witness but emails from other non muslim girls tell whats going on between them).

He is not practicing muslim, drinks alcohol (discreetly). As he lives and works in other city, is not willing to keep family with him.  Apart from above mentioned problem he is ok, gives most (not all) wife's right.

What Islamic shariah advice to wife in that case.

I need help,

From Aalim.


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26 Responses »

  1. very sorry sister!

  2. Dear Aalim, Asalaamualaikum,

    Have you spoken to your husband directly about his behaviour?

    If you have tried this but he still shows no signs or willingness to change, perhaps you should involve a wise family member or friend - preferably someone whom your husband respects.

    At the same time there is no harm in you speaking to a qualified Imaam about your situation.

    SisterZ

  3. If it was just drinking and flirting, then I would say give him time, try to be a good influence, and as Sister Z says try to get someone he respects to talk to him.

    However, if you believe he is actually committing adultery then the problem is more serious. He could bring a disease home to you. And of course adultery is a serious sin and no wife should be expected to accept it. If that is the case, then I would advise confronting him as discussed above, but if he does not change then you should consider divorce.

  4. my husband of seven years cheated on me back in febuary I tried to forgive him where still together but its not the same my heart still hurts like I just found out yesterday Allah hates divorce what should I do

  5. By Rick Mathes

    • Rick Mathes,

      I have deleted the rest of your comment because its going to spark of a big debate here and this is not the place for it. But I wanted to reply to you to let you that whichever Imam you spoke to, clearly did not know what he was talking about.

      In every religion there are people who misunderstand their religion. The man you spoke to was one of those.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Peace be upon you.

        I do agree with Sister Z, I am revert, I was catholic, that terrible reading is spreading through all the world, I am glad it came here through you, this way I can invite you to learn about the principles of Islam and His Messenger (saw) to be able to discern between the right and the wrong, between true and false, when someone gives you to read something like this, this way you won´t believe blindly what other wants you to believe, you will be able to say from your own knowledge and maybe one day, wisdom, my eyes see and my ears listen, without the veils that others wants to put on you.

        I didn´t have to choose, when the veils fell from my eyes and my ears, I understood I was born muslim.

        All my Unconditional Respect,
        María
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. I am so much worried for all the muslim sister s , because they are blankly trusting the false and sharing their husband with other women .

    • Hi Rick.
      Cheating and adultery happens. There are men and women who cheat on their spouse/partner in all religions. It is not restricted to Islam, and their behaviour is not condoned by Islam in any way. In fact Islam forbids such disgusting behaviour like adultery, and in the event that a spouse cheats or for other valid reasons divorce is allowed. Furthermore, none of these women who have posted here have said anything about being in a polygamous marriage. It is not the issue here, so I am confused as to why you have brought it up? My guess is you have been fed mis-information about Islam. Whoever is giving you this information - they are incorrect.

      Sara
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • @Sara sister,

        Religion is different from walking with god . Religions are made by men , but there is one god who is holy with full of love . so If a man or women walks with a true god in their life , then he or she won't cheat on his or her spouse . But prophets in quran have more than one wife , and they wrote to kill the people who don't believe in allah , so how these guys might have walked with true god? .

        my point is , since quran is allowing boys to marry more women, men are flirting with other women , of course all religion guys will flirt with all the women , but those who walk along with true god can't and won't do sin . Thank you sister , hope you are clear now . may god touch you , BLESS YOU and KEEP YOU in heaven .

        • Cool for you,

          You are not cool first of all :)

          Secondly, you should read the Qur'an first. In it you will find answers to your questions.

          Debating with us here will make you write a few posts and then deleting of thread for an unwanted discussion.

          " Muslim's were attacked first in their Holy Mosque" in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

          They had to emigrate due to persecutions due to these attacks by the disbelievers in Islam.

          They were put in exile for many months without food suppliers and trade and boyvotted by disbelieving people around them, during which the Prophet's only wife of 25 years passed away and so did his uncle.

          After this attempts were made time and again to kill the Prophet.

          Finally he had to migrate to Madinah from Makkah.

          There also Muslims were being "plotted" against and the People of the Book (Jews and Christians) hatched conspiracies to kill him and wipe of Muslims and invited Makkan tribes to come and finish them off.

          So Allah gave permission to Muslims to fight those who were fighting them.

          If someone continously kicks you, punches you, will you say I am true and I am with true God, so I will die by your kicks? answer me honestly, will you not fight back in defence or call the police?

          Those who were killed below the swords of Muslims were criminals who constantly engaged in hatching conpiracies and troubling Muslims by attacks on thier parties and caravans.

          In between the Prophet, a lover of peace, signed peace treaties with them, but they violated the treaties.

          If your country of residence with true god had international policies and another county violated it and began invasion, would your country with true god keep quite?

          When it comes to justice, in times of peace it is peace and in times of war it is war and still islam is the first to make stop killing an opponent if he offers peace, if he leaves his sword, not to kill, but take him to a safe place from the turmoil, making him hear the word of God and leave him to a safe place after that.

          These are Islamic ettiquittes of war which you will not find elsewhere except in the Qur'an.

          So stop wasting your time engaging in debates by heresay.

          Take up the Qur'an, study it and then Insha Allah, we can talk on the subjects you like.

          Remember, people would like to debate with you, but only if you seek the truth, if you wish to show someone is lower than you and your faith is superior with your preconcieved notions, then it would be fruitless to write you for hours.

          Hope you act as a mature man and discuss about matters of which you have "proof" and not "hear say" or "guess work".

          Peace,
          Munib.

          • @Muniib brother ,

            God loves you more .

            If allah is real god , why can't he save all the muslims when they are poisoned and not provided with food ? . god is the greatest protector and rescuer for his people ,and who can be against his people , none can attack his people or keep them hungry .

            so there is no need for allah giving permission to kill people . so sine they were not walking with true god , they tooked their own way of surviving in this world by trusting false and wrote to kill all the people who are not muslim .

            GOd loves every one and god cares for every .

        • I appreciate that you care for them Rick but you are misinformed. You are right that God-fearing people will not or should not cheat on their spouse, but Religion is from One God, and we cannot blame any religion or tarnish a whole religion based on the actions of a minority (or even a majority) in that religion. Men do not flirt with other women because polygamy is permissible. That is a very narrow way of looking at it. Men flirt with women for a huge number of reasons, most of which have nothing to do with polygamy and even those men who do practice polygamy Islamically when looking are not allowed to flirt with other women. There are very strict rules in place. I do not deny that polygamy is misused, but dont knock polygamy, it is the fault of those men who practice it for their own desires and ignore Islamic principles. If someone is truly God fearing and believes they will answer to God, they won't be abusing the priviledges that God has given them.

          Also Islam does not advocate the killing of a human. The Prophets never wrote this. The Qur'an was not written by a Prophet or any human being for that matter.

          Sahih Bukhari, Book 83, Number 3:
          "Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: One of the evil deeds with bad consequence from which there is no escape for the one who is involved in it is to kill someone unlawfully."

          If anyone killed a person not in retaliation of murder, or (and) to spread mischief in the land - it would be as if he killed all mankind, and if anyone saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of all mankind.

          Also despite numerous personal attacks on the Prophet, he did not resort to murdering them or even harming them. He gave them many many chances. As Muslims we should be kind and merciful.

          One old woman made a habit of throwing rubbish on Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) whenever he passed from her house! Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) had to pass that house daily on the way to the mosque.
          Even when the old woman threw rubbish on him, he would pass silently without showing any anger or annoyance. This was a regular, daily event.
          One day when the Prophet was passing by, the woman was not there to throw the rubbish. He stopped, and asked the neighbour about her well-being, and wondering why she wasn't dropping any rubbish on him.
          The neighbour informed the Prophet that the woman was sick on bed. The Prophet politely asked permission to visit the woman. When allowed he entered the house, the woman thought that he had come there to take his revenge when she was unable to defend herself because of sickness.
          But the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) assured her that he had come to her, not to take any revenge, but to see her and to look after her needs, as it was the command of Allah that if any one is sick, a Muslim should visit him and should help him if his help is needed
          The old woman was greatly moved by this kindness and love of the Prophet. By the example of greatness of Muhammad, she understood that he was truly the Prophet of God and Islam was the true religion. She accepted Islam at once, Alhamdulilah.

          I strongly advise you to study Islam rather than listening to the wrong information the media is conveying. Open your mind, read the Qur'an. You believe in God so ask Him to show you the truth and be open to it. Wash away all your stereotypes and open your heart and mind. Also as much as I would love to continue this, it is not the place for it. We are all different and if you choose to believe something else that is your choice and I respect it. :) I only want peace. So while on this website, please respect the rules here, it is not a place for debating as this is an Islamic forum. We are committed to helping others from an Islamic perspective so it is likely our comments will be deleted by a senior Editor

          For instance I have just spent 10 minutes writing this. That is 10 minutes I could have spent editing/publishing or commenting or helping someone in need. It is distracting us from the task at hand. So lets just agree to disagree on this one. May God be with you,
          Peace,

          Sara
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • @sara sister ,

            "Men do not flirt with other women because polygamy is permissible."

            sister , i am extremely sorry to tell that above sentence is absolutely wrong in practical .

            For men girls are like honey , so how much ever women a men marries his desires won't come to end unless he is physically ill , if a men tasted a women then he will start liking to taste all variety of womens and it goes on happens , never ends .

            so all human being are physically weak , so how to over come this ? REAL GOD IS THE ONLY ANSWER WHO GIVE STRENGTH AND WHO GIVE REAL LOVE AND WHO GUIDES AND PUNISHES TO LEAD IN RIGHT PATH .

            God created men to him , not to marry many women to utilize girls only as a baby carrying machine .

            Ultimately i found one thing , all muslim found their own way of living holy , but on one can live holy without god preservation and god protection :) ....... may god heal you all ....GOD LOVES YOU MORE AND HE MAKES TO WRITE IT TO ALL OF YOU .

    • Thank you for feeling sorry for them. Please pray to God for all Muslim sisters. :)

      • @Muniib ,

        you are welcome sister , atleast you can see my caring towards muslim sister :(

        • Yes coolforyou, except that I am not your sister.

          I am a male :)

          If you care so much for our sisters, you should read the Qur'an and explain the truth to them after understanding it.

          Insha Allah, I would appreciate your care for them even more then :)

          Peace,
          Munib.

    • Rick,

      Since you are Christian (as you claim to be in your comment that I deleted); it seems that you know little about those Prophets mentioned in the Biblical scriptures. Many of them (peace be upon them all) had more than one wife.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • @SisterZ ,

        No sister , there is nothing called Religion in this world , my worries are about these muslim girls are ill treated in mulim relgion and they are miss used by the muslim guys by showing a false facts . I am extremely sorry if i am hurting the muslim people :(

        • Your words reminds me of this, before going to critize without knowledge in your brother´s house, please take a look to your own house, study, learn, investigate, experience, travel, see the world and then come to see us again, if God allows it.

          María
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • @María M sister ,

            I am not criticizing any one ,and i can't speak any thing unless i am good , if i am not good , there is no need for me to waste my time here , but i want all the sisters eyes should be open , i want every one to feel the truth and live for truth and to love one another .

            there is no point in arguing for any thing , but future is the only answer sister .

          • Yes we want the same things, Rick. We want to live for truth and love one another, which is likely one of the reasons there are such strict rules on this site. Your intentions are good, and I appreciate your not being disrespectful, its just your misinformed. In any case I agree there is no point arguing as this is not the right place for it.
            May God be with you. :)
            Peace,
            Sara

            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Brother,

          We do not need your help in finding the truth, we already found it & we are happy. Nothing will make us change how we feel about our religion because Islam is the truth. Regardless of what happens in these sister's lives I have not seen one sister on this website complaining about how bad our religion is to her. Please detach the people from the religion, Islam is perfect but Muslims are not.

          I respect that you are worried about us but you don't need to be worried. This is our choice. We love Islam & do not blame our religion on the mistreatment we get from others. We know the secrets to life which you will never know unless you open your mind and read the Quran with a clear heart. I suggest you do that or do something else other than starting debates on Muslim websites that are for helping people who are muslims (with a couple of exceptions) Since many of us chose to be Muslims on our own we will not listen to you so this is only a waste of your precious time that you will never get back again. Sorry to offend you in anyway but I am only telling you the truth.

          Peace be upon you and may God guide you to the right path. Ameen.

  7. @strawberryfields ,

    Thank you very much brother . God loves you more :)

    • Thank you,

      I am a sister by the way and I am well aware that God loves me more. :) InshAllah we will eventually find our way to Him sooner or later.

    • There's no benefit in coming to this website and claiming that Islam is false, and speaking against Allah, and trying to promote Christianity. We worship the One True God, and we are not confused. This website is not for debating such matters. It is for advising people on marriage and family issues.

      For these reasons I have banned you.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor