Got a non-Muslim woman pregnant; need help
AssamuAlaikum,
I had sex with one non Muslim girl and got her pregnant. She doesn't want to have an abortion. I don't know what to do now? I need your advice in this matter.
thanks,
Dell345.
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ASSALAMALAIKUM
MARRY HER ATLEAST YOU WILL BE SAVING THE COMING GENERATIONS FROM WOMB TO BE BORN IN MUSLIMS -
YOU IF YOU LEAVE HER AND GO YOUR WAY AND SHE GOES HER WAY-
ALL THE SUPPOSED TO BE BORN LINAGE WILL COME INTO EXISTENCE AS NON-MUSLIMS
SO IF YOU MARRY AND GIVE HER GOOD LOVING LIFE AND TEACH HER PROPER TAWHEED AND SUCCED IN THIS LIFE ALLAH WILL BLESS YOU AND SINCIERLY SEEK FORGIVENESS FOR THIS GREAT SIN YOU DID ALLAH WILL FORGIVE YOU-INSHALLAH-
As Salamualaikum,
Brother, do you realize how grave a sin you have committed? Allah Created us all for His Worship, and when we disobey Him in this manner, would He not become Angry? Indeed, your sin is a great one. Its a major one.
You need to repent to Allah day and night. The month of Ramadan is going on, you could make best use of this and even the Laylatul Qadr to seek forgiveness from Allah. Cry to Him for what you have committed and resolve that you will never repeat it in your life.
Further, this girl is correct for not aborting YOUR child. Abortion is not the solution for the sin of Zina, infact, it would intensify the sin further. Abortion is not allowed in Islam for your situation.
If this non Muslim girl is ready to accept Islam, then I suggest you to get married to her. (if she is a Christian or a Jew, then there is a provision to marry her, but it is not preferred. An ideal wife of a Muslim man is a pious Muslim woman). But if she is an idolatress or any other kind of a Kaafir, she is unlawful for you, until she believes in Allah, as an Aayah in the Quran states.
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
YOU SINNED. So do lots and lots of tawbah. If Allah wont forgive you then you are going to suffer terribly in this life and the hereafter. So ask for his forgiveness sincerely and dont look back.
Convince her to study and embrace Islam. Then go ahead and marry her as it is your sperm which entered her and makes it like your child. Take up responsibility. Just marry her already, she's perfect for you.
Takecare
If she were to be a Mushrik woman, she is totally unlawful for you. Allah says:
"And do not marry mushrik women
until they believe, for a believing
bondmaid is better than a mushrik
woman, even though you may admire her. And do not marry (your girls) to mushrik men until they believe, for a believing bondsman is better than a mushrik, even though you may admire him. They (mushrikeen) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites you to the Garden and to forgiveness by His grace....(2:221)
Also read this from Tafsir ibn Kathir:
abdurrahman.org/qurantafseer/ibnkathir/ibnkathir_web/2.5845.html
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ABORTION????? Are you crazy?!
I can't believe you would even consider that!
If your man enough to get her pregnant be a man and take up RESPONSIBILITY!!
You commited a big sin and now you want to commit murder seriously stop it and think properly you are so lucky to be a FATHER! There are people out there that desperately want kids and aren't conceiving stop being selfish.
Mrs_Muslimah, shouting at someone and insulting them is probably not a way to get them to listen to your advice.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I'm not shouting sorry if I offended anyone but I abortion in my eyes are murder and there are plenty of people out there that would love a child but aren't able to.
Mrs_Muslimah
August 2, 2012 • 2:40 pm
ABORTION????? Are you crazy?!
I can't believe you would even consider that!
If your man enough to get her pregnant be a man and take up RESPONSIBILITY!!
You commited a big sin and now you want to commit murder seriously stop it and think properly you are so lucky to be a FATHER! There are people out there that desperately want kids and aren't conceiving stop being selfish.
I honestly have to agree with this post because not only you this guys for all te Muslims guys out there think twice before you sleep around with non Muslims please!!! If you love Allah you will not sleep around and this would never happen. Keep the child raise him a Muslim .
You transgressed by committing Zina.
Now you have the choice of setting this all straight. Do not further corrupt.
Even if She is a Kaafir, I would go on to say that you should go ahead and get married to her.
Here is the simple reason for it:
If you marry her, Yes! You would commit a sin as per Surah Baqrah 2:221 . However, you would commit a graver sin if you coerce her to abort her or do not support her as per Surah Anam, 6: 151
In a bid to neutralise the bigger sin, You have to get married.
Get your act together and marry her. Be there with her and get your act together.
Take care
I agree if you got her pregnant then step up be a man take care of your child raise him a muslim.
Brother Farrukh,
I don't think its a good idea. Going against the command of Allah is unimaginable.
Allah says in another place, Surah Nur, Aayah 26:
Unclean women are for unclean men, and unclean men are for unclean women; and pure women are for pure men, and pure men are for pure women. They are free from the slanderer's accusations; for them there shall be forgiveness and honorable provision from Allah.
Allah accepts only what is pure according to a Hadith.
Additionally, brother, though murder (abortion) is a sin, there is no sin greater than Shirk. Allah May Forgive any sin if He Wishes so, but He Has Said that He won't Forgive Shirk. So, it is too dangerours.
The sin of abortion is related to Al Huqooq al Ibaad (The Rights of the Servants (of Allah)), while Shirk is related to Huqooqullah (The Rights of Allah)
As far as this brother is concerned, there maybe other alternatives. But definitely neither marrying a Mushrikah nor abortion.
And Allah Knows Best
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Waseem Bhai,
Lets just put it this way. If he gets married to her now and say he has the kid from her. Then, where will the kid go?
Out here the predicament does not involve just two souls instead it is 2.5 souls. If he gets married to her, he at least has the chance to save the kid. Plus, there is also a remote possibility that after getting into marriage he might be able to convince her to revert to Islam.
If I were in his place, I would not let my offspring turn to some other religion for the fear of shirk.
Brother, I have understood what you mean.
But what I am saying is that Haraam can not cut Haraam. And there is no assurance that the lady will let her child be raised as a Muslim. Only Allah Knows Whether the child will be a Muslim or not.
The brother can thus call her to Islam, (and not force her), then if she accepts, well and good, otherwise he should look for other alternatives to raise the child as a Muslim, which would not make Allah Angry. If nothing works, then in my opinion, the brother should leave the matter to Allah and provide for the child, as it is his own. Maybe later he can tell the child about Islam and save him or her. You never know how Allah Guides someone. But doing what Allah has prohibited and thus destroying oneself for saving someone else is not wise, is it?
This is what I think, and Allah is The One Who Knows Best
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Mashahallah you have indeed given the right advise. Even if one has committed and error and sin there is still hope if one corrects oneself and turns towards Allah. Doing one sin to hide another is not sensible. One should do right what is in his capability and leave the rest to Allah. He indeed is the creator and all creation are at his command and mercy.
Salaam brother - you havent given many details but your first move is to realise the sin of zina - it is a major sin. So realise, make amends and repent. Zina doesn't just happen normally. It tends to happen in stages - a look, a flirtatious smile, followed by meeting etc. The seed is planted after the first look and it is our choice whether we water that seed with small acts of zina or whether we stamp on it by refraining.
So realsie your mistake, turn to Allah sincerely and repent and vow not to go near zina again.
Please read these links:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-2/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-3/
Even if the sin is wiped, we still have to live with the consequences of our sins. One of the consequence is the fact this girl is pregnant. Do not pressure her into abortion. Abortion is a major sin - it is no better than killing an innocent baby. Face the consequence. The most difficult thing will be coming clean - but it is important - your family wil be very disappointed, and angry but in most cases they usually come around when children are involved. The only case it would be OK to keep secret is if there is a genuine danger to you, the girl or the child if telling them. But be hoenst with yourself.
Was this girl your gf? Was she interested in Islam? Are you both in love with one another? If the answer to these questions is yes then invite her to Islam through proper channels and seek marriage with her ASAP.
If you both would consider marrying one another then invite her to Islam and marry her so you can bring up the child together. Bear in mind if she is Christian or Jewish (from the people of the Book,) Islamically you can marry her but it can cause problems, so you are far better off inviting her to Islam.
I would say regardless of the situatin do try to invite her to Islam - even if you dont intend marrying her because as the mother she is important in the child's life.
Whether you marry her or not you need to fulfil your duties to this child. The child will have to know you as it's father and youwill need to provide financial support. I dont know the law in this country but Islamically you do have responsibilities to him/her (your child). It has been suggested that you check the paternity of the child - you may want to do this but do request it in the correct way - the last thing you need is conflict with the mother of your child.
Sara
IslamciAnswers.com Editor
Subhanallah, couldn't have said it better
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
The abortion issue has always been a hot topic. It was believed until now that abortion in the first three months of pregnancy is permissible. It was believed that the soul of the fetus does not enter the body until the fourth month of gestation and therefore killing the fetus is permissible. This of course is a myth and the holy Qur'an certainly condemns the killing of both the born and the unborn children.
"Losers are those who killed their children foolishly, due to their lack of knowledge, and prohibited what God has provided for them, and followed innovations attributed to God. They have gone astray, they are not guided." (6:140)
Abortion, what is it ?
Webster’s dictionary defines abortion as the: 'expulsion of a non-viable fetus during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy '. Remember that, in the abortion performed today, the abortionists induce the expulsion of a viable fetus, or in other terms kill the living fetus to bring him/her down. What is the stand of the Qur'an on the abortion issue ? Let us find out.
Qur'an and the first revelation therein :
The believers know that every word, letter, name, number and gesture in the Qur'an is chosen deliberately. It should not surprise us to find out that the name God chose for the first revelation of the Qur'an, was not Muhammad, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, The Sun, the Moon, the Iron, the winds, the stars, the night, the people, or the Jinn etc. The name God chose for His first revelation was "The hanging embryo", Sura 96. This hanging embryo stage starts about 6 days after the fertilization of the ovum, not after three months of pregnancy. How significant or insignificant is this choice, it is up to you to ponder. Let us keep this in mind while studying the rest of the Qur'an that deals with this issue.
Killing the soul or the body! :
Some argued, on no basis, that the fetus in the first four months do not have a soul yet and therefore it is permissible to kill him/her. They do not realize that the soul has nothing to do with abortion. In abortion you are dealing with the physical body and its life, you are destroying the physical body of the fetus not the soul. We cannot kill the soul even if we try. Whether the soul entered the fetus body in the first minute of life or after four months of pregnancy is irrelevant to the abortion issue.
Killing, condemned:
Killing any person is strongly condemned in the Qur'an. God has made life sacred. Killing the children is specifically condemned as they are the helpless victims in every society.
"You shall not kill any (Nafs) person - for GOD has made life sacred - except in the course of justice……."(17:33)
"You shall not kill your children due to fear of poverty. We provide for them, as well as for you. Killing them is a gross offense"(17:31)
"Say, "Come let me tell you what your Lord has really prohibited for you: You shall not set up idols besides Him. You shall honor your parents. You shall not kill your children from fear of poverty - we provide for you and for them. You shall not commit gross sins, obvious or hidden. You shall not kill any (Nafs) person - GOD has made life sacred - except in the course of justice. These are His commandments to you, that you may understand." [6:151]
What does the word "Children" in the verse include ?. This word "Children" is the translation of the Arabic word "Awlad". "Do not kill your (Awlad) children..".
One author of an abortion article claims that, the Webster’s dictionary defines a child as "Young human being" which is true but is also half the truth. The dictionary also defines a child as " the unborn or recently born person". That author used this half truth to support his opinion that killing the unborn children is not covered by these verse, 17:33 and 6:151
Again the same author has been misinforming the reader by claiming that the word "Awlad (Children)" and "Walad (Child)" in Arabic are used ONLY for the born children. He concludes that the order in 71:31 and 6:151 applies only to the killing of born children.
The truth of the matter is that both the words, Children in English and Awlad in Arabic are used for both the born and unborn children in their prospective languages. The order in 17:33 and 6:151 applies to both born and unborn children.
A simple and extra effort by that author would have saved him and those who believed him the big confusion. The Arabic dictionaries describe the unborn child as "Walad in the mother’s womb". The born child in Arabic is called "Maolood". "Walad" in Arabic like the word child in English can be used for both the born and the unborn. Although the word "Walad" is derived from the root "Walada" (to give birth), it does not mean that "Walad" has to be born but rather related to the process of birth. The word "Walid" in Arabic is used for father, only because he was a partner in causing this birth to happen and not because he was born or gives birth. God used the word "Maolood" in the Qur'an, (31:33). Had God willed, he could have said, "Do not kill your Maoloods" (born children) to specify this category of children.
In 17:31 and 6:151, God is ordering us, not to kill the born or the unborn children.
God cares about the first three months of pregnancy:
The sincere student of the Qur'an will find out that God is telling us in 2:226 and 65:4 that the first three months of pregnancy are so important that a divorced woman will have to change her life plan if she found herself pregnant. The matter is no more of her own concern, but it is God’s concern. God’s concern is for the pregnancy and specifically for these first few months of pregnancy. Women who get divorced have an interim of three months before getting married again. This is done MAINLY to see if they are pregnant or not. God then orders them to forget their own wishes and plans and respect the new life created in their wombs. If the first three months of pregnancy were not important God would have told these women not to wait and to have abortion and keep their life plans as they wish. If a married woman get divorced before having a full marital relationship with her husband, she does not have to wait for three months, 33:49. She would have no interim. Since there is no chance of her being pregnant , the matter is only of her concern.
God cares about the whole three months of early pregnancy as much as we can see from the Qur'an’s treatment of the divorce cases. God named his first seemingly highly scientific revelation, after the hanging embryo, not by accident. This hanging embryo, is a stage that starts in 6 days after the fertilization of the ovum.
The New Creature:
"Then we developed the drop into a hanging (embryo), then developed the hanging (embryo) into a bite-size (fetus), then created the bite-size (fetus) into bones, then covered the bones with flesh. We thus produce (Anshaa) a new creature. Most blessed is GOD, the best Creator." [23:14]
In verse 23:14, God described the creation of the human being from a tiny drop until he produced a new creature. The advocates of abortion in the first three months of pregnancy, consider the way God described the production of a new creature in this verse (by using the Arabic word Anshaa`) as their proof of the time when the soul joins the body of the fetus. On this basis, they claim that it is OK to kill the fetus before that, since he/she does not have a soul. They are missing many points here. First, abortion has nothing to do with the soul as we explained before. In abortion you kill the physical body of the fetus. You do not and cannot kill the soul. Therefore the time the soul joins the physical body is not important and irrelevant, and God never elaborated on it in the Qur'an. Second, the word (Anshaa`), in 23:14, is used exclusively in the Qur'an for the production or construction of a physical being, human or non-human, e.g. the humans, the trees, the clouds, communities etc. Please see 23:14,19,31,42; 6:141; 11:61 and 53:32. This word (Anshaa`) or its derivatives have never been used by God in the Qur'an to describe anything that has to do with the soul. To assure the believers, God used another word (Nafakha) repeatedly to describe the joining of the soul and the physical body. See 3:49, 5:110. 15:29, 21:91, 32:9, 39:72 and 66:12.
The use of the word (Anshaa`) to describe the new creature is referring to the physical body of the developing fetus and not to the soul. The fetus will look completely different then, compared with the way it started as a tiny drop. Check any embryology book to appreciate this vast difference.
Note also that God used the word (Anshaa`) four times in sura 23, to give the sincere believer the clue he/she needs.
The Exception:
As we all know, every rule has an exception including the religious laws. In case of unusual situations, abortion may have to be performed to save the mother’s life. This is permitted, not only during the first three months of pregnancy, but during any time during the pregnancy. Cases of rape have no place in this discussion. Women who are victims of rape have enough time (6 days) to use available medical treatments to avoid any possible pregnancy.
In Conclusion :
Qur'an condemns the killing of born and unborn children (6:151, 17:31,6:140,60:12)
My brother who is 22 is in the same situation.. some weeks ago he told me that his girlfriend got pregnant and she is keeping the baby. My parents are very religious and they will never accept any of that. We have not yet told them and we cant tell them.. also the there is no chance the girl will become a muslim, she is just 17 and an atheists. I really dont know how to help him..
M, your brother is an adult and needs to take responsibility for his actions and choices. The child is his and he has an obligation to provide financial support at the very least. He should tell his parents and be a man.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
In addition, since some time my brother and the girl have no contact, since she refused to listen to him, I told him its better to ignore him, since everytime he started talking to her she started insulting. It is really breaking him, esp when he sees her around in the city
i am from pakistan and got good marks in 10th class. now i have to follow one of the two paths either of engineering or of medicine. but i am confused kindly help me what have i to choose.
Naseer, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and give us more information about your situation, your own personal preferences, etc. If I were to give you a short answer, I would say choose the one that interests you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Marry her and try to convince her that Islam is the true religion. Otherwise still marry her and raise your children as Muslims and do tawbah for the sin, surely Allah is the most merciful and he may forgive but first take the step that you must not do injustice with the women . If you are man enough to make her pregnant then be a man to take the responsibility. Marry her and raise your children as Muslims and do tawbah. Abortion is haram and its like killing your own children, no matter if u mudder your child on the womb of the mother or murder him after he comes out on the earth, both are same and haram and are forbidden.
Hi, i am a Christian women who have found myself in this girls shoes. But what's makes it worse i did'nt know this guy was married. He lied to me.When i told him i was pregnant, his reply was: I don't have time for children in my life. How does that make me feel? What do i do? He wants me to have an abortion but i could never do that to my own flesh and blood.Its life growing inside me. He's been avoiding me. I am so confused and never expected this from him!!! I cry myself to sleep every night.
Gosh some previous posts! so condemning..the original poster knows he has sinned! why continue to reiterate and kick while he is down???
Look...dont marry just because you have a baby coming..because you will end up divorced.Sit down with the mum...advise her that you are going to be there for your child as far as maintenance and providing an ISLAMIC education to the child and be there for her mentally... We know you have sinned. We all do..we are human.just dont do this again! repenf of your sin and learn how to avoid doing this in the future! dont put yourself in a weak position to cause you to commit zina again
A friend of mine went through this..the girl agreed to get married and even took his surname and islam.
The guy cheated on her 1 year after the kid was born and divorced her.
so girls who are reading this..please don't marry ANY guy just coz u are pregnant with his child unless u both love each other. and please never give up ur religion..esp dont convert to islam coz ur man can easily divorce u or even without divorcing can take up 3 more wives!
if this helps to know my story as i was the women in this same situation he is now in...
first i am now remarried to the man whom with i sinned but before him.....my ex was abusive and was the reason i converted. he was a drunk drug user. i had a child by him. i divorced him and raised that child as my own as a muslim. i begun to loose my faith in islam for how can allah hurt me so much. i met a man from india who was muslim and within a week we made plans to get married and he would raise my son who was only 6 months old. for 3 months we were never alone but after a fight with my ex (i ran into him on the street) my fiance came to my home. thus we created a big sin where i became pregnant. he demanded i have an abortion and i refused because to me it is murder!
i gave him 2 choices be with and raise that unborn child or leave me and i would ask nothing more of him. he confided in his friends who yelled at him for all the reasons you all stated before my post. he decided to marry me. we fought every day. his same friends said i was a cheater and using him. i prayed to allah to have my baby look only like him so that he would then believe me. when he first saw our child he dropped to his knees asking allah for forgiveness. not just for the sin that created this life but for all the beating he gave me for accusing me of cheating. cause his son looked just like him.
i believe allah has forgiven me (but him i am not so sure of) as i encourage him to pray 5 times a day and to teach our children, to eat 100% halal and to live a full islamic life. he still blames me for our life for we are poor and for being stuck with me. we have 5 (including my one son from last marriage who will not know he is not the biological father) beautiful children. we have been together for 7 years now. and i am pregnant with our 6th child. allah has blessed me with a wonderful life even if my husband blames me. i every day ask for forgiveness and am thankful for our blessings.
you should marry her. even if she dont believe in islam! show her your love and shower her with the love of islam! when i lost my faith he did the same to me and it strengthened my heart. it may take time. but give her kindness and go slowly and her heart will follow you to the right path. give your child a name in islam. if she is unready make it a name not to religious but still muslim so she dont feel pressure as it could scare her away.
beg for allahs forgiveness and for guidance and help to lead her and your child to the right path. and know this, you cannot forse her or she will turn away so show a kind hand! if you push her away she will never have a chance to become muslim and then neither will your child. and abortion may seem like an easy solution but that child will speak for YOU on the day of judgment as he/she is apart of your body.
for me this was a hard path but now we have a good life. he may blame me at times but in my opinion its because he does not want to always see the forgiveness and blessings allah has placed before us.
his family was told he got married without asking but only after we were married for 2 years. and they were upset for a while but grew to love me and accept me over time. we talk on skype several times a week. and a few weeks after this baby is born we will go to india for the first time. it may not be a love story many think of but we are a loving muslim american/indian family with many blessings from allah. and you could have this same outcome but only if you marry her. and if it dont turn out this way have peace knowing you tried with all your heart. allah can and will help you but you have to help yourself and seek his guidance.
Hey,
I did a terrible thing. I am a Muslim and will always be a Muslim and believe in Allah firstly.
My parent r very strict Muslims and have always told me don't comit sins, but as a stupid man I am, I go ahead and still get a woman pregnant. My daughter is 8 months now and I am very scared to tell my parents, the woman is Christian and has tattoos on her body. She's willing to gave up everything and be a Muslim and accept and worship only Allah and she would listen to everything I say.
But again she is Christian at the moment, I got her pregnant without marriage and she has tattoos on her body.
So what should I do? Try to take only the baby away from her or what? I'm in need of help!
Brother, if she's willing to accept Islam then marry her. Forget about the tattoos. The tattoos didn't stop you from getting her pregnant, did they? If she becomes Muslim then that's a part of her past.
Marry her, and be a father to your child.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor