Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I committed zina and now I worry about marriage

Anxiety, anxious, worried.

asalam brother/sister,

I am in deep trouble. I commited zina and repent sincerly. Until now I still ask for forgiveness. Nobody knows about my past deeds.

Now my parents are looking for a man for me to get married with. What should I do? Should I tell my future husband that am not a virgin? If not, then won't he find out on the nuptial night?

It's been one year since I commited zina. I always ask Allah to get me a good husband and a handsome one, BUT will Allah hear and accept my pleas? Or don't I deserve such man, because of my past sins? Please reply asap, I am really stressed and I don't want my parents to know about my past deed.


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77 Responses »

  1. Dear sister ,

    Donnot worry allah is in your heart. There is no need to tell anyone about your past. You know if you says prayer daily insallah allah will blessed you . Help you. Today there is no matter you virgin or not mostly husband donnot concern about your past and on wedding night every one tired . So that's not a big issue.

  2. Dear sister ,
    Please true heart say prayers you never do this again . Say promise to allah . Try to pray navafly hajat for your wedding night

  3. Hi Sister,

    I'm not sure what advice to give you here. I guess you should or rather have to tell your spouse. I know, it's hard advice, and really I think the question you're really asking is can you get away with NOT telling your future spouse. Well, it is totally possible for a woman to have sex without tearing her hymen, that little bit of skin that rips, causing the first experience of sex to hurt, burn and sting so much, and your vagina to bleed. So if you did not experience any of those symptoms of sex, then it's possible that your hymen is still in tact and there would be no physical evidence that you lost your virginity.
    No man would be able to detect with his penis that you're not a virgin, but if you don't bleed, etc. than he might become suspicious.

    That being said, your parents believe you are still a virgin and so they are (or should be) looking for a virgin man for you. It's well known that virgins belong and should be paired with virgins. The man you are paired with should have never had sex. His first time is supposed to be special and sacred, just as it is supposed to be for his virgin wife. The "first" for both of you will psychologically impact you deeply and leave a lifelong impression and so this is why this special bond is encouraged by having both partners maintain their virginity until marriage. The bond is strengthened. So you've future partner of that, and he should know it. You will either marry a non virgin man which you should, or marry a man who has restricted his strong sexual urges all his life for that one special person, only to settle for a girl who gave herself away to a man who I am guessing is no longer in your life, before marriage.

    Knowing all this, I'm responsible to insist on one thing from you:
    No one can ever "force you to tell anyone" you're not a virgin. This is after all JUST an internet community of strangers. However, if you chose not to tell anyone, then NEVER tell anyone, ever. You'll ruin your life, the life of your kids, and you'll ruin your husbands trust in women and his trust and support in you. Trapping a man in a marriage bound by a contract and kids, and then dropping a bomb like that on his head is WRONG and would make your already grave mistake worse than you could ever imagine.

    If your hymen is in tact, then Repent, and make the decision on what you will do with the best intentions for your future spouse... You've already done things out of weakness and lack of self control for yourself. I feel however you pull it off, try not to marry a virgin man, they deserve virgin women.
    If your hymen has been ripped... Well there's no real hiding it, especially if his mom starts asking "how was the wedding night? Did she bleed?", etc.

    Best of luck,

    • I really liked your reply. I think any person who is going to get marrie has the right to know who and what they are marrying so they can make an informed decision to marry or not.

    • Prophet Muhammad only married one virgin. All his other wives were previously married and therefore were not virginal. To say that virgins should only marry virgins is very untrue and does not really have a place in Islam. If someone judges her based on a past history she has repented from they are doing something wrong because only Allah can judge. She is allowed to marry someone who is a virgin. Dont give bad advice.

      • i think your ans lacks information regarding Islam. Dont compare Prophet wives to ordinary women and specially those that committed zina. They were not gilfriends of someone and harm relationship. There is a huge difference between a girlfriend and wife. They were wives of people and after they were set free, Prophet married them. Secondly Q uran says
        Surah an-Nur Ayah 26
        Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable

        I hope this answers your comment...

    • This is very poor advice, sister. I understand your spiritual concerns regarding our faith. However, your opinions on her only marrying a non-virgin is discouraging for her sister. No one is perfect. She is repenting dearly. I have not committed the sin of this sister. However, I understand her concerns. If her heart is clean and she is consistently repenting than she has the opportunity to marry whoever Allah decides to bless her with, virgin or non-virgin.

      • I met my husband at a young age and we got married and lived happily for many years. I slept with someone else before marriage and I have always regretted this. I never told him, but one day when we were out that man saw me and approached me and my husband found out he was my boyfriend. After 15 years, we are now divorced. Virgin should marry a Virgin in some cases. I should have told him before marriage, I might have had a chance then, if not at least I wouldn't have been in this position today.

    • I think this was good advice. There isn't anything in Islam prevent a marriage between one who is a virgin and one who is not but it is better for the relationship if both are. This is in the same way as its better for two people to be close to their age as opposed to a 20 year age gap.

      Outside of this she should tell her parents so that they don't market her as a virgin:
      And do not mix the truth with falsehood or conceal the truth while you know [it].
      Woe to those who give less [than due],
      Who, when they take a measure from people, take in full.
      But if they give by measure or by weight to them, they cause loss.

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    There's actually no way for a man to prove a woman is or isn't a virgin. A hymen can stretch or break for any number of reasons other than sexual intercourse - for example, horse-riding, gymnastics, a medical procedure (some girls might need operations down below, which would mean the hymen may well be broken for that to happen) - so its presence or absence isn't proof by itself. The only way he'll know is if someone tells him.

    As for whether you should tell him, that's a trickier one. We're not meant to broadcast sins from our past, and until nikah, any man you are considering marrying won't be your mahram - such intimate information isn't the kind of thing you'd want to go telling random non-mahrams. What you could do is to find out (through talking in halal settings and asking about his character) whether this is an important issue for him without disclosing your own past. If he makes it clear that virginity is important to him and that he wouldn't want to compromise on this issue, then you can decline the proposal (without saying that's the reason) and you can then both carry on looking for a suitable spouse.

    Don't be tempted by these "hymen replacement" operations - this won't change the fact that you aren't a virgin, is a form of cosmetic surgery (which is haram), and only works to deceive someone you're meant to care about and respect (your future husband).

    Make dua asking Allah to guide you to a husband who will accept and love you for the person you are now, and trust that He will bring the right guy at the right time, inshaAllah.

    Midnightmoon editor

  5. This is from........

    Many people believe that bleeding after intercourse is a sign of virginity because it proves that the hymen — a thin, fleshy membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening — "broke." But not all women bleed the first time they have sex. Not only can hymen tissue simply stretch during penetration, rather than tear and bleed, but it is also very common for the hymen to rip before a woman ever has sex. Physical exercise, like riding a bike or doing gymnastics, injury to the genital area, or inserting a tampon, finger, or sex toy into the vagina can all cause the hymen to split. Sometimes there will be discomfort and blood when the hymen tears, or there may be no blood or pain at all. In fact, you may not even know when your hymen breaks.

    OP: Internet research can give you ideas about to handle your situation. If you had sex one year ago, I don't think your husband can tell any thing. Most men don't know what hymen looks like or where it is..........Just relax

  6. assalamualaikum sister. Whatever man your parents find for you, just make istikhara to marry that person. Don't tell nobody about this sin, I mean nobody. If this sin is not known to your family, husband, future husband, parents, or whoever that doesn't know, Allah (hijab/cover) that sin so don't tell anyone who don't know. if you tell someone it's a type of way of ungratefulness. Being ungrateful to Allah is a really bad thing to do. You really have to start getting closer to Allah by reading Quran and memorizing Quran, pray your salat on time. And make tawbah and sincerely ask for forgiveness over and over, and believe that Allah will forgive you. Allah is most forgiving. Don't take Allah for granted, remember Allah is who you think he is, if you think is mean and he will never forgive you then that what he is, but if you think Allah is most merciful and will forever give you, then that what he will do. May make it easy for you.... Ameen

    • Dear Sister,

      This is the best advice from Br. Muhammad.

      You need to establish your relationship with Allah swt and stop worrying about worldly things for a moment. What you are focusing on is taking you away from your goal which is seeking forgiveness from Allah swt.

      What is done is done.

      I strongly advise you to not tell your potential spouse or your husband after marriage because even on this site alone there have been cases that after the potential husband found out, he went and told others including the husband after the girl got married. The girl, had a wonderful husband, and his reply to that man was you should not be disclosing others sins.

      If the person repeatedly makes mention of marrying a virgin, simply refuse the offer out of respect for him but don't disclose your information because it could get into the wrong hands and people out there are interested in smearing others. Besides, once you disclose that you are not a virgin, more and more details will be demanded of you and your relationship will simply be focused on that continuously.

      If you are not ready to be married right now, then just take a break from proposals. Don't get married out of fear -- get married because you want to be on the right track with the right person. If you let this burden rest on Allah swt with sincere repentance and by establishing regular prayer and reading the Quran, surely the answer will come to you in a way that is unexpected. The problem is that you are trying to control everything and this is an illusion because you ultimately have control of nothing except your own actions from this moment forward.

      May Allah swt accept your sincere repentance, Ameen.

    • Delete my comment please

  7. Assalam o alaykum, may allah swt protect us from all sorts of vice.. Ameen. First and foremost a man if he is sane enough can easily identify from the gait of a women about their virginity and allah has given hymen to women for a reason - this means that chastity is regarded with so much importance in islam.Its so easy to say I have committed zinah and now i am repentful. And secondly how can you start your life with a LIE. Isnt it hypocricy to hide with your husband? He would surely find out remember !! And it is advised and i would surely recommend to divulge the truth and let him accept the way you are. Allah has said that pure people are for pure and that will be so mean for you to expect to get a handsome and good charecter man when you lost yours..

    I would just ask you to be repentful and dont think about what kind of husband you get just leave on the will of allah swt.

    • "a man if he is sane enough can easily identify from the gait of a women about their virginity and allah has given hymen to women for a reason"

      Why advise her to tell her potential spouse when men can just "see" virginity?

      Men don't have hymens because they don't have the physique of a woman and men's virginity isn't less important...especially for their own hereafter.

      • Just simple question ,

        If future husband don't ask this stuff then question of disclosing this secret never comes ..

        But In case if he asks specifically he is interested in Virgin girl only for marriage ? Then is it OK for her to lie and get married or simply walk out without disclosing her secret ? Just trying to understand different views here 🙂

        • I think what has been agreed upon is that, if the man has specified that he is only interested in a virgin girl, then it's not OK for her to lie and get married in this case, but instead she should simply walk away or decline the marriage proposal without disclosing her past secret. 🙂

        • We always ask this question with respect to a future husband, what about a future wife? What would you advise a non-virgin man?

          I think it is important to respect wishes of the person who wants something specific in marriage--but there is no need for people running about announcing their past sins--do we have examples of that in Islamic history?


          • Yes ,It can be both the ways .I think future wife too should be able to freely express her desire to marry a virgin man only .

            There is no point in broadcasting the sins to entire world but also they need to make sure what the future spouse is expecting and act accordingly without disclosing the secrets ...

            In other way the To be married people should broadcast openly that they are interested in Virgins Only as then non virgins will simply walk away 🙂 But for them chances of getting beautiful people will be Less if they do this 🙂

    • Nabeel: Assalam o alaykum, may allah swt protect us from all sorts of vice.. Ameen. First and foremost a man if he is sane enough can easily identify from the gait of a women about their virginity and allah has given hymen to women for a reason - this means that chastity is regarded with so much importance in islam.Its so easy to say I have committed zinah and now i am repentful. And secondly how can you start your life with a LIE

      Well if a sane man can just look at the gait of a girl and determine if she is virgin, question of lying should not arise to begin with. A man should look at the gait and just decide if the woman is virgin. Men should not be allowed to ask, unless they are ready to take a lie detector test about their virginity

      Can you look at a man's gait or whatever and tell if he is virgin? Do you think because men have no hymen they should be given a lie detector test to determine their virginity. If they fail the test they should be punished also.

    • "First and foremost a man if he is sane enough can easily identify from the gait of a women about their virginity"

      Lol. That's good comedy material brother.

  8. Assalamualaikum sister
    May Allah protect us all from all evils and show us the righteous path..its a blessing and pride if you are protected.i would suggest you not to reveal any such secret to your husband or anyone.if Allah is concealing your sins just be grateful to him and ask for forgiveness for the sins you have committed.stop thinking too much for the future and what kind of husband you should get. Only Allah .s.w.t knows who deserves what so leave it to him and do istekhara before you make any decission.ask for forgiveness from Allah ..He is the most merciful and dnt get disappointed from his mercies.get involved in more and more islamic activities surely you will find peace then. May Allah protect us all from sins.

  9. I know its wierd to ask here but I have submitted a question also.i want to ask the admin if you have received it or not or when will it be published.i m in distress and desperation..plz answer my questions also..plz.i need advice.

    • regret, I don't see any post by you in the queue, unless you submitted it under a different username and email address.

      Wael Editor

      • Wael,regards. Thanks for rplying me and respect for d commendable work u ppl are doing.i posted my question 5 days ago with the same username regret and email id.for me its being showed in d pending u now find my question? Or do I have to do anyhthng specific to get it posted? Actually I m in much pain.

        • Assalaamualaikam

          There is a waiting time of a couple of weeks between submission and publication. We publish every post that's submitted, which means that at busy times such as now, there can be a bit of a wait.

          We have an extensive archive of posts that have previously been published, so while you are waiting for your own post to be published, you may find some helpful advice by searching the archive, inshaAllah.


  10. zazou, you should absolutely NOT disclose your sins of the past, nor discuss them in any way. Allah has shown you mercy by concealing your sins, so do not be ungrateful to Allah by revealing them. Furthermore, no man truly wants to hear details about a woman's previous involvements. It will only create jealousy and resentment.

    Since you have made tawbah sincerely and are no longer involved in those sins, you are as deserving as anyone else of a good spouse.

    With that said, it's forbidden in Islam to lie. You would be doing an injustice to your future husband if you lied and said you are a virgin.

    What you should do is say something like the following: "I made mistakes in the past, but I have repented for those mistakes and tried to become a better Muslim. I will not discuss my past mistakes or give any details, and I have nothing more to say about this. If you can accept that then ma-sha-Allah, let us proceed. If not, then I understand."

    And leave it at that. Do not say anything more.

    Wael Editor

  11. Dear Sister zazou,


    -Share your past deed with no one, in no circumstance.

    -Do not repeat the mistake, which is very important.

    -Most Important, Seek forgiveness with your true heart, with your deepest and most sincere intentions whenever and where ever possible, all the time, with the hope Allah will forgive you some day before you, leave this world

    -(These are not my opinions, only the inferred pointers after decoding of hadiths and Quranic sayings)

    -Allah s.w.t is merciful benevolent. He seeks his slave to seek forgiveness and bestow there trust on him that he would forgive them before the day of judgement .

    Last and not the least on youtube search for Nauman Ali khan Lectures, over forgiveness repent and twabah. These lectures will ease you a lot .


    Jazakallah Khair ..

    • Sameer, all of your comment was good except for that last sentence in all-caps. I almost deleted your comment because of that. In the future please refrain from insulting other people - which is haram in Islam by the way. If you disagree, then do it politely.

      Wael Editor

  12. plzz help me out ... feeling ashame in asking but i need to get infrom. ... a boy rub his penius on my hips but didnt touch my vigrna do nothing with it ... plzz tell me what is the punishment of it in islam ?? and whats the effect of it on me ?? did it cause me prgnt ?? plz tell me

    • Mryyam,
      I know this isn't your thread, but you sound like you know nothing of a human reproductive process. You really are putting the "cart before the horse ", playing with sexual activities like this.
      Go educate yourself on the reproduction process of your own body, and in the future do some research for every major decision you suspect you'll be making before simply being naive costs you dearly in the future.

      • @Moose
        I think your really harsh when someone is asking for help here.

        @Mryyam Khan
        No your not pregnant just make sure no man ever does that to you, your worth more than that. Be very careful who you trust and repent to Allah. May Allah protect you and guide you to the right path.

        • This is serious business the issue of pregnancy and playing with sex like this. I see this all the time, young girls come on here with absolutely no knowledge of things that they decide to get into way over their heads and aside from marriage sex is the issue on the site but I see the most of in that context. The first thing I'm thinking is this girl obviously sounds like English is not her first language. She is also clearly freaking out over the prospect of being pregnant before she's married or without the support of her family. It's presumptuous of me true, but I feel I have the 80% chance of being correct that she is within that demographic of possibly a member of an underdeveloped or currently developing country and subject to the patriarchal laws of her family. To become pregnant before she is married would completely devastate her life. It never fails to surprise me how much these girls are willing to risk for the experience of a sexual encounter while knowing absolutely nothing about the reproduction process. If you're going to risk that much for the purpose of an exciting and counter and at least have the knowledge to know when to stop before you start entering risk factors that truly do threaten longer term consequences like pregnancy.
          Look at it this way:
          If a young person sees fighting with guns on television and they go and get a gun and shoot it and almost kill somebody, then they come on an online forum and say "I shot a gun but it only hit the ground.. do you think I hurt somebody? will I go to jail??" Do you say oh don't worry you didn't hurt anybody be more careful next time, or do you say what the hell is a person like you doing with the gun in the first place?? You don't even know anything about firearms let alone obviously what it takes to kill somebody which would obviously involve actually shooting them in the first place (i.e. What the hell are you doing in that situation in the first place, you actually need to learn how to have sex let alone know the process of reproduction etc)
          It might seem harsh to you but I'm actually doing her a favor hopefully she will realize how little she knows and actually goes and educate herself rather than simply knows what consequences she suffers from her actions.
          Sorry if I came off harsh but there's far too many young girls just like her that talk on this website. It's really also their parents fault these girls go out into marriage or dating without the "birds and bees" talk from their mothers or fathers, but if you can ask about sex on a forum online then you can look up the birds and bees online.
          That's how I look at it.

  13. Mryyam Khan: You still have your hymen intact and technically you are still a virgin. Be careful next time it may lead to penetration and semen discharge into your vigrna

    You can get pregnant when semen (dirty water) from penius goes into vigrna.

    You sinned and STOP doing this.

  14. Dear sister,

    You committed zina and you repented. Allah is Rahman he in Shaa Allah has forgiven your sin. When Allah is Sattar (the One who hides, to the nearest meaning) and he hides your sin so why do you want to expose your sins yourself.
    Now you might be thinking that this is betrayal. So my sister this is not betrayal because you have repented and the one who has repebted is like he/she has never committed sin.
    May this help you.
    Allah SWT bless you

    Your Muslim brother

  15. my question related to above situation,,,, i was abused but still virgin . he fingered my vagina and i dont remember much as i was13 ...whether he inserted or not. i had a chat with guys ..f... i talked to one of them on phone. i did this bcz due to abuse my mind set changed .... after abuse no body touched me .i just talked on phone 4 times. and had a sms relationship . never met or dont saw them. i masturbated and watched porn to satisfy my sexual urge which was due to abuse, i do not have any contact with boys. and i dont see porn and left maturbation cmpletely...... all these wrong things i done due to abuse...... and my mind set
    if i am a bad person... than i will kept on doing this bt i left. i could get mixed with boys at uni.but i didnt. i left all .
    i did all wrong things bcz of my mind set was on side of sexuality due to abuse.... i am not alone responsible for this.
    1. okay if one doesnt tell her husband about past..... than what to do about feeling of deceiving him.
    2. he thinks i am pure and says you r pure and what to do if i feel ashamed?
    3, how to move on?
    4. how to forget all this ..... and move on.
    5. its keep haunting me i am nt pure.

    • happyMuslimah: i masturbated and watched porn to satisfy my sexual urge which was due to abuse.

      If you knew your masturbation and porn watching was due to abuse, why did you do it. It is normal to have sexual feelings and urges starting with puberty and onward.

      how to move on-----you stopped doing bad things, you can move on. I doubt if there is any one who is perfect and 100% pure. Men usually never feel guilty about sex with a stranger. You should focus on how to make your life better rather then living in the past

      good luck

  16. .
    in above comment i mistakenly said .... i know he didn't inserted and i am a virgin.

  17. Happymuslimah: in above comment i mistakenly said .... i know he didn't inserted and i am a virgin.

    Did you experience any pain and/or bleeding when he did this to you?

    If some one did some thing sexual to you when you were 13, it is not your fault.

    • What difference does it make, at this stage, if she had pain or bleeding when he abused her? Why do you need to know that???

  18. I want some seniour elderly brothers and sisters to comment on this please.
    We all make mistakes as a human.There are men who do so much bad things all their lives even after getting married.
    But they expect their wives to accept them as they are and want them to be pure and clean.
    Now if a man has done something before marriage he can tell his wife proudly and ask for support etc.
    What about the woman?where should she go if she had done something wrong because no man on this planet wants a human wife.They want angels.
    She lose her right to be in a happy marriage, to have a loving husband.
    And a man thinks it is his right to have single woman as a wife even if he is divorced or already have another wife.
    I seriously feel that we need to understand that the girl who made a mistake remains a girl after that too.she has feelings as others have.Nowadays there are so many opportunities to get into sin and no education from parents to protect their kids.Parents want their kids to do this all on their own.They assume that they have angels and they don't need to guide them about sex,attraction towards opposite gender etc.
    This is not only the fault of the girl but other factors are also involved in this.And the man who was partner with her, he does not need to be worried at all because he don't have hymen and no one will ever dare to question his chastity.

  19. dear sister
    first of all stop worrying since you are guilty and seaks forgiveness to Allah swt. who is the most kind and the most carrying to his people. sister do not expose your sins to none of us. because whenever a man do not expose his or her sins to any one, Allah forgive him.
    Secondly, there is no man who can judge females virginity, so only focus on your prayers and zikar
    May Allah bless my sister with all the happiness and righteous path

  20. I'm 28 male and a virgin, but i would still marry a girl who is not a virgin. Only if she has repent and changed herself, nobody is perfect in this world even though zina is a Big sin. But, we are not angels and make mistakes, so now you don't have to be depressed and keep thinking about the same thoughts. Just pray with pure heart, but DON'T KEEP ASKING ALLAH FOR FORGIVENESS, BECAUSE THAT WAY YOU WILL HAVE THAT SAME THOUGHT WITH YOU ALL YOUR LIFE AND WON'T MOVE ON, NEVER LIVE A HAPPY LIFE. My advice don't tell the husband about your past, because something of this nature will spread like a wild fire and destroy your life and he may never respect you!

    • I completely agree cz i ho thru the same situation even after getting advice from muftis as not to say my past and allah s da one wjo hides ur sins ..i said da past to my husband and in evry issues he pulls it as a weapon and um shut also ashamed in front with pain..
      But he too had done da same mistake but as ladies we don't point out husbands mistake other than getting scold from him for all silly mistakes we do ...i strongly recommend girls not to tell der old affairs to their husband if u have repented sincerely and strongly in sha Allah .......once ur repented allah knows how to protect you from ur repented mistakes in sha Allah

  21. I found out my husband of 8 years committed zina with a non Muslim before he married me, he didn't tell me I found out via text messages I read on his phone. He said he didn't tell me because he loved me and wanted to marry me. He stayed in contact with the girl he told me that they are just friends. She was messaging him about her sexual experiences when the conversation reverted to what they did. He then asked her to send him nude pictures of herself which she did, all this happened while I was 7 months ptegnant. When I confronted him he broke down and started begging me to forgive him. Although we have stayed getting in I can't move past the betrayal especially since I was a virgin. I kept my chastity and I never let a guy force me into sex even though I had many guys who were interested in me, I also had temptations but I knew taht Allah is watching so I must walk away. He lee to believe he was a virgin. Now he wants to move on from all this and it's been 6 months since I found out but I cry almost everyday.

    • Same is the feeling for a virgin boy when he found that his future wife is not virgin. Those posting comments like hide everything are surely mischiefs. They are encouraging more girls to do zina and hide.

  22. you committed fornication and now you also want a handsome husband? you are concerned about your husband's handsomeness more than his own character?

    • Hammad, I'm going to sound a note of caution at this point regarding your comments. I'm not at the point of putting you on moderated status yet. I just want to point out that you tend to take a blaming / shaming attitude toward questioners on this website. That is not what we are about here and not what we need.

      The people who post here have made mistakes. They are already ashamed or confused. For them to post here takes courage. They do it because they genuinely want to do better. What they need is guidance. Comments must be offered with compassion, otherwise they do more damage than harm. So I'd like you to ask yourself whether you are capable of advising people kindly and with compassion. If not, then this is not the right forum for you.

      Wael Editor

      • hi,

        i think, you are right, delete my comments



        • I hope you will continue to comment but with more compassion and kindness Insha'Allah. Remember that everyone in life is struggling with one thing or another. None of us are perfect.


  23. hi,

    i don't say im perfect and im not being any judgemental but i have observed some things from post like the above one

    1) those girls who ask about not being virgin and their husbands finding about them at the wedding night while performing the deed to be very selfish

    2) they are just worried about their own future selfishly not others (their and family reputation, financial security etc) they are not genuine

    3) i may choose to marry a girl a girl even if she committed zina in the past, or forgive her if i come to know later, given she is truly repentant and genuine and not liars, i don't think that girls like above are truly repentant.

    4) today the zina sin is taken very lightly and more and more younger generation is taking it lightly, repentance is also taken lightly, what i mean is, they are not sorry that they did zina, they don't feel remorse but just they are wary of its consequences

    so my advice to these people is, why marry in the first place if you take zina so lightly? study, become a professional and become financially independent, rent your own place and move out of your parents place and keep fooling around however much you want, and stop using men as your security insurance and destroying their lives because ou like to fool around!!



    • actually you never went through it thats why you are not able to understand, the girls do care about family reputation but i think the boys dont care you know why? what ever boys are doing, flirting with girls, telling lies that they will marry, actually the parents say he is a boy let him do whatever he wants so you should point at the boys too.
      about repentance its the matter between the sinner and Allah. no body is accountable to you. girls commit zina coz they go blind in love and they think that the boys will not leave so they commit zina . they are wrong here but these girls are usually innocent and are not able to understand until they get the lesson. you cannot say she is not ashamed Allah knows better. i know what is happening in Pakistan, movie obsessed people. cheating is normal and now a days revenge is so much common that boys put acid on girls face just to take revenge on cheating and also girls face accidents on the road that are not accidents. women need protection. i want to tell you boys are more greedy they ask for dowry and yes their mothers want a girl who owns property, land, or atleast she is a professional. you know lady doctors hype in Pakistan its a lottery for them .

      she is heart broken she is going through a period, her confidence level is low and its very difficult to forget and heal and move on so please dont use such kind of words she is already very depressed and you are making her feel more ashamed
      by the way i didnt read the question

  24. Sister, one day when you find that special someone, its not going to matter because Allah will make it that way. Either your future spouse will not care, or it will never be brought up, or something along those lines. If he asks than be honest, if he doesn't want you because of that then he is a fool and this was not meant to be anyway! Stay strong don't give up hope.

  25. Dear sister, nobody should know about what happend in the past as Allah says و كفي به بذنوب عباده خبيرا
    It is enough only he knows about his servants' sins.
    If you pledge tauba, یبدل الله سیئاتهم حسنات
    God will replace their sins with good deeds
    (both from surat Furqan)

  26. once I had sex 6 month ago .. now m getting married ... my husband know all about hymen and all .... m very scared . I don't know what to do r what to say ... but I don't want to tell him ... if I tell him that I will not be able to look into his eyes ... please tell me what should I do..??????

    • Wow... your sex was by Satan and not you.Shame on girls like you who do zinna and then worry just about your future. Whats the shame now when you have already crossed all barriers of shame. It is animals who sleep with someone without nikkah. These types of post has some advantages. Many zani girls came out of shells and reveal what they should be ashamed of.

      • On the day of judgement all of this will be presented before you and tou will have to answer. Think about what you have written.

        • I dont really want to tell but your comments make me write truth. I am living in abroad (Germany) and a club is near my home. If I want I can go anytime because I DONT HAVE PARENTS WITH ME. So if as a boy I can control myself why not girls??? The truth is that from men pyschi..that no virgin men wants un virgin girl so if some girl is hiding she is surely doing fraud.. and fraud is not allowed in Islam.

  27. Assalam o alaikum, muslim brothers and sisters,

    I am love with a boy and he loves me too. We both are happy with each other but we both did zina which we both are ashamed of.. but we both want to marry each other and we both will not marry anyone else as we love each other. His family members accepted me but my family did not accepted me and asked me to forget about him. When we both did zina.. that day only we decided that either we will marry each other or never ever marry anyone else. But no one knows that we both committed zina. I tried so much to convince my family but they are not ready for our marriage. What should i do now?? Should i tell my family about zina or should i marry without my family permission?? Because the fact is that we can not live without each other and never marry anyone else. plz suggest me what to do.

    • Alikum Asalam,

      This is a difficult subject to give advice on considering the amount of respect we are obligated to show our parents. However, I will say after I converted to Islam I noticed this was a common problem among marriageable Muslims. Two people want to get married but the parents say no, for whatever reason, doesn't even have to be a good one. So, the two will engage in an haram relationship because they don't want to defy their parents and elope. While I think it is always wise to have the family involved in the marriage process, there is nothing you can do if they refuse.You have to ask yourself which option is worse. Obeying your parents and having an haram relationship behind their backs or marrying without their permission and having a marriage that is recognized by Allah. You upset your parents by marrying without their permission but you anger Allah for engaging in zina. Which is worse? Evaluate what I said and also pray istkhara.


      • Thanks for replying, but still i am so confused. Neither i want to upset my parents nor i want to get married to any other person. And doing any one thing is only possible. The zina thing i already quitted and i will not commit again. Sometimes i think just to leave everyone and go to a place where no one knows me and start my new life. Is doing this correct? In this condition i won't upset my parents by marrying the person i love nor i will leave my promise to the person i love by marrying anyone else.

  28. Instead of telling your future husband about your shameful act tell your parents so that they marry you to the man you already slept with. It is so unjust that you are not virgin and already slept with someone else. And from men point of view any virgin man will not accept you. He will always taunt you. Your reapect in his eyes will never build up. So please tell your parents. They will not kill you. If you are unable to face your parents, then write them message. Parents forgive but husbands never.

    • It's backwards and unislamic to place a stigma on non virginal women who have commited zina. She has repented to Allah so her past deeds do not matter. She is not tainted because of her sin and a virginal man is not above her. She does not have to tell him nor does that mean she will make a bad partner.

      • Pious men are for pious women and pious women are for pious men. You want to change that ayah??? She must marry the man with whom she slept already. Do u kbow the consequences, when her man will know on wedding night that she is not virgin? It will be bad ones and this fact cant be make hidden. Her husband will realise on first night that she is not virgin. So stop saying to her that hide the affair. Best is to tell the parents about her affair and then if they are wise they will marry her to the man with whom she slept.

        • I am not trying to change the ayat, rather you are misunderstanding it's meaning by suggesting she can never again be pure because she commited zina even though she repented. To declare this would be to pit yourself above Allah. If he has forgiven her how dare we say that she is not allowed to marry a virginal man, that they are too pure. Secondly, men can't tell if a woman is a virgin or not through sex. It's a myth that uninformed people like to peddle. Ask yourself why you feel comfortable banning her from marrying a virgin when Allah has not. Just because she sinned doesn't mean she will never again be pious. Muslims can be so hateful.

          • So in your sight what is the meaning of that ayah? Anyhow these facts can never be hidden. Hymen will soon reveal everything. So its better that she tell her parents everything so that it should not be cheating with a guy who stayed pious to have a pious woman.

          • Piety encompasses more than just maintaing one's virginity. It includes humility, reverence towards Allah, and respect for his creations. If a woman is a virgin but she does not pray, does not like parts of the religion, and commits other sins is she still pious? The answer is no. Believing that a woman's piety lies in her virginity or hijab leads many people to mistake the actual meaning of piety and the translation of that ayat. Secondly, to say that a woman who has commited zina can never again be pious is extremely unforgiving. It would mean no matter what good she does for the rest of her life it wont count because she commited a sin. Another thing I would like to mention is this notion that she is somehow wronging her future husband if he is not informed about her past. It is not in anyway cheating him. She can still be a loving and loyal wife. Also, Allah has told us not to reveal our sins. So why should she be obligated to tell anyone? Lastly, I would like to reitarate the hymen thing really is a myth. A man cannot tell uf a woman has had sex before. Especially in the case of women who have never had babies.

            P.s She may not be able to marry the man she slept with and she certainly doesn't have to.

        • Then how come I know a couple of pious Muslim women who have husbands that had sexual affairs outside of their marriages?

          Is that changing the meaning of the Ayah too?

          Please learn some medical facts about the hymen. A virgin women can have her hymen changed for many reasons, and there's no need for her to bleed. If her husband thinks she's not a virgin, then I'm sure that husband must have a lot of ranged experiences to know how exactly a hymen vs. "broken" hymen would feel.

      • Salam Aafira,

        I think she has to tell him as marriage is a transaction that involves values and money. A divorced prospect and a prospect that committed zina should hold similar market value, with the zina prospect holding lesser value. By hiding that the prospect has been with anyone in the past inflates that person's value, whether the person that did zina does it or a divorcee does it.

        A virgin is more valuable in terms of ease in building a relationship. Virgin's do not have a point of reference to compare their current relationship to an outside relationship. They have no sense of loss as they don't compare the depth of love they feel in their current relationship as compared to their past relationship. People that go through divorce increase their chances of divorce with each successive relationship. I would expect something similar for those that are in a relationship but aren't officially married.

        To prevent this from applying to the one that hides their status, they should say if they have been with someone in the past so that their market value is at the right level:
        Woe to those who give less [than due],
        Who, when they take a measure from people, take in full.
        But if they give by measure or by weight to them, they cause loss.

  29. My friend saw me in his dream in madina that i am performing ummrah and met him .please any one can tell me what about this dream ?

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