Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Fate and destiny

Hi, my lifes been bad since I remember (5). I'm not going to go into but I developed anxiety and depression when I was 9.

My bad luck seemed to become more worrying when i became 16. Because I kept failing at everything I tried to do in education and in day to day life.

I pray to Allah often and talk to him in my head and ask why me? Will I ever be happy?

I'm not having suicidal thoughts but I sometimes pray that my life is taken when I sleep because I can't take it anymore.

My siblings have the same type of education as me but they have things going for them. Two of them are horrible people who will go out of their way to ruin someone's life out of jealousy knowing that they'll gain nothing.

My parents used to listen to them when they would say I'm stupid and when I wanted to study a certain subject one of my siblings said they'd persuade my parents- instead they did the opposite.

Now I'm just wondering am I meant to have a bad life. What should I do. I've lost complete hope in myself.

robinrr

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17 Responses »

  1. Bismillah
    Nobody can control your life. one day or another you will be in control of your life and you can take it from there make yourself a better and strong person and live your life accordingly

  2. Salaamalaikum.

    It's not because of Allah SWT or your bad luck that you are going through all this, it's the Shaytan!

    Al-Araaf 16: “He said: Now, because you have sent me astray, verily I shall lurk in ambush for them on your Right Path. Then I shall come upon them from before them and from behind them and from their right and their left, and you will not find most of them beholden (to You)” . This latter statement of his shows how great will be his struggle to mislead the offspring of Adam. He will take every path he can against them, on their right, left, in front of them and behind them. He will attack them from every direction. Al-Zamakhshari said in his commentary to this verse, “He will come to them from all four directions as the enemy usually does, such as his ‘sneaking whispers’ to them.

    What about Allah's mercy? where do we see Allah's mercy around us?

    It was narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “Some prisoners were brought to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and there was a woman among the prisoners who was searching (for her child). When she found her child she embraced him and put him to her breast. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to us, ‘Do you think that this woman would throw her child in the fire?’ We said, ‘No, by Allah, not if she is able not to.’ The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, ‘Allah is more merciful to His slaves than this woman is to her child.’”

    See here, the mother would never throw her child in the fire, yes? But what if the baby, lets say, intentionally slips and falls into the fire? that's how people end up in hell fire! So the Mercy of Allah is Iman, which, in case of the mother, is the hands of the mother holding the baby from falling into fire. If you intentionally slip out of Iman, then you're going to fall in hell fire.

    The Prophet (SAWS) said: "Allah says: O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth."
    [Tirmidhi]

    So, no matter how many sins you do, Allah SWT never decrees anything bad for you.

    And what about Dua?

    The Prophet ﷺ said, “Verily your Lord is Generous and Shy. If His servant raises his hands to Him (in supplication) He becomes shy to return them empty.” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

    We must always have certainty that Allah answers. But sometimes doubt enters one’s heart: “…But I asked, I made du`a’... and I don’t see anything?” Firstly, just as we know that Allah is Al-Mujeeb, we must also know He is Al-Hakeem (the Most Wise).

    He may delay answering your prayer for a number of reasons; one is to test your trust in Him.

    “Fear not. Indeed, I am with you [both]; I hear and I see.” (20:46)

    “Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, ‘When is the help of Allah?’ Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” [Qur’an, 2:214]

    As human beings, we will be tested. But this doesn’t mean that we are going to live our lives in perpetual hardship, because ‘unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.’ So what does it mean when we are going through hardship? Is Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) angry with us? What if there is no way out?

    Whenever we go through hardship, there are things we need to know with certainty. Allah (swt) tells us in the Qur’an:

    “[…] Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” [Qur’an, 65:7]

    Tests are a way to purify us. The Prophet ﷺ said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that,” [Bukhari].

    And one more thing,

    The Prophet ﷺ narrated a story about a man asking Allah, saying “O Lord! O Lord!” but his food was unlawful, his drink was unlawful, his clothing was unlawful, and he was nourished unlawfully; so how can he be answered?!” (Muslim)

    Finally, the minimum criteria to enter Jannah is the daily 5 prayers, the fasting in Ramadan, and the Zakath, and of course a good character.

    Abu Hurayra, may Allah be pleased with him reported: A man asked, "O Messenger of Allah! There is a woman who prays, gives charity and fasts a great deal, but she harms her neighbours with her speech (by insulting them)" He said: "She will go to hell". The man said: "O messenger of Allah! There is (another) woman who is well-known for how little she fasts and prays, but she gives charity from the dried yoghurt she makes and she does not harm her neighbours". He said: "She will go to paradise" (Ahmad).

    The trick is to divide and conquer. Even Allah does not like a servant to do big deeds all of sudden and then completely stop the next day. What Allah likes is consistency in small deeds.

    So, what's happening to you is, you think of praying the 5 prayers, and what the Shaytan does to you is make the 5 Salah look like a big thing! So, the trick is to divide and conquer. Even Allah does not like a servant to do big deeds all of sudden and then completely stop the next day. What Allah likes is consistency in small deeds. So, what you have to do is pray at least 1 prayer that is easy for you, but EVERY DAY, let's say, the Moghrib prayer? And what's going to happen is the Shaytan is going to lose grip on you and you naturally would want to pray more prayers until you pray all the 5 Prayers, Okay? Will you do that?

    • Assalamualaikum I am soo sorry to intervene between this sister / brother question but I am getting depressed day by day please help where can i find solved queries on lack of confidence and lack of job related issues on this site , i m very depressed cant wait for months to get answer please if these questions are answered before tell me where can i find them most of my batchmates have got the job i am the only one who is left i m nt gettng calls for interviews and if i do get one I usually missed it because of my poor english communication skills and zero confidence i even feel scared to attend interview .. on my first interview i couldnot speak anything because of my poor english and i dont have good personality either there are many complexes in my life becoz of my childhood experiences which i have shared here on this site 2 or 3 years ago ! And my childhood experiences has totally break my confidence Please help me where i can find answers related to my issue .. and even on my 2nd interview I faced the same issue despite knowing the answer I couldnt answer them my brain stopped working there I felt as if I know nothing may be because of my low self esteem and poor english nowadays i just feel useless feel like i can never face any interview and can never get job because i cant speak in english, dont have good personality and confidence .Even those people have also got the job who have completed their course by copying whole year from other students i m the only one who is left

      • Assalaamualakum Light,

        I think the easiest way is get the advice you are looking for is to type a few of your main words from your question in the search box in the upper right-hand box of this screen, then read the most relevant topics. You could search for "confidence," and "job" or "my life," "depression," "losing hope" etc for something more general.

        Inshallah you will find some solved queries.

        Salam,

        Nor

      • Light,

        Here's one example I found by searching in the text box,

        https://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/trying-to-get-a-job/

        Nor

      • Salamalaikum! So Sorry for keeping you waiting for sooo long. I didn't get your question in my email. that's why.

        Mashallah, Oh Dear Light, you have come to the right place! Please be patient as Allah says

        Fear not. Indeed, I am with you [both]; I hear and I see.” (20:46),
        Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” [Qur’an, 65:7].

        Please reply if you've got this message. And Inshallah, believe me, you'll be flying after I solve your problem! And explain your question in a little bit more detail.

        JazakAllah Khair.

        • Walaikumsalam brother yusuf I have explained my question in detail only!
          Please re-read it again and help me if you can I will be thankful you I am soo hurt these days I feel useless I dont have courage to face interview my english is soo bad and english is very important in teaching profession in my country I have soo many other issues also which actually responsible for my low self esteem..I feel like I am the only one who is not getting job those who are not even good in their subject they also got the job because they have good personality ,confidence and excellent command over english language I could not communicate in english properly please guide me with islamic perspective on it! I keep praying to Allah to help me to give me confidence but its not translating into practice I prayed alot but not successful yet ! Please advice

          • Salaamalaikum, again. Sorry, again, I didn't get your email this time too, but I've changed it now.

            So, from Islamic perspective, when you take care of everything which is in your control, Allah takes care of everything which is not in your control. It's simple as that! Now, what;s not in your control? You can't get a job and you're not good in English, ya? So have you been taking care of your daily 5 prayers and do have a good character which is in your control?

          • Yes I do pray 5 times a day ! Sometime I miss fajr

  3. Mashallah, you finally replied. The reason I mentioned salah and character is because that's what protects your emaan in your heart, and when you protect your emaan consistently, Allah takes complete control over your life and guides you. And when Allah guides you, every step you take, every thing you do is what Allah wants!

    You didn't say anything about your character. Do you get angry often? Do you listen to music? Do you look at things that are forbidden in Islam?

    You might say that there are other people who don't even pray salah, not even once, and they have good jobs, better confidence, good English, cheated in their exams. What about them? Well, they are not guided by Allah. And what happens if they are not guided by Allah? They wound't be able to pray Salah because of their job, they would have no satisfaction in their job, they would have no barakah in the money they earn, they would be in debt, and so on. So who needs a job where you can't even pray a single salah peacefully? So be patient, brother!

    For Allah to make you rich, Allah does not want you to have a fancy masters degree in engineering or a high paying job in a top corporate company, what Allah wants is how much closer you get to Allah in any job, how good you pray salah while in a job even that of a cobbler!

    Imagine that your emaan is inside your heart and you have to protect it, but the Satan tries to get inside your heart and makes you commit sins and eventually takes you away from Allah and Allah's guidance! So, all you have to do is keep building emaan in your heart and keep the Shaytan from entering your heart. And what let's the Shaytan inside your heart? You fail to pray any of the 5 prayers, you get angry at your parents or listen to music, or look at something forbidden, then BAM! shaytan gets inside your heart, you sin and you get away from Allah like sheep get lost without shepherd.

    So you have to build your emaan every day and keep the Shaytan out of your heart. How do you build your emaan ? Fix a time, pick your favorite scholar and watch his videos every day for 1 hour and do this for JUST 10 days and see what happens when Allah guides you and Allah will open many, many ways for you to get anything you want, Inshallah.

  4. I assume you're from India and I've a video for you.

    It's about the most common phrases an average american uses. All you need to do is memorize all those phrases (10 a day) and you'll be speaking English like an American, believe me! It's like you jumped in a car and learned to drive just like that rather than reading about how to ride a car.

    I have one more video for you. It's about what it takes to achieve world class? Watch it just till 1:22, alright? Don't watch it more than that.

  5. I assume you're from India and I've a video for you.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dRuy1VLCiQ

    It's about the most common phrases an average american uses. All you need to do is memorize all those phrases (10 a day) and you'll be speaking English like an American, believe me! It's like you jumped in a car and learned to drive just like that rather than reading about how to ride a car.

    I have one more video for you. Watch it just till 1:22.

    • JazakAllah brother for all the guidance you have given me in sha Allah I 'll work on all aspects . Sorry for replying late I havent seen the mails thank you for taking your precious time out to help me.

      and I am not brother I am a sister now talking about character thing I didnt say anything about it because I donot know which category I falls iinto .. I m nt the person of highest caharacter because like others I also do things which are not right may be like watching Tv or drama series etc I donot get angry and I hardly listen to music. earlier I used to do both the above mentioned things but Alhamdulillah its now reduced to minimal.. but I still feel I'm the worst person alive ! Because I m losing patience and sometime I complain and sometime behave little rude with my parents .. I m feeling very low today .. I wish I had job I wish I could be a good daughter which I m not ! I wish I have the confidence to face the world I wish I could forget my childhood experiences which is actually responsible for my todays problem of low confidence...

      • Salamalaikum, again.

        The reason I mentioned watching Islamic lectures everyday for one hour is because the way to control your anger, your desire to listen to music or controlling any desire is not simply pushing your will power. You need to feed your heart with emaan and the emaan controls the desires That's the beauty of Islam and everything you want including self-confidence comes along!. So, I have a very good scholar for you. His name is Yusha Evans. Watch his videos for just 3 days, and if you don't get the self-confidence, I'll agree with whatever you say. okay? Pick any of Yusha Evans' video, it doesn't matter and remember every day 1 hour.

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