Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His mother and his impotence are ruining our marriage

I want my husband back

I got married 3 months ago and from the time we got married me and my husband had being having issues. The main problem is he is impotent and his parents and sisters are interfering too much in our marriage. I knew him for a year before we got married and we got along well and he was very interested in me (I didn't know he was impotent) but things completely changed once we got married. He started to reject me and he even started to dislike foreplay. He couldn't perform the first day and this continued for a month. After that on and off maybe for like a week or two he was able to perform but most of the time he doesn't get an erection strong enough for intercourse. This was very disappointing for both of us but I always assured him that it was okay and we can take things slowly. Doctors prescribed pills but even with the pills he couldn't perform. I started to feel that this was a serious issue but I was patient and not even once have I used it to hurt him.

We started to have more and more problems because of his family and how he started to treat me. He doesn't care about me he was becoming very selfish. He goes and tells every single thing to his family. Whatever that happens inside the room, he goes and tells his mom. I found this very disgusting and I was extremely upset with his behavior. His parents has suggested him to watch porn as it may help his impotence. I got even more angry! who would say such a thing to their own son? When I spoke to him about this he got mad at me and started to blame me. He said I was being selfish and I don't understand his relationship with his mom. I was really sad and I just gave up on explaining it to him. Whenever I try to explain this matter to him we end up having a big argument. His mother is very cruel and she hates me. She expected me to be her puppet but since I am not a very submissive person and who is completely against oppression she started to create issues between me and my husband. Every single thing I say or do was a disrespectful thing. It wasn't just the mother it was his entire family actually. I can't take it anymore.

He is a mama's boy and he is impotent as well. What am I suppose to do? I don't want to ruin my life by continuing this marriage with a spineless man. If impotence was the only issue I definitely would have being more patient but its his family's behavior and how he gangs up on me along with his family which hurts me a lot. If he can't protect me and if he can't really love me then is it worth continuing this marriage?

Most of the time I feel like I married his mom and his sisters and not him. He always compares me with his mom and says he wants a wife just like his mom. How can I be like her? Im still young and Im not a perfect person as well.

He is also very controlling and dominant. He doesn't let me go out or talk to my friends or family. He hates to spend time with me. He always runs to his mom and he chooses her over me all the time. When he comes home from work he is always busy with his phone and doesn't bother to even talk to me.

His mom likes to know every detail about what happens in the room and everything what I say or do. She takes everything in a wrong way and advices him that Im trying to separate him from her. Recently he took some medication and his impotence was cured for like few days and once again he is completely impotent. His mom was very interested in knowing every single detail about our intimacy during that period. This disgusts me. How can a son and mom have such conversations and isnt it haram in islam to disclose such information?

I honestly hate him for what he did and what he made me go through. I don't want to continue this marriage anymore. What do you think I should do?

flower23

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63 Responses »

  1. Assalamoalaikum wa rehmatullahe wa barakatahu. Sister, first you need to take a deep breath and think about this with a cool head. You have a lot of issues but I do not think three months is enough timr to give up on something. Firstly, impotence ive seen a lot of couples having a hard time during the beginning of their marriage with this.you are doing the right thing by not saying anything to your husband regarding this matter and are supporting him.. give him time and work on your sex life ry to find natural cures like milk and other things for this problem also. And Allah will help you.

    your mother in law, i understand she is becoming difficult and it is completely inappropriate for a mother to ask about intimacy secrets from her son. You need to first of all throw divorce out of your mind and think what can you do on your part to make this marriage work. Divorce will not be easy either eveb if it seems so right now.

    in the begibning husband and wife dont have a lot of communication going on so work on that gently show your husband how you get hurt by his lack of spending time. Do not complain of his mother to him and deal with her separately do not lose your patience with her and tell yourself that you are doing it for Allah swt.

    however, about your husband sharing intimacy secrets with his mother tell him how it is religiously incorrect and if you know tht he will share everything wth his mother latet you will not be able to be comfortable.

    sister there is always an easy way out but looking at how early it is in your marriage i would say give it time do not take any drastic steps. Be patient with your inlaws. It takes time for a husband torealize his wifes worth. Keepyour inlaws and ur husband separate in your mind. Do not always conplain about your inlaws to your husband orelse he will be convinced that you hate them.

    May Allah swt give u patience to deal with all your problems and give reward in the form of a good marriage for your sabar ameen.

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    Leaving the impotence aside for a moment, I understand from what you have written that:

    -your husband talks about your intimate relationship with his mother
    -his family suggests he does immoral things like porn (reason is really not important)
    -he compares you with his mother
    -there is no privacy in your life

    This is all very far far far from normal.

    Get an elder involved--speak to your mother and father and let them know what is going on. If what you have written is true and still happening, you are living in a very dysfunctional family and in the conditions described above, I would not suggest that you accept it as normal.

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties, Ameen.

    • Hey I totally agree with you this is NOT normal.... I told my mother about it recently and they were very upset about this. I sometimes feel that he must be gay (I don't know Im just assuming) because a man with proper sense will never tell his mother specially about initimacy. My parents got involved but its not worth it. He doesn't understand that it is wrong and they twist the islamic rulings according to their wish and they are blaming me for his impotence. Its not just 3 months I have known him for a very long time and if he really loved me he would understand how much this hurts me and he would try not to repeat it but it seems like he doesn't care and I never complain to him about his mother its of no use of course and I don't feel comfortable doing it either. I think this is just a useless marriage. At least there should be love even if your impotent right? His actions clearly indicates he doesn't love me or care about me. If he did he would at least pay some attention to me and spend some time with me and he will not run to his mom to complain about me. This is ridiculous he needs to be a man its like Im living with a girl! My parents also feel that I should leave him because they are not the kind of people who would admit their mistake and change. You cant change something that wants to remain broken. He even refuses to go for councelling I have no other option but to leave him. I have lost all the feelings I had for him. I don't think I can ever trust him again and I cant forgive his parents for what they did to me.

      • Assalam alaikum Dear Sister,

        The reason why I said impotence aside is because there were other bigger concerns, but of course, the impotence does compound the problems. One can always see a doctor regarding his struggles in intimacy to find a solution.

        No one should be blaming you for the impotence. That doesn't make any sense. The most concerning thing is the suggestion of porn--this is completely unIslamic and very concerning.

        It is best to discuss this matter with your father, as he is your Wali, and since your father would know more about you and the family, he can help you to make a decision.

      • flower23

        I think this family is abnormal .It is shocking to hear parents telling son to look at porn and he sharing all of your private details with his parents .

        I think you just observe for some more months and if things don't get changed take divorce .There is no point in wasting your energy for this family .

        It s little odd as before marriage yo had relationship with him for one year and didn't get any hint about him ..

        • He was a really good actor. His mother was behind him always! They showed a completely different face before the marriage and as soon as we got married like the next day itself I see a completely different man. He decieved me. This a relationship that was built up with lies. This was arranged marriage btw and after few months I disliked some of his qualities and I could have walked away because we were just engaged but my parents didn't let me do that they thought I was overreacting and that he would change after marriage. That was my mistake, I shoudn't have listented to my parents. There were so many red flags but they made me ignore it all. I can't blame anyone I should have had the brains to stop this.

          • Which country you stay ? Is your husband from different country ?
            Country mismatch?
            Sharing private details with parents are unacceptable . Throw him out of the iife .

          • No we are from the same country. Exactly! I want to do that.

          • Are you sure he is sharing you private details ? I mean some time we misunderstand and hear or see stuff which is not exactly how it appears ..Just make sure you are not having any misunderstanding about these stuff ..

            Did both of you were physical before marriage ?

      • salam sister , ah after reading ur story it reminded me of mine , same story , the guy ignored sleeping with me saying that same clothes are not worn again, i did not say anythng but can u blev wat they did they gave me divorce for no reason, sis these people jst liv in duniya n do hram all the time , those who love Allah also lov their creatures, anyhow u should take step wat u think is best , he ll never love u bocause he loves himself only like my ex GOD LOVES U N WILL ALWAZ TC

        • true sister. He said he wants to divorce me and left me. I am happy he himself left without creating any problems. Allah only should bless us with good partners. These people are heartless.

          • Good riddance ! I'm sure you can do way better, you deserve someone who respects you and treats you right.

  3. W.Salam ya I totally agree with you. I can even live without intimacy but not without respect and love. Its so hard to digest all these. He could have at least told me about this before we married or at least his parents can be more understanding and leave me alone. My father feels its better to get a divorce beacuse after talking to my husband about this issue he is clearly upset about how he responded and took this lightly. Parents know whats best for us and his parents are blackmailing me that they will make him divorce me if I don't listen to them and act accordingly. This is totally unfair. They should fear Allah for what they are doing they will be answerable to him.

  4. OP: After that on and off maybe for like a week or two he was able to perform but most of the time he doesn't get an erection strong enough for intercourse...........He started to reject me and he even started to dislike foreplay.........He is also very controlling and dominant. He doesn't let me go out or talk to my friends or family.....

    What do you mean "he started to reject me"? Foreplay actually could help him indirectly. Discussing impotence with your family will not help your husband get erections, but can help you reach a decision if you should stay in the marriage. Your mother in law should stop playing a sex therapist.

    Controlling and dominant behavior is unacceptable and could lead to frequent fights.

    Your husband liked you and knew you before you married him. If he was interested in you as a woman, there is little chance he is gay.

  5. Reject as in when I initiate foreplay he would get mad at me or say he is too tired. We didn't have any kind of physical contact for like a month. It makes a girl really feel bad ... I thought I wasn't good looking for him.

    Yes you have a point that there is less chance that he could be gay but you know after we got married he started to tell me stuff like everything was done according to what his parents told. Like how he should talk to me and the gifts he sent me. Its like he didn't do it becuase he wanted to but he did it because he was asked to.

    If am to tell about everything he did to me I can actually write a book to be honest. He does not abuse me physically but he does abuse me emotionally. He does anything to make me cry and when I don't cry he gets mad at me. Its like really messed up. I just don't know this man anymore.

    • Flower23: Reject as in when I initiate foreplay he would get mad at me or say he is too tired. We didn't have any kind of physical contact for like a month. It makes a girl really feel bad ... I thought I wasn't good looking for him.

      How do you think a man feels when he can't have a good erection when he is with a woman willing to do it with him? Just search Internet and read some info.......... Fear of failure (fear of not getting an erection) may be keeping him from responding to your initiative for sex. A man probably feels worthless if he is unable to have sex because of erection problem.

      What is your goal now? Do you want to stay with him or leave?

      I think instead of foreplay ask him to be physically close in non-sexual way, like non-sexual massage that may make him relaxed and lead to sexual feelings/erections with time.

      Were you physically close to your husband before marriage? What did you observe?

      • Im going to leave him. I wouldn't have taken this decision if the problem here was just impotence. There are more issues here. Just because a man is impotent he doesn't lose his love for his wife. I feel he never loved me in the first place and he doesn't even respect my opinions or my privacy. He doesn't only discuss bedroom stuff with his mom it is also with his dad. How embarassing is that and he doesn't really care about how it makes me feel. I don't want my children to grow up like him. A man should have a backbone. I was coddled a lot by parents as well but I don't rely on them for everything I know what I want and I don't go discuss every single thing with them. Its so weird. Impotence can be cured but his character cant be changed. When I discussed about this with him he doesn't really give a damn. I know divorce is not the answer for everything and you should be patient but there is a difference between being patient and being stupid. There should be love and affection in a marriage but even that is missing here. As long as his mom is alive this is not going to work and even if she is not there I don't think he will be able to survive. Its like he believes only her and now he looks at me like a stranger.

  6. Sister,

    Not knowing the country/culture you are living in, is there a chance that you might convince your husband to get a place of your own? I honestly feel that should you do so, you may very well save your marriage. Your mother in law has no business inquiring about what you and her son do behind closed doors. Simply put...it's none of her business. Surely she has duties around the house that need tending to?

    I believe this young man has been so coddled from an early age by his mother that he does not know how to be the man that he can be. He needs to let go of his mothers apron strings and maybe the only way he can do that is to move to a place of your own. Nothing wrong with that. Might you speak with your husband and let him know how much you love him and want to work on your marriage and in order to do that, it would benefit you both by moving to your own place? Do you think he might entertain that or is that out of the question?

    Salam

  7. We don't live with his parents we have our own house but the problem is he always stays at his house and doesn't come home. I cant communicate anything with him because he goes and tells it to his mom and his mom brain washes him. Its impossible to make him understand and now I feel he doesnt want this marriage.

  8. Just a simple thought, perhaps he was never happy with the marriiage and that's why he's not able to fulfil your rights of intimacy - perhaps he Just never saw you in that way but was forced by his parents to marry you, hence why his parents are telling him to watch porn as a solution now?

    Either way, you don't deserve to be a part of this family - they seem disgusting - no man in his right mind would discuss what he does in the bedroom with anyone, let alone his own mum! On the other hand, perhaps his family knew that he was impotent - an underling medical condition and they hid it from you which is why he is able to discuss it with his family. But like you have already said, putting aside the impotence there seem to be a lot of other issues which are unlikely to improve.

    Perform isrikhara, and then make a quick decision it's only a few months into the marriage, if your thinking of leaving him it's best not to consummate the marriage.

    • She had relationship for one year with him before marriage so no chance of force marriage to the guy .

      • But it was arranged, they weren't in 'love' - in a lot of arranged marriages the couples have a long engagement but their not necessarily interested in each other. And like the sister said be said would send gifts etc because he was told to?

        Ps golden - even if there is a misunderstanding about sharing private information, what about the fact that they told him to watch porn ? That's a very big thing, very immoral ! Where will it stop, if he cheats on her most likely they will support him and encourage him with Zina ? It's sickening. You can't bring up children in that environment - most likely they will end up with poor morals, like they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

        • Agreed .Moral values are corrupted .Suggesting him to watch porn is disgusting ..
          That mean his parents too might be watching porn .I agree she should call it quit ..

          • Actually they do watch porn! I think its a family thing. Also I forgot to mention that he watches porn and masturbates. He never watches porn at our house, he goes to his house just to watch porn and masturbate. I know all this because he comes home and tells me that he did it.

          • But how you know his parents watch porn ?

            It seems all the information you are getting about his parents are through your husband .It is still possible that he is lying or mentally ill .

            Still possible that under the influence of porn your husband is creating stories and supporting his arguments by bringing his parents name .. Still possible that his parents are not doing any wrong stuff but your husband is dragging their name to silence you ..

            I think porn has become like a cancer to society and has spoiled millions of families .Islamic countries like Saudi,UAE have banned all porn sites .I support such ban on porn ..

        • Very true! They support him no mater what he does. He knows that he can do anything and get away with it because his parents think he is an angel and they take his side no matter what. He does everything to hurt me and when we ask for justice they simply put the blame on me and says that their son is innocent.

          • Oh I've been there sis. Develop thick skin, don't become emotional -'detach yourself from the situation emotionally and think logically. His family are a big influence but your husband is a grown man, if he wants to he can change within himself and improve the situation and even guide his parents. Any man of good morals would hate his parents for suggesting porn, it's very abnormal. Make dua to Allah swt, but to be honest if he has poor morals and shows no sign of change better to save yourself from a miserable future.

            It's really sad when situations like this arise. I pray sincerely that Allah swt guides toy to making the right decision and gives hidayah to your husband and his family, ameen.

  9. We did consummate the marriage, didn't expect it to get this bad. Your comment makes a lot of sense. Even I feel like maybe he was forced.

  10. He is a person who would do anything his mom tells so he could have done it to please her :/

  11. Oh my goodness, I just read your comment - his parents watch porn? And he goes over there especially to watch porn and masturbate? Oh my god! Well he's not exactly impotent ! He can't perform with you most likely because he's masturbated! This is making my blood boil!! He's torturing you, and he doesn't have enough shame to even cover up his sins! Oh sister pls perform isrikhara, make sincere dua for Allah swt to guide him but don't wait around for this poor excuse of a husband if he continues down this path of sin! He doesn't even care that he's watched porn and masturbated - it's so normal for him that he tells you like he's done nothing wrong !

    • It is still possible that her husband is lying and falsely dragging his parents name to silence her .

      • Another reason to him leave him - he's dishonest and deceitful.

        • YES ...

          I think all port sites should be banned as they are destroying moral values and corrupting minds . Many Islamic countries like UAE ,SAUDI have banned all porn sites and it is a good move ..

      • He is not lying because his mother openly talks about such stuff with my mother and thinks its completely normal. Even I hd a feeling that he was just dragging their name but later it was confirmed that he was not lying.

        • Little strange How can some one talks about his/her porn habits to other person like your mom ..People normally try to hide thier sins and not announce it ..

          Are they illiterate ?

          At least your mom should have warned you about it ..and why she didn't stop you from marrying him ?

    • bucks: Oh my goodness, I just read your comment - his parents watch porn? And he goes over there especially to watch porn and masturbate? Oh my god! Well he's not exactly impotent ! He can't perform with you most likely because he's masturbated! This is making my blood boil!!

      He may be just making up stuff to cover his sexual problem. Next time he says he watched porn and masturbated, sister should ask him to do the same in front of him. Masturbation is not supposed to affect sexual performance in men or women, actually it could enhance sexual performance / enjoyment for many people.

  12. No she didn't say she watches porn directly to my mom. She has said its normal for a guy to watch porn and we shouldn't make it an issue. Specially since he is impotent it will really help him perform.

    My mom spoke to her about the issue very recently. I didn't tell anyone about how he and his family treats me. So recently only my mom got to know what kind of people they actually are. Sadly its too late now.

    • Sister they don't feel any shame for their sins nor any guilt. Their going down a dangerous path. Unless they change compeltly you won't be able to accept them, and this will make you miserable. Tell your parents everything, turn to Allah and make sincere dua and then take things from there.

    • When she says to your mom that it was normal for a guy to watch porn it shows the they lack religious knowledge seriously and not practicing Muslims ..But it doesn't prove parents too watch porn as you earlier claimed about it ...

      That's why it is advised to look for a good character and religion when you marry some one ..it seems your parents ignore religion part of this family and gave you go ahead ...

      If you ar strong religiously then you can take them on front and ask what is happening and highlight porn and other stuff and kick them out from your life if they don't change their habits ..

  13. Asalaam Walaikum.

    Everything you have written sounds like a fictionalised story. It just sounds absurd.

    May Allah make it easy for you.

    • I think you are right ..It seems like adult fiction .She said his parents watch porn and when asked how she knows she said his mom tell her mom it is normal for a guy to watch it ..that doesn't prove they watch it too ..
      I think accusing some one for wrong stuff is too big sin ..But overall it looks like some cooked up stories ....

      • If you cant understand the situation you can stop commenting. No one would create stories to upload in a site like this. Im telling what actually happened because I want an advice.

        • OK ..
          If everything what you said is is true then n doubt it is a abnormal family and it is not advisable for you to continue life with him ..

  14. I know its hard to believe such people even exist. Just because we have not seen such things happening to us doesn't mean someone else has not experianced it. During this month no one would dare to lie. I have people to advice me but I wanted a complete stranger's point of view of this situation so I can make a proper decision. Sometimes family tends to take your side no matter what you do thats why I posted the question here. Im glad all of you'll took your time to comment on this. Jazakalla for that and I think now its time to perform isthikara and do whats best for my life 🙂

    • Yes ..Pray isthikara and take some decision .May Allah help you ..

    • Flower.

      What I don't understand is that if this family is as ungodly/absurd/weird/abstract as you say, you or your family would've seen signs in the time that you spent together pre-marriage. Does not matter how hard they tried to conceal, absurdity of this magnitude cannot be hidden.

      Makes me wonder if you had no other choice? or are they very rich? Is the guy overly good looking?

      May Allah protect everyone from such people.

      AAZA

      • Some people change drastically after marriage. The In-Laws before marriage put up a fake front and then everything changes after marriage and becomes a disaster. Know of many such cases.

        Ya Allah protect us from such harm and guide us in the right path.

        • I agree. Sometimes they don't allow you to see the red flags, they are on their best behaviour and then do a complete 180 once the Nikkah has taken place. I used to find this hard to believe to, how can someone hide their character flaws so well, until i experienced it personally. Unfortunately marriage is a gamble, you don't truly know a person and their family until you live with them.

  15. Asalaam Walaikum.

    My comment wasnt meant to be an insult ... I apologise deeply if thats how it came across. But your right about one thing ... If I wasnt going to advise I shouldnt have bothered to comment.

    I believe everything you say I was just trying to say that there are soo many wrongs with the situation you fid yourself in it hard to even know where to start.

    May Allah make it easy on you whatever decision you make. I will make du'a for you at Ifthar time Insha'Allah.

    May Allah guide us all on the right path ... Ameen.

  16. W.Salam

    No its fine. Its nice of you to apologise. I cant blame you for thinking that way because my married life is sucha mess 🙂 even my parents couldn't believe what I said. They found out the truth only after they spoke to him and his family. Sometimes Allah is the only one who can understand our situation and knows the truth. Im not saying I was perfect in this marriage. I did things to piss him off as well. I should make some changes as well. Allah only should guide us to the right path and make our life better in this world and in the hereafter.

  17. This is what scares me the most marrying someone and then TRUE colors come out. MARRIAGE is really a gamble theirs not really nice people and always someone blaming an innocent person for their own issues. I really feel your pain this is really unfair to you this man has defiantly deceived you. Its really so bad the man was never honest I wonder how he sleeps at night. I really think you should divorce him you deserve better.

  18. Salaam Sister,

    It is wrong for the Husband to share the bedroom secrets with anyone. Ask him to stop doing that and also ask for a separate accommodation or more rights and quality time for yourself. Else then ask for seperation.

    May Allah guide you in the right decision.

  19. Sister,

    I feed bad after reading your story, impotence is decease which may be cured, physical intimacy is right of married person, with out intimacy person may live but not without proper support of husband or wife.

    What your husband is doing is completely wrong, he is discussing matter with is mother is psychologically normal and some what accepted but what their parents are advice is ill logical and not islamic,

    Sister you have already changed your mind, not feeling comfortable with him, you must speak strongly with your parents and get divorce, there is no point to live with him who can not support you physically and mentally and islamically.

  20. Brother are you saying it is normal for a guy to discuss about his sex life with his mother? I don't think its accepted by anyone and that is why it is made haram in islam. Thanks for the advise though.

    • Assalamualaikom sister flower.

      My heart goes for you sister
      Ohh you are in difficult situation sister. I wonder how you can smile and be relaxed in your discussion.
      The title divorcee is not an easy thing to carry when looking for a second husband later.

      why don't you give him last chance ?? would you like to give him if he can change.?
      Staying with his parents seems to be the biggest part of the issue. Why not move away from his parents to a distant place where you can have him a lone and try to fix things.

      If he can perform for a week, he is treatable. just need to stop watching the xx and masturbating.
      try to have non-sexual contact for as long as you can. Where he doesnot feel any pressure, and be used to your proximity and connection. also some food are great like more red meat proteins and exercise.
      ground Helba (fenugreek - 1 teaspoon per day) ground habbatulsaudaa (black seed - 1 teaspoon 1 hour before meals) and watermelon are also great for men libido.

      if all fail then you can safely leave him, and may Allah give you a husband who can be a true man for you.

      ps.. Just as a precautions, please do check yourself for STDs just in-case the guy is infected or something. Some infections have no clear signs, but if not cured you can loose your ability to have children in the future. However, they are easy to cure if discovered and treated early.

      May Allah make your task easy.

  21. I sound happy and relaxed because I have lots of faith in Allah 🙂 nothing is in my control, everything is in Allah's hand and Im not someone who would waste her entire life on some guy who would treat me like Im worthless. Yes relationships do have ups and downs and you should adjust but if there is no love or respect then there is no point in that marriage. I would have stayed with him if there was any way to change him but it seems impossible and he left me already without any valid reason why should I cry over a coward? I may or may not find another guy but Im still very young and strong and I know Allah has a perfect plan for me 🙂 being a divorcee may make others look down at me but to be honest that will never bother me because I know my worth and I will never let someone degrade me. The problem with most women are that we let our emotions take over our life and we let men abuse us emotionally and physically. None of us deserve any kind of abuse whether your a guy or a girl if we don't stand up for us and fight for our happiness then no one will and we should always remember that Allah has a perfect plan for us 🙂

    Just because I sit and cry thinking about my past nothing is going to change it will only make my present and future miserable. Just because we are women doesn't mean we should be weak and cry for every single thing thats happening to us. We should not be a joke to others, we should show them we are strong and we don't deserve to be treated like garbage. IIm posting this comment for all women who are going through a hard time. Well this is how my dad brought me up and Im glad I went through so much because it only made me stronger and brought me more closer to Allah. What more do I need? This indeed is a blessing.

    About the infection. I forgot to mention in the post that I did get an infection after we had intercourse and now its worrying me I better do a test :/ thanks for letting me know sis 🙂 and thanks for your advise it means a lot ...

    • Hello. I honestly think your husband has some mommy issues. Probably his parents were not happy together and your husband became responsable for his mother. This is only his mothers fault because she must have set some boundries and limits when your husband was a child. Instead, she made him like a surrogate husband, that's why he confides in her and they tell eachother everything. Probably that s why he cannot perform...because he feels guilty, he feels that he betrays his mother. That s why he is cold with you but he has no problemes masturbating while whatching porn. I see many momma's boys in islamic cultures...maybe because there are so many mothers unhappy that cannot divorce. I am glad that you divorced, you will get a second chance to happiness and inchallah you will not do the same to your son.

      • andreea: This is only his mothers fault because she must have set some boundaries and limits when your husband was a child. Instead, she made him like a surrogate husband, that's why he confides in her and they tell each other everything. Probably that s why he cannot perform...because he feels guilty, he feels that he betrays his mother. That s why he is cold with you but he has no problems masturbating while watching porn

        Am I only one have difficulty connecting that dots?

    • I am newly married, got married a month ago to a same kind of Man who doesnt care me doesnt speak with me hides behind his mommy's back. Never stand up for me also he is impotent and his family is just killing me by offensive words. My marriage is meaningless.

      • OP: got married a month ago to a ....... Man who doesn't care me doesn't speak with me hides behind his mommy's back. Never stand up for me also he is impotent and his family is just killing me by offensive words.

        Seek counselling to see if conditions can improve. Is this an arranged marriage? Have you thought about leaving him?

  22. Make dua sister, cry and make dua to allah during the night prayer insha allah, allah will help you

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