Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I change my life?

How can I clean my heart?

How can I clean my heart?

Hey so, i'm a 19 year old guy. i use to read a lot of stuff here and never comment so finally i decided to post my story ..

so well I'm in drugs, I drink, I had sex a couple of times, but i've done taubah and i wont be doing that stuff anymore and yes! i wasnt like this before - i was kinda religious and all till i hit 17. things begin to change bad company, bad stuff, no social life... still no social life and Im thinking about moving to germany for my higher education .. I just want to help myself.

I'm emotionless, have a couple of good (weed) buddies that's it ... And I wanna fix things go more religious but its just I'm so unattached to things. I left my girlfriend, she wanted to marry me it was fine but i didnt wanna drag her down with me ..

Family is kinda religious like normal muslim family wear hijab pray and stuff.. Ammmm but i have like no bonding with my family im kinda close to my parents but i have 3 other siblings im not close to. im the youngest i dont even try getting close to them. we were once. now all of em are older thn me and married bz in their life ..

So yeah I wanna fix things like its all in my mind i just cant apply them ..its like im addicted to this life style and yeah i play video games, keep failing my exams and being more religious i want to do it its just I CANT HELP MYSELF. Its always in my mind right wrong like ...  Im no evil dude im kinda kind and stuff but thats that .. HOW CAN I CHANGE MY LIFE ?!




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5 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu alaikum
    Sounds like normal struggles of growing up to me. We all have a past. we all come from somewhere. the important thing is you want to change, that's all it takes really. and then the steps. start with small daily ones. If you try to have a complete lifestyle make over it'll be too much of a drastic change and feel too difficult. Set one or two goals. Gym is a good way of getting yourself socialising (if you want to) whilst also building up confidence. Do something that you genuinely enjoy and nuture those as talents, if you don't feel like you have any at the moment (if) just pick something that interests you. I'd try to make it to mosque start even going once a week just to start to build an attachment or going to weekly talks etc. it doesn't have to be a complete burden. Islam is meant to be easy and really when you look at it, the things we aren't 'permitted' to do are all things that really aren't good for us in the first place, that's it.

    Pray Allah makes it easy for you.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Drugs and alcohol affect a person's brain, and act to make a person more depressed and insecure. You'll almost certainly find that staying away from these has a significant effect on how you feel about yourself. I'd advise stopping your use of these - if you find that you're dependent on them or addicted, then go and speak with your doctor (who can inshaAllah refer you to specialists who help treat problems with drug dependence) or make contact with organisations like AddAction, which help people address problems with addiction.

    Making big changes all at once can feel overwhelming, but if you make small changes then inshaAllah you'll gradually get to where you want to be. Break things down so that you can see your goal, and the steps to take to get there. And try to make all of these 'SMART' - specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound. So, instead of having a goal of "I want to be more religious" (which is an admirable goal but can seem so big that it's overwhelming), you could start with: "By this time next month I want to know the basics of how to pray salah", then "This week I'm going to make sure I pray at least once every day"... building up to consistently praying your five fard salah every day. When you're setting your goals, think about how you'll achieve them - will you go to a class, read a book about prayer, ask someone for help... - and when you're going to do these things. Then keep at it. InshaAllah you'll find that once you start making changes, you see the benefit and feel even more motivated to keep changing - as you'll see that it is possible for you to become the person you want to be.

    If you want to address your use of video games, you could start with small changes such as limiting the amount of time you're playing - set an alarm for the length of time you intend to play (if you're used to playing a lot, then maybe an hour would be a good starting point? - and then make the time shorter over a few weeks) and once it goes off, stop playing and turn off the computer or console. Once you get into the habit of only spending a set time playing, you'll inshaAllah find lots of other things you'd like to do with all the free time you've created for yourself! At the same time, think about the games you play. Some games have very inappropriate content - if you find yourself playing a game where characters are naked or engaging in haram activities like gambling, prostitution, crime, etc - STOP PLAYING IT. I'm pretty sure it's not going to be good for your deen to spend hours of your time controlling a computer character who acts in these ways. Maybe try some strategy games or puzzle games instead? Once you get out of the habit of regularly playing video games, you may well find that you aren't as interested in going back to it.

    Another issue you might want to consider is the potential risks associated with sexual activities. If you've been sexually active, you might be at risk of an infection or other transmissible condition. Most of these can be quickly and easily treated, especially for men. But they can pose a more significant risk to women (for example, chlamydia can cause infertility in women). So, for your own health and the health of your future wife (inshaAllah), it might be an idea to go to your doctor or a sexual health clinic and arrange to have a check-up. It's better to be safe than sorry.

    Remember that we're all human and make mistakes and bad decisions. But we all have the potential to change for the better. With hard work and faith, inshaAllah you can succeed at becoming the man you want to be. Don't give up.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. SALAM .YES BROTHER WELCOME TO THE REALITY OF TESTS.DO YOU THINK PARADISE IS GOING TO BE THAT EASY. THE FASTEST WAY TO CHANGE IS GO OUT IN TABLIGHI JAMAAT .FASTEST WAY TO REFORM YOURSELF.SPEND 40DAYS AND UNDERSTAND THIS WORK.YOU SEE THERE IS TWO TYPES OF DAWAAT .ONE IS DAWAT OF ISLAM AND THE OTHER IS DAWAAT OF IMAN.We need dawat of Iman to build ourselves. So we can be stable in life by building a solid foundation.Your Iman is weak and you are still young and desires will come so we have to be prepared.You see SHAITAN is very patient he knows your weakness desires fearless etc...he was there with you since you were born .but for now you need a schedule and be attached to mosque and read quran daily.don't expect to be clean hearted still along way to go because of the filth that you saw heard and touched.The heart is like a mirror if the mirror is clean doesn't it reflect clearly and properly.So we must make astagfirullah daily min 100× and 100× at night. 3rd Kalimah and durood.

  4. LOL. omg your post! Sorry, I don't mean to lol but it reminded me how I used to type when I was a teen 😀

    Anyways, the good thing is you recognize your mistakes and want to fix your self, that's always the first step in fixing your self. First you need to get away from the haram you've been doing. Start attending the mosque, go to halaqas, volunteer, etc. It wont be easy - change never is 🙁 - but inshallah with LOTS of dua and effort you will become the person you want to be.

  5. You sound just like me. It happens when you don't love yourself and things have not been smooth in your past. Beside all that smoking weed really effects negatively. I know that feeling of being high but it makes you depress, lazy and hopeless. And sex, it leaves no emotions in you when done in haram way. That is why Islam has strict rules. These bad things are attractive. But they feed off our soul everytime we do them. Thats what has happened to me.

    You need to fill your life with dreams, activities. Engage yourself into something interesting. E.g travelling and photography.

    And most importantly, repent scincerely. Pray with all your attention and intention and you will feel peace like you have never felt before.

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