Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I as a widow reclaim my rights?

Allah

Salam,

I am a Muslim woman seeking help from my fellow Muslim friends. I do not know where to turn to, and seek some advice from this forum. In advance, thank you for reading. These series of unfortunate events happened recently, and am confused as to what to do.

I had such a happy family, everything was fine until a couple years ago my husband and child died in a horrible car crash.The crash was an accident, but I was devastated. It left me devastated for months, until the man who caused the crash contact me and apologized. He was a very rich man, and was very sorry for killing my husband and child, and we eventually got married. (I believe he married me out of pity.) His family did not like me because they had wanted their son to married a virgin like him; and me being a widow was shunned upon. Therefore, my mother in law pressured me to give up my rights because she wanted her son to marry a virgin.

Recently, I discovered I have stage 3 breast cancer, and gave up my rights on him. My mother in law now sent me back to my parents household, so my parents can pay for my medical bills.

While I am living at my parents, my mother in law is making my husband get married to her friend’s daughter. My parents cannot afford my expensive medical costs and my husband has the funds to pay, but my mother in law ordered my husband not to pay for my medical costs.

My question is, can I get my rights back under Islamic law? What are my rights at this point?  I am still married to my husband, but I have given up my "wifey" rights. I was wondering if and how I can redeem them back?

My mother in law claims i am not entitiled to these rights because I am a widow, and is forcing my husband not to contact me or pay for my medical expenses ,and spend the rest of his life with a virgin. Under our Muslim tradition, can I regain my rights?

Desperately need your help.
Thank you.

Ansoo

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11 Responses »

  1. Sister what happend to u i m very sorry to hear
    Abt tht and i think u shud let tht man go as he
    Will be punished by ALLAH for ruining your
    Life and his mother and financially i would love to
    Help you i am not rich bt what ever i can help
    You i will InshAllah as a brother my email is [contact details deleted by editor]
    And i would like other brothers and sisters to help
    You aswell so you dnt hv to look at tht stupid
    Man hands to pay for ur medical INSHALLAH
    You will get better ill pray fr u

    • Assalaamualaikam

      While I appreciate that you wish to help, we do not allow people to post their email addresses or personal contact details on the site - it's a public site, so doing this doesn't just share it with one person, it shares your information with everyone.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • That is nice gesture. Is this your first comment on this forum?

    • AsSalamu 'Alaikum Sister,

      I'm really so sorry to hear about your situation. May Allah ease things for you, and grant you shifa. In fact, when I read about these in-law stories, I wonder if such people really exist in real life.

      Anyway, as brother Yasir and others expressed, we all wish we could help you much, however, the possible help we could give you at least, is to make du'a for you.

      Your situation reminds me of Prophet Ayyub/Job (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam), when he was tested with a severe illness , in addition to the lost of all his family and wealth all together, and then Allah answered him eventually, when he cried out to Him, saying "Rabbi inni Massani ad-Durru Wa Anta Arhamur-Rahimeen (i.e. O Lord, great harm has afflicted me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful)".

      I'm wishing and hoping that inshaAllah, when you gather all your feelings of ikhlas and yaqeen, while crying out to your Lord and saying the du'a of Prophet Ayyub (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam), Allah may answer you, grant you shifa, and restore your family, inshaAllah. When you reflect on the ayats below, you will see that Allah mentioned the story of Prophet Ayyub (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) to show us how to rely on Him, and that if we do so sincerely (with patience in His worship), and then cry out to Him, He will answer us, inshaAllah. As you can see that He mentioned at the end of the last ayah, "...a mercy from Us, and a reminder for the worshipers."

      83. "And Job, when he cried out to his Lord: "Great harm has afflicted me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful."

      84. So We answered him, lifted his suffering, and restored his family to him, and their like with them-a mercy from Us, and a reminder for the worshipers."
      (Quran 21: 83-84)

      Also, please do not forget to send much prayers upon the Holy Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam)--perhaps, Allah may have mercy on you, for loving His beloved Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam).

      Hope this helps, and Allah knows best.

  2. Salaams,

    As a wife, your rights over your husband are and will always be your rights as long as you remain married. Even if you 'give up' your rights at a point, you can take them back any time without penalty. That is within your right to do so. It's the same for a husband's rights upon his wife.

    The one thing you aren't telling us about is how your husband feels about you. How is your relationship with him directly? Does he care for you? You aren't married to his parents, but him. Does he want to support you? Does he love you? Even if he married you out of pity, it may be he developed a sincere care for you over time.

    As long as you remain married you can still ask your husband to support you financially, even if you are living with your parents. He is more obligated to you financially than they are. Your mother in law is not telling you correctly. Just because he married you as a widow means nothing. Once you are married, "widow" status is erased. You're a wife now, a married woman. That's your status and that's what counts.

    I suggest you get in touch with your husband and let him know you want him to support you- not just by paying your medical bills but by being emotionally there for you during a very distressing time of illness. Does he even want to get married to this other sister? He can't be forced to. No matter what the culture or your in laws are saying, he is a free man according to Islam to marry whomever he wants. I strongly urge against men taking second wives if the first wife is not comfortable with it. Given what's going on with you right now and your health, this is actually really bad timing to start a polygamous family.

    If you and your husband can't get on the same page, you might be better off just asking for a divorce. If he's going to deny your rights, break your heart, and tarnish your honor by moving in a completely different direction at your time of need, you might be better off without him and just relying solely on the family that loves and cares about you while you treat your cancer and still grieve the loss of your child and first husband.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    I agree with the advice given to you by Sr Amy.

    If your husband is unwilling to support you through your health problems, it may be worth contacting your local mosque or community centre - inshaAllah they may have some money set aside to help people in need. Also, look to see if there are any aid or women's rights charities in your area, as they might also be able to help you access the right treatment.

    You will be in my duas, sister. May Allah ease your burdens and grant you strength and comfort.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. How can your mother in law send you to your parents home? Your husband married you knowing that you were widow? Why is this virginity big deal now? How can you mother in law order your husband not to pay medical expenses? Is your husband dependent on his mother? Your husband is supposed to treat you the same way as his second wife. What country you live in? Does your husband have a medical insurance that covers the family's medical expenses.

    Your husband married you and he is no longer a virgin if he did it with you.

    You should talk to your local imam and a muslim lawyer. If your husband has Auto insurance you can get money for deaths of your first husband and kid.

  5. Your mother in law is cruel person. This women should be whipped in open for her cruelty and selfishness. May God show her right path .

    Stage 3 cancer is still not spread to distant organs so effective treatments are available however treatment should be started soon.
    It sound from post that your current husband has a conscience and guilt feelings makes him take bold steps for peace of mind. Like proposing and marrying you.
    Your MIL is manipulative but don't let her win. Bypass her and contact your husband. Talk to him face to face.
    Make him realize his role to be on your side and help you. Don't be shy with him.

    Do this today or tomorrow so your treatment should be started .
    You have practically all rights over him even if you have signed any documents of waiving your rights(never heard of any legal document like this).
    I will also pray for you insaAllah.

  6. Dear Sister Anso,

    We would like to inform you that for as long as your marriage with your husband subsists, it is the responsibility of your husband to give and provide his support to you as his wife, be it foods, clothing, shelter, hospitalization, medicine and etc. In fact it is your right to reimburse from your husband all the expenses you have incurred while he is away.
    If he is still unsupportive to you, you can go to the court and file a petition for support.
    InshaAllah, whatever reasons he may have for not supporting you, he will be forced to give what is due for you, upon order of the court.

    Thank you

  7. I have read that in a monogamous society, the husband requires his first wife's permission before marrying a second wife.

    Here check this fatwa:

    Question:

    Salamu aleykom Shiekh Ahmad Thank you for your efforts to spread the knowledge.I have small question about polygamy. Is is required for husband to have his first wife permission to marry second time?Jazaka Allah

    Answer:

    If you married your wife in a culture where monogamy was the norm, and you never mentioned to her about your option to marry a second wife, then you owe it to her to seek her permission to do so. For as the Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us, we are bound by the terms of our marriage contracts. Since there is no reason to limit such terms to the written ones, they should also include those which are simply assumed or taken for granted in a particular milieu or society. If, therefore, your wife would not have married you--if she had the prior knowledge that you would exercise the option to take a second wife-- then it was a tacit agreement you had agreed to with her; as such you are bound by it.

    http://askthescholar.com/question-details.aspx?qstID=2258

  8. Dear sister,

    Very sorry for the turn of events in your life. I wish we could help you directly so you could start the treatment soon. I dont know which country you live in. There is a bill by the name of harassment act in Pakistan. what your MIL is doing is abusing and harassing you. You can easily file a case under harassment act prevalent in your country and she will have to pay for her actions.
    Before you do that, see your husband ASAP as someone advised on this forum. He will have no issue paying for you. Or better still, y don't you just register yourself with some organization for battered women. They will act asap for your medical condition...

    WS,
    and best wishes,
    Uzma

    p.s. yasir khan sounds like a great guy. Much applause for him...

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