Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am fed up with the worst of the sins. And can I get a good muslim girl as my wife in this life?

dua help mercy questions why

Dear Fellows,

I believe that all humans especially all muslims are helpers of each other in distress and despair.. That is why I am posting my problem over here!


I am 30 years old. Still unmarried. I don't remember exactly when i started committing these worst sins (porn movies and masturbation) .. But i have been doing them for all my life till day.. I have committed them 100000000s of times.. and believe me, I have made touba 100000000s of times.. Every time, i committ a sin, i feel bad about it, I curse myself, I seek forgiveness from God and I make a pact with God and me myself that this was the last time, I did it,, I won't do it ever again.. But eventually, I end up being the same person over and over again..

I have started reciting Quran these days with tarjuma.. And i have come to know that we will be asked about each and every deed on Doomsday. I feel so embarrassed to see little children that I also used to be pure like them in my childhood.. I feel that it was a lot better if I had died in my childhood. . I sometimes feel hatred towards my parents that they never married me in my teenage or twenties..

Also I have read a quranic ayat that pure males are for pure females and pure females are for pure males.. Similarly bad males for bad females and bad females for bad males.. Now I want to do touba and restart living my life cleanly..I am interested in a girl who is good practicing muslim. But I don't even look at her, bcoz it makes me feel even more embarassed to cast my impure eyes on her.  I know I don't deserve her! I think God will give me a filthy, ill-character and sinner girl like I am..

I know my post is too long.. But i believe someone will understand my situation and pray for me.. PLEASE GUIDE AND PRAY.

Waiting for Replies from you


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5 Responses »

  1. OP: I am 30 years old. Still unmarried. I don't remember exactly when i started committing these worst sins (porn movies and masturbation) .. I sometimes feel hatred towards my parents that they never married me in my teenage or twenties..

    Almost all young men masturbate and watch porn. Some do it more some do it less. There are a lot of muslim single/divorcees out there waiting for a husband. Don't wait for your parents to find you a wife.

  2. simple solution go and spend 40days in tabligh so we can correct our Iman and build a solid foundation!

  3. Brother, Marriage is not the solution as men who are addicted to this habit can't stop even after they have a spouse, you should first strive to get rid of these haram activities.

    Muslims across the world are falling in droves into grave sins of masturbation, watching porn and doing haram things online.

    And these youths are not just from non-religious Muslim families, many are from pious ones as well.

    The pious ones are bewildered, they wonder why even after listening to hours of discourses on Quran and Sunnah in mosques, knowing numerous 'Azab'(hell torture) Quranic ayats and hadiths, listening to popular Islamic speakers for hours, watching hundreds of Islamic videos on YouTube, spending hours online debating and defending Islam. praying three , four or five times a day and reciting Quran, even doing dawah has no effect on them and the knowledge is just not registering in their heart to stop them from this filthy habit.

    So, what could be the reason?

    The answers comes from Imam Shafi'i:

    Imam Shafi’i was advised by his Shaykh to give up sins when he started being forgetful -because he had seen the bare leg of a woman when the wind blew her garment -this was by accident

    The light of Allah is not given to the disobedient: “I complained to Wakee’ of my poor memory. Leaving sins is what he guided me to address. He informed me that knowledge is a light. And Allah’s light is not gifted to those who transgress.” [Diwan ash-Shafi'i)

    When al-Shaafa’i sat before Imam Maalik and read to him, he admired him because of the intelligence, alertness and understanding that he saw in him. He said, “I think that Allah has caused light to enter your heart, so do not extinguish it with the darkness of sin.”

    Many people acquire tons of knowledge but unfortunately it does not reaches their hearts as they continue sinning while acquiring it nor does it stop them from sinning in the future, knowledge is light that Allah causes to reach the heart, and sin extinguishes that light.

    Brother, its difficult to control your gaze in the modern world with fitnah all around, but its not entirely impossible.

    All humans are dead except those who have knowledge; and all those who have knowledge are asleep, except those who do good deeds; and those who do good deeds are deceived, except those who are sincere; and those who are sincere are always in a state of worry. -Al-Shafi

    Here Are Some Practical Tips To Cure Porn And Masturbation Addiction ( source:

    Displacement Activities

    •Work out (squats seem popular ).

    •Do yoga or stretching.

    •Groom yourself (shower, trim fingernails, shave, floss, brush teeth, use tongue scraper, wash your clothes, etc.).

    •Get squeeze balls for your hands (squeeze balls and not your genitals).

    •Go for a walk.

    •Read a book instead of surfing the web.

    •Hang out with people.

    •Be an active member of your nearby mosque (or Islamic Youth clubs).

    •Clean the house/apartment/room.

    •Fix something around the house.

    •Start a chore that you have been putting off.

    •learn something new (a language, a musical instrument, cooking, solve a Rubik's cube etc).

    •2 minute time out.

    Avoidance Techniques

    •Delete your porn folder, delete your porn links.

    •Install a porn blocker (no more looking at sexy pics).

    •No Fantasizing , period. Touch yourself only when cleaning your body or urinating (see squeeze ball above).

    •Stay in public places.

    •Stay off the computer or phone except for a dedicated task like banking, work, school work, email, texting, checking the news, etc. and then log out.

    •If you are surging stay off the computer or phone completely.

    •Do not mindlessly surf the web because you will eventually click on a trigger.

    •Wear thick pants with a belt.

    •Go to bed only when you are about to sleep.

    •Get out of bed immediately after waking.

    Mental Motivation

    •Remember why you are doing this.

    •Acquiring that strong sense of self-pride and being able to look people in the eye.

    •There will never be a day when masturbating to porn will leave you happy and fulfilled.

    •Remember how shitty you feel right after you masturbate.

    •Remember that as your pleasure centres rewire you will start enjoying the experiences of your life more vividly.

    •If you masturbate and watch porn then you are training yourself to be mediocre.

    •If you masturbate and watch porn frequently, then prepare to lose your manliness after marriage.

    •When you masturbate & consume porn, then your sex life is watching other people have sex. This trains your brain to be a beta male.

    •Porn & masturbation will numb yourself to your life and you will never have a hope of completing yourself to find a partner to marry.

    •A majority of the women in porn are leading abused lives. You don 't want to contribute to the harm of another person.

    •Porn and masturbating makes you look at woman in the wrong ways. You don't want to be that guy.

    •People can sense you are a beta male when you are involved in there haram activities . They know.

    •When you don't masturbate you will become more alpha. Alpha doesn't mean aggressive douchebag, I know buddhist monks and lay meditators who are very alpha and very good people at the same time.

    •Remember that if you don't have ED(erectile dysfunction) you will eventually get it.

    •Remember that if you have ED then avoiding porn & masturbation will cure it (if there are no underlying medical issues).

    •You will have the freedom of not worrying about your browser history.

    •You will have a more sensitive and normal genital response (i.e. no more death grip syndrome).

    •Acknowledge to yourself that you have a problem, an addiction even.

    •if you have an accountability partner, call or text them when you are surging.

    •Mark out your clean days on a calendar ('x' out each day with a coloured marker, if you relapse then 'x' out each subsequent day of your new streak using a different coloured marker). It doesn't have to be paper, I use my iPad calendar for example.

    •... but remember that every day is Day 1 no matter how high your counter is.

    •"Occasional "watching porn and masturbating" does not work, cold turkey is the best way to go.

    •Be very regular and punctual with your Salat(prayers),do lots of Istighfar and duas.

    •Identify your triggers (stress, anxiety, boredom, some kind of perceived failure) and realize that going back to watching porn and masturbating session will not help.

    Tricks of Last Resort

    •Cold showers.

    •For some, cold showers are too traumatic. If so, then wash your unit with a cold face cloth until the urge passes. Some have suggested that washing your face in cold water may also work.

    •Hard mode (absolute avoidance) is the best way to heal your brain quickly from this disease of addiction.

    Finally live for purpose, not pleasure.

  4. Brother,

    All you need is to get married soon. Find a pious girl who is good at character. Spend time in the mosque and sit with the Tableegh jamaat.
    Your Imaan will protect you from these sins if it is strong.
    The door to tawbah is open till the last breath. Keep doing tawbah. And make dua for us too.

    Take care

  5. Asalamoalekum!!
    Brother its good that you are worried about it . Its a sign that you still cares for what is haram ,wrong, good and halal .
    On the authority of Anas, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah say:

    Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”

    OP:I am interested in a girl who is good practicing muslim. But I don't even look at her, bcoz it makes me feel even more embarassed to cast my impure eyes on her. I know I don't deserve her! I think God will give me a filthy, ill-character and sinner girl like I am..

    "Impure women are for impure men, and impure men for impure women. Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women; such are innocent of that which they say: For them is forgiveness and a bountiful provision."

    ALLAH is the most MERCIFUL .. Keep in mind the story of a man who killed 99 persons bt still SUBHANALLAH ALLAH has blessed him with forgiveness when that man truely repented ..SO you must have to put your faith in ALLAH after repentance because after sincere repentance you will be pure from your sins IN SHA ALLAH and you will find a pure spouse IN SHA ALLAH..

    Remember in DUA.

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