Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Lost and losing faith

Dark flower, needs life,

Al Salam Alkuim.

This page has saved my life, and given wonderful answers and advice. My name is Maryann, and my life has been a huge struggle ever since I was a child. I witnessed my father abuse my mother daily, and it ruined my life- especially when he would take out his anger on me or my family.

Now things haven't changed much. This is my last year of high school. My mother prefers my brothers over me, which is odd because I've always been there for her, and comfort her and almost never disobeyed her. Yet my brothers do worse. I don't have a relationship with my family. I feel alone, all the time. Yes I pray, fast, etc yet I feel empty. I used to feel full of faith, but now I feel nothing and it breaks my heart because I love Allah and I want him to love me.

I want to be able to see Jannah, and not let all these years of pain go to waste. Hell is so scary to me, I couldn't imagine what it's like. I need help. I'm crying as I'm typing this. I'm afraid of hell, and I'm afraid of judgement day. Please someone help me. I feel like a bad muslim.

Like I said, yeah I pray, but there are times where I gossip or have unholy thoughts. How do I make the unholy, terrible, haraam, kafar thoughts go away? I've had them since I was a child. It's like a sickness that goes and then comes. Please someone save me before judgment day comes, I want to be a good muslim with clean thoughts and strong faith. Thank you so much.



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3 Responses »

  1. Quick thought, sister: Imaan rises and falls. Though your faith may be low at the moment, don't give up on your relationship with Allah and don't give up on yourself.

    I'll write more later, Insha'Allah.

    Wael Editor

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    During our lives, we will have times when faith seems clear and comes readily, and times when our iman feels very low. There are times when we look at the difficulties in our lives and the lives of others, and our faith is tested. But it is in these difficult times that we really grow and learn more about our own relationship with our faith - if things were always easy, we wouldn't grow stronger from coming through our tests.

    It sounds like things have been very difficult for you growing up, so I wonder if it might help to talk with a counsellor about how these things have felt for you. Maybe ask your school nurse or a teacher you get on well with, if they can give you contact details for local counselling services for young adults? Lots of schools will have contacts with such services, as (even though a lot of people avoid talking about it) there is a lot of demand for counselling and emotional support for young people - adolescence and becoming an adult can be very stressful, even without any other difficulties adding to it. If your school aren't able to help, then you could ask your GP instead.

    Shaitan loves to distress us by whispering distressing thoughts to us. We don't have to act on them - we have free will. They can still upset us, because we pay attention to them and think about them a lot (they seem so unpleasant and against what we want, that we dwell on them and think "how can I have thought that - am I a bad person?"). Even trying really hard to get rid of a thought is a form of paying attention to it. To help cut down on those unwanted thoughts, it may help to make lots of dhikr. If you do find yourself having a thought that you don't want, try not to dwell on it - it's a thought, you don't have to act on it. Say something like: "ok, I'm thinking about this, but I don't believe it - it's not interesting or relevant to me so I'm going to just get on with the rest of my day".

    Keep praying regularly, read Quran, and maybe find a local sisters-only group where you can make friends with other practising Muslimahs.

    Midnightmoon editors

  3. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    So, to add to what I wrote earlier:

    If it seems like your mother gives your brothers more love or attention, it's probably because she feels they need it due to their difficulties or behavior problems. Since you have been so well-behaved and reliable, your mother probably doesn't feel a need to give you as much attention, so it might feel like she is taking you for granted. But I guarantee you that she values you and appreciates the fact that you have always supported her.

    Everyone has negative thoughts sometimes. Fortunately, Allah does not hold us to account for our thoughts. When those bad thoughts come, just push them away and replace them with dhikr (remembrance of Allah).

    Be patient. You are still growing into an adult. This is a difficult time. Things will come together for you in time, Insha'Allah.

    Wael Editor

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