She’s not Muslim and has had many lovers, I have some insecurities
Assalamu Alikom,
Well I'm a Muslim, Al-Hamdu-li-Allah, and I'm about to marry a non Muslim woman. She belongs to the People of the Book.
She is not virgin and she had a lot of lovers. Will that decrease the attraction and sexuality? She's 29.
Also, are the uncircumcised penises with foreskin more enjoyable and pleasurable for woman than the circumcised ones?!
- Idriss001
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It seems as though you are having trust and insecurity issues about this wOman . if you are ready to marry her then first and foremost you should get those two things out of your system. I know it's hard to digest ESP the part of her multiple partners, but if she told it you herself then at least she was being honest about it upfront . Relationship should be based on trust.
As for the uncircumcised issue I guess the reason u r asking this is probably because her partners were uncircumcised. If she is from eastern Europe then it it quite normal for men of those regions to be uncircumcised. Having foreskin or no skin doesn't control the quality of sex, it does however control the hygienic aspect of ones self
As Salamu'alaikum,
Brother, when you can get a high quality barbecue chicken from the next door, why would you go somewhere else for rotten meat?
I do not say that marrying women from the people of the Book is Haraam, but isn't it better if you marry someone from the Muslimaat? Yes, if your marriage could bring an advantage to Islam, then the question would be different.
But, as this woman you mentioned has had relationships with other men before, you should probable ascertain the reason you want to marry her. Whether she is attractive or not is not something else can answer fro you. But, she has done Zina, and could do it in the future too. She is not a Muslim, and may not find it wrong. You know it is a major sin, and would insha Allah abstain from it, but what will stop her from it?
Thus, I believe you should take her out of your mind and consider a Saalihah for Nikaah, who could help you in gaining higher levels in Paradise, insha Allah.
Regarding you next question, I think it has no importance. When something has been prescribed in Islam, then it is best from every angle. Circumcision is a Sunnah of Ibrahim Alaihis Salam, and it is from the fitrah (natural disposition). Is there a reason to give a thought to the otherwise?
May Allah increase us in knowledge of that which is good, and May He make us abstain from knowledge that is not good
Aameen
Wassalamu'alaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum,
Regarding the last question: I highly doubt you'll get a pious Muslim woman to answer that on this website. It's not a subject you should be dwelling on, however, this shows that your nature to ask such a thing is not resting easily with choosing this woman. You're drawing a complex on her sexual experience and fretting over how to please her when you should be focusing on how to love her not just in the bedroom, but also outside of it.
The fact of the matter is that you must ask yourself if a woman with many past fornicating lovers has met the criteria for a marriage partner, i.e. has she sought forgiveness and repented from these acts. If not, then she is not to be considered marriageable material for a Muslim man. The woman must meet more than just a title of "Muslim, Christian, or Jewish," as she must be also practicing chastity, modest in her demeanor and have some sort of religious adherence. Without these aspects, you should not consider her as your bride.
Don't marry her because you don't seem like you love her, you are holding the past against her. Let her go free where she be happy. As for you if all these issues matter then brother marry a muslim womon save yourself a lot of heartache, you deserve better.
Brother Idriss, do NOT marry this woman. First of all there is a question where she is even halal for you, as she is a zaaniyah (a fornicator). Allah says in Surat an-Nur:
"The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers."
Secondly, you clearly have some insecurity about her past lovers. You are worried that she may have derived more pleasure from them than she will from you. This is not a promising start to a lifelong relationship. I don't think your worry and jealousy will go away. This matter will continue to bother you and may damage your future marriage.
Leave this woman and find yourself a good Muslim woman, either a virgin or someone who was previously married in a halal way. This will be better for your deen, and will rest easier on your heart.
To answer your final question, there is no difference in the pleasure a woman receives whether a man is circumcised or not; and I have heard that women generally prefer a circumcised man, it is cleaner. But I think the issue is irrelevant. Go find yourself a Muslim woman so you don't even have to think about such things.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I thought it was cleaner to have it circumcised.
sameerah, that's what I meant, it was a typo that I have corrected now. Thanks for pointing it out.
Yes, modern studies have shown that circumcised men have a lower chance of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV.
SubhanAllah, there are so many signs that Islam is true and comes from Divine guidance.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
I just want to say, that if a Muslim man is not circumcised, he should do so ASAP as it is a sunnah. Then such questions won't need to be entertained.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Amy, I'm sure he is. I think the point is that the girlfriend is non-Muslim and has had previous non-Muslim lovers. So this Muslim brother is feeling insecure about this and is wondering if he will be able to please her sexually as much as her past lovers.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
Ok I'm going to be dorky...are there actually parts of the world where the majority of non Muslim men would still be uncircumcised? Maybe it's just where I'm from, but being non-Muslim wouldn't necessarily imply a foreskin is present. I thought circumcision was routinely done at birth pretty much everywhere now.
And I'm just going to be frank for the sake of this brother and others:
A woman's sexual pleasure usually has very little to do with an actual penis, regardless of what sort it is. There are plenty of ways to please and satisfy a woman that don't require one at all.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Well, we're getting a little off track here, but I've read that in the USA it used to be routinely done at the time of birth, but nowadays most parents choose not to have it done. In Europe and Russia it is apparently almost unknown.
According to Wikipedia, "Estimates by the World Health Organization (WHO) suggest that 30 percent of males worldwide are circumcised.[9] The prevalence of circumcision varies mostly with religious affiliation, and sometimes culture. The timing of circumcision similarly varies, though it is commonly practiced between birth and the early twenties."
The WHO further states that of those men who are circumcised, 70% globally are Muslim.
Wikipedia says that prevalence of circumcision is very low in Latin America, Europe and East Asia, while it is nearly universal in the Middle East and Central Asia (the Muslim world).
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Brother,
Knowing that this woman has had many lovers, what makes you want to marry her? What is it about her that makes you want to commit to a life with her? Can you handle the knowledge that she has had other lovers without throwing it back in her face every time you have an argument? Think long and hard brother over these issues...they are important for you to ponder.
If you are able to look beyond all that has happened, why not invite this woman into the fold of Islam? I firmly believe in my heart that often in our lives, situations such as this are an opportunity to not only turn someone around in a life which they are leading but to possibly guide them towards the light of Islam. Imagine the baraka from Allah to be the one to help this young woman turn her life around for the better! May Allah guide you in your decision.
Salam
That woman can not be considered for marriage, she may betray you even after marriage. Uncircumcised penis is a source of disease, it is very much sensitive to AIDS ( HIV) and sexually transformed diseases. You can see many literature and research over this. The example is south africa which is highly affected to AIDS, now the percentage is decreasing their due to circumcising. Here i am adding a website in which you can see all non muslim countries are highly affected by HIV (AIDS). indexmundi.com