Should I live my life with such a liar?
I am 39 years old and working as an expatriate in maldives. I am already married and having a daughter. There were some problems in my first marriage from the very first but she became pregnant and for the sake of baby I continued that relationship. Recently it became so bad that I left my country and came to maldives.
First 9 months were eventless but suddenly I started talking in viber with a girl who is working with me in the same institute. The relationship grown very fast and I was alone and womenless for months so I also can't control myself. We kissed in the beach and that became viral. So pressure was mounting on me. She was very tricky and know how to manage a boy.
One day she get caught to me that she is continuing 3 more relations on viber. But about all that she lied a lot. In the meantime we went for physical relationship and it created a huge mental pressure on me and I decided to marry her.
I gave her final word but one day I found in her mobile that she still continuing viber chatting with other two boys. So I reacted a lot and asked for a breakup. She cried a lot so I forgive her. She mentioned me she had a complicated relationship before and accidentally it went to a physical relation once only.
I even forgive her for that and married her. After some days I found she was talking countless boys on facebook and viber.... and all went to some kinda relationship. Now I started asking her and she started crying and telling lies. Then I asked her to tell the truth touching the Quran. She then told the truth she had many relations.... And with that particular boy she had countless physical relations. Now I feel like vomiting to touch her. She became pregnant anyway. What should I do now? Should I live my life with such a liar?
sadik
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The situation is complected and very difficult to solve. But there is a good thing in it, that is - she is a Muslim and does not lie while touching Quran. So there is a good hope for you to bring her on the right path.
Her lies did not come to you one day. From the very beginning she lied to you and found it worked. You love her so much and she always took advantage of that. The lies worked on you from the very beginning.
There are two things you can do now. First find the reason behind why she cheat you. Are you not giving her enough time? are you not fulfilling her needs? are you not physically satisfying her enough? - find the reason and solve it. (In some rare cases there is no reason, girls just do it for fun.)
The next thing you need to do is, start practicing Islam as good as you can. Make the environment Islamic, both pray together, read Quran, listen to Islamic lecture, discuss more about punishment of after life. This make people keep away from sins.
It is very easy to leave a wife. Anyone can do it. But when you are a hero, you will convert her into a good shape and live with her till end. Solve the reason and make her more Islamic. This will solve your problem, In shah Allah.
End it.
you will not find happiness.
Brother,
Upon reading your post, I honestly believe you need to look within yourself as a person. You are a married man with a child. Because things got a little difficult within your marriage, you abandoned your family. What does that say about you?
You then travel to another county thus abandoning your wife and child because you either can't or don't want to handle all that comes with being a married man and a father. You then marry a second wife because you claim you were, "womanless". My husband currently is working in another county...do you think that I can just marry another man because I am "manless"? No...I think not.
Truth is brother, there is no "perfect" union. We all need to work on our marriages no matter how rough things might get. You don't just toss your wife and child aside and travel to another country and marry another woman because it suits you and your male urges. Now you are having issues with wife number two which most likely pale in comparison to wife number one. The saddest thing of all that I can see in your scenario is that you are the absent father of one child with another child on the way.
No matter how your life plays out, just take care of those children that you have helped bring into this world. If that is all that you can do, just do that. Good luck in the new situation that you have put yourself in. May you grow as a person and realize that marriage isn't just about you and your wants and needs, it is about the family unit as a whole and it takes hard work and dedication to make things work. Allah hu Alem
Salam
so basically you want to say he should live with her characterless disloyal wife
Seems to me neither one of them have any character or loyalty to anyone. He chatted this woman up on social media while he was married (and still is). He couldn't control himself so he says and he kissed her and things went from there. He left his first wife and child and now he is married to this woman who is also now pregnant with his child.
The reality is, you can't place the sole blame on the woman here. This man just can't go around marrying women, impregnating them and then walk away. That is what is wrong with people in this world. Rather than work on his first marriage, he went and got married again and he didn't even know the person or anything about them.
Maybe rather than walk away from his second wife, he should work on his marriage and prepare for his second child. Maybe he should look within himself and see that he is no innocent party in all of this.The only casualty I see in this whole mess are the children. They are the ultimate losers in all of this. May Allah guide us all to the right path. Allah hu alem.
Salam
I completely agree with Sister Najah
Divorce is the only solution with regard to your case because lying can never easily stop.
Brother ..
1 - Have you divorced your first wife ? If yes Okay. If not , then have you told about this second one to her ?
2 - If she does all Viber chatting and all, you were also amongst the same category sometime back and thats how you got acquainted with her. So equal blame goes to you too.
Before asking someone to swear on Quran, see how deep are you yourself in water at first place !
If you are really a white collared man, since you said vomiting and all well then divorce her .. Let her continue her life on virtual world and with all animal kind behaviour of getting hooked up with innumerable people. Take the responsibility of your kid, since he/she is going to be someone who has no give and take with all these things. So dont let the poor being have a miserable life. Even you have done blunders, probably that might be the way to correct a few % of them.
Rest even you have Viber.. In future. 😛
Good Luck
OP: Now I feel like vomiting to touch her. She became pregnant anyway. What should I do now? Should I live my life with such a liar?
Move to another country and find a new wife on viber. Now tell the truth how many girls have you talked on viber.
First of all you are a liar yourself and a dog for leaving your child and first wife. Karma is good and look what happened
Asalam Alekum sister Lana
That is not a nice way giving Naseeha as a Muslim.
Lool
La hawla wa'la quwata'illah Billah
Welcome to the real world of duniya....like us N.Americans say It's a doggy dog world.....yes there are people who can cry and say I live you and look you dead in the eye but are big time liars.....Look any person who doesn't believe in Allah worships him obey the commandments of Allah and teachings of prophet Muhammad PBUH can never be straight.They are not guided and follow there devils.fact. So learn Deen properly become Allah's favorite pray Salah read quran for in this is guidance protection and Barakah! !!!!!!!!!!