I was abused by my husband in front of my in-laws
salam!
I have been married since Feb 2012 and have been going through so much! My husband has a bad temper and hates when people try to tell him what to do no matter who that person is. He is a really sweet guy and has a big heart, but sometimes his anger gets the better of him. He controls every movement of mine but yet I can accept that because I work when I want to and where the clothes I want to.
But I cannot stand the part where he has no respect or manners for my parentsand he has been like this before and after marriage. I lived with his family and he didn't treat me like a wife there. His family was always insulting me indirectly, insulting my family, treating me like an outcast when my husband was not home, controlling everything from what I should do, wear and have my room like. I had no privacy at all
and my life with my husband was everybody's business.
My husband was always influenced by his family and they would join him and make him get mad at me, pick on little things, mistreat me by swearing at me and hitting me. I love my husband more than anything in the world, but I couldn't stand that environment. I used to cry every night. He even hit me when we were on our honeymoon I haven't seen a day of happiness since I got married.
Last time he hit me, my dad called the police on him. So now I live with my family and he is with his. He has a restraining order so he cannot talk or see me. I am going completely insane. My heart cannot take any more of this. It's just way
too much for a fragile woman like me to deal with. It's been 1.5 months and we are both going absolutely crazy without the other 
because of his pride, he is not getting a place for us to live separately and have this case finished with.
He says that I have to come back first and then we will search together and then we will move out right away. I have trust in him but I cannot see myself walking back into that house that made me cry every night and after everything that has happened, all the help my parents have given, I cannot go back. I trust my husband but not his family. There is so much but I cannot say them all otherwise you would all know why they shouldn't be trusted and why they were wrong and not me.
I want my husband back right away. please tell me what to do for Allah to listen to my prayers! What dua is best for making my husband fix our life the right way. What is the right way?? living the way I did is haraam in islam - to be sad and depressed ad be constantly attacked and insulted by your husband
because he is always listening to his family - please help me and pray for me during namaz.
-mh87
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Assaalam oalykum wr wb. being concise as usual i would like to say that. ask your husband first to learn about marital life according to islam,, FIrst and foremost this sort of stuff is certainly common when marriages happen not on the sole ground of deen. by not searching spouse who understands deen and imply well rolling over to your query try to apporach an imam who can make him understand from islamic perspective speak to him and say that WE SHOULD LEARN ABOUT MARITAL LIFE ACCORDING TO ISLAM AND WE WILL ABIDE BY IT in future from now on . Im sure this will make him understand as well as u will be aware of EACH OTHERS RIGHT.SO BEFORE U Retort TO HIM in affirmative learn urself as well as make him learn .
Hi Dear sister,
This is very important what I am gonna say to you now. Please Read!
While I was reading your story, which is very sad, I felt an anger inside of me and got very emotional.
I have been in the same situation you are now when I first got married. I was married for I believe few months and pregnant and my inlaws were miserable especially my sister in law. My husband was the same way with me because my inlaws were bed talking about me and he was hitting me and so on and so on, until one day I called my parents because I had it already and I was only 21 years old and this fight kept going until I had the baby, and after the baby was born they wanted us to be separated because I did not get along with my sister in law, how stupid is this????? They tried everything to get us separated with a child anyways back to my parents, My parents came to my house they saw me dying like that and with the 5 months old baby, they called the cops and took me home, they did not want me to go back to him. aMy husband was young to at that time he was only 23 years old. I stayed at my parent for like a month, believe me my life became miserable because first of all I had a child and second of all I loved my husband, he was my boyfriend and then fiancee and then became my husband but I did not know he was going to change like that and keep his parents side and throw me under the bus every time.... long story short, he came back to me asked me if I wanted to get a house with him and thats what I did. Again my inlwas did not want to see us together even that we has a child. Now its been 10 years my in laws never changes, but i grew and I am wiser. My husband does everything that I say, be smart, don't mention or say anything bed about his parents at all even that you hate them deep inside, there is a God and they get punish for what they are doing and be nice and lovable to your husband they need that kind of love and speak to him, say I really like your parent and I respect them for their age but they have to know that they cannot control me anymore, that s what I said to my husband. I have three children now and they hate it but who cares as long as you have your husband,if your husband don't stand up you do so for your self, but wait until you have him all wrapped around your finger and you will see, but you must live alone with your husband otherwise I will tell you right now he is always going to keep their side if he still lives with them, Sister we have a same life story and OI am zoo over that. I wish you the best of luck and love your husband I hope he will change and you will have a great life together,
Best and I hope Allah will help you and be with you in every moment of your life beucase you need him a and his help dear sister. God bless
Assalamu alaykum sister
My husband has a bad temper
He controls every movement of mine.
I cannot stand the part where he has no respect or manners for my parentsand he has been like this before and after marriage.
I lived with his family and he didn't treat me like a wife there
mistreat me by swearing at me and hitting me
I used to cry every night
He even hit me when we were on our honeymoon I haven't seen a day of happiness since I got married.
Last time he hit me, my dad called the police on him
He says that I have to come back first
thats what you said and all that after few month?sister please think about it,do you want to spend your life with a man who doesnt even respect you and hit you?you are only married since few month and have been through so much in only few month of marriage.it doesnt sound right sister.if he doesnt respect you now do you think he will later if you live together???even now after 1.5month he is saying to you "You have to come back first" ???!!!! if i was you i would thank ALLAH for it that he saved me from such a man before you have some children with him and ruin your life. sorry if i sound harsh but that is the truth, inshALLAH you will make the right decision.pray istikhara everyday and ask ALLAH to show you the right way, whatever is the best for you.
w/assalam
It isn't fair to your future children if you get back together. Children learn from what they see and you owe it the Ummah to raise young men who are going to treat their wives the way they deserve to be treated. Do you want your children to continue the cycle of abuse ? I ask you to study your Deen, and look to the character of the best of man kind (PBUH) to know what a man should be like. There are a number of books on the life of The Prophet (PBUH) for you to choose from like 'the sealed nectar".
I think you should also develop your self-esteem and spend time respecting yourself. If you don't respect yourself no one else will. This is a good time to learn about who you are as a person and take a step back from your husband and ask yourself what you really want out of life. Do you really want turmoil, confusion and shattered dreams?
If you want happiness you must take time to heal. You have been damaged by abuse and your inability to make good decisions is one of the proofs of it. I advise you to find a female Muslim life coach to help you see all the options before you. You have better options then going back to an abusive relationship. Just because you don't know what your options are does not mean they don't exist. You Need Help With Decision Making! I pray you make wise decisions and you choose a fulfilling happy life with the help of Allah.
I agree 100% think twice before you go back with your husband, reason why: because they will sweet talk you to get you back, once your gone back same old same trust me is the truth, Must of them never change they will always listen to mommy, not the wife so you been throw alot so please think about this and pray to Allah everything work out for you insallah.
AsSalamualaikum,
sister, first of all, you need to know if your husband is really interested in fixing the problem. One question is why did he hit you? Why when you were on your honeymoon? Was it because you refused to do something he wanted you to do? Why was it?
Islam does not allow a man to hit his wives, except under extreme situations, with a lot of conditions and restrictions though. Unnecessary mistreating would amount to Oppression, which Allah does not like.
What you can do is ask your father to search for a home and inform your husband that you have searched for a home and are ready to unite with him, but you do not want to stay with your parents in law who could mistreat you further if you move to their place. Because if you go there and then his parents convince him to stay with them, then you would again fall into this.
And know that it could be a test from Allah, to see if you have patience or you disobey. So, have patience and Hope in the Mercy of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala.
This seems difficult, right? Keep reciting this du'a:
"Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja'altahu sahla. Wa Anta Taj'alul hizna iza Shi'ta sahla"
"O Allah, there is no ease, except what You have made easy. And You can make a grief easy, if You Wish"
There are numerous other Du'as for your situation you can find in the book called Hisn al Muslim (Fortress of the Muslim), downloadable from islamhouse.com
I hope this helps.
May Allah fix your problem and unite you with your husband
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
I'll give you an example.
My cousin sister was in a similar as yours. She was a victim of "exchange marriage" (I call it so). If you are wondering what it means, then I'll tell you. Consider that I agree to marry my daughter to your son, and you agree to marry your daughter to my son. This is exchange marriage. The evil of this is that if one relationship has issuses, it effects the other too.
There were problems in one relation and it reached divorce. The effect of this was faced by my cousin sister.
She was being mistreated by her parents in law. Her husband was helpless because he respected his parents. My uncle brought his daughter back to his home.
He discussed the issue with her husband and they finally worked out a plan. Without his parents' knowledge, he applied for a family visa to move to some other country, and took her there, away from his parents.
This worked. And thaw are Alhamdulillah living happily together.
If a man hits you once, he'll hit you again. Get a divorce. Stay away from him. Don't let yourself be his punching bag. He doesn't love you. Not really. If he did, he wouldn't have hit you. It's as simple as that. Leave. NOW.
Sister,
If he is misbehaving at this early stage of your marriage, what would he do to you say 5, 10 years down the line? When you would have had kids for him and given him the best part of your youth??
Just think about it.
May Allah SWT guide you and give you the strength to make the right decision.
I will try to keep my answer brief.
Did he say that he is sorry for what he did and will not ever repeat his mistakes in future? The only point he wants you back (which i could see in your post) is that "we are going absolutely crazy without each other".
You wrote "he mistreated me badly in front of his family, he hit me even when we were on honeymoon, mistreat me by swearing at me and hitting me". I am more than 100% sure that if what you wrote is correct then this guy has no respect for you, and its impossible that he will have your respect in near future given his qualities you described.
In the worst scenario, since he is egoistic and his family has until now successfully brain washed him against you, it is also possible that he wants you back just out of ego, and when you will go back with him, God forbid he may try to take revenge and put you in more misery (sorry i don't mean to panic or disappoint you but i don't know in which society you are living in. Such things do happen in some societies).
Please, keep your self respect above love. You didn't get any respect in this relation, neither from him nor from his family. I can fully understand how you would be feeling at this time. But you have to be wise, and not blind fooled by him once again in the name of love. There is no love without respect.
If you go back to him without him making some serious and practical efforts that he realized his mistakes and is truly committed to not to repeat them in future, then you are giving him clean chit to mistreat you in future. I repeat, DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM, until you can see clearly that he is changed.
People here can give you only suggestions, but you and your family know the situation very well. Do not take any step against the wishes of your family. They are your biggest support, since your husband is such a coward.
Sister,
I can't understand when a woman has abusive and violent husband, then says I love him more than anything and wants to come back to him soon. Maybe because you put all the blame on this family. But I don't think he is better than his family, they didn't put a gun on his head and command him to hit you, mistreat you etc. you said he hite you during honeymoon, i suppose his family was not with you at honeymoon to brainwash him, right? you have to accept and admit the idea that it's his character. If you go back and even move to separate place, I am sure he will hit you again as during your honeymoon. This is his temper.
I think you have prob of low self esteem. You maybe think this is the man you need and that's all. But as above post said, I feel sorry for your future children if you go back and he still hit you and mistreat you. If he didn't feel shame to do this front of your in laws, he would certainly also do it front of your kids.
Think well
Salam,
Thank you all for the responses. I understand what you mean, self-respect is very important. I understand at times it is something I lack. I came to Canada when I was only 4 and so I grew up here. I am faithful to Allah and respect my culture even though I grew up in a different environment. I have always been against abuse and always told myself to never allow a man to control me. I always expected better of myself. It’s just that I really value the good side of him over the bad side. I want to overcome the situation, work it out so that I can leave my life with him peacefully and share it with joy and love. If he were anything compared to what I have seen and heard about, love would never control me.
Saraa: I haven’t put all the blame on his family. I am sorry if my post made it seem that way. The problem is him and I, but his family is a factor in fueling the situation. You are right; his family was not there during our honeymoon. It is something innate, his temper is the problem. I have told him as well that I would never put him down in front of my family and that he shouldn’t do it front of his, it just reduces the respect they have for me and they will judge me according to the behavior of my husband towards me. He understood this and stopped, but then it was his anger the last time that created all this mess. I don’t know how to say it in English, but I guess he’s very ‘all of a sudden” with his responses. He just acts before thinking when he is angry.
Rehman: Yes he has promised me in Allah’s name and over my head that he is sorry for everything that has happened. He has asked me to give him a chance to show his love and that he was wrong in hitting me, that he has never liked men who hit their wife and now he has become one of them. He has promised that he will control his anger, and be more understanding of my feelings. He even apologized for talking the way he did to my father. He said he has respect for him, but he went out of line when he talked to him the way he did when he came over one day.
…P.S. Let me tell you something that made my father really upset. When my father told him that I am new into his house and should be treated with love and respect so that I can feel comfortable and fit right in. He said that the wife is the first priority, this was my husband’s response: my mother is my first wife, then her. I love my mom first then I love my wife.
This not only upset my father, but upset me too. There is a fine line between a wife and a mother. I have never asked him to love me more than his mother, nor have I ever told him to not respect his mother. Instead, I have always told him to not get angry about everything (anything in general, not just something between us) in front of his mom because she is sick and it’s not good to make her upset. I even told him once, if you are mad about anything come into our room and just yell at me about it. Do not let your mother worry it is not good for her health. I never ever said this to gain respect or for him to love me better; I did this out of the purity of my heart, Allah is my witness…
And Rehman, what you have said is something my parents are telling me: to be careful and think carefully. They told me to think about love and Islam and then compare it to his behavior and our relationship. They have also told me that he might be tricking me and wants me back so that he can make me apologize to his family for everything, and that he will kick me out himself instead of making it look like there was anything wrong in the relationship and that I was the problem not him. But I trust him enough because I know him very well. I am not saying I am completely blinded by love, but I see potential in him to change based on previous experiences with other types of situations.
Khajija: You are right. That is something I have told him too, that if he continues with this behavior, what if one day he hurts me real bad. I told him that it will only get worse if he doesn’t step back and think. I just want to know a prayer to keep my mind sane, to keep our relationship, and gear it towards the right direction.
Mah: I am not looking into getting a divorce. He hit me you are right, and behaviors like these tend to repeat majority of the time. I am not justifying what he did was right, hitting me was not right regardless of any reason. But divorce is definitely not the way I would like to go about this.
Muhammad Waseem: That is true; conflicts arise in those situations and affect everybody in the circle. That is what I was concerned with when he would yell at me and swear at me in front of his mother. My husband has agreed to give me a separate place and I don’t want to sound greedy or anything, but I just want to enjoy it without anybody from my family or his. I want us to get to know the bond between a husband and a wife. I want the move to allow him to make me his first priority. I don’t want him to move and still be influenced by his family. I really hope I find the same happiness as your cousin!
My husband wants 101% respect and obedience. I respect him so much and do as he says, but lately his anger has come to the point where if he is angry he will continue to yell and argue about every useless thing you can imagine. He has a bad memory and then gets mad at me for not telling him something even if we have had a big conversation about it. When he is mad, if I just sit there and listen to him he gets even more upset and says I am not responding because he is right and I am wrong. Then if I say something he gets mad and raises his hand and tells me to not talk back. But if he asks me a question and repeats it until I answer, I have no choice but to answer. Then when I answer I get in trouble for answering it. I do not understand at all L
The day that the police were called this is what happened:
I wasn’t feeling so good so I went to my room while everyone else was in the living room. He came into the room and we just talked and laughed and everything, and then he asked me if am sleeping. I said I didn’t really plan to sleep but I’m in pain and can’t get off the bed and will just sleep. Then he got mad all of a sudden and said, “You have changed, you have no respect at all, what kind of a lady are you. You don’t even say goodnight to anybody”. I was like, “I didn’t plan on sleeping when I came in the room. I came to do a few other things, I cleaned up the room a bit and did a few other things, and then just lay down for a minute” and he got mad and said no I have to say goodnight and I am rude and disrespectful. So I said to him, “When you dropped me off at my parents the other day, did you come upstairs and say Salam to my parents? When you picked me up, did you go upstairs to say Salam?” And he said, “That is different”. So I asked him what is so different about it. He said, “You pass my Salam to them” and so I said to him, “then you pass my goodnight to your family”. I understand this is talking back. But instead of him caring that I am not feeling well, and making up arguments over something so small is completely ridiculous. Anyways, he got even more upset and said that I have changed and have no respect for my husband. He said to me, “don’t think that that m*f* (swear word…as he was referring to my mothers cousin) and everything he has told you will change our life”. Before the wedding, my mother’s cousin came over from USA to surprise my mother during her daughters wedding. He just gave me some tips of how to have a successful marriage, and gave examples from his relationship. He provided a lot of great ideas and I shared that with my husband. During our wedding, he came to my husband and told him, “We came here to see the bride dance with her husband. Go and dance with her, don’t care about what other people might say. Enjoy your wedding with your wife”. So my husband got upset because he doesn’t like me dancing in front of every man. My husband did not force me into anything, he told me to enjoy my wedding and if I want to dance I shouldn’t be afraid to do so. But out of respect for myself, I did not dance. If I could keep myself happy I know my husband will be happy as well. The fact that I didn’t dance because I listened to my own heart, my husband was proud of me that I didn’t do it just for him.
So anyways, back to the story, he called my mothers cousin a m*f* and that upset me and I told him to not swear at my moms family. He got mad at why I was defending him, I told him it’s not that I am defending him in particular, it’s just not good for him to call any adult or anyone in general a swear word. So he got mad and accused me of thinking my mothers cousin is more important than my own husband. So I said in the most polite way that I can, that we are not kids for him to think that way and that I am not going to sit here and try to prove to him that my husband is first and that I simply don’t want him to use harsh words against anybody especially adults. I told him, we should stop and go to sleep as we both have work the next morning. But rather than stopping, he got mad and said that he called him a m*f because he is one and that he was wrong in telling what to do, that anybody who tells him that his wife should go dance is a m*f. So I told him, “Everyone is different. If he doesn’t mind his wife dancing, then that his is own issue, he can go and dance with her. Everyone has different opinions. Don’t let things like that bother you or get to you. Just let them go. You didn’t want me to dance, you didn’t ask me to. You did what you wanted to at the end of the night. I didn’t want to dance and I didn’t dance. I did what I wanted to at the end of the night. This is not something we should be arguing about.”
But he continued to get mad and repeat everything over and over again. So I said to him, “your cousins came over to me and told me to go dance, they even told me to not care about what you say and just do whatever I want. I told them that I myself don’t want to dance, I don’t know how to dance, and I am not like that. I even told them I care about what you think and will not go against him. Even though they kept insisting for me to dance and not care about what you think, I refused and at the end of the night I did what I wanted. I didn’t let what they told me bother me. I couldn’t care less because everyone is different”.
And STILL he continued getting mad and repeating his story. So I said to him, “ok so if he is a m*f* for saying that, then every guy who danced with their wife/fiancé on the dance floor was also a m*f??? All those girls in their mini skirts dancing around guys that are not their husbands are b*’s?? And your cousins who told me to go dance and not care about what you think are b*’s as well???” He got so angry and yelled at me to not call them b*’s. I said I wasn’t calling them anything, I am asking that if such a situation would so easily make them one. So then he put his hand over my eyes to shut them because he hates when I look at him when he is mad. So I brushed his hands away because this is not the first time he has done this. I don’t want to get blind. Then he slapped me and I hit his hand away. Then he grabbed my neck and I pushed him away and he just looked at me and started laughing and jumping at me just to see my reaction. He’s like, “look at you. hitting your own husband” I told him I am not hitting, I am defending myself by pushing him away, I am not hitting you I am just pushing you away” He got upset and said he has had enough of me and that he doesn’t want me anymore. He threw my phone at me and said go call your dad and tell him to come pick you up. He needs to teach you some respect for your husband and how to be a wife. So I said to him, “you want me to call them at 1 in the morning about this”. He said yes. So I called my father, and told him. My father talked to my husband and told him that he has had enough of this behavior of his and that if he comes he will bring the cops. My husband was like I didn’t say bring the cops, I said come pick her up and raise her properly. They went on and on because my dad was trying to make him realize to not make a big deal out of something at 1 in the morning. My dad told him he will come the next morning to talk it out and if he is serious, he will take me in the morning and that if he is making it big right now, he will call the cops on him because he has had enough of him abusing me and treating me the way he does. My husband said he isn’t scared of the cops. So my father had no choice but to call the police.
It is a very difficult time for me. And thank you for the dua! I will repeat it constantly!
Muslimgirl: I know, why are some men like that, such mommy’s little boy all the time?? L And thank you!!
Muslim Sober Companion: When I tell my husband what his character should be like in Islam, he tells me to talk about myself first and look into how a wife should be and what kind of respect she should have for her husband. I really want to do as you advised, believe it is something I wanted to do even before you advised. It’s just I feel like there is too much pressure around me that it is a bit impossible. I am afraid I am losing my sanity L I cannot stand the fact that I had such a great wedding, but am back at my parent’s house. I also feel so embarrassed L I really appreciate your insight and your reply! Great advice indeed!
Muslimgirl: I know, I am embarrassed at the fact that so early in the marriage, it has gotten this deep L But am I wrong in thinking that he does respect me, but just made a terrible mistake and I know that change will not happen over night, but have absolute trust that he will work at it as hard as possible to make me happy? You are not being harsh, you are being truthful and that is what I need at this moment. Yes Allah did save me by taking me out of the house that I was crying in. Then I think about how sometimes it has gotten his far because it is my fault. I am the one who complained to my parents and brought out his bad side. I am the one who didn’t ask for help the right way, I didn’t ask for what to do, I just simply complained. But then I think about how I tried telling him that I do not appreciate his family treating me like a little kid and telling me what to do and being part of our arguments and being embarrassed in front of them, he didn’t seem to care and denies his family doing anything at all. This is something that bugs me, the fact that he will never admit to his family ever being an influence. He always has an excuse for their actions. I am just lost and confused. Look at my response to your comment. This is how out of place I amL
I will do as you ask me to sister, thank you very much!
Imane: Thank you for your response. To be honest, an imam (my father’s friend as well and family member) has been in the middle as well. His family was the first to contact the imam and tell them that my husband and I have been separated and my mother in-law told him that she cannot live without his son because he is the one that supports them (even though at her house she told my dad that is not forcing her son to stay with them because she has enough income to support herself). The imam called my father and asked what happened as he was not told the story. My dad did explain to him, and the imam agreed that it was wrong in the first place for me to go this house where 3 other young men lived (his brothers). He told my dad that the wife should enjoy the beginning of her marriage and that we should have lived separate from the beginning and get to know each other to live happy and love each other and earn respect from each other. I have told my husband several times that I want to go and talk to him the both of us and give both sides of our stories, but husband refuses. Even when he said ok, we still didn’t go to actually do it. I feel like he is holding back because he knows he wasn’t 100% right. He just more persistent in me learning my own religion first and learn how to respect my husband.
So basically, we just go in circles in our life L one other note: my husband is really upset at the fact that his own father in-law called the cops on him even though we keep telling him that he left my father no choice, when my dad tried talking to him a few times he disrespected him and did not care and talked back on purpose.
Thanks for the reply sister mh87.
I'd like to tell you that anger does not kill anger. He shows anger and user evil words, you show your anger, then the issues multiply, instead of being sorted. I've seen in my family that my maternal aunt's husband, when he comes to his mother in law's place, and does not go inside the home to say salam or sometimes does not give a phone call, while her other sons in law call her regularly and enquire about her health and so on. Do you know what my aunt does? She does not yell at him asking why did you not call or say salam. She instead defends her husband in some way or the other.
My sister, in Islam, a husband is given the position no other is given. A saheeh hadith has it that if Sajadah to other than Allah was allowed, a woman would be asked to do Sajadah to her husband. This is his position.
His problem is anger, and your cousins, right? Regarding your cousins, then you do not need to spoil your relationship, for them.
My sister, fight his anger with love. Men, by their nature, tend to demand respect, there is no denial to that. So, show him respect. Say you were sorry and that your relationship needs no outsider who would spoil it. Its your life, yours or his cousins won't live it.
Just that when he gets angry, ask him to say "A'oozu billahi min ash Shaitaan as Rajeem"
According to a Saheeh Hadith, it wards off anger. Whenever you get angry, you say it.
Create lot of love between yourselves, sister. So much so that no outsider dares to interfere. I suggest you to read about the rights he has on you, and try to fix this by beginning it yourself. If you actually wish for a union, then someone needs to start, right? Why not you? Please do not let your ego stop you. Your husband has a lot of rights on you which you need to fulfil. I know he has a lot of rights on you too. But if none of you begin, then there is no solution to this.
Do not let anybody interfere in your relationship. Do not speak to him about anyone he doesn't like. Bear his anger for sometime and convince him that you intend to change and look to fix your issues. Then, slowly, he would also stop having influence of his mother in his relationship with you, when you show a change.
This is my advise, sister. I pray to Allah that you both get together and live happily without anyones interference.
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
Okay. So continue being his personal punching bag. He hit you once. He'll hit you twice, thrice and a hundred more times.
I hope you find peace with your husband. Divorce is a huge step, I agree. Where I live, it's the worst thing that can happen to a girl.
Can you separate from him for a while? So that he can get a taste of what's it like without you? Ignore him for a month. Busy yourself in other activities. He'll come crawling back to you...
you asked about how to get Allah to answer your dua.
someone gave the following response:
Peace be to you and mercy and blessing.
If both or one of your parents is alive, then be kind to them, and then ask them to make du'â to Allâh for you that Allâh gives you happiness in your marraige, wallâhi this is your best chance of getting your dua answered, rather even better than anyone else you know.
Because the du'â of the parents produces miracles, al-Imâm ash-Shaykh al-Hadîth Muhammad Ibn Ismâ'îl Ibn Ibrâhîm al-Bardizbî Bukhârî, the compiler of the second most authentic book after the kitâb was blind as a young boy, and he regained his eye's because his mother made du'â for him to Allâh.
likewise al-Imâm Muhammad Ibn Idrîs al-Shâfi'î gained an incredibly powerfull memory as a result of his parents du'â and many other examples.
The prophet[saww] gave glad tidings to an individual from amongst his followers who has never seen him, and his name was Uwais Ibn 'Âmir al-Murâdî al-Qarnî al-yemenî and commanded the best of the companions, Abû Bakr, 'Umar 'Alî to ask this man [non-Sahâbî] to make du'â for them.
So during the caliphate of 'Umar [may Allâh be pleased with him], whenever a group of people came from yemen for hajj or 'Umrah, 'Umar would go shouting/running aloud to them "is there amongst you a man named Uwais Ibn 'Âmir" and he would repeat this, untill some of the men said they knew him, but were not sure why the leader of all muslims was so eager to meet this Uwais, as he was no more than just poor man, low wordly status with un ironed/stained clothes, milking the goats for them, so they directed 'Umar to Uwais.
when he finally met him, and greeted him with the muslim greeting he asked
"are you Uwais the son of 'Âmir?"
Uwais: indeed i am
Umar: from the sub-tribe of Murâd?
Uwais: that's right
Umar :then from the tribe of Qarn?
Uwais: yes
Umar: Did you have leprocy, and then Allâh cured you of it until there was only the size of a coin left of it?
Uwais: that's right
Umar: did you have a mother that you were dutifull to, so much so that if you were to take an oath by Allâh, he would answer your du'a?Uwais: suprisingly answered positive
Umar then said "ask Allâh to forgive me, for i swear by Allâh, i heard the messenger of Allâh say that there is a man from my nation Uwais ibn 'Âmir will come to you with the delegations from Yemen, from Muraad, then from Qaran. He was once afflicted with leprosy and his skin healed except for a dirham’s area. He has a mother, and he treats her kindly. If he was to ever swear by Allah (for something) Allah would fulfill his oath. If you can, request that he ask forgiveness for you."
narration found in muslim
Thus is the result of goodness to parents.
Sister,
I am sorry to say this but your husband doesn't seem to be a normal person (my apologies, he is your husband but i am seeing this from neutral point of view ). The incident you mentioned how he first blamed you for being disrespectful, then used swear words for your cousin, hit you, and then LAUGHED seeing your reaction. Even though he hit you, still he blamed you that you are trying to hit him, then called your father and was disrespectful towards him.
I highly doubt his sanity. Sometimes, what people do in anger, defines them. If this is how he usually behaves when he is angry then i see a very little hope that he will changed significantly. You dont want to live with a psycho. You dont want to get abused like this. You deserve a lot better.
What brother Muhammad Waseem said above about obedience of husband, it's right. But given the situation, in my opinion its you husband who needs to get mature and develop some rational thinking about relationships. No one should expect respect without giving it.
I am quoting two hadiths, i hope you will get what i wan't to say:
Abu Hureyrah (RA) relates that Prophet (SAW) said: “A Momin is not bitten twice from the same hole.”
I can't find the reference for second hadith, but it was about "human nature doesn't change". I would be grateful if someone can share that hadith here.
Wish you best of luck.
Dear Sister,
The best way to have a happy life is to channel positive energy and trust in yourself. Obviously Allah SWT is always there to guide us, but the choice is in our own hands.
However; I believe, there wont be any misunderstanding or arguments without both parties equally involved in it. I recommend you to improve the way of ur life first; by attaining patience and positiveness no matter what the situation is, just be happy from ur heart(Tawakkal Al Allah). The more u cry for the pain u suffer- the more u get depressed, agitated, skeptical and consequently away from God's gift (essence of beautiful life )
Alhamdulillah every true Muslim have enough power to fight the evil and transforming the evil into good, with his/her own conscience. I am sure sister, u can restart ur life by forgetting and forgiving the past actions only with ur trust in Allah, ur patience, ur positiveness, ur inner strength,
Do recite or listen Surah Bakrah every morning to attain leadership, power, respect, love (even from a fish in the sea) and positive thoughts.
A personal experience - Since few months ago I made my mind to work in Makkah (honestly never prayed just had thoughts ) and somehow it happened; Alhamdulillah now I live and work in Makkah.
This world is ruled by couple of insane societies just becoz they have trust in themselves and they have lots of positive energy within themselves.
May Allah give you the best of ur married life inshAllah
Brother in Islam
I am going through the same thing except mine does not beat me but he has completely neglected me and the children for his family, job,.and if I bring any problems up he tells me it,all about me, me, me,and how I am selfish and ungrateful and how he works and buys me everything. I have every material things but I lost the man I married. I should have seen this in america but now that I am completely away from my family and my grown children, he tells me that none of my children allowed in his house.
Salam Emm,
I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through with your husband 🙁 What do you mean you lost him? Are the two of you separated? I do not know your exact situation sister, but you are definitely in my prayers. Even though you are away from your family at the moment, you are not far away from Allah and all of us here:)
Salam everyone. If anyone still reads this, I am pleading for everyone to pray for my husband and I. After 9 long months of waiting, our trial is tomorrow.
He is going to plead not guilty. Meaning he is going to swear on the quran that he did not hit me. Plus he is bringing his whole family as witnesses. I really don't understand how a Muslim can go into court and lie on their holy book just because they don't want a criminal record. When you make a mistake, you must accept it. When you do something wrong, you must accept there are consequences. If he were to plead guilty, the worse that could happen is him being registered to anger management classes. It's not like he is going to be hanged for hitting me. I honestly do not how to cope with this action.
But in all honesty, despite everything I love him and do not want him to be jailed. Love does not die overnight. Nor do I want him to be found guilty and then lash out on me in anger, or be found not guilty and think what he did was right and got away with it. I am just so hurt; it has been tough for me to deal with so much.
Basically... I would like everyone to please pray for us so that both of us accept the consequences of our actions and become better Muslims for ourselves. In turn, I hope things truly do change because to be quite honest, I have become depressed.
May Allah bless everyone who supported me with their responses when everything first started. Please continue the support and pray for Allah to help us tomorrow in court.
Sis, what was the outome of your case? I am going through exactly the samwe situation and want to learn from your experience.
Duas 4u
Don't go back to him he did it once and he will do it again I have been through worse honey and have 2 kids and no one is willing to come up front and help me believe me if they hit you once they hit you twice don't go back teach him a lesson say no if you really love me then get your self out of the house get me my space which is your right as a Muslim and then you will see me coming back home just put your foot down and leave te rest to Allah
Asalam well my story is a bit similar and today was the worst day I was insulted by my husband in front of his mother and neighbours. I know and understand your situation. Others will find faults in you and will try to ruin you. Trust you, your husband, and Allah. Of course if your parents still here seek their advise only because parents knows what best for us. Dont lose hope. It's very very very hard for me also but we have to live and to survive we have to be strong inside and outside. Am giving you advice me am completely Down dear, no one to talk. My mother is no more. She passed away this year. Please don't trust anyone except your mum dad and husband. I don't know if my help was useful still don't cry smile harder more and more. Take care of yourself. Someone who's hurt deeply inside and no one to wipe the tears.
My story is very similar except he hasn't hit me and I am still living with them otherwise it's the same I completely understand ur point it's hard u can't really tell others also as no one really does understand just be patient and ur husband needs to realise also and be patient first and foremost he should start looking for a home as it's the husbands duty to provide his wife with her own accommodation I tell my husband he is saving still and I keep patient but his family take advantage out of that I have a one year old also they weren't happy when he was born and my mother in law would always compare him to his other cousins who were a day apart. It's not just my mother in law it's my husbands father and sister as well who all do something or another to hurt me by indirectly treating me as I am invisible etc. It's important to have the support of your parents unfortunately my father hasn't been in our lives since I was 16 and never attended my wedding my husband and his family have never met him. My uncle had been a father figure as well as my brothers. Just be patient pray and talk to your husband I will pray also for u. But whatever your husband says as long as it doesn't go against Islam u should follow as
Hi,
Very bad experience you have cheap in law's,
how is your health and life now better stay separately or come with me I will expect you inshallah I will full find yours wishes..
Thanks Regards
A Z rahman