Can I marry against the will of the parents?
I'm Muslim and want to marry a Christian Russian girl who is ready for marriage and wants to accept Islam. She doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't eat pork. My parents are against the marriage. They want me to marry the girl of my nationality.
I would like to know whether I can marry her it if she becomes Muslim even if it is against the will of my parents?
If yes, how can I make it happen? Help me not to go astray in Islam. Is it possible to marry in secret from my parents?
- Zaurbek
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Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah
It is advised that when picking a spouse you should pick someone of strong religious standing and character. I do not suppose this woman you are persuing knows much of the deen thus far? Many times people find that their spouse becomes Muslim for the sake of marriage and that's as far as it goes. This becomes problematic for couples especially when children are born. Below from the reply of the Shaykh he is basically saying that if she is of good character/religious standing and your parents object , then for the sake of keeping good relations between family to not marry her if possible. If that is not possible (because of emotional attachment), then there is no sin on you marrying her.
As for how you go about it, the best option is to go to you local Imam. She will need an appointed wali. It is best you talk to the Imam at your Mosque because he may be able to speak to your parents. Best situation is to try your utmost to get the blessings of your family.
I strongly suggest that you pray istikhara before doing anything else. Consider your parents emotions and also their reasons (perhaps it's not because of a cultural thing, maybe they know something you don't?). And really you need to sppeak to your local Imam, perhaps it might just be a matter of patience, for someone to speak to your parents and receive their blessings. May Allah subhanhu wa tala make it easy for you.. Ameen.
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References:
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/30796/man%20marrying%20without%20parents
Praise be to Allaah.
A son is not doing wrong if he chooses a woman who is religiously committed and of good character, for this is the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with regard to marriage. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466)
There follows some advice for you and your father from Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, that has to do with your situation.
The Shaykh (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The question leads us to offer you two points of advice. The first point is addressed to your father, if he insists on not allowing you to marry this woman whom you describe as being of good character and religiously-committed. What he should do is to give you permission to marry her, unless he has a legitimate shar’i reason that he knows and can explain to you so that you will be convinced and your mind will be put at rest. He should weigh up this matter himself: if his father had refused to let him marry a woman whose religious commitment and character he admired, would he not have thought that this was wrong and a suppression of his freedom? If he would not like his father to do this to him, then how can he let himself do the same to his son? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”
It is not permissible for your father to prevent you marrying this woman for no legitimate shar’i reason. If there is a legitimate shar’i reason then he should explain it to you so that you will understand.
If you cannot do that, because you are emotionally attached to her and you are also afraid that if you propose marriage to another woman that your father may also prevent you from marrying her – because some people may have envy or jealousy in their hearts even towards their children, so they do not let them have what they want – I say that if this is the case and you cannot be patient and forget about this woman to whom you feel emotionally attached, then there is no sin on you if you marry her, even if your father objects. Perhaps after you get married he will become convinced and the feelings in his heart will go away. We ask Allaah to enable you to do that which is in the interests of both.
Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/193-194
And Allaah knows best
As salamu alaykum Zaurbek,
The only thing I would like to add here is that you shouldn´t marriage secretly, because that means you feel ashamed or you have fear or you are doing something prohibited, then if you want to be Straight, be Straight and do everything how you know it should be done.
It seems that you are afraid of your parents reaction to your marriage, solve that before going further in this relationship, because if not, it will come out in the less expected way. See how important is for you, your parents blessing.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
Zaurbek, I noticed that you submitted your question twice, once here and the other one here:
She wants to convert, so can I marry her?
Both have been answered, so I have closed both posts to further comments.
Readers, do not submit your question twice! We will get to your question in turn. Submitting it two or three or four times only creates extra work for us and slows us down.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor