Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Everyone hates me, and I’ve lost faith in Allah

Self pity quote by Helen Keller

"Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world." - Helen Keller

My life has been nothing but disaster. I have always loved Allah, always turned to him in prayer, but now I feel it's just a waste. My mother clearly told me that everyone hates me and that I've messed everyone's life.

I never dated or did anything wrong, yet my older sister did all those things and everyone likes her and approves of everything she does.

My mother even told my cousin that she loves my older sister the most out of everyone in the family, and hates me. She said to me that at least my sister and her future husband love each other, but you and your husband don't have any kind of happiness, which isn't true. I love my husband with all my heart and I understand his frustrations so I've been very supportive to him, but I don't want him to think less of himself.

Now, however, I'm starting to think less of myself. I've suffered all my life. I have severe vaginismus and I probably won't ever have kids. I have no way to support myself and me and my husband cannot get our own place. Everyone hates me and every Muslim I've encountered never liked me, so I guess I'm the one who is messed up.

I will always suffer in this life, so why bother reaching out to Allah? Why bother even trying to be a moral person? I think when you stop all of that, things start to happen. Maybe if I had done all the things my sister did, like dating and leaving my parents' house before marriage and living on my own, everyone would like me and I'd get far in life. Staying and helping my parents has gotten me nowhere. My mom really doesn't care what I've done for her and clearly told me she doesn't care about me at all. So, why bother being good if people hate you?

When you believe in Islam, your life goes downhill. You get no respect from anyone, not even your own parents or anything. Everyone accuses you of jealously all the time. I see so many people successful, and they don't even believe in Allah or care much for religion or anything. They have so many friends because they are doing things against Islam. So, why bother with all of this?

I will never get what I want with all of these mental problems I have. I might as well just give up on Islam or just shoot myself in the head and burn in hell forever because no matter what I do, I will always be hated by everyone and especially from Allah, if He even exists. A life where I had to be put on anti-psychotic medications and hospitalized so much, and gained 100 lbs. and looking ugly and miserable, isn't a life at all. If someone just ended my life now, I wouldn't be afraid.

I will never get what I want... ever. I have ate healthy and exercised to lose all this weight, and nothing. I have severe vaginismus which means no kids in this life. So, why even bother trying to pray and everything when Allah has already written my life to be a disaster? Why doesn't He just end my misery and take me out of here and burn me in hell where I belong if He hates me so much to begin with?

He loves all those people who turn away from Him and don't wear modest clothes and have pre-marital sex and everything, but when you follow what He wants (if that's what He wants), you suffer? It's all a BIG joke.  I will never have a happy life and people will always hate me, so I guess that's just how it is and no amount of praying and believing will change that.

If Allah really did love me, He would answer my prayers, but if not, then He'd just end up life so I wouldn't have to cry anymore and suffer with all of these problems. I am ALREADY in Hell and if Allah puts me in Hell after death, I wouldn't object because my whole existence has already been Hell so I'm prepared for the bigger Hell. So, just put me there forever and stop torturing me like this.

Every time I've reached out for help, I've been turned away or let down. No one likes me and that will always be the case, even my own family, so forget Islam and everything else. Just burn me in Hell where I belong and put an end to my already miserable existence.

- islamicgirl28


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214 Responses »

  1. Sister do you have any clue what you are talking about? This life is a test and we are not going to get everything we want that's the whole point Allah wants to see how much patience we got. If you can't have kids there are many other ways for example have u considered adoption? Helping an orphan out who either doesn't have a mum and or dad or has been abondemded please sister do not think like that, and as u have said muslim people hate you well clearly they are not following it properly every muslims brothers or sisters have to help one another. Do not lose faith in Allah, we can't always be happy and as u have said people that dont believe in Allah have so much happiness okay maybe in this life but what about the hearafter they have nothing they burn in hell and us muslim have everything we want in jannah because that's how Allah has made it this life is a test sister and u need to stay strong and have sabr please do not do anything stupid, pray more, read quran understand the meaning and you will get ur answer to your questions

  2. Sister,

    Life is never easy and it will never be. Allah SWT has told us in suratul khaf that ( in my own word) we shud not be enticed or envious of those who seemingly have it all: wealth n children. The bottomline is d amount of good deeds we have earned during our lifetimes.

    A local orator says that human beings shud refrain from viewing life as useless because

    1: it is through life dat we will be issued a VISA to jannat. And remember, if getting a visa to d "greenest " nations in this world requires such a gruelling process, then do you think getting visa to jannat will be easy?

    So my sister in Islam, stop wallowing urself in self pity n know dat although life isn't perfectly good, its not perfectly bad as well. Make it,work for u by keeping up d faith, pray, pray n pray more.

    May Allah lighten ur burden for u n av mercy on us all.

  3. I agree please do not be upset in Allah this is a test, life is too short to be upset about it, as long as your husband loves you forget about everybody else or your sister, because when you die nobody is going to be in nobody grave just you honey and you will wish you never wrote what you wrote just now,and yes i agree in my country right now if your not a bad person go drink, party, date your not good enough, but let them be Allah will handle them in hell, You just stay strong love your husband be healthy for him that's all you need, good luck insallah Allah will help you get throw this.

  4. THATs how i feel !!!

  5. Salam sister,

    I understand your grief and frustration. And it sounds like you are suffering from severe depression.
    It also sound like your family is not supportive of you and hence might be the cause of your depression if not from your health problem(vaginasmus although i am not 100% sure because i am not a doctor)

    You have to take one step at a time:
    1- move out of your parents house ASAP. You are married now there is no sin on you for doing so . You will feel hundred time better emotionally and you will be able to tackle the rest of your problems. It might take time but this is your goal from now on you will have more chance to sort out the rest of your problems succesfully

    2- you need to go for councelling , and sex therapy ,a qualified muslim therapist would be better but even non muslim are perfectly fit to do the job as they don't judge your faith and belief. If you cannot afford it, try self help book from the librairy. They are very good trust me. Until you can afford therapy.

    3- your sexual condition can be cured. I know of a woman who had it and they had IVF done after 8years of her relationship. Well after the birth she became able to have normal intercourse and she is expecting baby number 3.

    4- and most important, you need to reconnect with Allah because all of the above won't work without duaa.
    You are angry right now and question your deen and deep down you know it is wrong otherwise you wouldn't be writing on this site for advice and help
    Also when you say that people who do not follow any religion seem happy , there is a saying or a hadith ( i am not 100%sure) that life in this world is paradise for the unbelivers and hell for the belivers. But in the hereafter it is definitely the opposite.
    Please do not despair of Allah's love and keep on making duaas
    Sometime we are responsible for things that go wrong in our life because we don't know how to tackle the problem appropriately. You have to respect your family but family is suppose to be a source of strenght to you not putting you down and making you feel low. If they don't care for you and help you build your self esteem WHO will?
    So carry on being respectfull to them but keep your distances.

    Also,As it is said in the title , self pity is never a good thing. It stops you from moving forward. You are a strong, capable inteligent person and do not let anybody tell you otherwise. Take actions and improve yourself.
    I hope that your husband is more supportive than your familly.it will be hard to change your habits but you will succeed inshaallah and i will remember you in my duaa this evening, promise!

    Now because of the word you uttered, it might be considered apostacy (about Allah's existence ...)
    You have to check with a scholar and you might have to redo your nikkah. But do not panick and again stay positif. Tackle problems one at a time.

    Strengthen your iman by going to lecture at the mosque. Read about the sahabas who also went through Lots of test and of course or beloved prophet(saaws) who went through horrible times, loss of children, hated by his own clan(a bit like you) and yet he(pbuh) was the most beloved of prophets(pbut)

    Good luck on your way to recovery, Allah treat his servants the way they expect to be treated so hope for the best . And there is no way forward without Him. Allah has probably wonderfull plans for you in store like 3 babies

    From my heart to yours

    • Actually I am going through the similar stages just like this women, where I feel that I pray a lot and try to keep my believe strong but feel like I'm going nowhere in life? I have failed a task so many times not just once, and don't feel very important by my family, it depresses me to carry on with a life that's just so useless. Its come to a stage where I have lost my faith as well, I don't want to be a distance from Allah, but I keep questioning myself 'where is Allah' why isn't he there when I need him so much. I hate this hardship, I'm in a similar situation as to this girl I don't want to live with my family Its better if I'm on my own. I think about death and think that the world would be better of without me, just what is the point to my existence? Many Allah forgive me for writing these negative comments.

  6. May I ask a few questions just to better understand your situation?

    1. I see you can write logically and intelligently. Why can't you do work from home for places like http://www.freelancer.com or at home customer service at places like http://www.liveops.com or http://www.arise.com? Have you been to http://www.wahm.com and gone to the telecommuting mom forum?

    2. You said " you and your husband can't get your own place". Does that mean you can't get your own apartment away from your mother? What's the biggest challenge preventing you and your husband from moving to a low income apartment complex?

    3. What frustrations does your husband have and why?

    4. If a disability is causing financial problems what government aid programs have you applied to? How many times did you apply?

    5. What are the top 4 things you would like to accomplish that would make you feel better?

    6. Why did you choose these 4 things, what value does it bring you?

    7. Who have you reached out to for help and they turned you down?

    8. Have you and your husband ever invested in a few phone calls with a life coach? It seems as desperate as you are for change you would have tried everything, have you tried that?

    9. Have you and your husband invested time to sit alone with a "qualified" Imam? Just you and him with out the rest of your family around?

    10. What books have you been reading the past 4 months?

    I apologize for all the questions sister. I'm just trying to help. You posted your comments for help right? Please answer these ten questions on your own time. I'm interested in seeing your response. I clicked on the "notify me of follow up comments via e-mail" so I will know if you posted anything. I'm waiting to hear from you.

    Your brother in Islam who you never met before

    Tahsin

    • Assalaamu alaikum brother Tahsin! Your questions are indeed very thought-provoking and I deeply appreciate your help. I tried calling that 1-877-WHY-ISLAM number for help with my anger and frustrations, but they were not very helpful and even blocked my phone number so I couldn't call them further!

      First of all, my main source of depression is really my mother. I love her so much but when she doesn't see my potential or even acknowledge all the things I have done for her, it hurts me deeply and in fact, does affect me. The medical doctors automatically think that if you are depressed or suicidal, something is wrong with your brain chemistry, but they don't even consider what life situations you are dealing with or even if you have a physical condition, like I believe I have concerning my weight, which is hypothyroidism. I have indeed stated in my post that I have lost faith in Allah because of my struggles, and I have even missed a lot of prayers because of this lost in faith, but now after careful self-evaluation and consideration, I know that I am the one causing most of my problems. Just doing namaaz and reading Quran isn't enough. Through Allah, we get the strength to push ourselves and make our dreams a reality and even though things may look like they are against us, He will always find a way for us to make our dreams a reality, whether that be through pure luck or our own determination and actions. I know I said a lot of negative things concerning Allah, and I deeply regret it, but sometimes when you are so frustrated and hurt, you just have to let all that anger out, which I did in that post. I know I said a lot of wrong and negative things, but I needed help and support from my Muslim brothers and sisters, which I feel I have never received EVER in my life.

      To answer your questions, no I have not looked into work at home opportunities because MAJORITY of them are scams, but I am really not sure if those web sites you listed are legitimate. I will have to check them out. However, that's really not what I'm interested in. Yes, it would be nice to make money on the side, but I have bigger and deeper dreams. I am a very compassionate person, and my biggest dream is to go into healthcare to help those in need. The field of occupational therapy really does appeal to me because there are a lot of people who struggle with disabilities and cannot reclaim their lives or independence. I really can understand their struggles because I have dealt with low self-esteem and anxiety that have paralyzed me to move forward in my life. I am indeed a very intelligent, capable young woman with a Bachelor's degree in psychology, but now that I am married I feel I have responsibilities to my husband and I need to focus on my vaginismus treatment so that I can eventually get pregnant because if I get involved in fulfilling my vocational dreams, I may lose sight of my BIGGER dream which is to be a mother. I know I can't have it both ways, but I hope once I seek treatment and overcome this condition, I can lead a normal sexual life with my husband and eventually become a mother. I spoke to an imam about working and motherhood, and if Allah grants my wish of having kids, I would probably have to put them in daycare, which an imam advised me against doing. So, I guess I would have to withhold on my dreams of being an occupational therapist and getting my Master's, and that really does discourage me, but I know I can't have it both ways. If I fulfilled my dreams of becoming an occupational therapist, I would have to sacrifice my family, so maybe it would be best to wait. I really don't know how other Muslim women do it, but I would like to hear from them if they are career moms and how they manage.

      In terms of low-income apartments, I really don't want to be in a bad neighborhood. I'm sure there are some areas that are nice, but majority aren't and really it isn't easy getting section 8 nowadays. I also feel like a loser smooching on government money as I have always been raised to do things for myself. I just think it would do things to my self-esteem if I had to lower myself to that level, but then, anything in life can happen and it doesn't mean that will be how it will be for the rest of my life. It could just be a temporary situation.

      I have many goals for my life Tahsin and I have read a lot of books to help me get there. However, my fears are what prevent me from moving forward. I would very much like to do Occupational therapy and live a satisfying, successful life, but I know I can't have it both ways being that I am currently in treatment for vaginismus and need to focus on that. Then, if I do conquer the condition and have kids, I would probably have to quit my job and lose all my health benefits and everything else. My husband did indeed find work, but it is low-paying. So, I really don't know what to do. I have tried to call ICNA for individual counseling, but they are not interested to return my emails, and probably are insulted with the comments I made since they are connected with Why Islam and have blocked my phone number. Right now, I am just reading a lot of self-help books and money management books. I am a very well read, intelligent young woman, but I just have self-defeating thinking that is holding me back. Most of it concerning the future, and what I would do if I had kids and then had to quit my job either because I didn't want to put them in daycare, or the high costs of daycare weren't even worth it. I know a lot of career women who are lacking in their family lives, and I am indeed a family woman, but I also was blessed by Allah with a good brain. I really feel ashamed that I wrote that post. I guess I was just frustrated that so many people were feeling bad about me and it hurt, especailly coming from mom.

      I thank you for your desire to help me and I look forward to response from you. Thanks and may Allah bless you with peace, prosperity, and happiness in this life and in the hereafter.

      • Assalam wa Alikum

        It is unusual that soo many Muslims say this that when they turn to Allah that they do not get anything in life but I have the opposite, when I don't turn to Allah I get punishment. However when I step closer to Allah I get blessings and I always try hard to look at what I have been given and imagine a life when I didn't have a roof over my head ect it makes me grateful and fear Allah.

        Dear sister from life experience I learn you really should not get attached to people as in expect something from them when you do good for them such as expecting your mum to be grateful for being her support. You know its good to help your parents but the reward is with Allah and its written in your book of deeds.

        It seems you are jealous that your sister gets what appears to be approval for her way of life and maybe you think she has a great life but serious most Muslims when they sin they hate themselves for what they have done and would regret it and just standing in font of Allah they would be scarred for what they did. Do you really think that your sins would be greater then theirs? you are extremely lucky that you have stayed away from major sins so far therefore don't commit the biggest by disbelieving in Allah justice. Allah will help you just, if not in this world, Allah would reward you for your good deeds in the next.

        I wont recommend moving out and leaving on your own unless you are living with your husband then its a good idea to have space where people like your mother who are negative people cannot put you down. I do recommend unt- depression for now and also to speak and get to know people that are not your family. Sister, there is nothing wrong with you to believe just because Muslims you have encountered don't like you then there must be something wrong with you. A muslim is human, we are not perfect but we try hard to please Allah just like you. Look at all these response from muslim to support you here, you just have not met those that have good manners, kind and supportive.

        Hope I helped

  7. Sa dear sister, I can't say that I know what your going through because alhamdullilah I have never experienced it, but what I can tell you is that the more closer we get to our lord in prayer and dua in this life the closer we get to our lord in the hereafter.Allah swt loves those who a pateint. Sister Allah swt sends us hardship as a trial to test our patience and belief in him and know that the more hardship were faced with and still turn to Allah for guidence the more our sins are wiped away. Sister I placed my own post a few days ago regarding the hardship I am currently experiencing with my marriage, I am on the verge of going through a divorce, but alhamdullilah this has only made me stronger in my iman and closer to my creator. Please sister believe in Allah and pray and make dua for yourself and everyone and trust me you will feel more at ease. Remember sister Allah swt loves you and if you love him back he will never leave you. PUT YOUR FAITH IN ALLAH SWT AND INSHALLAH YOU WILL BE REWARDED GREATLY!

  8. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    1ST AND FOREMOST THING IN YOUR LIFES PROBLEM IS THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE IGNORANT[THEY ARE NOT SOME PROPHETS FAMILY TO GIVE JUDGEMENT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND[ITHINK YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT RICH AND SO WELL TO DO OR MAY BE THEY HAVE THAT FACE HATE FOR HIM SOME PEOPLE HAVE THAT NATURE THEY HATE SOME ONE WITHOUT ANY REASON ALSO- AND YOU ARE MAKING THEIR OPINION AS IF IT IS THE OPINION OF ALLAH AND YOU ARE MAKING THEIR ATTITUDE AS DECIDING FACTOR OF YOUR LIFE WHICH SO GOOD AND GREAT COMPARED TO YOUR SISTERS LIFE-
    SO DONT WORRY ALL THE PROPHETS MOTHERS ANS DAUGHTERS AND WOMEN FOLK FACED MANY GREATER HARDSHIPS AND WON ALLAH AND HIS BLESSING AND PASSED THE TEST OF LIFE AND HAVE BEEN DESTINED FOR HEAVEN.

    Give thanks to Allah/
    for the moon and the stars/
    praise Him all day for/
    what is and what was/
    Take hold of your imaan/
    dont give it to shaitan/
    oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah./
    Let us know what Muhammad (p.b.u.h.), the man-Prophet, who knew Allah best, used to say:
    "O Allah, I seek refuge in You for Your Pleasure and against Your Wrath, and in Your Forgiveness and against Your Punishment and in You from You, I cannot Praise You as You can Praise Yourself." (Muslim, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)
    HARM.....
    Certainly, man can have no better guidance than that which comes from the One Who had perfected everything, and the One who Has no deficiency in Himself and in His Attributes. The One Who is Ever-Living and Who does not die. There can be no One better than the One Who Has no need for anything; the One Who is rich; the Giver; the One who, after all, controls man's soul. Man is so poor to Him. He is Allah, the True and only God. Man can bring harm to himself if he seeks other than Allah for help. Allah is the One Who can help man drive away any harm for it cannot occur without His Will and His Power.
    We should be motivated to return to Him Alone at times of ease and at times of hardship.
    And when we read that:
    "If Allah helps you none can overcome you, and if He forsakes you, who is there, after Him, that can help you. And in Allah (alone) let believers put their trust." (Quran 3/160)

    Our purpose of existence on earth is more meaningful than being slaves to worldly gains. There can be no meaningful life better than that prescribed by our Creator Allah. Every act done according to Allah's way is an act of worship. Man is the beneficiary and Allah is in no need:

    "O mankind! It is you who stand in need of Allah, but Allah is Rich (Free of all wants and needs), Worthy of All Praise." (Quran 35/15)

  9. wow.
    just wow.
    i remind myself of this first: Allah is just perfect and His plan is perfect.
    I,and i am sure everyone else, gets sad and angry and depressed at times and u wonder y Allah does the things He does but we all have to realise that He knows whats best for us, even when it makes us sad. WOW. its like im talking to myself, believe or not i just finish crying like ten minutes ago! i am being tested right now and of course i am sad its natural to cry and be sad when u are going through stuff but instead of saying bad things about Allah, COMPLAINT to Him when u r crying, u will feel much better after. Sister, firstly i think u need to get it out of ur mind that our amazing Creator doesnt exit, the satan is playing with ur mind. cant u recall just one time when were praying and how GOOD it felt? to bow down? to prasie Him? to beg for His help and know that He IS listening? Allah said "When My servants ask thee concerning Me,I am, indeed, close (to them): I listen
    to the prayer of every supplicant when he calleth on Me"
    is that not just amazing to know? Allah, hears You and see all that u are going through please dont doubt that. it is sad that ur family is like that but arent u greatful u have a good husband? u should take a look at this site and read the way some women are bein treated by there husbands, you love urs, isnt Allah awesome? He gave you something you can draw strengthen from in this hard time 🙂

    i know right now it seems that it is NEVER going to end but guess what? it WILL. after every difficulty comes ease. Allah is really the only one we have, we cant depend on anyone else without Allah we are just doomed. i refuse to believe that someone who said "I have always loved Allah, always turned to him in prayer" will just turned away from Him. i used to be on and off with my prayer and when i wasnt prayin my entire life would be sooo sooo sad :/ and when i started praying again it would be ok again, and that was the cycle for a LONG time until now. Allah gave me one of the worst test, ATLEAST thats what i thought at that time, but ALHAMDUILLA it happen, if it hadnt i wouldnt have "discovered" Him. I actualli thank Him for that now 😀 its amazing! . Sister, if you just start sincerely turning to Allah again you will find Him there and the feeling you will get in ur heart when u do will be just indescribable.

    You cant just expect to say He doesnt exist and complain ABOUT Him etc and expect Him to help You. Cry for his help, plead for his help, complain TO Him. He will make a way out for you and help you deal with this.

    first i remind myself of this:

    Allah states in the Qur'an: “… hold fast to Allaah [i.e. have confidence in Allaah, and depend upon Him in all your affairs]. He is your Mawla (Patron, Lord), what an Excellent Mawla (Patron, Lord) and what an Excellent Helper!” [al-Hajj 22:78]

  10. SALAAM
    any time u feel free, u need to read astaghfaar u will feel relax & Allah will give u sukun inshallah,after namaz isha if u want sukun then u need to read va ufwayzul amree inallahay basee-rul bil-ibaad atleast 100 times then u"ll feel very relax it will definetly work it. my sister trust on Allah u"ll get Everything Whatever u Want From U"r life......

  11. you have to be strong sister we are on a test, you mustn't lose hope everything happens for the better

  12. it's very easy to give advice when it's not happening to you but when you are the one who's in it, you lose perspective.

    what you are going through must be realllyy hard. but dont think you are only one facing hardships in life. we are all in the same game with different levels. dont think you're sister's got it all. she must have problems too. but she's wise enough to tackle them intelligently. she doesn't let them take a toll on her. she might not have a really big problem u think, but it's what you make of the problem.

    i've recently found out about about vaginismus. infact, i found out about it in this forum reading somebody's post and and there were so many women who commented back who had also this problem. but they were all hopeful and some of them also recovered from it successfully. you have to be hopeful too. nothing lasts forever. and everyone finds their happiness, so will you. dont drown yourself in self-pity. have faith in Allah.

    you pray now with an empty heart, with no hopes.. how do u think your prayers will be answered if you don't believe in HIM. lately, i was praying to him but telling myself that my prayers wont be answered. He wont listen to me. He's mad at me. but then i don't know how i realized if i don't expect good from him, how will it happen. so now i pray with full hopes that my prayers shall be answered, no matter how long it takes, i wont give up on Him, and He wont disappoint me. renew your hopes. He will help you, He does. think of the time when you thought something was impossible to achieve but all of a sudden it happened. I'm sure there must be an incident like this. when you see yourself losing hope. remind yourself about that moment. Allah does not give us more than what we expect of him, so expect very high from, expect miracles. and miracles WILL happen.

    there are times when i think less of myself, when i think my life isn't as fulfilling as it should have been. there are times when i think I've been treated unfairly.. but then i look around and find those people who apparently have it all, haven't been blessed with the opportunity of getting close to their creator, they don't even realize they are missing something big in their life. but at least i know my religion. i try to get close to Him and win His affection. and i realize how much worth of this blessing is really! .. so I'm more fortunate than others. who is going to live forever? you are much more blessed than your sister.

    change your perspective, everything will change. insha'allah.

  13. Salam o Alaikum,

    Just one suggestion to you - if you have Facebook search for:

    "Jab Zindagi Shuru hogi" or "When life Begins" by Abu Yahya.

    InshaAllah swt, All your questions, complaints and remorses will be answered in the simplest of terms.

    May Allah swt guide us all.

    regards,
    Saqib

  14. I bet you were crying while you wrote this.
    Meaning..You still care.

    I know how you feel. None of the "life is a test" thing is working on you, is it?
    You feel like throwing your computer away reading all these comments.

    I know how you feel. Trust me. I bet you still make dua though. Even if you have doubts, you probably still make dua.

    Can I tell you something, Sister? Allah tests the ones He loves most..:)
    The more trial and tests He puts you in...The more chances He is giving you to make the right decision in that horrible moment and horrible times, so then the award is sweet..
    I feel sorry for your sister. I feel sorry for all the people who are happy in your life. Want to know why? Because. Allah said for the people who are so caught up in THIS duniya, where happiness, money, friends, family, etc, is only temporary… He might even GIVE them this duniya..But..He won't give them the afterlife.
    Just think about that..

    How sad is that. Allah keeps closing their hearts to Islam of purpose, giving them happiness and everything on purpose, making them cling on to THIS duniya..But the won't even get to TASTE Jannah..
    But, instead..They'll burn in flames forever.

    But you, you still have a chance. Allah keeps giving you chances; you keep thinking less of them.

    Allah is what you think of Him. You think He hates you? He will. He'll give you even more hardships and trails. So, who is to blame here, sister?

    Take baby steps..Baby steps...Back to Allah. When the world turns against you...Allah is still there. It's you who pushes Him away. Think about how much you hurt Him. Allah said, “..When you come walking to Me…I come running to you..”

    Instead of complaining about everything that is going wrong, sister…Thank Him. Yes, that's right. Thank Him for everything that you have. Thank Him even for the hardships.
    When you become grateful to Allah alone..Allah gives you MORE. And with gratitude, you feel better. Trust me.

    Become closer to Allah by even SMILING at someone. Anyone.
    Keep doing it.
    Sister..Do good, and it will come back to you..Do evil..And it will come back to you. Live by that line.

    Sister..Allah is the only one we have....Don't give up on Him.

    I would just like to end it off by saying, I don't hate you. All of us here don't hate you. Actually, I love you. You actually HELPED me. I wasn't very happy before I read your message. Your message made me feel less alone, and like I had a sister who explained to me exactly how I was feeling. You gave the chance to finally soften up to Allah again...Thank you. :')
    But we don't matter...It's Allah who does..
    And you are the one who chooses to decide...If Allah loves you.

  15. Assalaamu alaikum everyone! I really appreciate all the love and support I am getting from all my fellow Muslims. I never received this kind of love and I deeply appreciate it. Now, I can see that Allah has answered my prayers from all these heartfelt responses. Yes, I was feeling down, considering all the trials I am facing, and I did lose faith in Allah and reject Him and even the faith of Islam, but I really wasn't in the right state of mind.

    A lot of times, I find myself mad at Allah but there must be a reason for all of this. He wouldn't do anything without a reason. At one point in my life when I was a college student, I wanted desperately to be a medical doctor. I prayed to Allah and studied hard and did all I could, but it didn't happen. I was upset for a long time because I felt I could really make a difference. However, Allah does things for a reason and what I think may be better for me, may not be what actually is according to Allah's plan. Allah knew the direction modern medicine has turned to, where there just isn't enough time to give everyone the proper care they deserve. So many people are misdiagnosed or receive ill treatment due to insufficient time and insurance problems. I know I would always feel miserable if I prescribed a medication that may temporarily treat a symptom, but introduce other medical concerns, like obesity and high blood pressure. I also know that medical doctors invest a lot of time to their profession and probably wouldn't have time for a family life, which Allah knew I could never cope with. You see, Allah does know best and I am indeed wrong. I know patience is key, but I just don't like things to happen when I'm old. I'll be 30 soon and it's scaring me!

    In terms of vaginismus, a lot of medical professionals assure me that it is highly treatable. It requires patience to overcome and commitment, which I have been doing. Also, requires a lot of positive thinking which may be the reason Allah gave me this condition because He knows that I tend to think negatively a lot and it is not only adversely affecting my mental and physical health, but also my relationships. However, sometimes when I am in a positive mode, I get rejected by people, especially my mom, so sometimes I really don't understand Allah, but I think there is a theme of patience and I know a lot of Muslims here have conveyed that to me. Hopefully, when my mom sees how much good I am doing, she will change. However, I have to learn not to internalize her negativity and I think that's what Allah wants me to do. Not to be so easily affected from the small-mindedness of others.

    I really don't understand why some people have it all with little faith in Allah and Islam, but many Muslims here have told me that their happiness only lies in this world and not the hereafter. Since they really have closed their minds to Allah, Allah gives them all they want in this world, but little do they know what awaits them in the hereafter. I think this is comforting for me to know, and will strengthen my faith despite what little I have now in this world. I hope through strong faith, I can get myself to a better place not only in this life, but for eternity.

    Thanks to everyone for their positive responses and I will really do whatever I can to take care of myself and ask Allah for forgiveness. Hopefully, He will understand because He knows me better than anyone on this Earth since He created me.

  16. Salaams,

    Ya Allah. After reading that, I reach for Allah. Sorry but I can't imagine what you are going through to write such things. You've got to realise it's all relative. Everyone at some point goes through pain and misery and it's how we respond, to what comes our way that affects how much suffering we go through. Try not to dwell on things and count your blessings. You at least have a husband who stands by you. Some have to deal with kids alone or some don't even get married.
    Try to compare your own sufferings with those less fortunate than yourself and it helps to be more positive. You must try as we all have to, to be patient. We cannot demand or expect to get all that we desire. Be honest with yourself, why do you write everyone hates you, yet give no detail of what you have do to earn this?

    Reader

    ***Editors ought to be more responsible before releasing these stories. The way the author discusses about Allah is very offensive. A'ouzubillah.

    • Reader, I understand your point. I am the one who edited the post, and it was difficult to read such dark thoughts. But if we decline to publish it, then what have we accomplished? We will have doomed the sister to further misery and misguidance. On the other hand, since we published it and the sister received many encouraging responses, maybe it will save her soul and call her back to a better opinion of Allah SWT (Insha'Allah).

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. I'm glad you are beginning to see a little bit clearer. If you look at the value, benefit and joy you expect from occupational therapy, I'm sure you can find the same value in other businesses that you can start or in part time careers. Many people make the mistake of concentrating on a certain career without thinking about the value they get from it.You should know that you are not your work. This is important because some people see their work as part of who they are, as opposed to an action they perform.

    When such people retire or get fired their sense of self-worth is harmed because they took their job as the thing that gave them value in this life. So, they feel like they have less worth if something happens to their career. If you understand the value you gain behind things you will be able to be flexible because you will be able to separate the work you do from your self-esteem, which should have nothing to do with each other. A person should feel good about their work as long as the things they are doing is halal. Like wise, they should feel bad if the work they do is haram. Work is just work, sure we should find things we like, but not make it a part of who we are because your work will come to an end.

    Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) had said
    "Richness is not having many belongings, but richness is the richness of the soul (contentment)." Reported by Muslim

    "Two hungry wolves let loose amongst sheep will not cause more harm to them than a persons craving after wealth and status will do to his Religion."
    Reported by Ahmad

    I'll end with this. If you spend to much time thinking about the future, you will have a life full of anxiety. Pain and regret live in the past, and anxiety lives in the future. Fear is being scared of something that hasn't happened yet. When you look at it like that it seems silly to worry about the future doesn't it?

    Where do you think you should put your focus? Yes, that's right, in the present. It's the actions you take now that will effect your future ( with the power of Allah). Spend more time in the present working on your future, and less time worrying about the future. Take a walk through the woods of the present, and you may see that life isn't nearly as scary as you may think it is. Don't "make salah" but "offer salah" in the present. Take time to smell the roses, in the present, and a lot of the anxiety you have will go away, and Allah knows best about the situation.

    I have four lectures for you to check out. Two are secular, and two are religious. Please take time to listen to them. I know it's a lot of homework, but it will be well worth your time.

    http://youtu.be/vMyuJGDDRVQ
    http://youtu.be/Bnl6lP8NIqs
    http://youtu.be/WkBDXlkARlc
    http://youtu.be/w9xkQZnxkrY

  18. Assalaamu alaikum Tahsin! I appreciate your quick response to my post. I tend to disagree with you about work. I am not interested in work for the money, more about helping people and making a difference in society. Of course, that is secondary to my primary role as a wife and hopefully, if Allah grants it, a mother. I know my priorities, but there is such a burning desire within me to help and make a difference and I feel occupational therapy does fulfill that. Of course, right now, money is tight and I do need to help my husband however I can so that we can get our own place. I want to know, are those websites you listed legitimate for work at home opportunities? I know that right now, I may not get my chance of being a career woman now that I am married, but I wonder, how do other Muslim women balance family and career since I know quite a lot of Muslim female doctors? I would really like to know how they manage and if they are able to maintain a balance so that they can give the appropriate amount of time to each and if they are happy overall. I would really like to hear from Muslim women who are working and managing their family life. If they are new mothers, do they resign from their jobs or do they end up hiring nannies or putting kids in daycare centers? An imam advise me against this, stating that the early years of the child are the most important years in his/her development and the mother is needed the most at those times. Let me know because I am conflicted about this. Hope to hear from you soon Tahsin and let me know about those work-at-home opportunities.

  19. Also, brother Tahsin, I really don't have much experience in business, and I lack start-up money, so I don't know how I would start my own business. I am also worried about healthcare, because if you are self-employed, you can really only get private insurance, and the cost of it, is not even worth it. You might as well pay out of pocket, and even though you have a business, it's still a lot of money. I know this because my parents own their own business and my mother always worries for her health because she doesn't have health insurance.

  20. I'm still waiting for a response. It seems things are not improving despite positive thinking, but I'm trying to hold onto my faith though it seems very hard. I just feel so sad and miserable. It's just too much to take sometimes.

  21. I really don't know what to do and I fear if I try to move forward, it may actually work against me.

  22. 1.The jobs are legit.

    2. If you have children your responsibility is to Allah first, then them. Everything else other then that is second.

    3. What do other women do? They do what is right for themselves according to their resources. Some home-school others do what seems right to them. No one can make decisions like that for you. You have to ask yourself "is what I'm doing halal" then ask "is it what I want". Search for how to pray salat-l-istikhara, the Islamic prayer for guidance.

    4. Read again what I said about worrying about the future and instead living in the present.

    5. Maybe go to school part time.

    6. Do things one step at a time. If your goal is to move out, only think about moving out. If the goal is to go to school, focus on that. You don't have any children. The only thing that is stopping you from taking action is yourself. If you want a guarantee that things will work out then don't waste your time. That is why we pray and ask Allah for the good. He knows and we don't. That is just the way it is.

    7. Listen to the lectures I gave you.

  23. Oh sis, your story reflects mine, I have suffered alot in life, both of my marriages brokedown, I lost both my gorgeous sons, 1 is autistic from first marriage, he is 12 now, lives so far from me, and last time I saw him he was a real cutie, I cry all the time, second, marriage my second caused so many problems, and I got such a beautiful boy again 1 and she lives with her parents 200 miles out, but I ain't lost faith, I believe my Allah, all he need say 'be' and it is, I been through deep depression, got a huge CSA child maintenance bill, what I earn I lose, nobody listens to me, I think Allah has given me such a test, that I believe he knows I will pass this test, and to make matters worse, nobody likes or listens to me either, I don't know where I am going wrong, since school I have racially attacked by twenty men as a child, but I am real grown man, no fear in me, I went to a Raqi recently, he took a jinn out of me and I still have one inside me, but it's weakened now, I hope it leaves, and all my problems will inshallah go away, I suggest you search for a Ruqyah centre in your area and inshallah things will work out, there was a woman who couldn't conceive, but as a result of worship to Allah, she conceived

  24. Hello Islamic Girl28,

    I shall not elaborate any further on this as most of the guys have given righteous opinions. However, in my humble opinion this is a typical case of :

    1. Fear
    2. Anger
    3. Desire

    You fear for your career, you desire to be a mother and your anger is driven to the people around you.

  25. Yes, I am starting to move forward and not get affected by negative people. It is not me with the problem, but them and so nothing really bothers me anymore. I am a nice, kind, loving person who has a lot to offer. Through patience and devotion to Allah, I will gain a hold of my life and I believe and trust Allah to know that He will give my children when the time is right. Everything will fall in place with the power of Allah, and that's the comfort and reassurance I need.

  26. Asalam walykum,

    I am a sunni muslim girl and am 19 years of age and have been ill treated by my parents since the age of 3 years old.

    (Editor's Note: I have posted your question as a separate post here:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/abused-by-parents-since-3/

    It's currently on the front page. - Wael, IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  27. Hi.

    I am going through the exact same thing as you are and i have been over the hurdles, i hope you get my advise and if you need to contact me please feel free to do so. i had severe vaginismis which i found out after i married a man who was 10 years older than me. imagine the pressure i was 24 and he was 34 and really sexually frustrated. please mind my language as this situation is graphic. so everynight we would get into a fight as i was really really scared to have sex and he would attack me and i would freak out. this went on for a year after we had our walima.i then went to a mulana and he said i had black magic done on me and he did a dua on me and gave me water to drink for 11 days and i kept going back to him once a week for like a month.also i went to soo many doctors and their advise was solve it. then i finally by the mercy of Allah i got a good family doctor, dr macdonald 416-694-1400. i told her everything. she referred me over to a sex therapist that was covered by ohip now i am not sure where u are but i am in toronto canada. anyways after the first session which my husband refused to go to, i got some pointers. the therapist didnt sit and listen to my fears and stuff, she is like lets solve this. the first goal i had was to get a Q-tip in my V**.....so with my husbands permission which is important because i didnt want to be accused of being a non virgin..i tried to the exercise. my vaginismus was soo bad that it took me a week to get that in. then second goal was a finger. gross i know but thats what the therapist told me. it prob took me another week to do this. then the therapist made me buy toys, extra small, small, medium and then a large..she told me if u get to the large it means you are ready to have sex. it cost me a total of 100 bucks and a lot of baby oil but i was finally able to have sex after 3 months of duas by the mulana and exercises. a month later i became pregnant with my beautiful daughter who is now 2 mashallah. the point is to always have faith. All duas are answered by Allah but there is a right time for everything. You just need faith. If somebody prays to Allah for food, the sky wont just open and food wont fall in your lap. You would have to go the store and buy the food in order to eat it. But if your dua for food was not kabooled then even if u went to the store you wouldnt be able to buy the food. its because the dua was accepted that you were able to eat. you just need to put your efforts into it as well and have faith.

  28. Why does then Allah test us, if he is surely free from all wants and needs? No offence, but I just wanna know..

    • Maybe for our own benefit. Tests in life build character and wisdom. Or maybe to separate those who are faithful and patient from those who only claim faith with their mouths.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • lool i ask this question all the time but then i realized its not for him its for us. how are we to know that we are truly faithful to allah if we have not lived to test it. Its to test it for ourselves not for allah.

  29. Allah tests His believing servants with various types of crises and disasters in order to:

    1) Reveal the Patient from the Impatient:
    “And certainly, We shall test you with a bit of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits. But give glad tidings to the patient ones who, when afflicted with a calamity, say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.” They are those upon whom are the blessings, descend from their Lord, and they receive His Mercy, and it is they who are guided.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:155-157)

    “And among mankind is he who worships Allah as if he were upon the very edge (i.e. in doubt); if good befalls him, he is content with it;. But if a trial befalls him, he turns back on his face. He loses both this World and the Hereafter. That is the evident loss.”(Surah al-Haj 22:11)

    “So, it is a must for the souls to be nurtured by way of tests, and to be severely tested during the course of the battle between truth and falsehood with fear and hardship, and with hunger and decrease in wealth and life and fruits. This testing is a necessity so that the believer can give his share of what his belief requires; so that it becomes dear to him in accordance with that he gives for its sake of sacrifice and burden; so that it becomes dear to him in accordance with what he is willing to give for its sake! The bearers of worthless beliefs that do not require any type of sacrifice will not hesitate to abandon their beliefs at the first sign of hardship. So, the burden here is the personal price that one pays so that this belief becomes dear and valuable in the hearts of its bearers before it becomes dear to the hearts of anyone else. Whenever they experience pain for its sake, and every single time they are forced to give something up for its sake, it becomes even dearer and more valuable to them, and they become even more honored with it. With this, nobody else will realize its value until they see how its bearers are tested because of it and how patient they are upon such tests.”

    (’Fi Dhilal al-Qur’an’; 1/145)

    2) Remove Our Sins and Reward the Righteous:
    And, when he was old enough to walk with him, he said: “O my son! I have seen in a dream that I am slaughtering you, so what do you think?” He said: “O my father! Do that which you are commanded, if Allah Wills, you will find me to be of the patient.” Then, when they had both submitted, and he had laid him prostrate on his forehead, and We called out to him: “O Ibrahim! You have fulfilled the dream!” Verily! Such do We reward the good-doers.” (Surah as-Saffat :102-7)

    Sa’ad bin Abi Waqqas reported that he asked the Messenger of Allah (SAW): “Which of the people are tested most severely?” Rasulullah (SAW) replied: “The Prophets, then the righteous, then those who are most like them, then those who are most like them from the people. A man is tested according to his religious commitment. So, if his religious practice is sound, then his testing is increased, and if his religious practice is weak, then his testing is reduced. A servant continues to be tested until he walks the Earth without a single sin on him.” (Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

    3) Purify the Ranks and Distinguish the Righteous from the Wicked:
    “Allah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now until He distinguishes the wicked from the good.” (Surah Al ‘Imrân 3:179)

    “And when the believers saw the Confederates, they said: “This is what Allah and His Messenger had promised us, and Allah and His Messenger had spoken the truth,” and it only added to their faith and submissiveness.” (Surah Ahzaab 33:22)

    “Allah might make easy the affairs of the people of evil so that they may increase in sin and corruption, and so that they might increase in their buildup of sins and crimes. Then, he may deal with them in this World or the Hereafter – depending on His Wisdom and Decision – on account of this sinister buildup of deeds! On the other hand, He may also prevent them from ease so that they would increase in evil and sin and crimes and suffocation, eventually losing hope in the Mercy of Allah, resulting in an increase in their buildup of evil and misguidance. Likewise, Allah can make easy the affairs of the people of good so that they may become established in their righteous actions and carry out as much of them as they can while increasing in their sustenance, so that they may thank Him for these blessings with their hearts, tongues, and pleasant actions. With all of this, they increase in a buildup of good deeds that they rightfully deserve with Allah because of their righteousness and because of the good that Allah Knows is in their hearts. On the other hand, he may also prevent them from ease in order to observe their patience upon this state, as well as their confidence and hope in their Lord, their relaxation at the realization of His Power, their being pleased with Him as their only Lord – and He is better than all others – resulting in an increase in their buildup of good.”

    (Fi Dhilal al-Qur’an)

    4) Emphasize the Hardships of This World in Comparison to the Hereafter:
    “Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the kingdom, and He is Able to do all things. The One Who has created death and life in order to test you and see which of you is best in deed, and He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving.” (Surah al-Mulk 67:1-2)

    5) Expose the Reality of the Human Being:
    “Verily, We have created man from drops of mixed semen in order to test him, so We made him hearer, seer. Verily, We showed him the way, so he is either grateful or ungrateful.” (Surah al-Insan 76: 2-3)

    “Verily, We have made that which is on earth as an adornment for it so that We may test them as to which of them are best in deeds.” (Surah al-Kahf 18:7)

    “And it is He Who has made you generations after generations, replacing each other on the earth. And He has raised you in ranks – some above others – that He may test you in that which He has bestowed on you. Surely, your Lord is Swift in retribution, and certainly He is Oft*-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Surah al-An’am 6:165)

    A human being is tested so that he may come to know the reality of himself and others. Life is consists of constant testing; testing with what is bad, or testing with what is good. However, what is best for the believer may be found in what he hates, and what is bad for him may be found in what he likes. The true believer is the one who loves that which Allah has chosen for him. So, if He tests him with something that he loves, he thanks Him, and if He tests him with that which he hates, he is patient and thanks Him in this case, as well. And Allah – the Glorified – gives the believer in accordance with what will lead to his happiness in either this World or the next. So, if it is better for him to have something, Allah gives it to him. If it is better for him not to have something, Allah prevents him from having that thing, just as one who is sick is prevented from too much food or water. Therefore, it is upon a person to completely submit to Allah – the Glorified – in regards to what He has chosen for him, and to be pleased with what Allah has given him, and to understand that if Allah prevents him from something, then it is because Allah wishes to save him from being tested with that thing.

    Allah knows best

    • I know I'm around two years late. I don't know if you'll see this, and I don't know if you'll benefit this. But I just want to say thank you because your post struck me at the perfect time. Allah is the Subtle, the Acquainted, and the way His Power works is so mysterious. It is amazing. What you said regarding being patient and being steadfast found me at the right time. The time I needed to be patient. And your post reminded me, that "Indeed to Allah we belong, and to Him we will return", and that Allah is how you think of Him. So I realize all the troubles we go through are trials for those who are patient and remember Allah (SWT) through pain and ease. These are just temporary things, and to have patience is to have the most comprehensive gift for mankind. Just because the world might look dark and gloomy on the outside does not mean you're on the wrong path...just because you're met with opposition, you may not realize it but it could be good for you...it may be that Allah (SWT) is trying you, not that He hates you!! Don't lose hope, and expect reward from Allah whenever trials afflict you. All in all, what you wrote helped fortify my faith. My iman increased and your post came at the right time! So I just want to thank you for that, but evermore, I want to thank Allah (SWT) for all the amazing blessings He has given me. And kudos to all the posters here as well (although I have no clue whether people will come back here two years later...oh well!)

  30. I'm just a 15 year old teenager, but what i have been through in my life, people normally at my age dont experience those things, but still im thankful and greatful to ALLAH almighty. Allah loves his creation, more than 70 mothers. He never puts a burden on his creation that which it cannot resist. We always ask why was i burdened this way? AL-QURAN answers: "Allah doesnot place a burden to a soul greater that it can bare. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns." Surah Al-Baqrah [2:286]. "So verily, with every difficulty there is relief: (repeated) Verily, with every difficulty there is relief." Surah Al-Insyirah [94:5-6]. So Allah has basically tested u in this world and will Inshallah bring joyful moments in ur life, so be hopeful and dont be depressed if he is late to bestow his kindness upon u. You will be granted with his mercy and kindness even on the day of judgemengt. Beleive me, i know it is easy to say, that what has happened has happened and it is time to move on, but the one is suffering only he can feel the pain which is eating him from inside. Pray to GOD, have faith in him, and dont care what the world thinks of u, u should care what GOD thinks of u, because on the DAY OF JUDGEMENT, he will only see the good virtues of people and not their faces or any other thing and only he will be there to help u at the day of judgement, but not the world. I will pray for u from the depth of my heart and wish u best of luck for the future.
    🙂

    • mashallah uzzam, so much understanding and faith at such a tender age. so proud of you.
      may allah increase your imaan, may you continue to give hope to people and may you be the truly guided one. ameen.

  31. Thank you, for your encouragement, my aim is just to try to show people they straight path to walk upon, and to boost up their confidence level and increase their faith. 🙂

  32. Salaam,

    Uzzman may Allah bless you, I needed that reminder. I hope you are coping better sister, don't lose faith in Allah, don't stop praying, listen to a lot of talks regarding depression seriously it helps a lot in terms of what to do, in sha Allah keep on asking Him for help, show him your tears. I know what you mean where you feel no one likes you, but I'm hoping that's because he wants me to be closer to Him and I hope that is the case. Please pray for me brothers and sisters that I stay positive and pass my exams.

    Jzk

  33. Assalam-o-Alaikum. @muslim sister. You can't adopt child but you can give love to them like brother/Sister but never of child. It's a test

  34. here it goes...
    Everyone one hates me so much
    even allah {swt}
    noone cares about me
    sometimes i wish i was never born
    life is so complicated for me wallah
    boys hurt me all the time
    i want to die
    my life will never go right
    i hate it
    please give me some advice
    i hate talking to my mom about anything its weird,akward,and i dont feel comfortable
    WHY DOES ALLAH HATES ME
    im 13 years old and a african/muslim girl

    • As-salamu alaykum dear zainabou,

      I will ask you to please read the comments already given on this post, as many of them apply to you as well. Also please read my article on Suicide in Islam. Although you are not suicidal, I think the advice will help you. You are stuck in a negative mindset and you are programming yourself with negative expectations. You need to break out of that and start using positive affirmations.

      You started out with the wrong assumption. Allah does not hate you at all. Actually Allah loves His creation. Didn't Allah bless you by making you Muslim? Hasn't he blessed you with a healthy body, food to eat, shelter, family, the opportunity for education, and more? In life we can focus on what we do not have and complain, or we can be grateful for what we have.

      Why do boys hurt you? You mean like boyfriend/girlfriend kind of stuff? You should not be involved with boys at your age. There is no reason for you to be close to them in any way.

      You are at a difficult and awkward age, as your body changes and you transition from childhood to adulthood. Be patient. Develop your relationship with Allah. Focus on your studios. Develop a hobby that you are passionate about (writing, art, science, cooking, etc). Do your best, and trust Allah to do the rest.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  35. hi. My name is....... but i go by the name of kiki. Im 16 and i think ive just about seen the worst of the world around me at the very tender age of about 10-12. I was depressed and emotional. I didnt lose hope even throughout the hardships i faced. I delt with bullying and an auto immune disorder at the same, were my hair would start to fall out. The one thing to be honest was the hardest for me to deal with was the hate that i had received from my family. Even as i write and think about this noww it still brings me to tears. It was a very hard time for me mainly bc i was again depressed and emotional. I had always been physically and verbally abused by both my parents mainly my mom. Whom i cannot help but love and care for very much. As a girl growing up in a muslim/arab family i was automatically subjected to gender discrimination and favoritism. what made this so much worse was me being the eldest. i think the hardest memory for me to choke up even until now is the memory of my younger brother having to been told to call me "slave" instead of my real name as i cleaned the washroom floors and beaten bc i didnt clean my room when my mom came home from work without her prior to asking me. or the memory of my dad kicking my on the floor bc i had peed in my bed out of chronic fear and panic attacks in my sleep. I think the only reason i had this issue was because i was molested by my cousin at the age of about 6-8 while he was 12 at the time. The worst is when i go to my home country and have to live in the same house as him. but for me this is only a small part of what i have delt with.This is about only a days worth of stress as for me being in highschool with no social life or friends i think its easy to say ive been through quite a bit. I still very grateful for the opportunities ive had in my life as well as the parent i have. I know there not the best of people but one day they won't be apart of my life or at least the negative part. Im very happy that i got through my depression all on my own and it was hard, very hard. especially when other people started getting involved with my mental health but im very glad i never have to go to that dark place i was in again and can move past it.
    i'm not saying u shouldn't complain bc i dont think ur complaining .... ur seeking help and i wish i had someone come and truly help me instead of trying to fix me. I know how hurtful it is when your mom tells u blankly she doesnt love u or appreciate ur. The worst is when they have nothing good to say about u to other people. I truly get that. I want you to know that i've lost hope. Ive lost hope a lot of times and ended up losing faith in myself let alone allah. if one thing i've learned is that god doesnt give u what u cant handle. Im not the best muslim out there but i try my best. I dont always pray on time or pray at all. I dont read quran. I fast during ramadan. I give donation and i help people who need help. to be honest i think my parents are the reason i cannot bring myself to read quran or pray. like it brings me so much discomfort and anxiety in me.So dont feel down about yourself for other peoples actions. uphold yourself to your own actions and you should be fine. You can always try to distract yourself from your issue. i know its hard to stop thinking about something when you dont wanna think about it so the best thing to do is keep yourself busy. Like try volunteering in your local community or get a job if you dont have one. This could help u and your husband to save up more money for an apartment. Even if its not a lot try looking for a cheep renting space or a basement if you really need to get away from the negativity. even stay at a friends house or other family relative and say its for fun or vacation. even just spending time with people that make you comfortable or happy is a good idea. try watching a movie relevant to your issue with your husband. like i know when i have to deal with negative people at school i like watching mean girls to make me feel better. Even try to vent to an online form or counselor anonymously.I know when things are starting to get really bad i call or chat online with a counselor anonymously for help. i usually go one kids help phone but u can try other sites if u look it up online. Just remember to focus on you and the people that truly matter. also have patience. It will get better. Maybe not tomorrow or next week but it will get better eventually , it just takes time. just remember to treat yourself. your in the process of healing just as you would have an injury treat ur mental health in the same way. make sure your resting and taking care of your body. I really hope this does make you feel better and i deep down in my heart pray for the best for u and your family. inshallah One day you will have kids just have patience.

    one thing that really helps is reading the stories of the prophets. there great examples of struggles true muslims face.I know the struggle of being the best u can be and still being told that your not good enough compared to the bad people. just remember your not alone. there are 7 billion people in the world. alot of them are probably going throught the same struggles and a lot of of them are willing to be your friend. you dont only have to be friend with other muslims. if they dont like you then move on. get involved with the community and try to make a change. no matter how small it may be it could have a huge impact on the islamic society as well as the community. you never know maybe allah is turing in the muslims away from u so u could give a form of dawa to someone else. remember that you are an ambassador for your religion and people everywhere you go and you cant lose faith whenever something gets to hard. just keep trying and if things dont work out try something else. inshallah i hope u feel better and deep down i hope things go well for you. I will remember u in my prayers and duas. ameen.

  36. Even I feel the same, but this Hadith confirms my fear: God hates me

    Messenger of Allah, (ﷺ) said: "When Allah loves a slave, He calls Jibril (Gabriel) and says: 'I love so-and-so; so love him.' And then Jibril loves him. Then he (Jibril) announces in the heavens saying: Allah loves so-and-so; so love him; then the inhabitants of the heavens (the angels) also love him; and then people on earth love him. And when Allah hates a slave, He calls Jibril and says: 'I hate so- and-so, so hate him.' Then Jibril also hates him. He (Jibril) then announces amongst the inhabitants of heavens: 'Verily, Allah hates so- and-so, so you also hate him.' Thus they also start to hate him. Then he becomes the object of hatred on the earth also".

    [Al- Bukhari and Muslim].

    Now, everyone over here is going to hate me too because instead of motivating you to enjoy your life ... you know what? I don't care anymore because that hadith proves my worst fear.

    • This hadith is referring to someone who is an enemy of Allah, in other words someone who fights against Islam and Muslims, and who does evil things to people. Remember that Allah is Merciful and Forgiving by nature, so only extraordinarily bad individuals earn His enmity.

      For an ordinary Muslim like you, if you want to be among those who Allah loves, all you have to do is make tawbah for your past sins. That's all. Make istighfar, say salawat on the Prophet (sws), pray, fast, etc. These are simple actions that anyone can do and that will bring Allah's love.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  37. Everyone hates me as well but i can never hate my Lord I know this world is a test and we all have different tests and mind became people, but sometimes i dont know if Allah loves me does he want me to change something and then people will love me?

  38. This life is a test, forget the haters and leave the past behind. Every day is a new day, you don't need anyone else's love apart from your husband cause when we die, and inshallah Allah grants us heaven, you will forever have your husband by your side. Not your mother, father, sister or cousins.

    You will die alone and you will only go in your grave with your deeds and sins; don't stop praying to Allah, who cares if the world doesn't like you, Allah loves his servants and is the most forgiving! Don't loose your faith sister, think of the after life. Everything happens for a reason :3 This world is a test and it is never to late to change! Allahu Ackbar!

  39. Aslam alekum sister Allah has sent us this world for a test he promised every wish in paradise but before we can have it we will have to give some tests whatever pain u suffer even if u are get hurt by needle as a compensation ur sins get forgiven and the greater the test the greater the reward dont judge urself by peoples eyes if u truly loved Allah u would be patient with tests u have big tests because he loves u more all prophets were also tested read two nafal and do tauba and tauba will chnge yr life with every prayer read two nfal for forgivness people will start to love u and dont write like this about ur creator love ur creator talk best about him people will love u

    • Well, I repent to Allah for questioning him. He is definitely great and I really hate myself what I said. I love Allah and his messenger and I accept the Qadr of Allah. If I don't have children or a career or a halal house in this life, then I know Allah has something much better in the akhirah. If Allah is pleased with me, I hope I will be with my father there one day. Ameen.

      • Islamicgirl,

        That's a great attitude to have. You should love your father and wish the best for him. He was your father. And try not to see only a career and children and house as the definition of "success." Success entails a lot more than that. Many successful people in this world, you have heard nothing about, because success is very personal. Even arriving at the perspective you have attained, as evidenced by this message ^, is success MashaAllah. 😀

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

  40. Sister calm down I've been through a lot myself. U have to keep faith in Allah. This life is a test. Just keep praying. Allah will change your situation. In Sha Allah. Don't give up. I am telling you. Now. U think u had it hard people out their have been through a lot more. So don't give up mabe Allah has got a better plan for you don't waist your patience. Just hold and be strong. And I will pray for you too in Sha Allah. Things will change if you believe in Allah.

  41. 1. First and foremost thing everyone must do is "Always think positive in Allah". Never ever think bad about Allah Whatever anyone's situation may be.
    2. Every human being sent in Earth for purification and improvement(spiritual development). Pain and Suffering may be the best way of these process.
    3. Always try to evolve with those pains and sufferings. In my experience i am telling u that these are "BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE". In this way i have found so many blessings which i had never imagined.
    4. Do u know the value of the character "Sabr(Patience)" ? It is said that the one who got this got everything. A patient human being can achieve anything he/she wants. Why are u thinking bad of Allah when Allah want you to create this character inside you?...So my suggestion is digest every pain though it is bitter!
    5. Don't compare the LOVE OF ALLAH with the love(or liking) of any human being.
    6. I think there is a hidden peace and pleasure in those pains and sufferings.
    7. If u are still in Pain....IT IS THE SIGN THAT ALLAH LOVES YOU.
    8. Always pray to Allah for the pure understanding of ISLAM, for purification of self, for spiritual development.
    9. Always count the blessings which Allah already gave u and try to find/search the blessings which are in the way and just to be delivered.

  42. even im experiencing da same situation...but i still love Allah,maybe he m8 give me what all i need in heaven . ..

    • Will Allah put me in hell for saying he doesn’t exist out of frustration over extreme suffering? I’ve repented and redid my shahada. Also, I said bad things like Allah hates me and questioned his fairness. Will I be forgiven if I redo my shahada and repent sincerely to Allah? Also, I wrote another post about wanting to give up on religion. Again, I said it out of frustration, but didn’t mean it. These are all grounds for blasphemy. Will Allah forgive me? Even though I am still suffering, I am truly remorseful what I said.

      • Hope to hear a response soon. Thanks!

        • Assalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu.

          In a Qudsi Hadeeth, the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam narrated that Allah, Said:

          “If somebody commits a sin and then says, 'O my Lord! I have sinned, please forgive me!' and his Lord says, 'My slave has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for it, I therefore have forgiven my slave (his sins).' Then he remains without committing any sin for a while and then again commits another sin and says, 'O my Lord, I have committed another sin, please forgive me,' and Allah says, 'My slave has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for it, I therefore have forgiven my slave (his sin). Then he remains without Committing any another sin for a while and then commits another sin (for the third time) and says, 'O my Lord, I have committed another sin, please forgive me,' and Allah says, 'My slave has known that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for it I therefore have forgiven My slave (his sin), he can do whatever he likes.”

          Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 7068, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2758

          Sooner or later, those who sin repeatedly and ask Allah for His forgiveness will feel guilty and ashamed of their behaviors and will cease permanently in committing those sins.

          There is also the example of that man who used to drink alcohol and was brought to the Messenger of Allah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated: “During the lifetime of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam there was a man called ‘Abdullaah whose nickname was Himaar (donkey), and he used to make the Messenger of Allah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam laugh. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam lashed him because of drinking (alcohol). One day, he was brought to the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam for the same charge and was lashed. On that, a man among the people said, ‘O Allah, Curse him! How frequently he is brought (to the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam for such a charge)!’ The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam said, ‘Do not curse him, for by Allah, I know that he loves Allah and His Messenger.’” [Al-Bukhari]

          And won't you be happy reading this hadith:

          "Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying : Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, said: I live in the thought of My servant and I am with him as he remembers Me. (The Holy Prophet) further said: By Allah, Allah is more pleased wth the repentance of His servant than what one of you would do on finding the lost camel in the waterless desert. When he draws near Me by the span of his hand. I draw near him by the length of a cubit and when he draws near Me by the length of a cubit. I draw near him by the length of a fathom and when he draws near Me walking I draw close to him hurriedly." (Sahih Musim)

          Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah is more joyful with the repentance of his servant than one of you who has lost his camel on a journey in an empty desert while it carries his food and drink. Having lost hope, he lies down in the shade and despairs over his camel, but all of a sudden he finds the camel standing over him. He takes hold of its reins and out of joy he proclaims: O Allah, you are my servant and I am your Lord. He makes a mistake due to his extreme joy.”

          Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5950, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2747

      • Assalaamualaykum Islamicgirl,

        Glad to see you on here again. Yusuf has given a good answer with supportive hadith. I just wanted to add that Allah knows everything about you. Like, EVERYTHING. I think we fail to recognize that or give it its true value sometimes. Allah gave you the tests that He gave you, and obviously, having created you, knew how you would react to them. I do not believe you will be judged negatively for having made those comments, as you were in absolute torture when you made them. Anything short of that would not have prompted you to make these comments. As long as you are trying your best to refrain from such comments in your everyday life, I'm sure you will be forgiven, alhamdulillah.

        Hugs,

        Nor

        • Thank you so much! I am suffering a great deal and I still struggle to do the rituals of Islam due to my health condition. I was very frustrated, but now I am truly remorseful what I said. If I don't get better in this life, I will be patient. Maybe Allah has something better for me in Jannah.

  43. I hope Allah forgives me, but I struggle to pray due to my health condition. My heart is remorseful what I said. May Allah forgive me.

    • Islamicgirl,

      If you are struggling with your prayer due to your health condition, Allah knows that! He does not intend this religion to be difficult. Try to pray fewer prayers a day but more consistently. For example, you could do Maghrib and Isha every day with concentration and joy, rather than all five while being miserable and condemning yourself for that. Try that and see how you feel. If there are days that you feel better, you can add in the others, or add them in gradually over time.

      Just remember that Allah knows your situation. The best deeds are those which are done consistently.

      Hugs,

      Nor

      • Thank you so much, my dear sister Nor! I've listened to scholars and they say if you are sane, you are obligated to pray all five prayers, even with mental illness and chronic fatigue syndrome. I am sane and functional, but when I try to pray all five prayers, I become unstable. Don't know why. I am doing the best I can, but some days are difficult, especially due to chronic fatigue syndrome. Sometimes I pray in my bed without wudu and can't do tayammum because I don't have access to dust.

        I do the best I can and love Islam. Due to suffering, I said bad things. May Allah forgive me. I will just be patient in the face of these trials and just do the best I can to follow the pillars of my faith. I also will try to read Quran as much as possible. Right now, I am working as a Substitute Teacher's Aide and collecting Social Security Disability. I can't make more than around $1100. I take assignments whenever I feel good and that is usually 2 to 3 times a week. I can't do more than that. On my days off, I rest and maintain my mental health and try to be a housewife, although I don't have much energy. I wish I could do more than what I am doing now, but if things don't improve, I hope I will be able to have happiness and whatever I desire in Jannah. Ameen.

        • Looks like my husband wants to leave me...he finds everything wrong with what I do. I did the best I could to be a good supportive wife despite everyday having him tell me I am not good enough. I think he used me to bring his brother to the states. Since I’ve been married to him, he didn’t consummate on our wedding night and we have had infrequent intimacy for 9 years. and He’s been just keeping in contact with family and forcing me to go to bad relatives’ houses and not even talking to me. Just conversing with everyone but me in his native tongue back home while I’m an outsider. I tried to cook good food, keep the house clean and he says I am not good enough. He says I don’t know how to cook even though my food comes out really good. He wants to leave me. I wonder where I will go since my mother will not be supportive of me. In umrah, he called me a devil woman multiple times. He wants to quit his job and move in with his sister and brother-in-law in another state while his younger brother’s visa is approved. He will be punished for how verbally and mentally abusive he was towards me. I hope I get justice in Jannah. I don’t intend to get married again because I know it will not be easy for a divorcee with a mental health condition, especially in the Muslim community. Maybe I will have the man of my dreams in Jannah and be with a better family who will love me. Ameen.

          • Assalamualaykum Islamicgirl28,

            Thanks for updating me on your situation.

            I'm so sorry to hear about this...this has been going on for 9 years now? I think you've given this man a fair chance, and it may be time for you to leave him. I don't think you should do it while you don't have a place to live, but maybe start talking about it with your mother and whoever else would be able to assist you with a divorce. Is your father deceased? I don't recall.

            You deserve so much better than what this guy can offer you as a husband. Don't completely give up hope, but don't sell yourself short either. Why should a potential husband reject you for a mental illness? That's absurd. The best kind of husband would embrace your condition and be honored to help you. And anything less than that is not what you deserve anyways.

            Don't forget about self-love. Sometimes being alone is the perfect time to embrace ourselves, learn more about ourselves, re-evaluate our life choices, and make goals for the future. It's actually quite nice! But once again, I don't want you to be homeless, so if you don't have any good women's shelters in your area and you need your current roof above your head, I don't blame you for staying in the least.

            Perhaps you should work on strengthening your relationship with your mother in the time being. Do you regularly talk to her, tell her about your day, your challenges, and so forth? Do you help her at all with anything? She has to be getting older, after all. If you strengthen this relationship, you may have the option of moving back in with her.

            Inshallah I will pray for you my dear sister.

            Hugs,

            Nor
            IslamicAnswers

        • IslamicGirl,

          Wow! It sounds like you are doing fantastic! I like that you are keeping your activities to a level where you can handle them successfully and no more. That is part of self-love. I'm proud of you! May you be rewarded for your efforts immensely, InshaAllah.

          Hugs,

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

  44. Assalaamu alaikum Nor,

    Well, I am just staying because I have nowhere to go. I doubt anyone would marry me again, since I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome and mental health issues. I will just be patient and maybe I will get better in Jannah.

    As far as my mother is concerned, I try to be kind to her, but she doesn't reciprocate. She seems like she hates me and wants me to fail in life, though I try to be nice but sometimes get angry back at her. I think it's best to just make the most of this marriage and hopefully, Allah will reward me for doing the best I could with these challenges.

    • AoA sister,

      if its possible try to go to a local mosque and see if sisters there can put you in contact with a muslim shelter for sisters, just as a backup plan since you mentioned you have no where to go.

      • No thanks. I’d rather stay in this marriage and try to make it work. Shelters are horrible.

        • Islamicgirl,

          It sounds like you know what you want already and just need a little affirmation, which we could all use from time to time. You go girl! 🙂

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

          • Thanks, Nor. I think I will just try to do the best I can to make my husband happy, even though he always complains, and just try to work on myself in the process. I appreciate the support.

  45. Sister Nor,

    My father passed away. I am not with him
    because he is back home. I don’t
    care for having a career or my suffering.
    I just want to be with my father in
    Jannah one day. May Allah forgive
    me for questioning him. I know he is
    giving me trials because he loves me
    and wants me to be close to him.

    That’s the best blessing. Being close to
    Allah. I pray that I can be with my
    father and my whole family in Jannah.
    I hate myself for not getting along
    with my mother. I will always take
    care of her from now on. I just want
    to be with my father and whole
    family in Jannah. I will strive for
    the hereafter.

    The sufferings I’ve endured will
    keep me close to my Lord and
    I know he has better for me and
    my whole family in Jannah.

    Please pray for my father to go to Jannah.
    He was always religious and
    is reason Islam means everything to me.

  46. And my husband changed after
    my father’s death. He promised
    he won’t fight with me
    anymore and will take
    care of me. May Allah forgive him
    and make our relationship
    better. I hope to be with him
    and my family forever in this life and
    the next. Ameen.

  47. Assalaamualaykum Islamicgirl28,

    Awww...I am so sad to hear of your father's passing. The way you feel about him is natural, as he was your father and leader of the family. Clearly, from the way you feel about him, his good deeds outweighed the bad. DO love him wholeheartedly, pray for his forgiveness, and pray for his entrance into Jannah with the rest of your family. I will do the same for you in my next prayer, Insha Allah.

    It is important to not completely idealize him though, as you also suffered in his hands. If you idealize that, then that is the treatment that you will find acceptable in the future from others.

    Thanks for letting me know about this sad news. Feel free to write in the coming weeks should you feel depressed and need an ear. Inshallah things will be alright with you and your husband now, and you all will be reunited with your father in Jannah. Allah has the best timing in all affairs.

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

    • Dear sister Nor,

      Thanks for praying for my father. He really
      was the best father in the world. I wish
      I could tell him that before he passed
      away how much he means to me.
      He put all my siblings in Islamic school
      and gave us the best education
      possible. Maybe it’s best I don’t have
      a full time career as I can focus on
      worshipping Allah and taking care of my
      mother. May Allah forgive me for what
      I did.

      As for my husband, yes, he did do
      wrong to me and I will not be
      vulnerable to him, but I think with my
      father’s passing, he promised not
      to fight with me and give me a hard
      time. Hopefully, he keeps his word.
      He promised he would take care of me
      as I am suffering with mental health
      issues and chronic fatigue syndrome.

      Nor, please pray for my father that
      he is in Jannah and one day I can
      be with him. Ameen.

      • Islamicgirl28,

        Inshallah I will make dua for you and your father in my next prayer. No problem at all sis.

        I'm sorry that it took me a little while to get back to you. I forgot the title of your post and couldn't find it, but I did think about you and your father.

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

  48. I guess I will never have children or be a career woman. I might not even get to have a house in this life.
    I talked to a sister and told her that I don't understand Allah's wisdom and it doesn't seem fair. Why do all the people who thrive on the haraam get everything that I pray to Allah for? All the people who wronged me have children and careers and I don't. I just feel fed up praying and getting nothing. I don't think I'm a bad person, but it is only natural to feel this way. Why does Allah test us with hunger as He states in the Quran? Isn't that a cruel test? I just don't understand. I don't want to say these things, but I feel upset about it. Also, my father is gone and I hope to go to Jannah with him, but I guess it is bad to question Allah and maybe I won't be in Jannah. I tried my best to be patient with all of this, but one can only be patient for so long.

    • Dear Islamicgirl 28,

      I'm glad I caught this post as I was on the site.

      Listen sister...you must not compare yourself to others and measure yourself with others' rulers. You must not define your success by what others have or have done.

      You are a beautiful-hearted soul and Allah put you here for a reason. No, it is not easy at all. But have you ever heard that for the disbelievers, this life is a party, and for the believers, it can be a nightmare?

      Remember that only with hardship comes ease. There will be ease, and Allah will continue to help a sufferer as long as he doesn't say "I prayed and made dua but Allah didn't answer my dua." Allah always answers dua in the best way. Remember that He knows you far better than you know yourself! If a believer could see what Allah sees, and could see the unseen and the unknown, he would choose for himself exactly the life that Allah has prepared for him! What a consolation!

      So keep that chin up girlfriend. Your test of patience is a very hard test compared to others' tests, and you will be rewarded just as significantly!

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • It is a hard test. Maybe Allah is punishing me because I questioned him and his wisdom. My mother told me I am being punished as that is why I don’t have any kids, no real career, mental health issues, and chronic fatigue. I try to repent whenever I feel impatient or upset, but I guess I failed the test.

  49. I made dinner for my husband and I cooked some rice, but there
    was less available. He came home and
    called me a stupid b$&&&@ and said he
    would hit me with a shoe. I yelled back at
    him and called him a loser, which he is
    unlike what Wael said against me is wrong.
    No matter how much I helped and supported
    him with his job, driving, and citizenship,
    he treats me like trash. If I cook five star
    cuisine, he complains and tries to find
    things wrong. I really hate him. He hasn’t
    touched me for 10 years. I would leave him,
    but I have nowhere to go. I fight with him
    everyday and we yell back and forth at
    each other. He used me for citizenship and
    treats me like a slave. I wish I could leave
    him, but have no means. Why did Allah
    give me such a horrible mother and husband?
    I wish to be with Allah and my father in
    Jannah and I hope my mother and husband
    and aunt and older sister, and all those who
    did wrong to me get punished.

    • Asalamualaykum IslamicGirl,

      I'm so sorry you're going through this very difficult test. I can only pray that your suffering is relieved and that you are rewarded for your patience very soon, Inshallah. Remember that this Dunya can be a paradise for the nonbelieving people, and a nightmare for the believers. But that doesn't mean the believers are doing anything wrong. They are merely tested according to their faith, and will also be rewarded according to same. Hang in there sis, please don't give up.

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  50. Also, all the relatives who were bad to me,
    he is openly friends with. I know in Islam
    we are supposed to keep ties of kinship,
    but these relatives were wishing bad for
    me, possibly doing black magic, and my
    uncle called me fat and said my body
    isn’t made for riding this particular
    vehicle back home. I haven’t talked
    to him since, but my husband still
    talks to him and all the other relatives
    who were bad to me. He also calls
    me fat and makes fun of me all
    the time. I hate him. I wish I never
    met him in 2009 and despite what Wael
    says, he is a loser. To call me a b$&@&
    and mistreat me all the time, despite how
    much I tried to support him. I hate him so
    much and I don’t think you can blame me
    for not respecting him. However, I have
    nowhere to go because my mother hates
    me and I can’t work full time to support
    myself. I don’t leave because that means
    the streets for me. Wael says divorce the
    poor man, but the one suffering is me, not
    my husband. It’s not easy to leave when
    you have nowhere to go. I think my
    reaction to my husband’s behavior is
    justified and if you think women have to
    respect husbands like this because Islam
    says you have to no matter what, you have
    a wrong understanding of Islam because
    the prophet was kind to his wives. The
    last thing he said in his farewell speech
    is to be kind to the women. My husband
    is not kind to me and I don’t think anyone
    should tolerate domestic abuse, but there
    is nowhere for me to go so I stay. If it was
    easy to leave, I would, but I don’t have the
    financial means.

    • IslamicGirl,

      I fully understand your plight. You are feeling trapped. You are being mistreated and abused, and are powerless to leave due to finances. I also wouldn't recommend leaving right now due to Coronavirus.

      Once the threat of the virus leaves, however, I would strongly recommend that you go to stay a domestic violence shelter for a few months, if not longer. The reason I say this is two-fold. 1.) Your body and mind needs a break from the choas at home. The stress on your body is immense in this situation 2.) Your husband needs to understand that he can't treat you this way, if for any reason you are unable to find permanent housing after going to the shelter. But make no mistake...you would be going first and foremost for yourself. His understanding would only be a side circumstance or benefit if it happens.

      Sister, when you do not have him around, you will be able to think more clearly about your situation and what you really want. Once you can do that, you'll be in a better place to make a decision and move forward. You have to just trust me on this and have faith in Allah. You can't know how you will feel after leaving, so I am telling you how you most likely will feel, as many women go through the same thing. There are apartments available for people in your situation, particularly if you also have a mental illness. You could qualify for one of these apartments based on your mental illness alone.

      Once at the shelter, try to look up "transitional housing" or ask someone to do it for you. This type of housing usually is available for a 6-month to 2-year period, and during that time, you will spend 30% of your income for your shelter and meals. You will also work closely with office staff, coordinators, and social workers, who will set you up for more permanent housing that ALSO takes only 30% of your income. These types of housing are not all in poor, "bad" areas as I recall you've remarked before. They are in safe areas.

      Sister, finally, I would recommend that you keep an action-oriented mindset. Allah helps those who help themselves. I say this not to stress you out, but to remind you that you have the ability to take one step at a time to better your situation. No one can fault you for not fixing all your problems at once. That would be impossible. But you can chip away at your problems a little at a time by putting one foot in front of the other. The ease and relief that you will feel after taking an initial step...any step, will give you motivation for the next one Inshallah.

      Only Allah knows your future. You are quite young still and have things to look forward to. But you also have to learn to focus on the small positives in your life right now. Otherwise you will not get through this life. When you are feeling particularly stressed, anxious, or sad, try to think of just ONE thing that excites you right now. Make a habit of doing this every time a terrible feeling enters your heart. An example: Let's take me for instance. I might be having a particularly bad day. Tons of negativity keeps entering my mind. So I look for the light. Something bright that I have to look forward to. This might seem trivial, but that might be a new t-shirt that I just bought from the Goodwill store for just $2.00...how lucky was that Subhanallah! I now have something to look forward to, which is wearing that t-shirt for the first time. See? It doesn't have to be something any grander than that. So every time you feel bad, remind yourself of that! You'll get through the day so much easier that way. If you have difficulty thinking of something, ask someone to help you!

      I pray for the best for you sister. And I believe the best is yet to come in your life 🙂

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • Great advice sister Nor, thank you.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Thanks sister Nor. I just don’t want to go
        to transitional housing because it is scary.
        I don’t want to live with other people. I
        stay to try to make this marriage work,
        but my husband never changes. I hope I
        am rewarded in Jannah for suffering with
        my illness and that Allah forgives my sin.
        I do believe a Jinn is attacking me, despite
        what Wael says isn’t true, and I hope
        Allah protects me with ruqya. I guess I
        will never work full time and will always
        be on benefits, and I’ve come to accept that.
        I am not well enough to work full time and
        Allah knows that. Please make dua for me
        that I go to Jannah one day for my sufferings
        and Allah forgives me for my wrongdoings.
        Ameen.

        • Islamicgirl28,

          I most certainly will make dua for you sister...no problem at all. Remember that you don't have anything to prove to anyone. Just do your best and try to keep the measuring stick out of the equation. Stay safe. 🙂

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

  51. I also worry how I will survive on 600
    a month ssdi. Now, with the coronavirus,
    I no longer have a job, and was rejected
    for unemployment benefits, although I
    plan to talk to someone to find out why.
    I worry if everyone abandons me, how
    will I survive on my own? I am with my
    husband, because he is really, all I have.
    My mother doesn’t care about me and my
    father passed away. What will I do in the
    future if everyone has left me? I am scared
    how I will survive on 600 a month. Why
    is my life so difficult? What can I do to
    manage for housing and food? I have my
    husband now, but I think about how I
    would manage if I were alone. It scares me.
    Sister Nor, what should I do? I don’t want
    to go to transitional housing because I would
    have to live with other scary people outside
    of my family and it is frightening. Please
    help me Sister Nor. I am waiting for your
    response.

    • Assalamualaykum Islamicgirl28,

      Thank you for clarifying where your worry is coming from. That helps me to understand better.

      Sister, if you are only getting $600 a month for SSDI, you would absolutely qualify for Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) benefits. Formerly known as "food stamps." That will give you approximately $200 a month for food, which will be a huge relief for you.

      The reason I was suggesting transitional housing was that I felt that despite your concerns and the sometimes chaotic atmosphere there, there is always a social worker onsite to help mediate any issues you have with anyone else. Furthermore, you always have the option of staying to yourself in your own room (which is sometimes shared with 1 other person.) From what you have been describing for years on this site, I judged that to be preferable option that staying at home. However, you know your situation best and what you can and cannot handle. I can give advice but you of course make your own call based on your own intuition.

      What do you do, you ask? You continue to pray to Allah and endure what you have no control over, and take action for what you do have control over. Allah has set a strict measure for all things, and no discomfort is permanent. As hard as it is right now to believe and see that, your faith can carry you through. Everything in this life, both good and bad, is temporary. Only Allah is permanent.

      I am so sorry for the anxieties you are facing. Don't for a second think that you are weak because of them. Rather, you are strong for having the courage to FEEL. Not everyone could feel as deeply as you do and survive. So most people use defense mechanisms to avoid their problems. You are one step ahead already because you are very aware of your challenges and the way they make you feel. Keep the hope up sister. As I said, NOTHING lasts forever. I remind myself of this on a routine basis, and it calms me down enough to take action. Hopefully for you it will do that same, Inshallah and Ameen.

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  52. Nor, I made up with my mother. I told her I was wrong to get angry and told her I love her. I do love my mother so much and I hate myself what I did, even if she was wrong with me, I should have been patient. She forgave me and loves me too. Now, that my father is gone and she's a widow, I have to take care of her. Also, me and my husband made up. He is frustrated with me because I have mental health issues and chronic fatigue and he is tired from work so he gets angry. I know my husband and mother love me and all those who did wrong to me, I forgive them. I want to honor my father and make him happy as he looks down on me from Jannah as well as please Allah.

    I don't want to live with other crazy people at a transitional house. There is nothing like family, even if they do wrong to you and hurt you most, they are still family. I hope Allah forgives me for my wrongdoings. Either my sufferings are a punishment or a test, but whatever it is, I am stronger because of my trials and hope Allah will give me ease either in this life, or Jannah.

    I don't make any money now, and only have disability and my husband's income. For now, I am okay financially, but I do worry for the future. My mother and husband will not be forever. I hope we all leave this world together, but if I am still alive, I wonder how I would survive. These fears keep me awake at night sometimes. I need to maintain ties with family. They are all I have. Outside world will not understand me and my culture and religion, like family, which is why I am against transitional housing.

  53. Assalamualaikum.

    Dear Sister Islamicgirl28,

    One thing I like about being a Muslim is that our job is not to worry. When Allah is the Provider, there is no need to worry about the future. Next time you start worrying about how you'd survive etc, can you try make a quick du'a to Allah? Say to Allah something like this, "O Allah, since You are the Provider, Cherisher, Nourisher & Sustainer, I will leave this matter entirely to You." Try to make this du'a every time you start worrying. That worry will surely come again. Just don't entertain it.

    With all the struggles that you've gone through, can you see how Allah has been providing for you? You don't make any money now but you have disabilty and husband's income. And now you are okay financially. Masya Allah. Always there is something for you. Allah doesn't leave you just like that. Overall, are things getting better for you? Slowly but getting better? You're a stronger person now. Alhamdulillah.

    You are right, sister. There is nothing like family. My father has passed away. Like you, I didn't get the opportunity to tell him how much he means to me. But after that, I learnt that if I keep doing good sincerely, my father will get the benefits of it too. So now, that's one of my biggest motivation for doing good. Even though no one appreciates it or no one says thank you, it's not a problem to me. Allah sees all. Allah knows who is doing what.

    Sister, you've been blessed with this chronic fatigue syndrome. Any good deed that you, any effort that you make, no matter how small but done sincerely for the pleasure of Allah, you'll be rewarded so much more compared to someone with good health doing the same deed. Allah values efforts. The harder it is for you, the more reward you will earn.

    Stay strong, sister. May Allah grant you ease.

    • Thanks so much sister! I will pray to Allah to take the worries out of my life and find a way to provide for me. I said bad things in my post that Allah seems to favor disbelievers and that I wish Allah will put my life's misery to an end, and even uttered apostasy, but I wasn't in the right state of mind. May Allah forgive me.

      I am suffering with a lot of problems and life hasn't been easy for me at all, but hopefully, things will start to look brighter for me. I am learning to ignore bad family members and people outside, and I am trying to control my temper better. I am taking my psychiatric meds and sleeping early and waking up early and fighting hard against my chronic fatigue and mental health issues. I don't know if Allah is punishing me or testing me, but whichever it is, I will remain patient, even if my trials are until death. I might not have children or a full time career or an ideal marriage, but I have my faith, and that is keeping me going.

      I feel transitional housing will only make my problems worse. Even if family is bad, they are blood and they are the only ones who can support me. No one else will care. I will try to do good deeds and volunteer my time after covid 19 to doing righteous deeds. I will try to live a simple life like the prophets and live the rest of my life as a slave of Allah. There is nothing better than living an Islamic life. I hope this Ramadan I can read the whole Quran and do all my prayers and do good deeds for my father and maintain ties with my mother and family. Ameen.

      • Ameen

      • Dear Sister Islamicgirl28,

        Glad to hear from you. Aameen to all your du'as. Whatever that's in the past, leave it sister. Allah loves those who repent. Just keep on repenting sincerely. "Everyone is a sinner but not everyone asks for forgiveness. So do it constantly. Forgiveness is a powerful way to bring you back to Him.".

        Yes you are right sister. Bad family members and people outside, ignore them. Only Allah is your Provider, not them. People tend to misjudge us because they do not know what's in our hearts. So try to ignore the negative comments, don't let it affect you. It is very good that you are trying to control your temper. May Allah grant you the strength and make it easy for you. Anytime you find it difficult, ask Allah to help you.
        "Make a whole world of difference to your life, face anger with calmness, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Forgive and move on."

        Whether Allah is punishing you or testing you, don't think about it. This is a matter known only to Allah. So, better to just leave it to Allah. "Even when you feel bogged down by sins, don't give in to despair. The gates of repentance are wide open. The Almighty is always there!"

        You don't have children? Same here:) I do not know of anyone having an ideal marriage. The world that we live in is full of imperfection. I guess ideal marriages are only in Jannah. Anyhow sister, you have faith, that is the most important thing.

        "Keep doing good, even when obstacles are in your path. The seeds of kindness you sow today will bear fruit in the hearts you've touched." And the Qur'an says "Is the reward for good (anything) but good?" QS 55:60. Now that you've made up with your mother and husband, perhaps your mother and husband will love you even more. Allah is the Turner of hearts, so keep making du'a. "Spread goodness at the slightest opportunity. We never know what's kept hidden as a reward for what we've done. Leave it to the Almighty."

        If you are looking at the lives of the Prophets, that is the best example. May you find so much comfort.
        "Slavery to anyone other than Allah is humiliation. Slavery to Allah is an honor. It's actually freedom." - Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan.

        If you can't finish the whole Qur'an in Ramadan, just continue after Ramadan as and when you can. May Allah take you closer and closer to Him. Aameen.

        * All quotes above are by Mufti Menk except for the last one.

        • "Slavery to anyone other than Allah is humiliation. Slavery to Allah is an honor. It's actually freedom." - Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan.

          Wow very comforting quote sister. MashaAllah

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

          • Masya Allah. Sister Nor, I've learnt a lot from your comments. May Allah grant you goodness in this world as well as the akhirah.

        • Thanks sister! Islam is my strength and comfort in this life. If the whole world hates me, I have Allah and that's all that matters. I face a lot of discrimination from non Muslims and hate from some family members, but I don't care any more. I just only worry about surviving in this world since non Muslim employers and employees can be very prejudice to Muslims. A lot of jobs working with non Muslims has been horrible for me, especially as a Substitute teacher's aide. I wear hijab and they don't hesitate to discriminate against me and mistreat me. In school, I was bullied for being muslim.I know I am smart and capable, but I've had a lot of unfair things happen to me in my past, resulting in mental health issues. I've had chronic fatigue most of my life, but there are some days when I feel I have energy. It would be impossible to work full time. Plus, there is sexual harassment in the workplace and even wearing hijab, men are inappropriate with me. I am married and this makes me so angry dealing with this.

          I don't know how to survive on disability, but I have my husband's income. Inshallah, Allah will protect me from bad non Muslims and family members. He will also provide for me in times of hardship. Ameen.

          • Assalamualaikum Sister,

            You're welcome. Aameen to all your du'as. How are you today? You're right. If the whole world hates you, just walk away from all the noise. Don't let them hold you back. Focus on what matters.

            Regarding surviving in this world, leave it to Allah. All the non Muslim employers and employees belong to Allah right? Allah says in the Qur'an that everything in the skies and on earth belong to Allah. So, you speak to Allah, the Owner of everyone and everything. The moment you start worrying about something, just connect with Allah first. Make that a habit. And trust Allah in turning the tables for you.

            If you work in a place where there's discrimination and/or sexual harrassment, leave. Only Allah is your Provider, not them. You are trying your best to take care of yourself and Allah knows that. Make du'a. Ask Allah for a new workplace that's best for you. Unfair things happen for a reason. Be patient and hold on to Allah. Faith will carry you through. Every struggle should move you forward. Just keep going. Don't waste your time getting angry with external issues. Instead, use that energy and time to do more good deeds and spread kindness.

            You don't know how to survive on disability? No problem. Leave that to Allah. He knows all. You just need to learn to trust Allah more and more. So, focus on building a very good relationship with Allah. Set daily goals. Push yourself. Be consistent. Insya Allah you'll be on your way to contentment soon.

            "You may be sad, disappointed, heartbroken or even scarred. But wake each day with a new sense of hope, a will to fight on and not give up!" - Mufti Menk.

            Deep down, you're strong Sister!:)

  54. Thanks sister! I will follow your advice and Allah will provide for me like he provides for the birds. Ameen.

    • Masya Allah. With this optimism I shall look forward to more good news from you. Insya Allah. Ramadan isn't over yet so let's make the most of it ya? Focus on what matters and just keep going. Keep praising Allah. Keep thanking Allah. May Allah grant you an increase. May Allah always guide you in your journey towards Him. Stay blessed!

      • Sister SHF,

        Ameen and thank you for the compliment earlier sister. Your posts are very comforting. May Allah grant you every comfort likewise in both worlds, Ameen 🙂

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

  55. Thanks sister! Pray for me that my situation gets better. I will do the same for you. May Allah bless all the good Muslims who have helped me on this site. Ameen.

    • Ameen

    • Assalamualaikum Sister,

      You're most welcome. Aameen and thank you for all your du'as. Jazakillah khayr.

      Insya Allah you will only get better and better. When you lay your trust in Allah, Allah takes care of the rest. And as your faith strengthens, so will your fears disappear. We just need to do our job: to live a life that's pleasing to Him.

      May Allah grant you a heart full of hope and beautiful patience. May Allah guide you in your journey towards healing and recovery. Aameen.

      'Beautiful patience' means "I'm calm, I'm relaxed, I have hope, I believe in Allah, I know goodness will come, I know that after the darkest hour, there is always daybreak. The One who brought about the daybreak will actually bring about daybreak in my crisis. And as much as I'm convinced that the sun is going to rise, I'm also convinced that my problem is going to end." - Mufti Menk.

      Wishing you all the best!:)

  56. I hate my husband. I feel like I need to be on my own, but not in transitional housing. He barely is intimate with me and called me a dog. He also called me b@### and bloody bastard. I feel like my emotional and physical needs aren't met. I wish I could leave and start a new life, but I can't work full time. This is so hard for me,

    • Asalamualaykum Sister Islamicgirl28

      What are your fears about transitional housing? It is only a temporary housing arrangement. The staff there will help you get your own, affordable apartment within 2 years. I believe it is the fastest way to getting out on your own, if that is your goal. Living in your current situation, you will only go in circles and cycles of abuse as you have for the past several years. You can keep praying, that's the first step, but are you then staying very in-tune with what Allah is telling you to do after you pray? Emotional and verbal abuse is grounds for going to a domestic violence shelter.

      There is another option you can try, but you have to have full conviction in your abused "status" in order to do it, and stand your ground. Every time your husband abuses you, no matter the kind of abuse, call the police. They will come and sort out the situation. Eventually, after you've done this a number of times, your husband will feel embarrassed about all the neighbors seeing the police over at your place all the time, and will have to treat you better...not necessarily perfect or kindly, but better. You can try that and see if it works.

      Lastly, you should get on the list for Section 8 Housing, which is a HUD program. There is usually a 2-4 year waiting period, so you need to do this as soon as possible. Once you have a housing voucher from them, you can get online and look for an apartment for yourself, in any neighborhood you desire, so long as they accept Section 8 vouchers. There is a website that lists all the properties available for Section 8..

      Sister, I hope you take solace in the fact that there are options for you...they are all from Allah. I know that Islam encourages us to work out our problems rather than seek divorce when possible, but you have been trying that for years and it is not working. Staying in your situation, you are not doing things any more "islamically correct" than if you leave. Yes you are with "family," but they do not act like family. At some point, something has to give.

      I don't feel like you can handle this by yourself. You need to be able to communicate regularly about your situation, as is clear by your posts over the years. At a shelter and then transitional housing, you will have someone there to communicate with, and someone who can give you advice objectively. Practical advice. And sometimes, we have to do what is practical...go against the grain of what "feels right," at least for a time, to get to where we want to be. Please take a step...a step in any direction...and you will see how Allah will assist you.

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • Dear Sister Islamicgirl28,

        Why don't you give it a try? Sometimes, when it is our own family members who are abusing, we need to leave them for a while in order for them to start appreciating you. People only learn to appreciate and truly value something after they've lost it.

        Sister, if you've been praying for many years, perhaps this is the way out that Allah is sending? You won't know until you try. And you need to take care of your emotional self. You won't be able to do that if you continue to remain in an environment that is emotionally destructive. It doesn't help you in any way.

  57. I'm scared of non-muslim men and women in transitional housing. They have different morals from Muslims. I am scared of them. Transitional housing have severely mentally ill and alcoholic people and I don't want to be near them. I will try to get hud housing. Do you think I will ever get married again? I wish to have a normal life and children. Now, I am 37 and old.

    • Try, sister. And don't be afraid to leave. Lay your trust in Allah. Ask Allah to always guide you and to grant you the courage to do what you need to do. I don't know whether you will marry again. But you know what? I have a friend. She got divorced at 49. 4 kids. And she remarried at 51. Marriage matters, leave it to Allah, sister. Bring yourself closer and closer to Allah and let Allah know of your plans. Then, do what you need to do.

    • Assalamualaykum Islamicgirl,

      Understood. You don't want to be around non-muslims. That's something not everyone can handle. But I do want to say that as a Muslim, you never have to be afraid of non-muslims or other Muslims....you have Allah. And it is only He you should fear. If they treat you poorly, just ignore them. Do you have anxiety still, or are your medications working pretty well to control it?

      Yes, Section 8 housing through HUD is a great option for you if you are opposed to transitional housing. Get on the list now, so that in a few years time, you have a housing voucher and can get out of this situation. You will feel SO much better.

      SHF and I are rooting for you sister. You will be fine, InshaAllah. 🙂

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  58. I will be 38 in June.

  59. Thank you sisters Nor. My husband apologized to me, so I am staying to try to make this work. If he's doesn't change, I will look into how housing. May Allah bless you for your help. Ameen.

    • Sister Islamicgirl,

      You are most welcome. I wish you and your husband the best in patching things up. Inshallah you will very soon. 🙂

      Thinking of you,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • I beat up my husband multiple times every time health verbally and emotionally abuses me. I will be in hell for sure. I also hit my mother. I think I am the only woman who does this. Plus, I scream and shout when I'm angry.

    • Assalamualaikum.

      Dear Sister Islamicgirl28,

      I hope you will look into this housing, no matter what. Don't wait to see whether he will change or not. It's been about 10 years, right? That's a long time and usually, there's already a pattern. .

  60. I beat up my husband multiple times every time he verbally and emotionally abuses me. I will be in hell for sure. I also hit my mother. I think I am the only woman who does this. Plus, I scream and shout when I'm angry.

    • Dear Islamicgirl,

      You will not be in hell for having normal human emotions or a normal human reaction to abuse. If you are so angered though that you are hitting people, then either you need to get out of this house and away from the people that are triggering you, and/or you need to go back to your doctor. The medications for the psychotic part of your illness should be sedating you enough that you are not hitting people, throwing things, or slamming doors. I wonder if they either are not the right medications for you, not high enough a dose, or that they have stopped working. I'm not a doctor, but I have the same illness that you have. So please take it from me that you need to do one or both of these things: 1.) Go to your doctor 2.) If things don't improve after medication adjustment, get out of this house. Are you going to therapy?

      Also, please put your hand on your head palm down and recite this dua with full submission and intention...cry if you must:

      Allahumma rabb an-nas, adh-hab al-ba'sa, ashfi wa anta ash-shafi, la shifa 'a illa shifa' uka shifa la yugharidu saqaman.

      O Allah, Lord of Mankind, Remove the illness, Cure the disease, you are the one who cures. There is no cure except your cure. Grant us a cure that leaves no illness.

      You will be led to all the resources you need by the one who created you, Allah Himself. What better help could you have?

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  61. I believe my mother did sihr on me. I try to maintain ties with her and make up with her, but she wants me to fail and go to jail. I know I am wrong for becoming violent, but I am messed up from years of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. My whole body is hot with fire due to black magic, and I hit when I'm angry. I also shout and scream. My husband forces me to go to bad relatives houses. My family is so bad to me, but I am losing my mind, and am not good either. My Ramadan doesn't count and I can barely pray or fast with the jinn inside of me. I hate my family. Why in Islam do we have to maintain ties with jealous and bad family? I want to break ties with all of them because I am losing my mental state and I hate them. They should be in hell what they are doing to me, not me. But I am bad because I scream and shout and hit and Allah will punish me, like he is doing to me now,.

    ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WRONGED ME, GET EVERYTHING WHILE I SUFFER. I HATE MY FAMILY, but because I broke ties I will be in hell.

    • Sister Islamicgirl28,

      If your mother did sihr on you, then it is not your problem. It is your mother's problem, If there really is sihr on you, you need to seek the help of someone who can perform a ruqyah on you, like an Imam. Before you find this person, on your own, you can recite Al-Fatihah + Ayatul Kursi + Al-Ikhlas + Al-Falaq + An-Nas + that beautiful dua in Sister Nor's comment above (Allahumma rabb an-nas, adh-hab al-ba'sa, ashfi wa anta ash-shafi, la shifa 'a illa shifa' uka shifa la yugharidu saqaman.) Only Allah is your Curer.

      Sister, it looks as though there's a lot of negative emotions in you. If there is sihr on you, these negative emotions will only make the sihr worst. If there's no sihr on you, these negative emotions will make you very unhappy. You don't deserve to be depressed. So for your own good, can you try to control them? Ask Allah to help you. Then, make the effort. Allah is All-Seeing and Allah values even the little efforts that we do.

      Don't worry about what you have done. Just keep on repenting and work on the sincerity of your repentance. Don't worry about the people who wronged you because Allah will deliver His perfect judgment. Are you seeing yourself as a victim? Please don't. You're never a victim. You think the people who wronged you are enjoying their lives? That's only what you think. Allah put you through the hardship that you are going through not for you to suffer. It is for you to turn to Allah.

  62. Also, my husband and mother told everyone I was in the hospital and they are laughing at me. Why won't they get punished and why am I the one suffering? It's not fair at all.

  63. I wish the people who wronged me get punished. I can't help feeling that way. I wish for things in duniya. I am not happy with my current situation at all. I try to accept the qadr, but it is hard when I have nothing.

    • Asalamualaykum Islamicgirl28,

      I agree with Sister SHF that you needn't dwell on the actions of those who wrong you. Allah will indeed provide perfect judgement and recompense. However, it is very unhealthy for you to wish for people's punishment. I understand that's how you genuinely feel and I've been there, but I feel like it's far more productive to pray that your enemies are guided by Allah. Punishment sometimes leads to people repeating the same actions once the punishment is over. But if Allah guides them...then Subhanallah, it is for life.

      I am worried about you. I wish I could remove the agony you are feeling with a click of a button, but that's not how life works. I can only urge you to take some action. I think you should make one goal...just one...a day. Before you go to sleep, try writing down this ONE goal for the next day on a piece of paper and circle it with a black marker. The next day, you will see it first thing, and you will focus on that to the exclusion of all else. It is a psychological "trick."

      And I can help you with the first one. I absolutely feel that your first goal should be to make an appointment with your psychiatrist so that you can explain to him/her EVERYTHING you told us, Jinns and all. You can do the rukyah too, but please see a doctor first thing. They are there to help you, not hurt you. You have an illness that is NOT your fault. It is a test from Allah. A test you can pass if you take some simple steps.

      I've been through the medication trial and error process and while it's not easy, it is so worth it in the end. Your current medications, from what I can tell, are 1.) not sedating you enough, and 2.) possibly interacting with each other. You also seem to have some components of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, because you keep repeating the same ideas over and over again and are fixated on the same issues for the course of, well, years. Talk to your doctor about exactly what you feel day in and day out. You can talk to them about your family problems too. They work with patients like yourself everyday. Nothing is new or "crazy" to them. Be comforted by the fact that you will be understood.

      Sister, at this point, I need you to do this for yourself. I care about you. There's nothing I or anyone else can do for you unless you take a step for the sake of your own health. I will be praying and thinking about you.

      You are a smart, caring person with good morals. You deserve to feel more comfortable. Allah created you for a reason, and you have your whole life remaining to live out that purpose.

      Please sister, make an appointment with your doctor...just one appointment. Let me know when you've made that appointment. Can you do that favor for yourself and for me? I'm rooting for you. And I'll be waiting to hear how it goes <3

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  64. Doctors do nothing. They won't believe in jinn and black magic. I don't agree with you. Bad people should be punished. I feel that is fair. I am seeing a doctor now and therapist, but they are kufaar and won't believe in black magic. I don't have obsessive compulsive disorder. My older sister hit me so many times. Does that mean she has mental illness? She was jealous of me. Bad people should be punished, not rewarded. You are wrong, sister Nor.

    • Sister Islamicgirl,

      Allah knows best. Inshallah you will find peace. 🙂

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

    • Dear Islamicgirl,

      One last thing.

      I recommend that you read about the difference between Karma and Kifarah. The latter is the Islamic concept closest to Karma, but it is not the same. Remember that Allah has infinite Mercy and the power to forgive. It is upon us to approximate to those 2 qualities as much as possible.

      Just something to think about 🙂

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • I am wrong to hit, but I believe someone did black magic to me, possibly my mother. I believe she prays against me and wants me to fail and go to jail. One time she gave me an amulet and some verses from the Quran on my wall, but I found out that it was verses of the Shaytan. I have headaches and my body burns with fire and my anger is so abnormal due to sihr. I believe my mother wants me to end up in jail and lose everything I have now. I stopped calling her because she is against me. Also, I stopped keeping contact with bad relatives. They are evil. I have to protect myself. Keeping ties with bad relatives and my mother, older sister, aunts and uncles, is only hurting me. They are not for me, but against me. It makes sense to never talk to them again, unless they apologize. I need to move forward in my life, but keeping in contact with my mom is holding me back. She doesn't want me to succeed.

        • Islamicgirl,

          Believe me, I understand. You are right to stop calling them, and it is not you who "broke the ties of kinship." It is them, with their behavior, who broke the ties.

          But once you go No Contact with your toxic family members, you should be focusing on your own goals in life and your own self-development...not replaying their actions over and over in your head like a broken record. This is why I suggested you talk to your doctor (about OCD), and this is why I suggested you try to forgive and forget. Because forgiveness is not for them...it is for YOU. It lifts the anger up and away, and clears your body and soul so that you get a fresh start. Let Allah deal with them.

          I can only advise. It's up to you to take whatever advice seems to make sense to you, and use it as a springboard to bigger and better things.

          Best,

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

          • Assalamualaikum.

            Hi Sister Islamicgirl,

            On the need to move forward in life, you're right. Have you made any plans yet?

            Sister, I agree with what Sister Nor wrote above. To move forward, you cannot be dwelling on the past. You cannot. It will only make your journey difficult. You have to learn to learn it go. And one good way of doing that is to forgive and forget. Another way is to accept that everything that has happened is the qadr of Allah and what Allah has decided for you is all good. It isn't our job to punish others. And our time on this earth is very short. So why should you waste your time for something that is not your job?

            If it is really sihr that you're having, you need not worry if your yaqeen and tawakkal is solely on Allah. Sihr starts to overpower only when you take shaytan as your ally or you associate others with Allah. QS 16:99-100. Other than that, you may be affected but not to the extent of the sihr overpowering you.

            I mentioned earlier that if it is really sihr, you need not worry. There are things which you can start doing before you meet with a genuine ruqyah practitioner.

            1. Keep repenting. Focus on the sincerity of your repentance.
            2. Never miss your fard salah.
            3. Ensure that your hijab & attire is 100% syariah-compliant.
            4. Eat halal + toyyib. Avoid fastfood, junk food etc. Ensure no riba (interest).
            5. Make the Qur'an your close companion.
            6.Try your best to control your negative emotions.

            If the sihr is to make you quarrel with your mother, the next time your mother gets angry, go to her and hug her. Tell her that you are sorry. Sister, please understand that this is all shaytan's trap. So don't let shaytan win.

            If the sihr is making you angry, don't get angry. Ask Allah to help you.

            If the sihr is making you lazy, be hard-working and dilligent.

            If the sihr is making you lose focus and hope, be very focused and never give up.

            Okay Sister? The formula to overcome sihr is to work the opposite. Even if you seek the help of a genuine ruqyah practitioner, you need to do the above by yourself if you wish to expedite the recovery process.

            Looking forward to your news.

            Note: There are many fake ruqyah practitioners out there, please be very careful. Going to the fake ones will only make the sihr worst.

          • How can I apologize to my mother when she wishes bad for me and never changes? She is jealous of me. Same with my older sister, brother, aunts and uncles, and cousins. They are all bad. Until they change, I think it is best to stay away from them and focus on curing my sihr symptoms.

  65. Sister Islamicgirl28,

    You apologize to your mother to weaken the shaytan. If there is sihr, the shaytan's plot is to make you quarrel with each other. You'll be giving free victory to shaytan if you keep quarrelling. And the shaytan will achieve its aim. But when you apologize, shaytan will be defeated.

    Forgiving them doesn't mean you have to live with them. You forgive them so that you can move forward. When you keep anger inside, you're opening the door for shaytan to come in. Throw out the negative emotions in you. That way, you won't be giving shaytan a space in your heart. Indirectly but eventually, shaytan will have to leave.

    When you leave, don't expect them to change. Expecting anything from anyone can be emotionally painful as human beings are weak. Expect anything and everything only from Allah. You just continue making du'a. Let Allah guide them.

  66. Sister Islamicgirl28,

    If you find it difficult to apologize when you're quarreling, just move away from that place. The key is to avoid the quarrel. Do not prolong it. Just go somewhere else.

    Also, when you forgive them but you find it difficult to forget, don't forget. Ideally, you should forgive and forget but forgiving does not necessarily mean you need to forget. This has been so long that it can be very hard to forget.

    Insya Allah the forgetting will come later when you are emotionally stable and much stronger.

    • Islamicgirl,

      SHF makes a great point. Sometimes in a situation like yours, forgetting is not even practical. You almost want to remember because it protects you and helps you keep away from people who hurt you. You feel something "not quite right" inside, or you feel fear for yourself, when you think about them.

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • I tried apologizing multiple times, but my mother never changes. She keeps wishing me to fail. I had to block her number, as well as my other family members. I forgive them, but It's best to stay away until they change. I need to move forward in my life, and they are holding me back.

  67. I tried apologizing multiple times, but my mother never changes. She keeps wishing me to fail. I had to block her number, as well as my other family members. I forgive them, but It's best to stay away until they change. I need to move forward in my life, and they are holding me back.

    • Sister Islamicgirl28,

      When you apologize, do not expect anything from anyone. Save yourself from further hurt, disappointment and frustration.

      If she keeps wishing you to fail, what have you to worry? Your Protector, Cherisher, Nourisher & Suatainer is only Allah, right? Not your mother.

      Alhamdulillah you have forgiven. Keep forgiving.

      Yes you need to move forward. Why do you say they are holding you back?

  68. They are holding me back. Since you say I have to apologize and maintain contact with them, that in itself is holding me back because they never change. Why should I apologize when they are the ones misbehaving? I am not the one in the wrong, although I did hit in response to abuse.

    • Asalamualaykum Islamicgirl,

      You write that you have blocked everyone in your family, but if that is the case, how are they still holding you back? I know that the emotions are still fresh, but the longer you are away from them, the stronger you should become. Give it some time and Inshallah your outlook on life and the way you feel about yourself will improve.

      If you feel like they are "holding you back" despite their being blocked, then you are either grieving or you have a mental health issue that you need to address with your healthcare provider. Or if you wish to pursue Rukyah as Sister SHF suggested, then do that first. It doesn't matter what you do first...you just need to take a step.

      Apart from that, I'm a little confused why you are writing in because you seem to already know what the problem is. Honestly, it seems like you need someone to talk to rather than someone giving you advice, because you don't seem to be open to advice at this time. And this is an advice forum. Maybe you could find an Islamic chat forum where people discuss various ideas? It would get you out of your head and focused on others, which I feel would be very beneficial for you.

      Finally, this attitude that you have that you cannot trust anyone in the professional field because they are "kuffar" is misplaced. Allah created everyone on this earth. Each individual has a unique perspective and knowledge base given to them by your Creator. Many of them have skills and knowledge that you could use. I'm telling you this because I'm guessing you are not taking your therapy and medical appointments as seriously as you need to because of this notion that these doctors/therapists are useless. But then why would Allah place them in your path when you are clearly seeking help?

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  69. Yes, they are kuffar because they don't accept Islam. You seem too friendly towards them when they attack Muslims and Islam left and right. Also, in Islam, we have to maintain ties with family, which is what I am struggling with since they are not supportive. Yet, they are holding me back. I'm not obsessing about it, It's just what Islam says I have to do with family that I am struggling with. I didn't need any chat room.

    • Asalamualaykum Islamicgirl28,

      I take people on a case by case basis. There are non-muslims who approximate more closely to Islam than some actual "born" muslims, who are engaging in prohibitions left and right. You can see it in their character and conduct. Only Allah knows where someone stands and that is not for us to dissect. We should be kind to all people, and respect each individual for what they bring. I only was suggesting that you trust the doctors/therapists more because you may not have access to a Muslim practitioner who you would more naturally trust. Do you think Allah would give you an illness and not the resources to cure it? Never. Allah is so Merciful, that He always has a cure and resources for one's illnesses.

      I can respect that you don't wish to engage with "kuffar," but encourage you to let Allah doing the judging as far as who is "kuffar" and who is not. I have a couple of Christian friends who use Allah's name. I have a Jewish friend that has helped me more than any Muslim ever has, even more than my own family at times. To shun these people just because they don't call themselves Muslims is not an admirable trait, as Muslims are encouraged to set an example for all of humanity and be kind to all.

      That's just from my own life experience, and my own perspective. You of course should follow what makes sense to you. I was only trying to steer you into ease, as I know you are suffering.

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

    • Sister,

      Another thing. Islam does tell us to maintain ties of kinship. However, you have already gone above and beyond in regards to maintaining these ties. They are the ones who broke the ties of kinship by their abusive behavior towards you! You are not the one who is breaking the ties of kinship if you have to protect yourself from them. Get out and smell the fresh air! If they care enough, they will change to have you back in their life!

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  70. I don't need chat rooms to help me.

    • I didn't say not to trust people in the mental health field. Don't put words in my mouth. I said they wouldn't understand or believe in sihr since they are kuffar, which is the truth.

  71. Also, I have listened to your advice, but it is not practical for me at this time, so I am just staying with my marriage and trying to do ruqyah and anger management techniques, so that I don't hit in response to verbal or emotional abuse.

  72. Sister Islamicgirl28,

    I suggested that you apologize, IF THERE IS SIHR. This is the 'trick'.

    Apologize without expecting them to change.

    On not expecting anything from people, give yourself some time. It isn't easy to not expect anything from anyone because we're only human. It's just natural to be expecting something. In my case, it took me some years from the time I first learnt about it till the time I'm able to only depend on the Almighty for anything and everything. Alhamdulillah. Some years with a lot of heart aches, tears and frustration.

    So sister, don't make them hold you back. If there is sihr, you apologize (to weaken the shaytan). If there is no sihr, then don't apologize if you don't want to.

    They don't want to change? This is not your problem. It is their problem. If they do not want to become better people, how is this your problem? You're not going to be answerable for whatever they have done.

    Sister, just right now what is the most important thing for you to do? Focus on what matters.

  73. Thank you sister. I will apologize to my mother, but I won't be too close to her since she wishes me to fail and actively tries to do so. I need to avoid her to save myself.

    • You're welcome.

      Don't get too close. Anything that has the possibility of leading to disagreements, conflicts, tensions etc, avoid it.

      Just get closer and closer to Allah, the Healer.

      • Thank you sister. In terms of my relationship with my husband, if it doesn't improve, I will look into the section 8 housing options. I try not to talk about my relationship with my mother because she wants to see us divorced like my aunt, and I am trying to make the relationship work, although it really is moving at a snail's pace. My husband finally will buy a house, but he hasn't touched me in 10 years and I feel like I've been patient for too long. He verbally and emotionally abuses me, and I have become violent with him several times as a result. I plan to listen to ruqyah for sihr and anger issues, as well as talk to my psychotherapist and psychiatrist.

        I feel like I am not really married because I did everything for my husband in terms of his citizenship, driving, job, and he hasn't appreciated me or touched me. He is very ungrateful. Next month, I will be 38, and I fear if my relationship never improves, I will never get married again since I am old, so I stay with my husband hoping he will change. We are finally living in an apartment away from my mother's house, but he fights with me a lot and I shout back at him. My voice is loud because I scream, and I fear the neighbors might call the police or the landlord, but thankfully, no one has yet. When I was living in my mother's house, the police came all the time. It was embarrassing.

        Please pray for this relationship to be saved. I feel my husband really doesn't want to take our relationship seriously and is just using me. I hope to hear from you soon.

        • Sister Islamicgirl28,

          Enhance your inner beauty with iman and tawheed. Insya Allah he'll be captivated. Know why? Because Allah is the Turner of hearts. And Allah is the Owner of your husband. You want his attention? Speak to HIM.

          Bit by bit sister, try shifting your focus. Make Allah your top priorıty. Instead of voicing your dissatisfaction to your husband, tell it to Allah first. Send all your complaints to Allah. Let Allah deal with it for you.

          You are a wife. As a wife, you have rights. Allah knows this. Allah sees and hears all. But Allah wants to hear this from you. So, use your current issues to connect with Allah more and more.

          If he is ungrateful, that is not your problem. It is his problem. You just make sure that you are grateful to Allah for everything. Why am I saying this? Because the shaytan works very hard to ensure that we forget the blessings of Allah and become ungrateful. So every day, try to find reasons to be grateful despite your situation. Alhamdulillah you have a home. There are many who are homeless, right?

          Whether you will marry again, only Allah knows. Leave it to Allah. Don't let this fear hold you back. Why should you when Allah is the matchmaker? Currently, work on improving yourself as a muslimah. Try not to miss your fard salah. Learn about tawheed. Learn something new about Islam every day. Engage and interact more with the Qur'an.

          Try not to fight and shout back. Just try not to. Don't you want to get closer to Allah? Only Allah is your Provider, Protector, Cherisher, Nourisher, Sustainer, Healer & Curer. Allah loves those who are patient.

          • I will turn back to Allah and pray for my husband's heart to change. I don't want to ever think about divorce because I worked so hard on this marriage, and it's worth staying in, even though he isn't really changing. I feel no marriage is ideal and you have to be patient and change will gradually happen. If he sees my good behavior, eventually, he will change...or not. However, he admits, that I brought out the best in him and he even brought out the best in me.

            In terms of screaming and shouting, that is unacceptable. I need to learn to control my temper. I suffer from extreme headaches and heat in my head and body, causing me to scream and shout and hit when provoked. It's very shameful. Women shouldn't behave this way. I feel Allah will punish me for what I did to my husband and mother....I really hate how I react to people who provoke me. When I was bullied in school, I learned to ignore it. However, as an adult, everything is getting to me. I can't seem to ignore. My brain hurts when I am being verbally and emotionally abused, and then I lash out.

            May Allah forgive my sins and help me to be a better muslim every day and learn more about my faith and forgive those who wronged me. Ameen.

  74. Sister Islamicgirl28,

    To control your anger, I have some suggestions in case you'd like to try.

    1. When you are able to speak to your husband, make an arrangement with him. When you and him start quarrelling, he leaves the house. Go somewhere like to the nearest park or shop. The idea is to shift focus. When he is not in the house, you cannot be screaming and shouting by yourself right? So, either he leaves or you get his permission for you to leave the home for a while. Just go to the nearest shop, do some shopping or just look at some things or take a brief walk around the neighbourhood and then come home when you have cooled down.

    AND/OR

    2. Just before you start fighting or shouting, take a piece of paper and start writing. Write about how you are feeling, why you're angry etc etc. You can also do this with your phone if you have a note-taking app or something like that. Just write.

    Or if you have someone very trustworthy, perhaps you can write to this person. The idea is to let out your emotions. If you can do this with another person who can respond positively, Insya Allah it's better for you. However, be very careful who you choose to write to as this concerns your private affairs.

    AND/OR

    3. Remind yourself that Allah is watching you and every word that comes from you will be recorded. This may need some time and practice. With daily dhikr and learning about tawheed, Insya Allah this will be easier.

    Sister, I don't know whether the above will be good for you but it has been tried and found to be effective by a friend who used to have anger management issues. They used to fight till the police came.

    Aameen. May Allah grant you ease, courage, strength and steadfastness.

    • Thank you sister. I love your suggestions. I will also do ruqyah for anger issues. I am scared of my anger because I have become violent multiple times, and I can't seem to control it in the moment when it happens. It's so shameful, but I am working on my anger to never do it again.

      Please pray for me and make dua that I will get better one day. You are so kind to help me. May Allah bless you with Jannah. Ameen.

      • Islamicgirl28: I will also do ruqyah for anger issues

        Write down thoughts that lead you to become angry and keep your anger feeding.
        Examine care fully those thoughts and see if they are "right"..

        If you write down examples of thoughts, may be you can get help in how to looks at situations differently.

        When your mother/husband gets angry if you think may be they can't control their anger like ME. Your reaction may be not as bad.

  75. Aameen to all your du'as. Jazakillah khair, sister. You're welcome. Alhamdulillah. With Allah's help, nothing is impossible. Insya Allah, you can be in control. Turn to Allah, sister. Feed yourself with positive thoughts daily and always think positive of Allah.

    "May Allah grant us His Mercy, relieve our fears and anxieties, remove our distress and let peace reign in our hearts. May Allah bestow upon us patience and wisdom in all our endeavours and trials of life. May Allah always be our guiding light and the beacon of hope in our lives. Aameen."

  76. Ameen. Thank you sisters for your help. I appreciate it.

  77. Islamicgirl28,

    You are welcome. 🙂

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  78. My life is so difficult. I can't even do simple things because I am always tired with chronic fatigue syndrome and suffer from painful headaches that could be from either mental illness or the chronic fatigue. I wish I had a career and could handle it. It is hard surviving on a social security disability check and I just got approved for Unemployment benefits. I'm now making about 1500 a month, which isn't a lot of money in NJ.

    I have been sick with schizoaffective disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, and a weak immune system since 19 years old. When will my suffering end? Why can't I have a happy duniya? I've always been sad for as long as I can remember. I wish my marriage was happy, but it is stress after stress. My family hates me. I will never be a career woman or have children and a house in this life.I really desire these things.

    I listened to an Islamic lecture, and apparently, if you doesn't have a career in this life, you won't ever get to have one in Jannah. All the bad people get to work and have nice careers in this life, and I will never even get the chance, even in Jannah! I had dreams and I can't help feeling disappointed that I will never have a career in this life or the next. This just is so saddening for me. I will always be a loser and suffer a difficult life and marriage in this life, and I will not have a career in Jannah because there are no jobs in Jannah so if you doesn't get to be a doctor or nurse or whatever career in this life, you will never get the chance to experience it, even in Jannah. That's why non Muslims say you only have this one life. I wish my life was different and I became successful. It 's not fair that bad people get everything they desire in this world in terms of career, children, and marriage. It's sad that believers can't have the good of this world too.

  79. Sister Islamicgirl28,

    What is it that you want? There are many people blessed with what they think is a happy marriage, full-time career, children and a home and yet they are still unhappy. There are many people who are blessed with wealth that they can buy very expensive beds but they cannot buy sleep.

    Happiness is from within, not from any external factors. Change your outlook on life and everything else starts changing. You don't need a career to get to Jannah. However, Jannah is not free. You need to be prepared to work hard. Are you?

  80. I'm asking you, if you won't have a career in this life, will you get one in Jannah? You give rare examples of people being unhappy in their lives, but there are many who are happy and love their jobs. I had a dream to be a doctor, but I will never get that chance in this life, and apparently, it seems like the akirah too. I wanted the whole nine yards, career, family, house, and good health, but these are denied me. If I won't get a career here, what about in Jannah? The answer seems no, and That's very disappointing to me. Why does Allah reward non believers and gives nothing but suffering to believers? It just makes me angry because I know I would have done a lot of good, and all the bad people who wronged me are happy and have everything I dreamed for. It's not fair.

    • I had dreams and I will never get to live it out. That's why people are chasing this life because they know there's o my this one chance. I have always been faithful to Allah, and It's painful I won't get to have a career, children, house, and happy marriage. Apparently, there are no jobs in Jannah, and that doesn't make me happy at all.

      • People are chasing this life because :

        "Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children... And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion."" QS 57:20

        If you have been faithful to Allah, please focus on what Allah has blessed you with. You mentioned earlier that there are many people who are jealous of you, right? That means you're a very special person. You're blessed with something/s very special that many people are jealous of.

      • Asalamualaykum Sister Islamicgirl28,

        Who's lecture was this, just out of curiosity? In Jannah you will be happy, even if you don't have a career there. Also, in this life, it seems that Allah is really turning things around for you! Are you realizing that? You were making $600 and now you are making $1,500? That's HUGE! That, believe it or not, is a livable income. You could rent an apartment for about $700 with that amount. Sure, you will be living on a budget, but so do many other people. It can be done. Are you on Medicare and getting SNAP benefits still?

        As Sister SHF says, you need to become very aware of what you DO have, and make the best of it. I would be thrilled to have an extra $800.00 a month, as would many, many others. If you are not able to see the bright side of things at all, then I'm afraid you do need to see your doctor, as you are depressed.

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

  81. What I know is that, in Jannah, you'll get whatever you want. Getting whatever you want in Jannah is not the problem. The problem is, how to get there?

    Sister, when you focus on what you don't have, you forget about what Allah has blessed you with.

  82. I wish to have a career in Jannah. I didn't get the chance here in duniya and I wish I can get it in akirah. Nor says you won't have jobs in Jannah. That makes me unhappy. I won't be happy not getting to live my dream.

    • Sister...I said "even if" you don't have a career there. I didn't say you definitely won't. Inshallah you will be very happy in Jannah whether there are or there aren't careers there. I understand your frustration in not knowing for sure, but there are some things which are not for us to know in this dunya. Just try to live one day at a time sister, like the sparrows. Please try not to worry too much. Try to take one action...one serious action or step, a day. That will get you to Jannah Inshallah. I know I'm sounding like a broken record, but your worrying is excessive, and you're worrying about the same things you were worrying about 4 years ago. There is no shame in sharing your worries with your doctor and taking/increasing medications. Allah created medications for this purpose. I don't feel like you are thriving in this life, and you need to get as close to that as possible with your actions, and leave the rest in Allah's hands.

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  83. I try to accept this test Allah gave me, but when will it get better for me? It seems Allah favors disbelievers and others over me. I'm trying to accept this fate, but It's so hard. If you were going through my problems, you would feel the same.If Jannah doesn't have the things I didn't get here, then I won't be satisfied.

  84. Now because I questioned Allah, I probably will be thrown in hell.

  85. Islamicgirl,

    Do you recognize how many times you have made this statement? This is why I am suggesting you need to talk to your psychiatrist. I think there is more going on with you that just schizoaffective disorder. You seem to have obsessive thinking...your thinking keeps looping around to the same worries and thoughts. OCD isn't just when you keep washing your hands like some people think it is. No...it can also manifest itself in repetitive, disturbing thoughts. Ultimately, it is an anxiety disorder, and the medications for this are the same as those used for depression and anxiety. You can pretend you are just taking the medication for anxiety...it'll work the same! Wouldn't you like to feel better? It can't be nice feeling the way you do day in and day out. Honestly, if I was your mother or other close relation, I might have committed you involuntarily to the hospital by now, because you are not taking the necessary actions for your health on your own. Please just make one appointment and share with the doctor the messages you just wrote.

    Nor

  86. You are not a doctor Nor. How I feel is valid and anyone would feel the same way. I am not suicidal so I won't need to be committed to a mental hospital. Just won't answer if you have nothing constructive to say. I won't need your help. I wish to be a doctor and that is a valid wish. If I won't get it here, I wish to get it in Jannah and no amount of medication will change that. You are the one crazy to answer me like that. So please didn't respond if you have nothing good to say to me.

  87. You are not a doctor Nor. How I feel is valid and anyone would feel the same way. I am not suicidal so I won't need to be committed to a mental hospital. Just don't answer if you have nothing constructive to say. I won't need your help. I wish to be a doctor and that is a valid wish. If I won't get it here, I wish to get it in Jannah and no amount of medication will change that. You are the one crazy to answer me like that. So please didn't respond if you have nothing good to say to me.

    • Islamicgirl,

      I'm sorry, but I've advised you to the extent of my capabilities over the past 4 years, based on what knowledge and experiences I have in the matter. I have nothing left to share, and only hope that you start loving yourself enough to seek professional help. Inshallah you will be healed with whatever resources you require.

      Best to you,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  88. I'm fine. I have dreams and desires, and that is normal. I don't need professional help.

  89. I know I'm being ungrateful. Allah is still giving me food and shelter and my income increased to 1500 a month. I need to stop looking at other people who are above me in terms of material wealth and look to those below me. Allah has given me enough to eat and live. There are people in other parts of the world who have nothing and they manage to hold onto their faith. I am being selfish. Yes, I wished to be a doctor, but we won't always get what we want here. Allah knows what he is doing. What he does, if we were to know the outcome, is exactly right for us.

    I know we will be tested with hunger, loss of life, wealth, but give glad tidings to those who are patient. I guess I have earned Allah's wrath for being impatient. May Allah azzawajal forgive me. I am committing a lot of sins in questioning Allah. Ayyub was tested with illness and he was patient, He never complained and Allah gave me double than what he had before.

    I won't give up in hoping one day I will have a career, children, or a house, and happy marriage. If they are not granted to me, then I will accept the Qadr of Allah. May Allah forgive me for being upset. This life is a testing ground, and Allah tests but giving and withholding. Who are we as humans to question him? Oh Allah, please forgive me for my ungratefulness, when there are homeless people and people who won't have food to eat in this world. Ameen.

    • MashaAllah I'm glad you recognize the gift Allah has given you. May you prosper, Inshallah.

      🙂

      Nor

    • Aameen.

      "Be kind to yourself. You've come this far and with the Almighty's help you'll get through these challenging and confusing times. Don't give in to overthinking, focus on the tasks ahead. Guide your mind to that which is positive and beneficial. Trust that tomorrow will be better!" - Mufti Menk

      It has to start with you and you can always choose to be and do better. Sinning and faltering is just part of being human so for as long as we're still alive, just get back up again.

  90. A lot of typos in my post because of the editing typos. Replace won't with don't. As well as me with him. Also but with by.

    • Thank you sisters! I will work every day to make myself better, but if I won't get what I want, I will accept it, and know there is Jannah waiting for me. Allah tests us and he gives us exactly what we need. Inshallah, one day, if not here, then in the akhirah I will get better. Right now, I am just living in the moment and working on bettering myself. Ameen.

  91. Sister Islamicgirl28,

    You are special. Always look at the positive rather than the negative. Concentrate on the blessings and examine them rather than what you don't have. If you have time, listen to this lecture by Shaykh Dr Yasir Qadhi entitled "Battling Depression Through The Psychology of Surah Al-Duha". Here is the link:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdrinumkZ5k

    Listen to it...with your heart:)

  92. I had such a scary experience in the past couple of days. I accidentally overdosed on my psychiatric medicines and I thought I was going to die. I felt my body burning in hell with scary haraam thoughts. My husband had to take me to the emergency room. I saw my face changing and my teeth falling out. My hair was falling out in clumps. I thought my skin was coming off. My blood pressure was high. I really thought I would die in the emergency room.

    I am now searching for a new psychiatrist and therapist to follow up after being in the emergency room. My husband didn't seem to care that I nearly died that day. I can't pray at all and saw all haraam things in my mind. Hell is real. I fear Allah will throw me there for my past sins. What can I do to save myself? I can barely pray, and I just do my prayers lying on my side with no wudu because I become delusional when I pray. Why am I being tortured like this? I am fat and can't lose my weight since being on psych meds. Please help me.

    • As-salamu alaykum sister. I'm sorry to hear about this frightening experience.

      Allah the Most High is not vindictive. He is forgiving, merciful and kind.

      I see that you are going through a terrible trial. Please know that Allah will reward and compensate you for your hardship. Even if someone suffers only the prick of a thorn, Allah will reward them if they are patient. So how about someone who goes through what you are experiencing? You will have a great reward awaiting you, inshaAllah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Sister Islamicgirl28,

      Seek Allah's forgiveness and continue making istighfar everyday. Jannah belongs to Allah. You're still alive so you still stand a chance. That's the way you can save yourself because admission into Jannah is only by Allah's mercy.

      .

      • I will. I am recovering from the near death experience. It was so scary. I thought I wouldn't make it out alive.

    • Asalamualaykum Islamicgirl,

      You write: I am fat and can't lose my weight since being on psych meds. Please help me.

      Sister, I don't know your BMI and whether it's merely high relative to what it before or is truly off-the-charts, but have you talked to your psychiatrist about your weight gain and what you can do to counter it? He/she should have some helpful tips on how to maintain a healthy weight. I myself take Zyprexa, which is one of the biggest culprits of weight gain in the psychiatric field, yet I have managed to maintain a healthy BMI due to diet and exercise. I have had to completely scrap my diet and start from scratch. No sodas, excess added sugars, or pizza and French fries everyday like I used to eat. There are challenges in life that we have to meet head on by taking action and being creative. Try to eat a diet high in fiber and protein, and low in sugars (hint: barley, oats, and beans are great options!). Eat only 3 times a day (breakfast, lunch and dinner, no intermittent unhealthy "snacks.") That should get you on the right track. Then work on going outside or to the gym and getting your heart rate up for 30 minutes a day. I promise you that you will feel SO much better...like a completely different person.

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • I am planning to do the Mediterranean diet, but the meds really messed up my metabolism.
        I struggle to lose weight. I never had weight issues prior to medication. Now,
        I am fat. I hate being plus size. I used to be a US size 6 and now I’m a 16w which is fat.
        I will take your advice, but I haven’t been successful in dropping the weight for years
        40 years old isn’t far away for me. I will be turning 38.

        Nor, I really thought I wouldn’t make it to my next birthday. I accidentally overdosed on meds and couldn’t
        breathe. I am going through so much hardships. If Allah asks me why I didn’t
        pray, I will ask him why did he give me this mental illness and chronic fatigue. I want to pray and do good like Islam requires, but I can’t. Now, I just wear hijab but feel broken inside.

        • Islamicgirl,

          Yes the Mediterranean diet is great!! I think you should start it right away! Also try to either walk (fast), jog, or run for 30 minutes a day. Cardiovascular exercise actually increases your metabolism, and is good for the heart. You'll feel a lot better about yourself. Even if you only lose a little, you will at least know that you are doing everything you can do and maximizing your health, which will give you peace.

          Also remember there is nothing wrong with "womanly" women. All women are beautiful in their own way, and can find at least one thing about their looks that they really love. Try to focus on that. Maybe you have a particularly pretty face, even though you don't like your body? Or maybe you have delicate wrists and ankles, or beautifully shaped lips.

          I know it's hard, but try not to compare your "size" to what you were before. As we near our forties, our metabolism actually slows down anyways, regardless of medication. It happens to everyone. And remember, there are a lot of people who are a "size 0" that aren't even happy with their bodies. The nature of this life is that very little will be perfect, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try...Allah knows what we are going through and rewards us for our efforts, as I think Brother Wael stated above.

          Try to update your wardrobe to flatter your new body, rather than pining for your old body, which is an unfair comparison. Don't be limited by current fashion, and rather go for clothes that are loose fitting, comfortable, and hide what you perceive to be your imperfections. Because sometimes looking slim is as gratifying as actually being slim! You could even consult with a stylist at some point who could help you, if you are interested. Or you could research fashion on the internet and save images that you like and you think will suit you.

          So you see, it is not all bad...a little bit of effort goes a long way! I always tell people to just take that first step, because the next one becomes exponentially easier once you do.

          You have a great support system here....we are rooting for you! Try the few things I suggested and let us know of your progress!

          Hugs,

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

          • Thank you so much Nor. I will take your suggestions. I do have a pretty face, mashallah. My body, I can work on wearing loose clothing and work with what I have as I try to lose weight.

            I am also staying hopeful with marriage and career and children. Will Allah punish me for not praying? Please help me. I hope me and my husband can buy a house one day. Ameen.

  93. I want a house, although riba is haraam according to the Quran.

    • Asalamualaykum Islamicgirl,

      That's wonderful that you have a pretty face and are happy with it MashaAllah. Allah never leaves us completely without.

      As far as getting a house goes, you really need to weigh your pros and cons (Apartment vs. Ownership). If you really want to own, maybe you could try to save up for a townhouse or rowhome by living at home with your mom as long as possible (I know it is so hard, but if you have this goal in mind and are actively pursuing it, it will make living at home easier).. If you and your husband could save about $15,000 a year by living with your mom, You could save $105,000 in 7 years. That would mean that you could buy the place outright and not have to take out a loan/incur interest (riba). It would also mean that you would live a more comfortable life after you move, as you wouldn't have mortgage payments.

      About praying, just do the best you can. Allah knows exactly what you are going through so you will not be taken account for that which you cannot do. If you are able to pray lying down, with concentration on the meaning of what you are saying, I'm sure Allah will accept it. He is All-Merciful and wants ease for you.

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • I can't live with my mother. I tried making it work with her, but she keeps wishing bad for me and mistreating me. I think it's best for me to stay in my rental . In terms of saving money, I think it would take forever to save 105000. We have saved 20000 and that took years to do. My husband wants to buy a house with riba because he says it will be impossible to save all the money to buy with cash.

  94. I can't live with my mother. I tried making it work with her, but she keeps wishing bad for me and mistreating me. I think it's best for me to stay in my rental . In terms of saving money, I think it would take forever to save 105000. We have saved 20000 and that took years to do. My husband wants to buy a house with riba because he says it will be impossible to save all the money to buy with cash.

  95. Ok that is understandable. Just try to go with a low-interest loan or find a way to be satisfied with a rental. I know it may not be your dream but it may be better in some ways. You don't have to worry about maintenance, for one, which can get quite expensive, especially in an older home. Also, it's sometimes nice to have so many neighbors in close proximity. You can get to know nice people and help each other. Nor, IslamicAnswers

    • Maybe we can apply for a low income home or hud home? I know they tend to be lower cost and you can avoid interest that way. Renting right now is pretty stress free, but you have to deal with relatives looking down on you because you don’t have a house.

      In terms of not having children, that is hard for me, but maybe it’s best since my marriage is difficult. I suffer from my own problems and I can’t imagine taking care of me and a baby on top of that. I can barely get out of bed some days. How will I take care of a baby? Plus, I’m scared to pass on my illness. Maybe things are fine just the way they are. Sometimes, Allah withholds things for us because he knows it will be good for us. I’m glad I don’t have more stress on top of what I’m dealing with now.

      • Asalamualaykum Sister,

        A HUD home is a good option if you absolutely want to own. But please sis, don't buy a home simply because relatives might look down on you for living in a rental, particularly if you have little stress living there. Do you really need your home to become a source of stress with all else that you have going on? You are to worship Allah alone...not the opinions of others.

        Children can indeed be a test. Allah tells us that we will be tested with children...and lives and fruits. Allah is taking great care of you by not having granted you children up to this point, because He knows that right now, you need to take care of yourself.

        Please try not to worry or compare to what others are doing. They have their own tests, and you have yours.

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

  96. I think I need to leave my husband. He hasn’t touched me for years and he puts me down and makes fun of me and is friends with people who insulted me. I hate him. He doesn’t care for my feelings and I am only staying for shelter. He used me. Through me, he got a job and citizenship and a driver’s license. I will be turning 38. Who will marry me again? I need to leave him, but only staying for shelter. I hate him.

    • Sister Islamicgirl,

      It's actually good to acknowledge that you are staying only for shelter, as it is reality and you won't have other expectations then. Also, 38 is still young. Don't give up hope.

      Hugs,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • Thank sis. I hope he changes. I am tired of him not interested in me and he is wasting a lot of time. I want a baby! In terms of career, the psychiatrist said I should stay on my disability and not earn more than it allows. It's disappointing for me, but maybe Allah will give me better in the akhirah, if not here. I can't afford to lose my ssdi payments and Medicaid. Thank for your help sister Nor. May Allah bless you.

        • Well, my husband gave me beautiful gifts for my birthday. I hope he changes. He will take me out to a restaurant. I gave him an ultimatum. Hopefully, that woke him up. I guess he is stressed from work since he works 12 hour shifts as a manager and treats me badly when he gets home since he is stressed. Inshallah, maybe things will get better. He says he loves me but gets frustrated with his job and everything. Plus, I am dealing with a lot of conditions that is not easy for him to be patient. I love him too but sometimes I hate him when he mistreats me. Marriage isn’t easy, but hopefully things will improve between us. I hope Allah will grant me exactly what I need in this life. I have to do the best I can and live within my capabilities based on what Allah has tested me with. May Allah forgive my sins and give me what is good for me in this life and the best of the akhirah. Ameen.

  97. I think I feel relieved that Allah isn't giving me more stress than what I have. Sometimes Allah withholds things from us because it is good for us. With my mental and physical problems and anger issues, a baby would not be good for me. I will try to live within my means and take care of myself. You are right sister Nor. Everyone has their own personal test. Allah is testing me in his own way. I won't know if he is punishing me or testing me, but whatever it is, I know it is for my good. I am content with where I am and no longer question Allah.

  98. Islamicgirl,

    Yes, I personally think it is best for you to stay on Disability in your situation. Don't let anyone or even your own ambitions shame you into feeling like you have to work. Work only as much as you can without losing your disability income. You have a relatively secure income right now, Alhamdulillah. Consider it Allah's gift to you for overcoming all that you have.

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

    • Thank you sister Nor. I feel relieved I can rest and take care of myself and not have to work beyond what I can handle. Staying on disability and working part time will allow for me to take care of myself. I also hope I can apply for section 8 if the need arises. Now, I can do my self care and not more than that.

      Some Muslims believe that mental illness and cfs are punishments from Allah. Is that true? What do you think about that?

      • Asalamualaykum Islamicgirl,

        That is bogus. Mental Illness is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and can be triggered by environmental factors. People who say otherwise are ignorant. Allah is not cruel, as one would have to be to give mental illness as a "punishment." Allah is Merciful and teaches us lessons in merciful ways, Subhanallah.

        Hugs,

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

        • Thank you sis. I will do my best to manage both my physical and mental health. With praying, I will do the best I can. I appreciate the support. May Allah help us through these difficulties. Ameen.

          • You are welcome, and remember that Allah has given you everything you need within you.

            Ameen

          • My husband called me a b&#&@& because I couldn't cook dinner due to cfs. He always fights with me and mistreats me. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to live in a shelter. I feel trapped.

  99. He will never change. The verbal abuse is getting too much.

  100. I don't know what to do. This marriage is unbearable. He verbally abuses me, doesn't touch me, and fights with me whether I cook or don't due to cfs. He finds things wrong and used me. I don't know where to go and it is unbearable living with him. He won't change. He says he treats me this way because he loves me. That's a bunch of bull. I don't know what to do. I'm only staying for shelter.

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