Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Everyone hates me, and I’ve lost faith in Allah

Self pity quote by Helen Keller

"Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world." - Helen Keller

My life has been nothing but disaster. I have always loved Allah, always turned to him in prayer, but now I feel it's just a waste. My mother clearly told me that everyone hates me and that I've messed everyone's life.

I never dated or did anything wrong, yet my older sister did all those things and everyone likes her and approves of everything she does.

My mother even told my cousin that she loves my older sister the most out of everyone in the family, and hates me. She said to me that at least my sister and her future husband love each other, but you and your husband don't have any kind of happiness, which isn't true. I love my husband with all my heart and I understand his frustrations so I've been very supportive to him, but I don't want him to think less of himself.

Now, however, I'm starting to think less of myself. I've suffered all my life. I have severe vaginismus and I probably won't ever have kids. I have no way to support myself and me and my husband cannot get our own place. Everyone hates me and every Muslim I've encountered never liked me, so I guess I'm the one who is messed up.

I will always suffer in this life, so why bother reaching out to Allah? Why bother even trying to be a moral person? I think when you stop all of that, things start to happen. Maybe if I had done all the things my sister did, like dating and leaving my parents' house before marriage and living on my own, everyone would like me and I'd get far in life. Staying and helping my parents has gotten me nowhere. My mom really doesn't care what I've done for her and clearly told me she doesn't care about me at all. So, why bother being good if people hate you?

When you believe in Islam, your life goes downhill. You get no respect from anyone, not even your own parents or anything. Everyone accuses you of jealously all the time. I see so many people successful, and they don't even believe in Allah or care much for religion or anything. They have so many friends because they are doing things against Islam. So, why bother with all of this?

I will never get what I want with all of these mental problems I have. I might as well just give up on Islam or just shoot myself in the head and burn in hell forever because no matter what I do, I will always be hated by everyone and especially from Allah, if He even exists. A life where I had to be put on anti-psychotic medications and hospitalized so much, and gained 100 lbs. and looking ugly and miserable, isn't a life at all. If someone just ended my life now, I wouldn't be afraid.

I will never get what I want... ever. I have ate healthy and exercised to lose all this weight, and nothing. I have severe vaginismus which means no kids in this life. So, why even bother trying to pray and everything when Allah has already written my life to be a disaster? Why doesn't He just end my misery and take me out of here and burn me in hell where I belong if He hates me so much to begin with?

He loves all those people who turn away from Him and don't wear modest clothes and have pre-marital sex and everything, but when you follow what He wants (if that's what He wants), you suffer? It's all a BIG joke.  I will never have a happy life and people will always hate me, so I guess that's just how it is and no amount of praying and believing will change that.

If Allah really did love me, He would answer my prayers, but if not, then He'd just end up life so I wouldn't have to cry anymore and suffer with all of these problems. I am ALREADY in Hell and if Allah puts me in Hell after death, I wouldn't object because my whole existence has already been Hell so I'm prepared for the bigger Hell. So, just put me there forever and stop torturing me like this.

Every time I've reached out for help, I've been turned away or let down. No one likes me and that will always be the case, even my own family, so forget Islam and everything else. Just burn me in Hell where I belong and put an end to my already miserable existence.

- islamicgirl28

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54 Responses »

  1. Sister do you have any clue what you are talking about? This life is a test and we are not going to get everything we want that's the whole point Allah wants to see how much patience we got. If you can't have kids there are many other ways for example have u considered adoption? Helping an orphan out who either doesn't have a mum and or dad or has been abondemded please sister do not think like that, and as u have said muslim people hate you well clearly they are not following it properly every muslims brothers or sisters have to help one another. Do not lose faith in Allah, we can't always be happy and as u have said people that dont believe in Allah have so much happiness okay maybe in this life but what about the hearafter they have nothing they burn in hell and us muslim have everything we want in jannah because that's how Allah has made it this life is a test sister and u need to stay strong and have sabr please do not do anything stupid, pray more, read quran understand the meaning and you will get ur answer to your questions

  2. Sister,

    Life is never easy and it will never be. Allah SWT has told us in suratul khaf that ( in my own word) we shud not be enticed or envious of those who seemingly have it all: wealth n children. The bottomline is d amount of good deeds we have earned during our lifetimes.

    A local orator says that human beings shud refrain from viewing life as useless because

    1: it is through life dat we will be issued a VISA to jannat. And remember, if getting a visa to d "greenest " nations in this world requires such a gruelling process, then do you think getting visa to jannat will be easy?

    So my sister in Islam, stop wallowing urself in self pity n know dat although life isn't perfectly good, its not perfectly bad as well. Make it,work for u by keeping up d faith, pray, pray n pray more.

    May Allah lighten ur burden for u n av mercy on us all.

  3. I agree please do not be upset in Allah this is a test, life is too short to be upset about it, as long as your husband loves you forget about everybody else or your sister, because when you die nobody is going to be in nobody grave just you honey and you will wish you never wrote what you wrote just now,and yes i agree in my country right now if your not a bad person go drink, party, date your not good enough, but let them be Allah will handle them in hell, You just stay strong love your husband be healthy for him that's all you need, good luck insallah Allah will help you get throw this.

  4. THATs how i feel !!!

  5. Salam sister,

    I understand your grief and frustration. And it sounds like you are suffering from severe depression.
    It also sound like your family is not supportive of you and hence might be the cause of your depression if not from your health problem(vaginasmus although i am not 100% sure because i am not a doctor)

    You have to take one step at a time:
    1- move out of your parents house ASAP. You are married now there is no sin on you for doing so . You will feel hundred time better emotionally and you will be able to tackle the rest of your problems. It might take time but this is your goal from now on you will have more chance to sort out the rest of your problems succesfully

    2- you need to go for councelling , and sex therapy ,a qualified muslim therapist would be better but even non muslim are perfectly fit to do the job as they don't judge your faith and belief. If you cannot afford it, try self help book from the librairy. They are very good trust me. Until you can afford therapy.

    3- your sexual condition can be cured. I know of a woman who had it and they had IVF done after 8years of her relationship. Well after the birth she became able to have normal intercourse and she is expecting baby number 3.

    4- and most important, you need to reconnect with Allah because all of the above won't work without duaa.
    You are angry right now and question your deen and deep down you know it is wrong otherwise you wouldn't be writing on this site for advice and help
    Also when you say that people who do not follow any religion seem happy , there is a saying or a hadith ( i am not 100%sure) that life in this world is paradise for the unbelivers and hell for the belivers. But in the hereafter it is definitely the opposite.
    Please do not despair of Allah's love and keep on making duaas
    Sometime we are responsible for things that go wrong in our life because we don't know how to tackle the problem appropriately. You have to respect your family but family is suppose to be a source of strenght to you not putting you down and making you feel low. If they don't care for you and help you build your self esteem WHO will?
    So carry on being respectfull to them but keep your distances.

    Also,As it is said in the title , self pity is never a good thing. It stops you from moving forward. You are a strong, capable inteligent person and do not let anybody tell you otherwise. Take actions and improve yourself.
    I hope that your husband is more supportive than your familly.it will be hard to change your habits but you will succeed inshaallah and i will remember you in my duaa this evening, promise!

    Now because of the word you uttered, it might be considered apostacy (about Allah's existence ...)
    You have to check with a scholar and you might have to redo your nikkah. But do not panick and again stay positif. Tackle problems one at a time.

    Strengthen your iman by going to lecture at the mosque. Read about the sahabas who also went through Lots of test and of course or beloved prophet(saaws) who went through horrible times, loss of children, hated by his own clan(a bit like you) and yet he(pbuh) was the most beloved of prophets(pbut)

    Good luck on your way to recovery, Allah treat his servants the way they expect to be treated so hope for the best . And there is no way forward without Him. Allah has probably wonderfull plans for you in store like 3 babies

    From my heart to yours

    • Actually I am going through the similar stages just like this women, where I feel that I pray a lot and try to keep my believe strong but feel like I'm going nowhere in life? I have failed a task so many times not just once, and don't feel very important by my family, it depresses me to carry on with a life that's just so useless. Its come to a stage where I have lost my faith as well, I don't want to be a distance from Allah, but I keep questioning myself 'where is Allah' why isn't he there when I need him so much. I hate this hardship, I'm in a similar situation as to this girl I don't want to live with my family Its better if I'm on my own. I think about death and think that the world would be better of without me, just what is the point to my existence? Many Allah forgive me for writing these negative comments.

  6. May I ask a few questions just to better understand your situation?

    1. I see you can write logically and intelligently. Why can't you do work from home for places like http://www.freelancer.com or at home customer service at places like http://www.liveops.com or http://www.arise.com? Have you been to http://www.wahm.com and gone to the telecommuting mom forum?

    2. You said " you and your husband can't get your own place". Does that mean you can't get your own apartment away from your mother? What's the biggest challenge preventing you and your husband from moving to a low income apartment complex?

    3. What frustrations does your husband have and why?

    4. If a disability is causing financial problems what government aid programs have you applied to? How many times did you apply?

    5. What are the top 4 things you would like to accomplish that would make you feel better?

    6. Why did you choose these 4 things, what value does it bring you?

    7. Who have you reached out to for help and they turned you down?

    8. Have you and your husband ever invested in a few phone calls with a life coach? It seems as desperate as you are for change you would have tried everything, have you tried that?

    9. Have you and your husband invested time to sit alone with a "qualified" Imam? Just you and him with out the rest of your family around?

    10. What books have you been reading the past 4 months?

    I apologize for all the questions sister. I'm just trying to help. You posted your comments for help right? Please answer these ten questions on your own time. I'm interested in seeing your response. I clicked on the "notify me of follow up comments via e-mail" so I will know if you posted anything. I'm waiting to hear from you.

    Your brother in Islam who you never met before

    Tahsin

    • Assalaamu alaikum brother Tahsin! Your questions are indeed very thought-provoking and I deeply appreciate your help. I tried calling that 1-877-WHY-ISLAM number for help with my anger and frustrations, but they were not very helpful and even blocked my phone number so I couldn't call them further!

      First of all, my main source of depression is really my mother. I love her so much but when she doesn't see my potential or even acknowledge all the things I have done for her, it hurts me deeply and in fact, does affect me. The medical doctors automatically think that if you are depressed or suicidal, something is wrong with your brain chemistry, but they don't even consider what life situations you are dealing with or even if you have a physical condition, like I believe I have concerning my weight, which is hypothyroidism. I have indeed stated in my post that I have lost faith in Allah because of my struggles, and I have even missed a lot of prayers because of this lost in faith, but now after careful self-evaluation and consideration, I know that I am the one causing most of my problems. Just doing namaaz and reading Quran isn't enough. Through Allah, we get the strength to push ourselves and make our dreams a reality and even though things may look like they are against us, He will always find a way for us to make our dreams a reality, whether that be through pure luck or our own determination and actions. I know I said a lot of negative things concerning Allah, and I deeply regret it, but sometimes when you are so frustrated and hurt, you just have to let all that anger out, which I did in that post. I know I said a lot of wrong and negative things, but I needed help and support from my Muslim brothers and sisters, which I feel I have never received EVER in my life.

      To answer your questions, no I have not looked into work at home opportunities because MAJORITY of them are scams, but I am really not sure if those web sites you listed are legitimate. I will have to check them out. However, that's really not what I'm interested in. Yes, it would be nice to make money on the side, but I have bigger and deeper dreams. I am a very compassionate person, and my biggest dream is to go into healthcare to help those in need. The field of occupational therapy really does appeal to me because there are a lot of people who struggle with disabilities and cannot reclaim their lives or independence. I really can understand their struggles because I have dealt with low self-esteem and anxiety that have paralyzed me to move forward in my life. I am indeed a very intelligent, capable young woman with a Bachelor's degree in psychology, but now that I am married I feel I have responsibilities to my husband and I need to focus on my vaginismus treatment so that I can eventually get pregnant because if I get involved in fulfilling my vocational dreams, I may lose sight of my BIGGER dream which is to be a mother. I know I can't have it both ways, but I hope once I seek treatment and overcome this condition, I can lead a normal sexual life with my husband and eventually become a mother. I spoke to an imam about working and motherhood, and if Allah grants my wish of having kids, I would probably have to put them in daycare, which an imam advised me against doing. So, I guess I would have to withhold on my dreams of being an occupational therapist and getting my Master's, and that really does discourage me, but I know I can't have it both ways. If I fulfilled my dreams of becoming an occupational therapist, I would have to sacrifice my family, so maybe it would be best to wait. I really don't know how other Muslim women do it, but I would like to hear from them if they are career moms and how they manage.

      In terms of low-income apartments, I really don't want to be in a bad neighborhood. I'm sure there are some areas that are nice, but majority aren't and really it isn't easy getting section 8 nowadays. I also feel like a loser smooching on government money as I have always been raised to do things for myself. I just think it would do things to my self-esteem if I had to lower myself to that level, but then, anything in life can happen and it doesn't mean that will be how it will be for the rest of my life. It could just be a temporary situation.

      I have many goals for my life Tahsin and I have read a lot of books to help me get there. However, my fears are what prevent me from moving forward. I would very much like to do Occupational therapy and live a satisfying, successful life, but I know I can't have it both ways being that I am currently in treatment for vaginismus and need to focus on that. Then, if I do conquer the condition and have kids, I would probably have to quit my job and lose all my health benefits and everything else. My husband did indeed find work, but it is low-paying. So, I really don't know what to do. I have tried to call ICNA for individual counseling, but they are not interested to return my emails, and probably are insulted with the comments I made since they are connected with Why Islam and have blocked my phone number. Right now, I am just reading a lot of self-help books and money management books. I am a very well read, intelligent young woman, but I just have self-defeating thinking that is holding me back. Most of it concerning the future, and what I would do if I had kids and then had to quit my job either because I didn't want to put them in daycare, or the high costs of daycare weren't even worth it. I know a lot of career women who are lacking in their family lives, and I am indeed a family woman, but I also was blessed by Allah with a good brain. I really feel ashamed that I wrote that post. I guess I was just frustrated that so many people were feeling bad about me and it hurt, especailly coming from mom.

      I thank you for your desire to help me and I look forward to response from you. Thanks and may Allah bless you with peace, prosperity, and happiness in this life and in the hereafter.

      • Assalam wa Alikum

        It is unusual that soo many Muslims say this that when they turn to Allah that they do not get anything in life but I have the opposite, when I don't turn to Allah I get punishment. However when I step closer to Allah I get blessings and I always try hard to look at what I have been given and imagine a life when I didn't have a roof over my head ect it makes me grateful and fear Allah.

        Dear sister from life experience I learn you really should not get attached to people as in expect something from them when you do good for them such as expecting your mum to be grateful for being her support. You know its good to help your parents but the reward is with Allah and its written in your book of deeds.

        It seems you are jealous that your sister gets what appears to be approval for her way of life and maybe you think she has a great life but serious most Muslims when they sin they hate themselves for what they have done and would regret it and just standing in font of Allah they would be scarred for what they did. Do you really think that your sins would be greater then theirs? you are extremely lucky that you have stayed away from major sins so far therefore don't commit the biggest by disbelieving in Allah justice. Allah will help you just, if not in this world, Allah would reward you for your good deeds in the next.

        I wont recommend moving out and leaving on your own unless you are living with your husband then its a good idea to have space where people like your mother who are negative people cannot put you down. I do recommend unt- depression for now and also to speak and get to know people that are not your family. Sister, there is nothing wrong with you to believe just because Muslims you have encountered don't like you then there must be something wrong with you. A muslim is human, we are not perfect but we try hard to please Allah just like you. Look at all these response from muslim to support you here, you just have not met those that have good manners, kind and supportive.

        Hope I helped

  7. Sa dear sister, I can't say that I know what your going through because alhamdullilah I have never experienced it, but what I can tell you is that the more closer we get to our lord in prayer and dua in this life the closer we get to our lord in the hereafter.Allah swt loves those who a pateint. Sister Allah swt sends us hardship as a trial to test our patience and belief in him and know that the more hardship were faced with and still turn to Allah for guidence the more our sins are wiped away. Sister I placed my own post a few days ago regarding the hardship I am currently experiencing with my marriage, I am on the verge of going through a divorce, but alhamdullilah this has only made me stronger in my iman and closer to my creator. Please sister believe in Allah and pray and make dua for yourself and everyone and trust me you will feel more at ease. Remember sister Allah swt loves you and if you love him back he will never leave you. PUT YOUR FAITH IN ALLAH SWT AND INSHALLAH YOU WILL BE REWARDED GREATLY!

  8. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    1ST AND FOREMOST THING IN YOUR LIFES PROBLEM IS THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE IGNORANT[THEY ARE NOT SOME PROPHETS FAMILY TO GIVE JUDGEMENT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND[ITHINK YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT RICH AND SO WELL TO DO OR MAY BE THEY HAVE THAT FACE HATE FOR HIM SOME PEOPLE HAVE THAT NATURE THEY HATE SOME ONE WITHOUT ANY REASON ALSO- AND YOU ARE MAKING THEIR OPINION AS IF IT IS THE OPINION OF ALLAH AND YOU ARE MAKING THEIR ATTITUDE AS DECIDING FACTOR OF YOUR LIFE WHICH SO GOOD AND GREAT COMPARED TO YOUR SISTERS LIFE-
    SO DONT WORRY ALL THE PROPHETS MOTHERS ANS DAUGHTERS AND WOMEN FOLK FACED MANY GREATER HARDSHIPS AND WON ALLAH AND HIS BLESSING AND PASSED THE TEST OF LIFE AND HAVE BEEN DESTINED FOR HEAVEN.

    Give thanks to Allah/
    for the moon and the stars/
    praise Him all day for/
    what is and what was/
    Take hold of your imaan/
    dont give it to shaitan/
    oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah./
    Let us know what Muhammad (p.b.u.h.), the man-Prophet, who knew Allah best, used to say:
    "O Allah, I seek refuge in You for Your Pleasure and against Your Wrath, and in Your Forgiveness and against Your Punishment and in You from You, I cannot Praise You as You can Praise Yourself." (Muslim, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)
    HARM.....
    Certainly, man can have no better guidance than that which comes from the One Who had perfected everything, and the One who Has no deficiency in Himself and in His Attributes. The One Who is Ever-Living and Who does not die. There can be no One better than the One Who Has no need for anything; the One Who is rich; the Giver; the One who, after all, controls man's soul. Man is so poor to Him. He is Allah, the True and only God. Man can bring harm to himself if he seeks other than Allah for help. Allah is the One Who can help man drive away any harm for it cannot occur without His Will and His Power.
    We should be motivated to return to Him Alone at times of ease and at times of hardship.
    And when we read that:
    "If Allah helps you none can overcome you, and if He forsakes you, who is there, after Him, that can help you. And in Allah (alone) let believers put their trust." (Quran 3/160)

    Our purpose of existence on earth is more meaningful than being slaves to worldly gains. There can be no meaningful life better than that prescribed by our Creator Allah. Every act done according to Allah's way is an act of worship. Man is the beneficiary and Allah is in no need:

    "O mankind! It is you who stand in need of Allah, but Allah is Rich (Free of all wants and needs), Worthy of All Praise." (Quran 35/15)

  9. wow.
    just wow.
    i remind myself of this first: Allah is just perfect and His plan is perfect.
    I,and i am sure everyone else, gets sad and angry and depressed at times and u wonder y Allah does the things He does but we all have to realise that He knows whats best for us, even when it makes us sad. WOW. its like im talking to myself, believe or not i just finish crying like ten minutes ago! i am being tested right now and of course i am sad its natural to cry and be sad when u are going through stuff but instead of saying bad things about Allah, COMPLAINT to Him when u r crying, u will feel much better after. Sister, firstly i think u need to get it out of ur mind that our amazing Creator doesnt exit, the satan is playing with ur mind. cant u recall just one time when were praying and how GOOD it felt? to bow down? to prasie Him? to beg for His help and know that He IS listening? Allah said "When My servants ask thee concerning Me,I am, indeed, close (to them): I listen
    to the prayer of every supplicant when he calleth on Me"
    is that not just amazing to know? Allah, hears You and see all that u are going through please dont doubt that. it is sad that ur family is like that but arent u greatful u have a good husband? u should take a look at this site and read the way some women are bein treated by there husbands, you love urs, isnt Allah awesome? He gave you something you can draw strengthen from in this hard time 🙂

    i know right now it seems that it is NEVER going to end but guess what? it WILL. after every difficulty comes ease. Allah is really the only one we have, we cant depend on anyone else without Allah we are just doomed. i refuse to believe that someone who said "I have always loved Allah, always turned to him in prayer" will just turned away from Him. i used to be on and off with my prayer and when i wasnt prayin my entire life would be sooo sooo sad :/ and when i started praying again it would be ok again, and that was the cycle for a LONG time until now. Allah gave me one of the worst test, ATLEAST thats what i thought at that time, but ALHAMDUILLA it happen, if it hadnt i wouldnt have "discovered" Him. I actualli thank Him for that now 😀 its amazing! . Sister, if you just start sincerely turning to Allah again you will find Him there and the feeling you will get in ur heart when u do will be just indescribable.

    You cant just expect to say He doesnt exist and complain ABOUT Him etc and expect Him to help You. Cry for his help, plead for his help, complain TO Him. He will make a way out for you and help you deal with this.

    first i remind myself of this:

    Allah states in the Qur'an: “… hold fast to Allaah [i.e. have confidence in Allaah, and depend upon Him in all your affairs]. He is your Mawla (Patron, Lord), what an Excellent Mawla (Patron, Lord) and what an Excellent Helper!” [al-Hajj 22:78]

  10. SALAAM
    any time u feel free, u need to read astaghfaar u will feel relax & Allah will give u sukun inshallah,after namaz isha if u want sukun then u need to read va ufwayzul amree inallahay basee-rul bil-ibaad atleast 100 times then u"ll feel very relax it will definetly work it. my sister trust on Allah u"ll get Everything Whatever u Want From U"r life......

  11. you have to be strong sister we are on a test, you mustn't lose hope everything happens for the better

  12. it's very easy to give advice when it's not happening to you but when you are the one who's in it, you lose perspective.

    what you are going through must be realllyy hard. but dont think you are only one facing hardships in life. we are all in the same game with different levels. dont think you're sister's got it all. she must have problems too. but she's wise enough to tackle them intelligently. she doesn't let them take a toll on her. she might not have a really big problem u think, but it's what you make of the problem.

    i've recently found out about about vaginismus. infact, i found out about it in this forum reading somebody's post and and there were so many women who commented back who had also this problem. but they were all hopeful and some of them also recovered from it successfully. you have to be hopeful too. nothing lasts forever. and everyone finds their happiness, so will you. dont drown yourself in self-pity. have faith in Allah.

    you pray now with an empty heart, with no hopes.. how do u think your prayers will be answered if you don't believe in HIM. lately, i was praying to him but telling myself that my prayers wont be answered. He wont listen to me. He's mad at me. but then i don't know how i realized if i don't expect good from him, how will it happen. so now i pray with full hopes that my prayers shall be answered, no matter how long it takes, i wont give up on Him, and He wont disappoint me. renew your hopes. He will help you, He does. think of the time when you thought something was impossible to achieve but all of a sudden it happened. I'm sure there must be an incident like this. when you see yourself losing hope. remind yourself about that moment. Allah does not give us more than what we expect of him, so expect very high from, expect miracles. and miracles WILL happen.

    there are times when i think less of myself, when i think my life isn't as fulfilling as it should have been. there are times when i think I've been treated unfairly.. but then i look around and find those people who apparently have it all, haven't been blessed with the opportunity of getting close to their creator, they don't even realize they are missing something big in their life. but at least i know my religion. i try to get close to Him and win His affection. and i realize how much worth of this blessing is really! .. so I'm more fortunate than others. who is going to live forever? you are much more blessed than your sister.

    change your perspective, everything will change. insha'allah.

  13. Salam o Alaikum,

    Just one suggestion to you - if you have Facebook search for:

    "Jab Zindagi Shuru hogi" or "When life Begins" by Abu Yahya.

    InshaAllah swt, All your questions, complaints and remorses will be answered in the simplest of terms.

    May Allah swt guide us all.

    regards,
    Saqib

  14. I bet you were crying while you wrote this.
    Meaning..You still care.

    I know how you feel. None of the "life is a test" thing is working on you, is it?
    You feel like throwing your computer away reading all these comments.

    I know how you feel. Trust me. I bet you still make dua though. Even if you have doubts, you probably still make dua.

    Can I tell you something, Sister? Allah tests the ones He loves most..:)
    The more trial and tests He puts you in...The more chances He is giving you to make the right decision in that horrible moment and horrible times, so then the award is sweet..
    I feel sorry for your sister. I feel sorry for all the people who are happy in your life. Want to know why? Because. Allah said for the people who are so caught up in THIS duniya, where happiness, money, friends, family, etc, is only temporary… He might even GIVE them this duniya..But..He won't give them the afterlife.
    Just think about that..

    How sad is that. Allah keeps closing their hearts to Islam of purpose, giving them happiness and everything on purpose, making them cling on to THIS duniya..But the won't even get to TASTE Jannah..
    But, instead..They'll burn in flames forever.

    But you, you still have a chance. Allah keeps giving you chances; you keep thinking less of them.

    Allah is what you think of Him. You think He hates you? He will. He'll give you even more hardships and trails. So, who is to blame here, sister?

    Take baby steps..Baby steps...Back to Allah. When the world turns against you...Allah is still there. It's you who pushes Him away. Think about how much you hurt Him. Allah said, “..When you come walking to Me…I come running to you..”

    Instead of complaining about everything that is going wrong, sister…Thank Him. Yes, that's right. Thank Him for everything that you have. Thank Him even for the hardships.
    When you become grateful to Allah alone..Allah gives you MORE. And with gratitude, you feel better. Trust me.

    Become closer to Allah by even SMILING at someone. Anyone.
    Keep doing it.
    Sister..Do good, and it will come back to you..Do evil..And it will come back to you. Live by that line.

    Sister..Allah is the only one we have....Don't give up on Him.

    I would just like to end it off by saying, I don't hate you. All of us here don't hate you. Actually, I love you. You actually HELPED me. I wasn't very happy before I read your message. Your message made me feel less alone, and like I had a sister who explained to me exactly how I was feeling. You gave the chance to finally soften up to Allah again...Thank you. :')
    But we don't matter...It's Allah who does..
    And you are the one who chooses to decide...If Allah loves you.

  15. Assalaamu alaikum everyone! I really appreciate all the love and support I am getting from all my fellow Muslims. I never received this kind of love and I deeply appreciate it. Now, I can see that Allah has answered my prayers from all these heartfelt responses. Yes, I was feeling down, considering all the trials I am facing, and I did lose faith in Allah and reject Him and even the faith of Islam, but I really wasn't in the right state of mind.

    A lot of times, I find myself mad at Allah but there must be a reason for all of this. He wouldn't do anything without a reason. At one point in my life when I was a college student, I wanted desperately to be a medical doctor. I prayed to Allah and studied hard and did all I could, but it didn't happen. I was upset for a long time because I felt I could really make a difference. However, Allah does things for a reason and what I think may be better for me, may not be what actually is according to Allah's plan. Allah knew the direction modern medicine has turned to, where there just isn't enough time to give everyone the proper care they deserve. So many people are misdiagnosed or receive ill treatment due to insufficient time and insurance problems. I know I would always feel miserable if I prescribed a medication that may temporarily treat a symptom, but introduce other medical concerns, like obesity and high blood pressure. I also know that medical doctors invest a lot of time to their profession and probably wouldn't have time for a family life, which Allah knew I could never cope with. You see, Allah does know best and I am indeed wrong. I know patience is key, but I just don't like things to happen when I'm old. I'll be 30 soon and it's scaring me!

    In terms of vaginismus, a lot of medical professionals assure me that it is highly treatable. It requires patience to overcome and commitment, which I have been doing. Also, requires a lot of positive thinking which may be the reason Allah gave me this condition because He knows that I tend to think negatively a lot and it is not only adversely affecting my mental and physical health, but also my relationships. However, sometimes when I am in a positive mode, I get rejected by people, especially my mom, so sometimes I really don't understand Allah, but I think there is a theme of patience and I know a lot of Muslims here have conveyed that to me. Hopefully, when my mom sees how much good I am doing, she will change. However, I have to learn not to internalize her negativity and I think that's what Allah wants me to do. Not to be so easily affected from the small-mindedness of others.

    I really don't understand why some people have it all with little faith in Allah and Islam, but many Muslims here have told me that their happiness only lies in this world and not the hereafter. Since they really have closed their minds to Allah, Allah gives them all they want in this world, but little do they know what awaits them in the hereafter. I think this is comforting for me to know, and will strengthen my faith despite what little I have now in this world. I hope through strong faith, I can get myself to a better place not only in this life, but for eternity.

    Thanks to everyone for their positive responses and I will really do whatever I can to take care of myself and ask Allah for forgiveness. Hopefully, He will understand because He knows me better than anyone on this Earth since He created me.

  16. Salaams,

    Ya Allah. After reading that, I reach for Allah. Sorry but I can't imagine what you are going through to write such things. You've got to realise it's all relative. Everyone at some point goes through pain and misery and it's how we respond, to what comes our way that affects how much suffering we go through. Try not to dwell on things and count your blessings. You at least have a husband who stands by you. Some have to deal with kids alone or some don't even get married.
    Try to compare your own sufferings with those less fortunate than yourself and it helps to be more positive. You must try as we all have to, to be patient. We cannot demand or expect to get all that we desire. Be honest with yourself, why do you write everyone hates you, yet give no detail of what you have do to earn this?

    Reader

    ***Editors ought to be more responsible before releasing these stories. The way the author discusses about Allah is very offensive. A'ouzubillah.

    • Reader, I understand your point. I am the one who edited the post, and it was difficult to read such dark thoughts. But if we decline to publish it, then what have we accomplished? We will have doomed the sister to further misery and misguidance. On the other hand, since we published it and the sister received many encouraging responses, maybe it will save her soul and call her back to a better opinion of Allah SWT (Insha'Allah).

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. I'm glad you are beginning to see a little bit clearer. If you look at the value, benefit and joy you expect from occupational therapy, I'm sure you can find the same value in other businesses that you can start or in part time careers. Many people make the mistake of concentrating on a certain career without thinking about the value they get from it.You should know that you are not your work. This is important because some people see their work as part of who they are, as opposed to an action they perform.

    When such people retire or get fired their sense of self-worth is harmed because they took their job as the thing that gave them value in this life. So, they feel like they have less worth if something happens to their career. If you understand the value you gain behind things you will be able to be flexible because you will be able to separate the work you do from your self-esteem, which should have nothing to do with each other. A person should feel good about their work as long as the things they are doing is halal. Like wise, they should feel bad if the work they do is haram. Work is just work, sure we should find things we like, but not make it a part of who we are because your work will come to an end.

    Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) had said
    "Richness is not having many belongings, but richness is the richness of the soul (contentment)." Reported by Muslim

    "Two hungry wolves let loose amongst sheep will not cause more harm to them than a persons craving after wealth and status will do to his Religion."
    Reported by Ahmad

    I'll end with this. If you spend to much time thinking about the future, you will have a life full of anxiety. Pain and regret live in the past, and anxiety lives in the future. Fear is being scared of something that hasn't happened yet. When you look at it like that it seems silly to worry about the future doesn't it?

    Where do you think you should put your focus? Yes, that's right, in the present. It's the actions you take now that will effect your future ( with the power of Allah). Spend more time in the present working on your future, and less time worrying about the future. Take a walk through the woods of the present, and you may see that life isn't nearly as scary as you may think it is. Don't "make salah" but "offer salah" in the present. Take time to smell the roses, in the present, and a lot of the anxiety you have will go away, and Allah knows best about the situation.

    I have four lectures for you to check out. Two are secular, and two are religious. Please take time to listen to them. I know it's a lot of homework, but it will be well worth your time.

    http://youtu.be/vMyuJGDDRVQ
    http://youtu.be/Bnl6lP8NIqs
    http://youtu.be/WkBDXlkARlc
    http://youtu.be/w9xkQZnxkrY

  18. Assalaamu alaikum Tahsin! I appreciate your quick response to my post. I tend to disagree with you about work. I am not interested in work for the money, more about helping people and making a difference in society. Of course, that is secondary to my primary role as a wife and hopefully, if Allah grants it, a mother. I know my priorities, but there is such a burning desire within me to help and make a difference and I feel occupational therapy does fulfill that. Of course, right now, money is tight and I do need to help my husband however I can so that we can get our own place. I want to know, are those websites you listed legitimate for work at home opportunities? I know that right now, I may not get my chance of being a career woman now that I am married, but I wonder, how do other Muslim women balance family and career since I know quite a lot of Muslim female doctors? I would really like to know how they manage and if they are able to maintain a balance so that they can give the appropriate amount of time to each and if they are happy overall. I would really like to hear from Muslim women who are working and managing their family life. If they are new mothers, do they resign from their jobs or do they end up hiring nannies or putting kids in daycare centers? An imam advise me against this, stating that the early years of the child are the most important years in his/her development and the mother is needed the most at those times. Let me know because I am conflicted about this. Hope to hear from you soon Tahsin and let me know about those work-at-home opportunities.

  19. Also, brother Tahsin, I really don't have much experience in business, and I lack start-up money, so I don't know how I would start my own business. I am also worried about healthcare, because if you are self-employed, you can really only get private insurance, and the cost of it, is not even worth it. You might as well pay out of pocket, and even though you have a business, it's still a lot of money. I know this because my parents own their own business and my mother always worries for her health because she doesn't have health insurance.

  20. I'm still waiting for a response. It seems things are not improving despite positive thinking, but I'm trying to hold onto my faith though it seems very hard. I just feel so sad and miserable. It's just too much to take sometimes.

  21. I really don't know what to do and I fear if I try to move forward, it may actually work against me.

  22. 1.The jobs are legit.

    2. If you have children your responsibility is to Allah first, then them. Everything else other then that is second.

    3. What do other women do? They do what is right for themselves according to their resources. Some home-school others do what seems right to them. No one can make decisions like that for you. You have to ask yourself "is what I'm doing halal" then ask "is it what I want". Search for how to pray salat-l-istikhara, the Islamic prayer for guidance.

    4. Read again what I said about worrying about the future and instead living in the present.

    5. Maybe go to school part time.

    6. Do things one step at a time. If your goal is to move out, only think about moving out. If the goal is to go to school, focus on that. You don't have any children. The only thing that is stopping you from taking action is yourself. If you want a guarantee that things will work out then don't waste your time. That is why we pray and ask Allah for the good. He knows and we don't. That is just the way it is.

    7. Listen to the lectures I gave you.

  23. Oh sis, your story reflects mine, I have suffered alot in life, both of my marriages brokedown, I lost both my gorgeous sons, 1 is autistic from first marriage, he is 12 now, lives so far from me, and last time I saw him he was a real cutie, I cry all the time, second, marriage my second caused so many problems, and I got such a beautiful boy again 1 and she lives with her parents 200 miles out, but I ain't lost faith, I believe my Allah, all he need say 'be' and it is, I been through deep depression, got a huge CSA child maintenance bill, what I earn I lose, nobody listens to me, I think Allah has given me such a test, that I believe he knows I will pass this test, and to make matters worse, nobody likes or listens to me either, I don't know where I am going wrong, since school I have racially attacked by twenty men as a child, but I am real grown man, no fear in me, I went to a Raqi recently, he took a jinn out of me and I still have one inside me, but it's weakened now, I hope it leaves, and all my problems will inshallah go away, I suggest you search for a Ruqyah centre in your area and inshallah things will work out, there was a woman who couldn't conceive, but as a result of worship to Allah, she conceived

  24. Hello Islamic Girl28,

    I shall not elaborate any further on this as most of the guys have given righteous opinions. However, in my humble opinion this is a typical case of :

    1. Fear
    2. Anger
    3. Desire

    You fear for your career, you desire to be a mother and your anger is driven to the people around you.

  25. Yes, I am starting to move forward and not get affected by negative people. It is not me with the problem, but them and so nothing really bothers me anymore. I am a nice, kind, loving person who has a lot to offer. Through patience and devotion to Allah, I will gain a hold of my life and I believe and trust Allah to know that He will give my children when the time is right. Everything will fall in place with the power of Allah, and that's the comfort and reassurance I need.

  26. Asalam walykum,

    I am a sunni muslim girl and am 19 years of age and have been ill treated by my parents since the age of 3 years old.

    (Editor's Note: I have posted your question as a separate post here:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/abused-by-parents-since-3/

    It's currently on the front page. - Wael, IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  27. Hi.

    I am going through the exact same thing as you are and i have been over the hurdles, i hope you get my advise and if you need to contact me please feel free to do so. i had severe vaginismis which i found out after i married a man who was 10 years older than me. imagine the pressure i was 24 and he was 34 and really sexually frustrated. please mind my language as this situation is graphic. so everynight we would get into a fight as i was really really scared to have sex and he would attack me and i would freak out. this went on for a year after we had our walima.i then went to a mulana and he said i had black magic done on me and he did a dua on me and gave me water to drink for 11 days and i kept going back to him once a week for like a month.also i went to soo many doctors and their advise was solve it. then i finally by the mercy of Allah i got a good family doctor, dr macdonald 416-694-1400. i told her everything. she referred me over to a sex therapist that was covered by ohip now i am not sure where u are but i am in toronto canada. anyways after the first session which my husband refused to go to, i got some pointers. the therapist didnt sit and listen to my fears and stuff, she is like lets solve this. the first goal i had was to get a Q-tip in my V**.....so with my husbands permission which is important because i didnt want to be accused of being a non virgin..i tried to the exercise. my vaginismus was soo bad that it took me a week to get that in. then second goal was a finger. gross i know but thats what the therapist told me. it prob took me another week to do this. then the therapist made me buy toys, extra small, small, medium and then a large..she told me if u get to the large it means you are ready to have sex. it cost me a total of 100 bucks and a lot of baby oil but i was finally able to have sex after 3 months of duas by the mulana and exercises. a month later i became pregnant with my beautiful daughter who is now 2 mashallah. the point is to always have faith. All duas are answered by Allah but there is a right time for everything. You just need faith. If somebody prays to Allah for food, the sky wont just open and food wont fall in your lap. You would have to go the store and buy the food in order to eat it. But if your dua for food was not kabooled then even if u went to the store you wouldnt be able to buy the food. its because the dua was accepted that you were able to eat. you just need to put your efforts into it as well and have faith.

  28. Why does then Allah test us, if he is surely free from all wants and needs? No offence, but I just wanna know..

    • Maybe for our own benefit. Tests in life build character and wisdom. Or maybe to separate those who are faithful and patient from those who only claim faith with their mouths.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • lool i ask this question all the time but then i realized its not for him its for us. how are we to know that we are truly faithful to allah if we have not lived to test it. Its to test it for ourselves not for allah.

  29. Allah tests His believing servants with various types of crises and disasters in order to:

    1) Reveal the Patient from the Impatient:
    “And certainly, We shall test you with a bit of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits. But give glad tidings to the patient ones who, when afflicted with a calamity, say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.” They are those upon whom are the blessings, descend from their Lord, and they receive His Mercy, and it is they who are guided.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:155-157)

    “And among mankind is he who worships Allah as if he were upon the very edge (i.e. in doubt); if good befalls him, he is content with it;. But if a trial befalls him, he turns back on his face. He loses both this World and the Hereafter. That is the evident loss.”(Surah al-Haj 22:11)

    “So, it is a must for the souls to be nurtured by way of tests, and to be severely tested during the course of the battle between truth and falsehood with fear and hardship, and with hunger and decrease in wealth and life and fruits. This testing is a necessity so that the believer can give his share of what his belief requires; so that it becomes dear to him in accordance with that he gives for its sake of sacrifice and burden; so that it becomes dear to him in accordance with what he is willing to give for its sake! The bearers of worthless beliefs that do not require any type of sacrifice will not hesitate to abandon their beliefs at the first sign of hardship. So, the burden here is the personal price that one pays so that this belief becomes dear and valuable in the hearts of its bearers before it becomes dear to the hearts of anyone else. Whenever they experience pain for its sake, and every single time they are forced to give something up for its sake, it becomes even dearer and more valuable to them, and they become even more honored with it. With this, nobody else will realize its value until they see how its bearers are tested because of it and how patient they are upon such tests.”

    (’Fi Dhilal al-Qur’an’; 1/145)

    2) Remove Our Sins and Reward the Righteous:
    And, when he was old enough to walk with him, he said: “O my son! I have seen in a dream that I am slaughtering you, so what do you think?” He said: “O my father! Do that which you are commanded, if Allah Wills, you will find me to be of the patient.” Then, when they had both submitted, and he had laid him prostrate on his forehead, and We called out to him: “O Ibrahim! You have fulfilled the dream!” Verily! Such do We reward the good-doers.” (Surah as-Saffat :102-7)

    Sa’ad bin Abi Waqqas reported that he asked the Messenger of Allah (SAW): “Which of the people are tested most severely?” Rasulullah (SAW) replied: “The Prophets, then the righteous, then those who are most like them, then those who are most like them from the people. A man is tested according to his religious commitment. So, if his religious practice is sound, then his testing is increased, and if his religious practice is weak, then his testing is reduced. A servant continues to be tested until he walks the Earth without a single sin on him.” (Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

    3) Purify the Ranks and Distinguish the Righteous from the Wicked:
    “Allah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now until He distinguishes the wicked from the good.” (Surah Al ‘Imrân 3:179)

    “And when the believers saw the Confederates, they said: “This is what Allah and His Messenger had promised us, and Allah and His Messenger had spoken the truth,” and it only added to their faith and submissiveness.” (Surah Ahzaab 33:22)

    “Allah might make easy the affairs of the people of evil so that they may increase in sin and corruption, and so that they might increase in their buildup of sins and crimes. Then, he may deal with them in this World or the Hereafter – depending on His Wisdom and Decision – on account of this sinister buildup of deeds! On the other hand, He may also prevent them from ease so that they would increase in evil and sin and crimes and suffocation, eventually losing hope in the Mercy of Allah, resulting in an increase in their buildup of evil and misguidance. Likewise, Allah can make easy the affairs of the people of good so that they may become established in their righteous actions and carry out as much of them as they can while increasing in their sustenance, so that they may thank Him for these blessings with their hearts, tongues, and pleasant actions. With all of this, they increase in a buildup of good deeds that they rightfully deserve with Allah because of their righteousness and because of the good that Allah Knows is in their hearts. On the other hand, he may also prevent them from ease in order to observe their patience upon this state, as well as their confidence and hope in their Lord, their relaxation at the realization of His Power, their being pleased with Him as their only Lord – and He is better than all others – resulting in an increase in their buildup of good.”

    (Fi Dhilal al-Qur’an)

    4) Emphasize the Hardships of This World in Comparison to the Hereafter:
    “Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the kingdom, and He is Able to do all things. The One Who has created death and life in order to test you and see which of you is best in deed, and He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving.” (Surah al-Mulk 67:1-2)

    5) Expose the Reality of the Human Being:
    “Verily, We have created man from drops of mixed semen in order to test him, so We made him hearer, seer. Verily, We showed him the way, so he is either grateful or ungrateful.” (Surah al-Insan 76: 2-3)

    “Verily, We have made that which is on earth as an adornment for it so that We may test them as to which of them are best in deeds.” (Surah al-Kahf 18:7)

    “And it is He Who has made you generations after generations, replacing each other on the earth. And He has raised you in ranks – some above others – that He may test you in that which He has bestowed on you. Surely, your Lord is Swift in retribution, and certainly He is Oft*-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Surah al-An’am 6:165)

    A human being is tested so that he may come to know the reality of himself and others. Life is consists of constant testing; testing with what is bad, or testing with what is good. However, what is best for the believer may be found in what he hates, and what is bad for him may be found in what he likes. The true believer is the one who loves that which Allah has chosen for him. So, if He tests him with something that he loves, he thanks Him, and if He tests him with that which he hates, he is patient and thanks Him in this case, as well. And Allah – the Glorified – gives the believer in accordance with what will lead to his happiness in either this World or the next. So, if it is better for him to have something, Allah gives it to him. If it is better for him not to have something, Allah prevents him from having that thing, just as one who is sick is prevented from too much food or water. Therefore, it is upon a person to completely submit to Allah – the Glorified – in regards to what He has chosen for him, and to be pleased with what Allah has given him, and to understand that if Allah prevents him from something, then it is because Allah wishes to save him from being tested with that thing.

    Allah knows best

    • I know I'm around two years late. I don't know if you'll see this, and I don't know if you'll benefit this. But I just want to say thank you because your post struck me at the perfect time. Allah is the Subtle, the Acquainted, and the way His Power works is so mysterious. It is amazing. What you said regarding being patient and being steadfast found me at the right time. The time I needed to be patient. And your post reminded me, that "Indeed to Allah we belong, and to Him we will return", and that Allah is how you think of Him. So I realize all the troubles we go through are trials for those who are patient and remember Allah (SWT) through pain and ease. These are just temporary things, and to have patience is to have the most comprehensive gift for mankind. Just because the world might look dark and gloomy on the outside does not mean you're on the wrong path...just because you're met with opposition, you may not realize it but it could be good for you...it may be that Allah (SWT) is trying you, not that He hates you!! Don't lose hope, and expect reward from Allah whenever trials afflict you. All in all, what you wrote helped fortify my faith. My iman increased and your post came at the right time! So I just want to thank you for that, but evermore, I want to thank Allah (SWT) for all the amazing blessings He has given me. And kudos to all the posters here as well (although I have no clue whether people will come back here two years later...oh well!)

  30. I'm just a 15 year old teenager, but what i have been through in my life, people normally at my age dont experience those things, but still im thankful and greatful to ALLAH almighty. Allah loves his creation, more than 70 mothers. He never puts a burden on his creation that which it cannot resist. We always ask why was i burdened this way? AL-QURAN answers: "Allah doesnot place a burden to a soul greater that it can bare. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns." Surah Al-Baqrah [2:286]. "So verily, with every difficulty there is relief: (repeated) Verily, with every difficulty there is relief." Surah Al-Insyirah [94:5-6]. So Allah has basically tested u in this world and will Inshallah bring joyful moments in ur life, so be hopeful and dont be depressed if he is late to bestow his kindness upon u. You will be granted with his mercy and kindness even on the day of judgemengt. Beleive me, i know it is easy to say, that what has happened has happened and it is time to move on, but the one is suffering only he can feel the pain which is eating him from inside. Pray to GOD, have faith in him, and dont care what the world thinks of u, u should care what GOD thinks of u, because on the DAY OF JUDGEMENT, he will only see the good virtues of people and not their faces or any other thing and only he will be there to help u at the day of judgement, but not the world. I will pray for u from the depth of my heart and wish u best of luck for the future.
    🙂

    • mashallah uzzam, so much understanding and faith at such a tender age. so proud of you.
      may allah increase your imaan, may you continue to give hope to people and may you be the truly guided one. ameen.

  31. Thank you, for your encouragement, my aim is just to try to show people they straight path to walk upon, and to boost up their confidence level and increase their faith. 🙂

  32. Salaam,

    Uzzman may Allah bless you, I needed that reminder. I hope you are coping better sister, don't lose faith in Allah, don't stop praying, listen to a lot of talks regarding depression seriously it helps a lot in terms of what to do, in sha Allah keep on asking Him for help, show him your tears. I know what you mean where you feel no one likes you, but I'm hoping that's because he wants me to be closer to Him and I hope that is the case. Please pray for me brothers and sisters that I stay positive and pass my exams.

    Jzk

  33. Assalam-o-Alaikum. @muslim sister. You can't adopt child but you can give love to them like brother/Sister but never of child. It's a test

  34. here it goes...
    Everyone one hates me so much
    even allah {swt}
    noone cares about me
    sometimes i wish i was never born
    life is so complicated for me wallah
    boys hurt me all the time
    i want to die
    my life will never go right
    i hate it
    please give me some advice
    i hate talking to my mom about anything its weird,akward,and i dont feel comfortable
    WHY DOES ALLAH HATES ME
    im 13 years old and a african/muslim girl

    • As-salamu alaykum dear zainabou,

      I will ask you to please read the comments already given on this post, as many of them apply to you as well. Also please read my article on Suicide in Islam. Although you are not suicidal, I think the advice will help you. You are stuck in a negative mindset and you are programming yourself with negative expectations. You need to break out of that and start using positive affirmations.

      You started out with the wrong assumption. Allah does not hate you at all. Actually Allah loves His creation. Didn't Allah bless you by making you Muslim? Hasn't he blessed you with a healthy body, food to eat, shelter, family, the opportunity for education, and more? In life we can focus on what we do not have and complain, or we can be grateful for what we have.

      Why do boys hurt you? You mean like boyfriend/girlfriend kind of stuff? You should not be involved with boys at your age. There is no reason for you to be close to them in any way.

      You are at a difficult and awkward age, as your body changes and you transition from childhood to adulthood. Be patient. Develop your relationship with Allah. Focus on your studios. Develop a hobby that you are passionate about (writing, art, science, cooking, etc). Do your best, and trust Allah to do the rest.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  35. hi. My name is....... but i go by the name of kiki. Im 16 and i think ive just about seen the worst of the world around me at the very tender age of about 10-12. I was depressed and emotional. I didnt lose hope even throughout the hardships i faced. I delt with bullying and an auto immune disorder at the same, were my hair would start to fall out. The one thing to be honest was the hardest for me to deal with was the hate that i had received from my family. Even as i write and think about this noww it still brings me to tears. It was a very hard time for me mainly bc i was again depressed and emotional. I had always been physically and verbally abused by both my parents mainly my mom. Whom i cannot help but love and care for very much. As a girl growing up in a muslim/arab family i was automatically subjected to gender discrimination and favoritism. what made this so much worse was me being the eldest. i think the hardest memory for me to choke up even until now is the memory of my younger brother having to been told to call me "slave" instead of my real name as i cleaned the washroom floors and beaten bc i didnt clean my room when my mom came home from work without her prior to asking me. or the memory of my dad kicking my on the floor bc i had peed in my bed out of chronic fear and panic attacks in my sleep. I think the only reason i had this issue was because i was molested by my cousin at the age of about 6-8 while he was 12 at the time. The worst is when i go to my home country and have to live in the same house as him. but for me this is only a small part of what i have delt with.This is about only a days worth of stress as for me being in highschool with no social life or friends i think its easy to say ive been through quite a bit. I still very grateful for the opportunities ive had in my life as well as the parent i have. I know there not the best of people but one day they won't be apart of my life or at least the negative part. Im very happy that i got through my depression all on my own and it was hard, very hard. especially when other people started getting involved with my mental health but im very glad i never have to go to that dark place i was in again and can move past it.
    i'm not saying u shouldn't complain bc i dont think ur complaining .... ur seeking help and i wish i had someone come and truly help me instead of trying to fix me. I know how hurtful it is when your mom tells u blankly she doesnt love u or appreciate ur. The worst is when they have nothing good to say about u to other people. I truly get that. I want you to know that i've lost hope. Ive lost hope a lot of times and ended up losing faith in myself let alone allah. if one thing i've learned is that god doesnt give u what u cant handle. Im not the best muslim out there but i try my best. I dont always pray on time or pray at all. I dont read quran. I fast during ramadan. I give donation and i help people who need help. to be honest i think my parents are the reason i cannot bring myself to read quran or pray. like it brings me so much discomfort and anxiety in me.So dont feel down about yourself for other peoples actions. uphold yourself to your own actions and you should be fine. You can always try to distract yourself from your issue. i know its hard to stop thinking about something when you dont wanna think about it so the best thing to do is keep yourself busy. Like try volunteering in your local community or get a job if you dont have one. This could help u and your husband to save up more money for an apartment. Even if its not a lot try looking for a cheep renting space or a basement if you really need to get away from the negativity. even stay at a friends house or other family relative and say its for fun or vacation. even just spending time with people that make you comfortable or happy is a good idea. try watching a movie relevant to your issue with your husband. like i know when i have to deal with negative people at school i like watching mean girls to make me feel better. Even try to vent to an online form or counselor anonymously.I know when things are starting to get really bad i call or chat online with a counselor anonymously for help. i usually go one kids help phone but u can try other sites if u look it up online. Just remember to focus on you and the people that truly matter. also have patience. It will get better. Maybe not tomorrow or next week but it will get better eventually , it just takes time. just remember to treat yourself. your in the process of healing just as you would have an injury treat ur mental health in the same way. make sure your resting and taking care of your body. I really hope this does make you feel better and i deep down in my heart pray for the best for u and your family. inshallah One day you will have kids just have patience.

    one thing that really helps is reading the stories of the prophets. there great examples of struggles true muslims face.I know the struggle of being the best u can be and still being told that your not good enough compared to the bad people. just remember your not alone. there are 7 billion people in the world. alot of them are probably going throught the same struggles and a lot of of them are willing to be your friend. you dont only have to be friend with other muslims. if they dont like you then move on. get involved with the community and try to make a change. no matter how small it may be it could have a huge impact on the islamic society as well as the community. you never know maybe allah is turing in the muslims away from u so u could give a form of dawa to someone else. remember that you are an ambassador for your religion and people everywhere you go and you cant lose faith whenever something gets to hard. just keep trying and if things dont work out try something else. inshallah i hope u feel better and deep down i hope things go well for you. I will remember u in my prayers and duas. ameen.

  36. Even I feel the same, but this Hadith confirms my fear: God hates me

    Messenger of Allah, (ﷺ) said: "When Allah loves a slave, He calls Jibril (Gabriel) and says: 'I love so-and-so; so love him.' And then Jibril loves him. Then he (Jibril) announces in the heavens saying: Allah loves so-and-so; so love him; then the inhabitants of the heavens (the angels) also love him; and then people on earth love him. And when Allah hates a slave, He calls Jibril and says: 'I hate so- and-so, so hate him.' Then Jibril also hates him. He (Jibril) then announces amongst the inhabitants of heavens: 'Verily, Allah hates so- and-so, so you also hate him.' Thus they also start to hate him. Then he becomes the object of hatred on the earth also".

    [Al- Bukhari and Muslim].

    Now, everyone over here is going to hate me too because instead of motivating you to enjoy your life ... you know what? I don't care anymore because that hadith proves my worst fear.

    • This hadith is referring to someone who is an enemy of Allah, in other words someone who fights against Islam and Muslims, and who does evil things to people. Remember that Allah is Merciful and Forgiving by nature, so only extraordinarily bad individuals earn His enmity.

      For an ordinary Muslim like you, if you want to be among those who Allah loves, all you have to do is make tawbah for your past sins. That's all. Make istighfar, say salawat on the Prophet (sws), pray, fast, etc. These are simple actions that anyone can do and that will bring Allah's love.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  37. Everyone hates me as well but i can never hate my Lord I know this world is a test and we all have different tests and mind became people, but sometimes i dont know if Allah loves me does he want me to change something and then people will love me?

  38. This life is a test, forget the haters and leave the past behind. Every day is a new day, you don't need anyone else's love apart from your husband cause when we die, and inshallah Allah grants us heaven, you will forever have your husband by your side. Not your mother, father, sister or cousins.

    You will die alone and you will only go in your grave with your deeds and sins; don't stop praying to Allah, who cares if the world doesn't like you, Allah loves his servants and is the most forgiving! Don't loose your faith sister, think of the after life. Everything happens for a reason :3 This world is a test and it is never to late to change! Allahu Ackbar!

  39. Aslam alekum sister Allah has sent us this world for a test he promised every wish in paradise but before we can have it we will have to give some tests whatever pain u suffer even if u are get hurt by needle as a compensation ur sins get forgiven and the greater the test the greater the reward dont judge urself by peoples eyes if u truly loved Allah u would be patient with tests u have big tests because he loves u more all prophets were also tested read two nafal and do tauba and tauba will chnge yr life with every prayer read two nfal for forgivness people will start to love u and dont write like this about ur creator love ur creator talk best about him people will love u

  40. Sister calm down I've been through a lot myself. U have to keep faith in Allah. This life is a test. Just keep praying. Allah will change your situation. In Sha Allah. Don't give up. I am telling you. Now. U think u had it hard people out their have been through a lot more. So don't give up mabe Allah has got a better plan for you don't waist your patience. Just hold and be strong. And I will pray for you too in Sha Allah. Things will change if you believe in Allah.

  41. 1. First and foremost thing everyone must do is "Always think positive in Allah". Never ever think bad about Allah Whatever anyone's situation may be.
    2. Every human being sent in Earth for purification and improvement(spiritual development). Pain and Suffering may be the best way of these process.
    3. Always try to evolve with those pains and sufferings. In my experience i am telling u that these are "BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE". In this way i have found so many blessings which i had never imagined.
    4. Do u know the value of the character "Sabr(Patience)" ? It is said that the one who got this got everything. A patient human being can achieve anything he/she wants. Why are u thinking bad of Allah when Allah want you to create this character inside you?...So my suggestion is digest every pain though it is bitter!
    5. Don't compare the LOVE OF ALLAH with the love(or liking) of any human being.
    6. I think there is a hidden peace and pleasure in those pains and sufferings.
    7. If u are still in Pain....IT IS THE SIGN THAT ALLAH LOVES YOU.
    8. Always pray to Allah for the pure understanding of ISLAM, for purification of self, for spiritual development.
    9. Always count the blessings which Allah already gave u and try to find/search the blessings which are in the way and just to be delivered.

  42. even im experiencing da same situation...but i still love Allah,maybe he m8 give me what all i need in heaven . ..

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