Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Everyone hates me, and I’ve lost faith in Allah

Self pity quote by Helen Keller

"Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world." - Helen Keller

My life has been nothing but disaster. I have always loved Allah, always turned to him in prayer, but now I feel it's just a waste. My mother clearly told me that everyone hates me and that I've messed everyone's life.

I never dated or did anything wrong, yet my older sister did all those things and everyone likes her and approves of everything she does.

My mother even told my cousin that she loves my older sister the most out of everyone in the family, and hates me. She said to me that at least my sister and her future husband love each other, but you and your husband don't have any kind of happiness, which isn't true. I love my husband with all my heart and I understand his frustrations so I've been very supportive to him, but I don't want him to think less of himself.

Now, however, I'm starting to think less of myself. I've suffered all my life. I have severe vaginismus and I probably won't ever have kids. I have no way to support myself and me and my husband cannot get our own place. Everyone hates me and every Muslim I've encountered never liked me, so I guess I'm the one who is messed up.

I will always suffer in this life, so why bother reaching out to Allah? Why bother even trying to be a moral person? I think when you stop all of that, things start to happen. Maybe if I had done all the things my sister did, like dating and leaving my parents' house before marriage and living on my own, everyone would like me and I'd get far in life. Staying and helping my parents has gotten me nowhere. My mom really doesn't care what I've done for her and clearly told me she doesn't care about me at all. So, why bother being good if people hate you?

When you believe in Islam, your life goes downhill. You get no respect from anyone, not even your own parents or anything. Everyone accuses you of jealously all the time. I see so many people successful, and they don't even believe in Allah or care much for religion or anything. They have so many friends because they are doing things against Islam. So, why bother with all of this?

I will never get what I want with all of these mental problems I have. I might as well just give up on Islam or just shoot myself in the head and burn in hell forever because no matter what I do, I will always be hated by everyone and especially from Allah, if He even exists. A life where I had to be put on anti-psychotic medications and hospitalized so much, and gained 100 lbs. and looking ugly and miserable, isn't a life at all. If someone just ended my life now, I wouldn't be afraid.

I will never get what I want... ever. I have ate healthy and exercised to lose all this weight, and nothing. I have severe vaginismus which means no kids in this life. So, why even bother trying to pray and everything when Allah has already written my life to be a disaster? Why doesn't He just end my misery and take me out of here and burn me in hell where I belong if He hates me so much to begin with?

He loves all those people who turn away from Him and don't wear modest clothes and have pre-marital sex and everything, but when you follow what He wants (if that's what He wants), you suffer? It's all a BIG joke.  I will never have a happy life and people will always hate me, so I guess that's just how it is and no amount of praying and believing will change that.

If Allah really did love me, He would answer my prayers, but if not, then He'd just end up life so I wouldn't have to cry anymore and suffer with all of these problems. I am ALREADY in Hell and if Allah puts me in Hell after death, I wouldn't object because my whole existence has already been Hell so I'm prepared for the bigger Hell. So, just put me there forever and stop torturing me like this.

Every time I've reached out for help, I've been turned away or let down. No one likes me and that will always be the case, even my own family, so forget Islam and everything else. Just burn me in Hell where I belong and put an end to my already miserable existence.

- islamicgirl28

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216 Responses »

  1. He used me for citizenship.

  2. He apologized. I think he has anger issues like me. I hope he will change. He needs to stop mistreating me and calling me names. I want to make this marriage work. I hope he is willing to work with me to live a happy life together. He said he loves me, but can’t understand why I am always tired. I think we need to sort out our anger issues and try to be good with each other. He is my life partner and we need to work together to have a wonderful life.

  3. Allah subanawattallah is testing you.
    You are ungrateful to Allah!! Allah subannawattallah does not wrong anyone!!
    Allah created you out of nothing!!
    By showing your ingratitude to Allah, your life will be hell!!
    What has Allah done to you!!!!
    If Allah gives you good life then you love him and if Allah tests you then you hate him!! May Allah guide you amin!!

    Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an: 'And He (Allah) granted you whatever you asked of Him. And if you would enumerate the favors of Allah, you cannot count them. Verily, the people are certainly unjust, ungrateful'. [14:34]

    If you are thankful,
    We will surely increase
    your (delights).”

    And (remember) when your Lord made known:
    “If you are thankful,
    then We will surely increase
    your (enjoyments).
    And if you are ungrateful…
    Verily, My punishment is severe.”

  4. Sister Assalamu Alaykum at first, I don't know even you looking to this site anymore actually, forgive me for sending this message to you lately, so I readed your messages I could say As far as I understand, many problems seem to be caused by your environment, including where you were born and grew up, actually I would like you to think about it. I don't have very positive views about America, frankly, I see that it is a corrupt place not only for Muslims but directly in structure, if you ask me, it is not very good for living. It is not a place to be preferred, but when it comes to Muslims, the issue becomes more serious, many of my advices will be to try to leave the environment you are in, because it is a different situation for you, especially your husband and your relatives seem a bit narcissistic to you, at least in terms of their behavior towards you. He behaved badly many times to you during the marriage, interfered with your hijab and violated your rights, although he apologized many times and nothing changed. Doesn't it seem a little strange to you? Moreover, if I remember correctly, you studied psychology, if your husband still wants you to take off your hijab and if there are other problems, you may consider leaving Allahua'lam. In fact, when you look at it, the things you want don't seem like things that you can pull in a very good direction around you, for example; think about the environment you are in, do you think you can raise a child there or if you earn money, do you think you will not be used by your environment or you can raise your child healthy? By the way, in a conceivable place, you said that good things happened to them in America even though your relatives are bad people. By the way, in one conceivable place, you said that good things happened to them in America even though your relatives were bad people. Don't you think your solution is about moving from your environment to a relatively fair environment, pay attention, the issue comes to the environment again. I want to share with you a verse and hadith related to this, as Allah says in verse 97 of Surat an-Nisa, "When the angels seize the souls of those who have wronged themselves—scolding them, "What do you think you were doing?" they will reply, “We were oppressed in the land.” The angels will respond, “Was Allah's earth not spacious enough for you to emigrate?”...", also in a hadith, for the repentance of a man who killed 100 people, a scholar advises him to leave his environment for doing his Tawbah. Apart from that, many of the portents of Doomsday are coming true and one of the portents is this; The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The Hour will not be established until a man passes by the grave of another man and he says: Would that I were in his place!” We know what they will say as a result of the troubles that come, Allahua'lam, we see this even among unbelievers today, and it has spread more or less everywhere, but some places may be more fair for Muslims and this is my basic advice to you, Allah knows the best. So don't be sad if bad people are in good condition in your environment, take a lesson from this, because if they are bad people and they are getting better, it will actually be to their detriment at the long period, not only for their afterlife, but even for their life in dunya Allahua'lam, because I have seen such environments like those, their life is actually a miserable life, it is possible that many of them will live with uneasy feelings in themselves. As for your bond, living with your mom seems to have bad consequences for both of you. In this respect, again, seek your mother's consent, but being a little more distant may make things better with him, Allahua'lam. These will be my advice to you, in general. By the way, I'm sorry, my English is not very good, but other than that, what do you say, have you thought of leaving your environment? Did you intend to do this, but some problems (eg financial difficulties) arose? I wish you to say about this too, may Allah protect you and help you, and Allah knows best, btw fulfill obligations like salah May Allah help you, Esselamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi ve barakatuhu sister.

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