Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can we persuade my parents to let us marry?

happy muslim couple

I am a Muslim girl that is Lebanase and Syrian and I want to marry a Yemeni but my parents would never let me marry one and I know that - they say yeah many men are no good and cheap and etc. I am in love with him and he recently told me that he is in love with me and that he wants to marry me. Me and him have been together for more than a year now and I'm serious about him but I am 16 and he is 19 and he is not ready for marriage yet. But me and him are talking about future tense.

My parents would rather let me marry a Palestinian guy or Syrian guy or Lebanese guy because they say that they are wealthy and my mother says Yemeni and Egyptian and Pakistani men are no good. His parents don't know about me and him and neither do my parents know about me and him. He makes me happy my father knows him because he works at the deli and my father always goes to the deli and talks to him. He is the love of my life and I want to be with him but I need help and advice on what to do in the future.

lolo1995


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5 Responses »

  1. Salam sister
    from what I have read you are 16 and want to get married which is great to protect yourself. However your parents may want you to grow up a little bit more then get married.But inshAllah if you both feel ready for marriage then go for it and tell your parents you want to protect yourself from zina that is why you want to get married and that Anything does happen inshAllah it won't then the blame fall on them

  2. Dear sister, you need to change your perspective on your situation. You say you need advice for the future, when what you really need is advice for the present. This is because you do not know what will happen in the future - you could be hit by a car crossing the street, you could move to another city or even country, you could get a much better proposal from someone else that makes you rethink your relationship. So let's forget about the future and focus on the present.

    In the present, you are a very young girl who, instead of focusing on her schoolwork and planning for college and a career, is caught up in a secret relationship with a very young man. Presumably, you are sneaking around behind your parents back in order to communicate with this boy and possibly meet up with him as well. This is haram. Your parents racist views are highly objectionable, but two wrongs do not make a right. Sister, love is not a shameful secret that you hide in the dark. Love is something you declare to the world with pride and confidence. If you cannot do that because of your age, because of your means, or because you are scared of your parents, then you shouldn't be initiating relationships in the first place.

    Your priority in the present should be to extricate yourself from this position. Ask your friend to make a formal proposal to your family. If he balks, which is very likely given how young he is, then you have a duty to yourself to break off the relationship. Those are really your only options. In the future, years from now when you are actually of marriageable age, you can have a conversation with your parents about race and Islamic teachings. But if you try to have this conversation after years of haram emotional involvement with a man, your own hypocrisy will stand in the way of your desires.

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    The fact that your parents will not let you marry someone based on ethnicity and make comments like "Yemeni and Egyptian and Pakistani men are no good" says a lot. It says that your parents are not looking at the Deen of the person, but rather which country he is from and if he is wealthy (like Palestinian, Syrian or Lebanese men...!)--it may be next to impossible to change how they think.

    As for you, Dear Sister, you should not be dating a boy, regardless of your age, but your age is a very tender and impressionable age. Some very intelligent and smart children at the age of 16 can be easily influenced--and if you are spending time alone with this boy, it isn't right. Talking in the future tense, make promises are all equal to zero. You should stop private communication with him and your father should be involved.

    He should be speaking to his father to talk to your father and if this isn't happening, you can see why the promises are unimportant.

    It is best to concentrate on your life right now, as difficult as it may be, rather than secretly continuing a relationship with him. If you can't bear it, you must involve your elders. These are your only two choices.

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties, Ameen.

    I am a Muslim girl that is Lebanase and Syrian and I want to marry a Yemeni but my parents would never let me marry one and I know that - they say yeah many men are no good and cheap and etc. I am in love with him and he recently told me that he is in love with me and that he wants to marry me. Me and him have been together for more than a year now and I'm serious about him but I am 16 and he is 19 and he is not ready for marriage yet. But me and him are talking about future tense.

    My parents would rather let me marry a Palestinian guy or Syrian guy or Lebanese guy because they say that they are wealthy and my mother says Yemeni and Egyptian and Pakistani men are no good. His parents don't know about me and him and neither do my parents know about me and him. He makes me happy my father knows him because he works at the deli and my father always goes to the deli and talks to him. He is the love of my life and I want to be with him but I need help and advice on what to do in the future.

  4. You are 16 years old. He is not the love of your life. You have a big crush on him. Once you break off ties with him, you will forget about him and move on.

  5. Hi lolo.

    From your post, I observed that this has nothing to do with race because that question would arise when marriage was even on the cards at the moment but you are only 16.

    Also, the boy is 19, which at this stage in life, is a considerable age difference, enough to take advantage of your innocence.

    This may just be an infatuation and nothing more. Its best that you concentrate on your education and once finished, you can take this up again.

    This will test two things, one, if he is sincere enough to wait and two, whether it was really love or just the result of a hormonal surge on your part.

    Allah knows best.

    AAZA

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